Prologue: Memoranda are secretive because of just how ugly they can be.
There's someone that I'm close with.
Although, even saying that is already an understatement. After all, we were literally bonded by blood.
Fifteen or sixteen years were long periods of time. It was more than long enough to witness all of the good sides, the bad sides, the joyous sides, and the traumatic sides of each other. We don't worry that one of us will drift away on our own to the point of becoming strangers. We only worry about being torn apart by unforeseen circumstances. Something stochastic .
However, not everyone who my brother has known has been with him for that long. His past classmates have only been in contact with him for a year to three years at the most. That amount of time was not nearly long enough. They could not see past the superficialities imposed upon him. Thus, he was rejected over and over.
My brother is unreliable. When faced with a problem, he would seek out the most efficient, most effective method. That often meant that it could be vile, repulsive, and disdainful. It would show no consideration to others. Neither would his methods even spare consideration towards himself. Afterwards, everyone would be hurt, and the ones that were closest to him would be hurt the most. But he could not comprehend that for the longest time. That was why my brother was unreliable.
I worry about him a lot. He does not realize it himself, but the reason why he would go so far, even to the point of hurting himself, was because he was kind. After being faced with torment by his peers all of these years, his only way of doing things became cruel efficiency. It became the only way he could display his kindness. I worry that one day, he might try to be the kindest once again, and therefore, once again commit the cruelest act: not coming home.
I also had a different kind of worry. Luckily, it's getting closer and closer to being a thing of the past! These days, my brother is very, very close to certain girls.
One of them is, like, deredere for the most part. She's a real sweetie, a big light bulb, but she is also a big dummy. She (well, her dog) and my brother were wrapped up in an accident way back. I could understand why she held a fascination for him for so long (and the candy she gave me was pretty tasty as well). These days, though, that fascination has grown more and more, and she has become a very big presence in my brother's heart. Not to mention that she's probably one of the reasons why he's a lot less gloomy. But it's still awkward.
One of them is, like, kuudere for the most part. She's the quiet and intelligent type, although she is a little headstrong and likes to trade verbal blows with my brother. And, she is honest to a fault. When I first met her, I could immediately see why she found him interesting and why he found her to be a breath of fresh air. I don't know if my brother could see why she was acting so self-confident in the beginning, but I was sure that he found her strength and honesty beautiful. And, I was sure that she admired his ability to be true, even if it meant that it would be cruel. They would never admit it, but they hold each other in extremely high regard. Almost unhealthily.
And the third girl. She is sly, slightly clingy, seemingly whimsical, but actually cunning. She was definitely cute, and almost maddeningly so. He would be reluctant to say it, but my brother was surely caught by her charms. Yet, as much as he was trapped by her, she was trapped by him. After being helped by him once, and after miraculously leaping right through the imposed superficiality, she could not help but keep coming back for more of her senpai. I was sure that, being the older brother that he was, my brother could not help but lift some of her burdens. And, I was sure that, from the moment that they first met, that my brother could analyze her perfectly, and that, later on, she became able to understand my brother.
That girl was the only one that I was dissatisfied with. Her personality had far too many overlaps with mine. One of the only few differences between her and me was that I was nicer. At one point, she was even described as an "uncute Komachi".
It was a strange feeling. Even though I was happy with him getting to know the other two, warning bells sounded within me with this girl.
Was it because of her cunningness? No, I knew that something like that would never be a threat for my brother.
No, I knew the real reason. The other two would never push him on. They would leave him some breathing space because they knew what he was used to. She lacked that kind of restriction.
Therefore, I worried. I worried about where she might pull him to. I worried about just how far he would go and just how far she would take him. I was worried that when he crosses the line, she doesn't let go and that he doesn't wander back to where he was before.
I was worried that she would become a place of respite for him. If that was the case, then his reason to come home would be lost.