Holmes, Camari Holmes

The Psycho Letter

I don't own Sherlock or Harry Potter, and I'm not British, either.

"Mummy, there's an owl on the front lawn." Camari yelled, uninterested. Sherlock looked at her, brows raised. "What?" she asked. Her brother shook his head and just continued reading.

She looked over to Mycroft, who was, as usual, reading the newspaper. So fat and political, Camari mused. Her gaze drifted back again to the owl, which was, unusually, just fluttering outside the window. She stared at the owl, and it stared at her.

"Camari, please tell me you're not having a staring contest with an owl," Mycroft drawled from his seat. Despite looking lazy and fat, he looked impeccable and intimidating in a three piece suit.

"If you'd look out the window, fat man, you'll see why I'm having a staring contest at it." Mycroft glared at her.

"For once, listen to her, Mycroft. There's an actual owl outside the door, and it's starting to look impatient." Sherlock said.

"There's an owl outside the door holding an envelope, mummy. Should I let it in?" Mrs. Holmes strutted in the room, holding a spatula. She looked quite disgruntled at the sight of an owl outside the door. "What in the~ Ignore it, Camari. It's probably just a practical joke from one of those rug rats in the neighborhood."

She started to walk back into the kitchen to continue her baking, but her middle child interrupted her. "I don't think you'd want to that, mummy. The owl's tapping on the glass, and it's starting to crack!"

She sighed before turning to her children waiting for her say. "Well then let it in!" she snapped at them. Honestly, her children were all too intelligent for their own good, but they could be so oblivious to the simplest things. They've been exposed to too much challenges, she supposed.

Mycroft stood up to let the owl in. Once he opened the door, it immediately started to peck on his pudding, but not before dropping the envelope onto Camari's unsuspecting lap. "Hey!" Mycroft screamed at it. "Don't touch my pudding!"

The owl raced from the table carrying a chunk of the cake. Mycroft chased after it, with the roll of newspaper. The three people in the room just stared at him, with annoyance, but on Mrs. Holmes' face, it was more of fondness.

"Honestly, he's twenty, but he acts like he's in pre-school!" Sherlock yelled out. "How am I even related to him?"

"Sherlock!" his mother reprimanded.

"Can we please shut up and see what the bloody hell this letter's about, please?" Mother and son looked at her before scrambling to see the letter as well. Camari gently, but quickly opened the envelope. The content was a letter that she did not at all understand.


Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore

(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock,
Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)

Dear Ms Holmes,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.

Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl by no later than 31 July.

Yours sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

Deputy Headmistress



First-year students will require:

1. Three sets of plain work robes (black)

2. One plain pointed hat (black) for day wear

3. One pair of protective gloves (dragon hide or similar)

4. One winter cloak (black, with silver fastenings)

Please note that all pupil's clothes should carry name tags.


All students should have a copy of each of the following:

The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1)

by Miranda Goshawk

A History of Magic

by Bathilda Bagshot

Magical Theory

by Adalbert Waffling

A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration

by Emeric Switch

One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi

by Phyllida Spore

Magical Drafts and Potions

by Arsenius Jigger

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

by Newt Scamander

The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection

by Quentin Trimble


1 wand

1 cauldron (pewter, standard size 2)

1 set glass or crystal phials

1 telescope

1 set brass scales

Students may also bring, if they desire, an owl OR a cat OR a toad.



Yours sincerely,

Lucinda Thomsonicle-Pocus

Chief Attendant of Witchcraft Provision

"What the bloody hell is this?" Camari asked in disbelief. She turned the letter over and over in her hands, but no surprise pop-ups came at her. Sherlock grabbed the letter from her hands, and Camari let out a protest.

"Stop fighting and give me the letter, Sherlock!" Mrs. Holmes smacked both of them upside the head. "Ow," Sherlock muttered, and reluctantly handed over the letter to his mother.

Mrs. Holmes looked over through the letter, before her face emitted shock and she dropped the letter. "Mummy?" Camari asked.

Then all of a sudden, she started shooing them from the lounge. "Go, go, go! Your father and I need to have a conversation!" She then promptly shut the door on the two of them. There was a pause.

"The owl's gone!" Mycroft's voice suddenly echoed through the halls. "Mother~" he took one look at the scene. "What the bloody hell have you two done, now?"

Sherlock and Camari looked at each other and shrugged.

"I dunno."

Sherlock! Reviews are awesome, you guys! I'm not British.