Two months before the start of the fifth Holy Grail War the Einzbern representative summons the supposed "strongest servant". Of course, Heracles is a great servant. Or Hercules… however you spell his name. Anyway, yes, that servant, summoned in the war as Berserker, is without doubt one of the strongest and best servants in the war.

But to lay claim to the title of strongest? Not everyone can let that slide. And certainly not a certain ice fairy.

Okay, now before you start asking stuff like "Aren't fairies immortal? How can she nag nag nag nag nag." I say "Shut up! All things come to an end, the only exceptions are those three damned hourai people… and whoever they add to their ranks. Fairies die when their planet doesn't contain the element of nature they represent anymore, which in Cirno's case will happen in the year 2028 when a mad scientist blows up earth… Or by global warming, whichever happens first. That caused our heroine to die, allowing her to go to the throne of… wait, she's part of nature, she would join the beasts of Gaia…

Now how am I going to talk myself out of this one…

Maybe if I… nope, can't use her as a Counter Guardian, they're a bunch of human-only racists…

Then… nah, I can't use the Dead Apostle Ancestors either…

Oh wait, if I-no… if I use a Gap Youkai, one Grand Wishard Marshal, twenty-two pocket dimensions, twelve tons of spaghetti, ZA WARUDO, a chinese gate guard, seventeen shampoo bottles and a car bumper I might have a valid reason to include her to the Throne, but it creates only more plotholes… and I probably have to move this story to the Fate x JoJo crossover page…

Ah, screw this! You want to see her as a badass servant (if not, then why are you reading this?), so you are going to get it! Screw the rules, I'll make an exception! This time…

Anyway, on with the story!

-Page 1-

"Checkmate." Standing over me is a man in blue body thighs. In his hands he holds a red spear, and it is wielded to its utmost limit by this man.

I lie on the ground, fallen over from a powerful kick that made me crash through a wall and into the garden shed. The force if the blow was so great that it broke my wall and blew the shed doors right out of their hinges. It is normally impossible to perform such a feat, but this man did it like it was nothing.

"I don't get it, though." he continues as I try to stand up, spitting out a bit of blood on the go. "You think fast on your feet, but you're hopeless at magecraft. You do seem to have a knack for it…" I don't know whether to take it as a compliment or an insult. "Maybe you were meant as the seventh."

Seventh, inhuman people like him, I don't know what he is talking about. I only know one thing for sure.

"Well, even if it were, this is the end for you." He readies his lance, ready to put an end to my life for the second time this day.

"Screw that." I cannot accept that. "My life was spared." If I am dead, I cannot save people. And because my life was saved… "Because my life was saved… I'm not going to die that easily!" I have trouble standing up, and at best I can sit down in front of my predator and cast him a fierce glare. I must look like a wounded cat trying to intimidate a wolf. But I will survive this! "I have to live and fulfill my obligations, and I can't do that if I'm dead." I notice something burning itself onto my hand, but I pay it no attention. For now, "I'm not going to get killed in a place like this,"

His spear, my death, approaches…

"for no good reason by a guy like you,"

Something wells up inside of me…

"who kills people like it is nothing!"

The ground underneath me shines bright blue, making the man in front of me cuss: "Damn, the seventh Servant?!" His attacks stops as he blocks an attack from something behind me, using the momentum of the blow to jump back at least forty meters.

I look at my savior, who is now standing before me. It's a young girl with short blue hair, giving off a cool air, as cool as those things on her back that look like… ice wings? Six odd protrusions of ice hover closely behind this girl, forming a pattern like the wings of a seraph. This girl feels as inhuman as that spearman, even though without those wings she would look like an ordinary girl in a blue one-piece dress.

She turns to me, a haughtiness on her face that wouldn't fit on any other kid, yet somehow the contradiction between her looks and presence doesn't feel off.

"So, you're the one who summoned the strongest?" I have no idea what she's talking about, but she doesn't give me the chance to retort: "Well, no matter, talking can wait until I've defeated the baddie out there in the garden!" She walks away from me, towards the man who almost killed me twice today.

"So, you're the one trying to kill my master?" Cockily she shouts out those words, fully believing in her superiority. "That's too bad, but I'm gonna mess you up!" She stands firm, even though the power balance feels heavily in the spearman's favor.

"Hmm…? So you're the seventh?" The blue lancer finally takes a good look at his enemy, distinguishing all important information about her. "Don't mind me saying this, but… you look kinda weak." With a saddened face he grips his spear, ready to kill the girl in front of me. "It's a shame… I hoped that you would be a bit stronger… perhaps it's because of the botched summoning that you're like that? Anyways, I'll be sure to make it brief."

I try to stand up, run to the girl and protect her from harm, but before my eyes I feel her power shift. Her left arm is covered in black garb, and gloves of the same color cover her hands. A black armored cloak covers her left hip and waist, held high by two leather belts slung over the right hip and shoulder respectively. Her feet, once bare, are wrapped in black combat boots. All of this is worn over her old clothes.

And not only clothes appeared. Six swords are on her back, of which the two most notable are in her hands right now: in her left she holds a greatsword fashioned after a popsicle stick, with hiragana letters upon in spelling out "winner". Her right holds a longsword fashioned after a watermelon pops. Even though these look comical, the power she radiates prevents anyone from laughing.

The spearman smirks at this power-up and jump right into combat, just like the girl. Blades and spear clash, at speeds unimaginable to normal humans. I cannot do anything but to watch from the shed as these two duke it out.

Their power is incredible. The girl, even though she has such a small size, manages to overpower the spearman with brute force. But the skill of the man with his spear is insane, allowing him to perform techniques no ordinary spearman could even dream to perform. He strikes from angles impossible at locations unthinkable, disallowing the girl to take the offense. If the girl strikes like an assault rifle, continuous and strong, then the spearman is a precision rifle, attacking less but still being as dangerous as his opponent.

With a final clash the duo jumps away from each other, the girl a few feet in front of me and the man at the other side of the garden. "You're pretty good, Saber! I take back what I said, you're a great representative for the strongest class!" He says, speaking without any signs of lies. The girl named Saber takes the compliment well, and gives one in return:

"You're pretty good too, Lancer! Of course, I'm still holding back… but still, not bad!" He laughs too, claiming that he did the same as the girl:

"You're not the only one who is still holding back. My master's a bit of a coward, and he prevented me from going all out on my first encounter with a servant." Incredible. These two had such a powerful fight, even when they're both holding back. What is the extent of these people?

Lancer lazily swings his spear on his shoulder, trying to stop the fighting. "Hey, how about we end it here for today? Let's call our duel a draw for now, and next time we decide a winner by fighting at full force." He grins, trying to use his charisma to alter our decision in his favor. While I'm not falling for it, Saber seems a bit enthralled:

"So, you're also holding back? Now you're really interesting! I didn't expect such power from someone with a gay bulge!" Wait, what? These last words suddenly prevent me from taking Saber seriously anymore.

Lancer, on the other hand, turns very angry. Not anger aimed at someone failing, but self-anger, and respect for his opponent. "You bastard, so you figured out the name of my spear, huh?" He brandishes his spear once more, in the same terrifying way I saw back at school. The mana in the air freezes, and I find myself nearly unable to move.

Saber, however, is completely unaffected. She walks forward, mockingly smiling at his opponent. "Not a bad freeze, but it's nothing compared to my Perfect Freeze! But still, this is better than I expected from a gay!"

The freeze stops, mainly because Lancer stumbles over Saber's comment. "So you didn't…" he briefly wonders to himself before realizing the true intent of Saber's words. "Hey!" He shouts out, pointing his finger at Saber, "I'm not gay!"

"That's a pretty late denial, Lancer…" Saber sneers, increasing Lancer's rage.

"Ehm, Saber," I speak out, finally finding room to interfere in the conversation, "why are you so certain that he's, well, into men?"

"Well just look at him!" Saber almost cries out, "What point do you need me to point out? His hair, that's long and well-cared for like girl hair?"

"My hair is beautifully coiffed! Heck, the only reason I got to shag Fann was because she loved my beautiful hair!" He takes a hand through his wavy hair, showing off how beautiful it is. "I'm a womanizer! Every part of my body is screaming that out loudly!" Also, is Fann really a female name, it sounds rather ambigious.

"Then what about that skintight suit you wear, showing off your abs without shame. That's something a pervert wears when he molests someone!"

"Don't diss my country's honorable battle garb! Every warrior wears some colorful variation on this, even the women! The problem lies not with us but with those people of today that wear too much and too restrictive clothing. Besides, It helps me keep up my speed to defeat you in battle!" He brandishes his lance, ready to attack again and not listening anymore.

"So if you're not gay, then why do you use your long stiff rod in battle?" Cirno asks.

"It's a damn spear, you retard!" Lancer speaks out in anger. "Those are naturally long and stiff! Why else would I be a Lancer? Heck, you can search up my legend with what I've told you: I married my wife Emer, got a kid with lady Aife, had a rellationship with Derbforgaill, had a one night stand with Medb, would've made love with Blathnat if she didn't die, and of course there's also Fann... although that was kind of a mess." He adds sheepishly as he scratches himself behind his back,mumbling about stuff like "angry wife" and "fairy problems". "But what I am saying", Lancer continues as he reaches the climax of his speech, "is that neither in past, present or future, there is not a single greater womanizer then me on the entire planet." He readies his spear, preparing to ignore our talk and simply kill us both…

…but he stops when Cirno apologizes for calling Lancer gay.

Lancer jumps back to his original position, and looks ready to forgive us. "Fine, it doesn't matter what you said anymore, they're past news now. So, after this awkward period, still want to call it a draw? I'm not really in the mood anymore for any fighting."

"Yes… you're not gay… you're obviously bi!" Both Lacer and I stare at Saber, who keeps on rambling about Lancer's sexuality. "Your history and looks make that obvious! You can get everyone to fall in love with you, just like the Alice and Marisa I know! Heck, Alice can probably say "Die for me!" to a random person and I guess there's an 80 percent chance that they will really kill themselves, as long as they're not resistant to dark-elements. Considering the sexuality of those two, you must be the same."

"Saber… you…" Lancer is at a loss for words, unable to find any reply, oranything else for that matter. The only thing left for him… "Okay, that's it." …is to snap. "You are dead to me." Lancer brandishes his spear, and as the mana in the air freezes he tries to kill us once more...

"Oh, but why would you kill someone saying the truth, little dog?" I look up and see a cloaked woman standing on top of the roof, look at us with a cold smile. "Or should I re-enlighten you on your recent endeavors?"

"Caster…" Lancer grumbles at the newcomer, pointing his spear. "The hell are you talking about?"

Caster lets out a small kya, surprising all three of us. She acts like she has just been victimized. "Oh my, don't point that spear at me again! Honestly, a dog should not try his hand at courting a human, although you try to pierce everything in existence: You tried it on me, that red-clad servant you got twenty-seven times, or should I talk about how you pierced that boy's heart?"

"Don't say things that can be taken the wrong way, Caster!" The dog barks back, being much worse than his bite. But I did not see that coming. Man. Woman. Even me.

"Lancer you are an enemy to all men, women and every living being on earth." Saber speaks out, and I see that both Saber and Caster are grinning. On the other hand Lancer looks like he has given up all hope, therefore only leaving a final curse.

"Caster, you bitch. I hate you so much right now."

"Obviously, little hound." Caster gloats, "people of my alignment have a tendency of kicking the likes of you." Before letting out a small chuckle.

Saber and Caster look at each other, conveying feelings of success. The third inhuman being, a sad, angered and broken Lancer, leaves the stage, dissolving into blue particles that scatter in the moonlight, leaving only us three.

"So… Lancer is gone…" I mutter out silently, trying to get rid of the silence. The other two notice the problem too, and try to solve it, with Saber following up my words:

"Leaving only two servants. So, Caster any plans on continuing the fight?" Saber mockingly asks Caster to continue, using her sword to taunt Caster into attacking.

"Saber, do not take me for the likes of you that act rashly. I'm not interested in a fight on enemy territory… but if you want a fight so badly… then I'll leave you a final gift." She scatters a handful of small unidentified things at our feet, which under the guise of purple smoke transform into skeleton warriors, each armed to the teeth.

Caster bows politely, and starts to dissolve into pink butterflies. "And with this, I say farewell. Until later, my cute Saber…ufufu…" These last words are spoken with a small laugh just before even the butterflies completely disappear, leaving me with Saber alone facing an army of skeletons.

Saber stands still, looking slightly impressed with the sorcery of Caster. I, on the other hand, cannot stay still. One young girl, no matter how skilled, shouldn't fight an army of monsters. I grab the nearest object I can use as a weapon, which in this case is a washing pole, and apply the only magic I know upon it.

Reinforcement. Magecraft meant to enhance an object by pouring magical energy into it. By pouring your own prana in the so-called holes of an object you can improve the function of it. Food will become more nutritious and filling, a knife will become sharper, and if I would risk using it on my own body I could probably increase my own strength and durability. However, objects tend to break if the reinforcement breaks, for no object likes to have foreign prana in it. If I use it on myself in the state I'm in now I will probably lose whatever part of my body I'm trying to reinforce. And considering that my success rate is around fifteen percent…

No, I simply have to use this weapon. Luckily the reinforcement works, increasing the durability and blunt damage from the pole. With a single swing I blow through the first of these skeletons, but at a price:

I learned that I was wrong. My reinforcement failed, it's blunt damage increased at the cost of almost all its durability. I would probably write down this new experience were it not for two more skeletons charging at me, trying to kill the unarmed me.

Shit. I've come so close to living, does it end here already?

No. I won't let it. I ready my fists, willing to punch out these things if necessary. So come, I'll not give my life away today!


The two enemies that charged at me now crumble to dust, killed by a single sword slash of Saber.

"Hey, not bad! I don't mind a master willing to fight on the front lines, but don't be reckless, 'kay?" With her foot she kicks up a sword, the one belonging to the monster that I killed. I grab it, holding it in my hand as my main weapon. "After all, there's slightly more problems than just these 100 guys around us." Just as she says that I see the remains of the three killed enemies merge together to form a new warrior.

This is a slight problem, increasing the amount of trouble we have with fifty percent. I perform structural analysis on the blade, thereby learning its entire history and existence: A blade whose materials date back to the classical era. Formed from the teeth of dragons and enchanted by a great witch, a blade made with mechanical precision for mechanically precise fighters.

I enhance this blade even further with my own prana, making it a part of me. I leave Saber with the larger group to the right, and I myself take on the smaller group to the left. There are around twenty-five of them on my side, meaning that Saber's group is almost three times my size. Oh well, when I'm done with mine I'll help her, and make sure she will be saved.

I charge at the monstrosities, trying to kill them one at a time. A sweep at the legs followed by a blow with the pummel destroys the first one and a vertical slice cuts the second in half. I have to keep the offensive, if I start to block attacks I will lose by the sheer overwhelming number of opponents.

Positioning myself so that I never have to face more than two enemies at the same time I fight my way through. After many frantic blows I see that I have almost defeated two-thirds of my enemies, only ten of them left in my way. Hold on, Saber, I'll come and save you!

I cut through another two, noticing that the blade I reinforced doesn't have any form of damage even after killing so many monsters. Wow, this multi-millennial weapon really is something else, and Caster can produce a hundred of these together with wielders by doing only a casual flick of the hand? Incredible…

The moment I was lost in thought is brief but fatal. I forgo attacking for thinking and as punishment I'm forced on the defensive, blocking and parrying blows from the monsters. Their attacks, while not giving off any feeling of danger, are precise, with little openings. Their strength is low, but it takes great amounts of strength to overpower these things.

I manage to counter two of these things, slicing them to ribbons as their few friends left fill the gap. But that's okay. There are only six left, if I can continue countering like this I will be done with my pests in a minute before I need to go to Saber's help.

No, I slightly see purple gas coming from behind, and I suddenly feel the presence of six more of these beings behind me.

Damn. I'm trapped. Two forces surround me, and I am not capable enough to stop their power. Think, think! Is there nothing I can do to defeat these things? Is there nothing in my mind that has a solution for these things? Can I do nothing? Will I have to be saved again? Will I die, without saving anyone?

As if listening to my pleas I hear something crashing into the six behind me, their life forms disappearing from my senses. I double the focus I put on those in front of me, and with renewed vigor I fight until all enemies are defeated.

I turn to Saber, who is now sitting on the balcony with a popsicle in her mouth. The army surrounding her had already been cleaned up by her, and she's probably the one who took care of the six warriors behind me. Once again I failed to save, and ended up getting saved. Damn it!

Silently I sit down next to her, still sulking over my inability. She seems to notice, as a grin appears on her face and a second popsicle appears in her hands.

"Here!" She hands the second popsicle to me, as if she's asking that we both enjoy the sweet flavor. "You've done really well, beating those warriors with nothing more than a sword! This is your reward!" I grab the ice pop and unwrap it before putting the popsicle in my mouth. The sweet taste and the coldness both overflow in my mouth. It's not my favorite type of food, but after this battle it's almost a godsend.

"It's refreshing and sweet." I say in between bites of the popsicle, enjoying the taste. "Thanks, Saber."

"You're welcome." She says, but I can feel a lecture coming. Assuming 'Universal Lecture Pose 9' she scolds me for calling her Saber.

"I'm not Saber. The strongest cannot be contained by a simple class moniker like Saber or Lancer. I've no problems if you call me Saber when enemies like that bisexual guy or Caster are nearby, but when we are alone I want you to call me by my true name, the name of the classless, the strongest! My name is Cirno!… and who are you?"

Ah, I forgot to mention my name thus far! "My name is Emiya Shirou. Nice to meet you, Cirno."

"Likewise." She finishes her popsicle, looking at the writing on the stick to determine whether she won a prize. With a "Tsk" she throws her popsicle in the garbage bin, clearly not winning a free popsicle. "So, Shirou, you've summoned the strongest servant in this war to fight for you. As my master, you will lead me in battle and together we will win the Holy Grail!" She turns to me, her face dangerously close to mine. I back away slightly, feeling a warm blush on my cheeks. "So, any questions, Shirou?"

I think of her explanation, and there is one question that comes to mind:

A) What happened to my blond-haired anime waifu?

B) If I'm your master, and you're my servant… then you must be my maid!

C) I don't get any of this. Cirno, explain all the things! - Go to Page 4

-Page 1 End-

What's this now? A multiple choice ending? Yes indeed good sir, this story allows YOU to choose which route Shirou will follow! Shaped like the original VN this story allows the people to form it!

As you can see above, at the end of each chapter there will appear multiple options. You will choose one of them and write the story to continue after that line. Of course, sometimes lines will lead to bad ends, just like in the original. Who knows, maybe if you find all bad ends I'll add a special bonus chapter!

For which route I choose… well… it's first come first goes. The first one to offer a useful review while explaining which route he wants to take will get his route chosen. Of course, this happens anew after every chapter, giving everyone new chances to make Shirou go the way they want to!

In case of reaching a bad (or in the case you bastards got lucky, good) end there will be no new choices, but the first one to review after publishing this may choose any(!) previous not chosen story branch, after which the story will follow that line! So if you're unhappy with a chosen path you can alter it to your own pleasure!

Of course, after enough chapters are added the story will become more of a "Choose your own adventure" type of story, which means that you will have to scroll through the pages to get the full story. I will leave helpful markers that say which choice will lead to which chapter, and make sure that the reading experience is as easy and comfortable as possible.

One last thing… nobody can choose the next part multiple times in a row. This is to further plot diversity and increase the number of bad ends, because seeing you guys getting bad ends is fun!

Let our adventure begin!