Chris McLean was not happy.
He should be, though. He retired early, he looked not a day over thirty, and he maintained a net worth more than the Canadian Prime Minister. He had enough money to pay off debts of countries, and he could have any woman he wanted. His life was one most people dreamed of living. He achieved the pinnacle of success.
And yet, Chris could not stop his eyes bugging out, his mouth dropping, his indignant "What?!" as he read the headline:
Ridonculous Race Ranks as #1 Reality Show of All Time
This can't be! Total Drama held that title for more than ten years, ever since its debut as Total Drama Island. And yet Don—that generic, uninteresting ass—and his show surpassed Total Drama! And Ridonculous Race barely started its fifth season!
"Chef, did you see this?" Chris demanded, waving his arms up and down, dropping the phone in his lap. He and Chef Hatchet were lounging on a beach on lawn chairs, umbrellas shielding them from the hot sun. Chris was browsing online on his phone and Chef had simply basked in the sun, dozing off until interrupted by the ex-TV host.
"What?" The man gruffly mumbled.
"Don and his damn show beat ours! How could this happen? Our freaking reruns have more viewers than him." Well, had now technically speaking, but Chris refused to correct himself.
"We haven't had a season since Pahkitew Island," said Chef Hatchet. "We've been off air for five years. People don't want to watch the same stuff over and over again."
Chris harrumphed. "Well, we cannot allow this to happen! Total Drama was the best thing to be ever seen on TV. We will not let Don take my hard earned title away from me. We're bringing it back!"
Chef Hatchet rolled his eyes. "Where are we gonna have it, genius? Every country has you banned from having a future season in their borders."
"Hmm…" Chris tapped his chin, as he looked up at the crystal clear sky above. "Aha! I got it! We'll just have it on my island here!" He exclaimed, referring to the tropical island Chris bought a year and a half ago on a whim, the very one he and Chef were residing on. "Technically we're not in any jurisdiction, so we can do whatever we want."
He picked up his phone and began dialing the keypad. "I can have my lawyers pitch the new idea to the producers first thing tomorrow morning. We'll have to make a few adjustments on the island, and then we can start premiering the promo by next week. You in for some more fun like the good old days, Chef?"
"Ready as I'll ever be," Chef said, chuckling darkly with Chris.
The commercial that was just playing faded to black. In black and white, scenes of previous seasons of Total Drama played. The first scene is of the Screaming Gophers partying in front and inside the hot tub they built in the first season. The next shot is of Beth, DJ, Gwen, and Trent on the set of Total Drama Action, stunned as the green monster stepped near them. Then, the scene switched to Jasmine and Shawn making a variety of acrobatic moves as they avoided lasers during the Pahkitew Island malfunction.
More scene continued to play as Chris narrated over the visuals. "More than fifty teens have taken on the challenge of the world's greatest reality. You watched them win…"
Duncan jumped from the throne after winning TDA, with streamers falling from the sky and a purple-faced Courtney hugging him.
"You watched them fail…"
Team Toxic Rats groaned collectively after watching the nice house during TDROTI explode into pieces. Lightning fell to his knees, Sam brought his hands to his head, and Scott face palmed.
"You watched them fall in love…"
Alejandro pulled Heather into a kiss atop the volcano in TDWT. Moments later, she kneeled him in the groin, and he fell on his butt, holding his manhood.
"You watched their hearts break…"
Trent, shirtless and his hair wet, looked towards the ground as Gwen, her hand on his shoulder, broke up with him.
The screen froze.
"Have you ever wondered what would have happened if you were in their shoes? Well, now you can!" The camera focused on him as he stood on a newly made dock in front of his island, which had a luscious scenery of tropical trees, sand, and a blue sky. He wore a Hawaiian shirt and a necklace of flowers around his neck. "After a five year hiatus, Total Drama is being rebooted with new contestants and a new location. A whole new cast will get to have the opportunity to compete on Christopia, my personally-owned island approximately 1,657 miles away from the nearest civilization."
He walked across the dock, continuing to talk. "This season, twenty-four teens will get the chance to compete for one million dollars! While having the privilege of getting to stay on my beautiful island, they will have the most dramatic summer of their life. Some will find friends, and most will make enemies. Others will fall in love or crush the hearts of their admirers. But most will perish as one lone teen will remain as the winner, in a season that will break or make the minds and spirits of everyone involved. No previous season will compare to what is in stored this year."
Chris stopped. "If you think you have what it takes to win and survive, send your auditions on our official website. Stay tuned for the first installment of Total Drama Revival!"