If I Could Turn Back Time
The tall, black hair man turned toward the smaller, blue hair woman. Sure, it was a simple act, but just asking his next question had the power to make the world stop turning.
"What is it?" he asked, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk for her to speak directly.
She took in a deep breath, suddenly feeling sweat drip down her face. She wasn't sure if it was from what she had to tell him or just the pressure that was put on her at the moment.
"Well…" Bulma began, switching her weight over to her left foot, not sure how to start it off.
Yet, before she got anywhere, a single raindrop landed on her nose, then slowly dropping to the ground. As soon as the water hit the soft, gray cement, it seemed to trigger for more water, as a heavy downpour suddenly came crashing down on the two, drenching them almost immediately.
Goku laughed despite the moment, "Whoa, that was unexpected! Come on, let's go in the hotel and we can talk in there."
"Goku, no, it's…" but again, she seemed to be interrupted from Goku heading toward the hotel, expecting her to follow. She knew, however, that if she waited till they were settled inside, she would have lost her nerve to speak what was on her mind.
Could she even be sure that she had enough nerve right then?
"Goku, I think you should get married to Chi-Chi."
There. She said it. It was out. She closed her eyes quickly, trying to soothe herself by just being able to see the inside of her eyelids. Even so, she knew Goku stopped dead in his tracks before he even reached the entrance doors and turned around to face her. She could sense it. The one time she could sense something, something she'd been wanting to do for a long time, and she didn't like it.
Silence. Except for the heavy rain pounding down on her and everything around her, there was nothing. It weighed on her curiosity so much; she couldn't help but open her eyes…to see Goku walking slowly back toward her.
"What did you say, Bulma? I think I misunderstood you from the—."
"No, you heard right, Goku! Don't try to play around it, it only makes things worse!" Bulma quickly cut him off, not feeling like making things any worse than what she knew would come.
And the thing that surprised her the most, was her unmoving eyes that were locked on Goku's. Bulma almost imagined that she would have to look everywhere else except in the eyes of the other person when she was in this position.
"But…why do you say that, Bulma?" he tried to let out a good-hearted laugh. It didn't work too well, "I mean…me and you are…not me and her. We…" it was quite apparent that Goku was at a loss of words.
Bulma shook her head, trying to keep up enough strength to not cry and let her emotions get the best of her, "Chi-Chi has been planning to marry you since you guys were little kids, you don't want to break her heart do you?" She tried to give an encouraging smile, "And don't you want someone more your age? I'll be—."
Goku was quickly letting everything she just said and was about to say sink in and, truth be told, he felt like he would lose his mind just as quickly. He took a step forward and grabbed her by the shoulders, holding her tightly like he already lost the fight…already lost her.
"Bulma, stop talking like you're as old as my parent. We're only about five years apart, not twenty! Think what you're saying, Bulma, I—."
This time, Goku cut himself off as he felt his voice crack. Goku never cried before…never. He always liked to look on the bright side of situations, but…what bright side was there now? And what hurt more was that Bulma wasn't even arguing about the situation with him. How was he supposed to fight for someone that wasn't even there? It was impossible.
Impossible. A word that Goku never believed in before.
"Bulma, no. Don't…don't do this," he half whispered, trying to maybe beg her to stay if he couldn't reason with her.
Bulma sighed and swallowed, a swallow that Goku didn't know would have been a sob, "Goku, no." she mocked him, "Don't do this. If you just accept Chi-Chi than you won't have to go through this right now."
"But why?!" Goku finally broke out. And if it wasn't for the fact that the rain never slowed down, Bulma could have sworn he was crying. That only put her in more pain in the situation. He was her best friend after all, she never meant to make him cry.
"It would be better this way, Goku…" she gave a sad smile and reached up to touch his face, "We're best friends, we should stay like that. I mean…think of it this way. What if we had a problem with our relationship and we didn't stay a couple? We might still be friends, but it wouldn't be the same, we would feel sort of awkward around each other, agree?"
Goku only stared at her with his big, sad, childlike eyes, blinked, then shook his head no.
"Well you should." Bulma stated, not meaning for those three words to come out sounding that demanding. She quickly regretted it and decided to tell him more reasons for her decision, "And whom would we go to? Every time either of us had a problem, we would come to each other, searching for advice. And I don't know about you, but every time I got done talking to you, I felt a whole lot better."
She giggled, hoping to at least get a smile out of him, but to no avail. Her smile soon faded, too.
"And every time you want to go somewhere unexpected, you can take the Nimbus cloud! Chi-Chi can ride that with you, right? Well…see? I can't and I would just be a setback if I had to ride my motorbike while you could be soaring in the sky." Bulma explained, getting desperate on trying to make Goku understand.
Goku didn't respond to all of this for some time. Bulma was beginning to wonder if he blacked out, just stood standing. She let her hand fall from his face. That was when he seemed to come back to the moment, making her jump a little.
"Those aren't reasonable explanations, Bulma." Goku said calmly, almost too calmly, "I may be young and I know everyone thinks I'm naïve, but…I said this to you before and I'm going to say it again. I know what love is.
"All those things you just said…has nothing to do with us. What you said about our relationship maybe not working out, which is a big maybe, Bulma. We've been together for five years and have gotten along almost perfectly. Don't you think we can make out as more than friends? I think it's definitely worth it."
Goku was beginning to get so caught up in what he was saying, that he didn't realize he began raising his voice, desperate to make Bulma understand, "And I don't care if you can ride Nimbus with me or not! We can walk or I can ride your bike with you, do you think it matters to me? Can't you see that I care deeply for you? I only like Chi-Chi as a friend, but you…"
"Goku, stop it!" Bulma couldn't take it any more. He was practically on the verge of having her go against her own words, "Why can't you just like me as a friend? As a best friend…the best friend that I've been for the past five years?"
Goku stared her straight in the eye, 'Cause I love you. And I thought…I thought that you loved me."
Bulma shook her head, knowing her next words were going to hurt, "I never said I loved you, Goku."
His breath got caught in his throat. What? No…that couldn't be. Though Goku didn't have the greatest memory in the world, he knew he could never forget the past couple of days he shared with Bulma…
The first time he ever told her he loved her…they were by that tree after he won the tournament:
"I love you, Bulma."
She never answered…
The first time they made love. It felt so wonderful…even the many minutes after. He remembered holding her as she began drifting off to sleep.
"I love you, Bulma."
She never answered…not even a breathy reply.
The time they went back to Their Special Place. Bulma just had to go back to get her hotel key, but they ended up relaxing for awhile. His head was on her stomach; she was playing with his hair.
"I love you."
She never answered for the same response.
And to think…that last one was only earlier that day. Sure, that was only three times, but the point was that he said it once everyday to her. And that was more than what some men could say. The second point was…she never said those three words back at him.
He shook his head, trying to come to some conclusion. Maybe…maybe he said it some other time that he didn't remember. Maybe she said it then. Maybe, but…
Hearing her say his name snapped him out of his trance. He looked down at her, but it seemed like his state of mind was elsewhere.
Goku took a step back, "No…Bulma, why though? Why tell me now and not—." He choked on a sob, feeling his body shake from the tension and from the freezing rain slowly sinking deeper into his skin.
Bulma felt her own tears begin to slide down her face, but she tried desperately to make her mind believe that it was only the rain, "I know, I shouldn't have held off on this for so long. That was stupid of me. But I can't go back. If I could turn back time…I would, but…"
She realized she had nothing else to say. What more could she say? All the words were spoken, now it was time for the real pain to sink in.
"Believe me, Goku…this hurts me about as much as it hurts you."
"Then why do it?" he asked, coming closer to her and cupping her face in his hands, trying to search her eyes for an unexplainable reason.
"Because Chi-Chi asked you to marry her…and you agreed." Was her simple answer.
"But that was before—."
"Goku, stop trying to make excuses!" Bulma said, backing away from his hold, stepping into a deep puddle off the side of the road, "And stop trying to fight with me! You can't live with a love that's one-sided. Chi-Chi loves you and I know you love her, it'll grow over time. You'll have a good life with her…"
Even though saying this was starting to get to Goku, her own words made her…jealous. Hurt. She didn't know why that was, but she didn't like it.
"Ever heard of the saying 'If you love someone, you got to let them go'? …Do it." Bulma ended her speech, hoping what was happening right now would not affect their friendship in any way.
Goku limped. He never heard of that saying, but it was deep to him anyway. He didn't know what else to say.
He lost. He lost her. Losing the Tenkaichi Budoukai was hardly as painful as losing her.
He felt ashamed. He couldn't even express his love enough to make her stay.
He took a final look at her. In his eyes, he never seen a more beautiful sight. She was once his.
But not anymore.
He turned around and slowly headed toward the hotel. It was clear that she made up her mind, all that was left for him to do was go to his room and get out of his cold, wet clothes. After all…
He couldn't be sick for his wedding tomorrow.
Bulma watched him go, still standing in the deep puddle. Even though she didn't have boots on, the water sinking through her shoes and socks had no affect on her. Her body was numb. She felt like she wanted to call after him, tell him to come back, that it was all just one big joke.
But she couldn't do that. It wasn't a joke. It was reality. Not fantasy…not any longer.
Bulma looked down at the dark, gray cement, feeling something on her ear falling. She looked down to see it was the lavender flower Goku gave her earlier. She forgot about it being there, but now she didn't have to worry about it at all.
She watched as the single flower floated down the fast flowing stream beside the sidewalk. Watching it was almost soothing, but when the stream was flowing past a hole in the side of the sidewalk, the flower flew down the hole, never to be brought back to Bulma again.
The next day came quickly…or did it come slowly? That answer will be forever undecided, but in any case, Bulma didn't get a wink of sleep. She knew Goku's wedding was early in the morning, ten a.m. to be exact. She figured Chi-Chi was a morning person.
She always hated morning people.
Bulma spent the whole night daydreaming, reviewing everything her and Goku ever did together. Starting with when they first meant, going to when they became more than friends, and ending with the night before.
She never thought she could have a nightmare while awake.
Her bed shifted as she turned to her side and lifted up her alarm clock to look at the time. The clock read 10:02 A.M. Bulma wasn't invited to the wedding, but she figured she can witness it from behind the scenes somewhere. After all, her best friend was getting married, shouldn't she be there to see it?
Bulma threw off her covers and got dressed and ready for the day in a blur. She heard that the wedding was going to be where the Tenkaichi Budoukai took place and since that was only less then a block away from the hotel, she wasn't in any hurry. She always found the beginning of weddings boring anyway.
To her great surprise, she was there within ten minutes. She hid beside the place where the competitors came out of when they were about to go on the arena to fight. Bulma sneaked her head around the small, brick building and saw that Goku and Chi-Chi were on top of the arena, holding hands and looking at each other. The Ox King was acting as the preacher and she guessed the people that were sitting on either side of the arena were the people from Chi-Chi's village.
Her eyes went to Goku. Seeing him in a tux almost made her drool. He was one handsome guy, that was for sure, with one heck of a body.
She grinned, remembering the time they went to Their Special Place and Goku decided to take a swim. Bulma looked away, but she got a pretty good glimpse of it. That was when she joined him and they went behind the waterfall…he was still naked and she was well enough naked herself.
They began kissing…then the kissing went further. It felt so perfect.
Thinking this, Bulma frowned.
She remembered Goku laying her down gently…oh so gently. Everything he did, he made sure never to hurt her…to handle her with care as if she were glass. Showing her his love to no end.
"No…" she repeated, shaking her head.
He took off her clothes slowly…making sure she never felt uncomfortable with anything he was doing. He held her, he kissed her, he gave her pleasure beyond belief. Everything was so perfect that it scared her.
Bulma's eyesight became a blur, "No…"
Goku was her first. She was his first. She remembered how he paused after he entered her, making her feel complete, yet wanting to make sure she was all right. He never liked to bring pain upon people, especially her. It was a wonder she never realized that long before.
She felt her hands grip around the brick tightly, making her palms sting, "Oh…no…"
He made sure to do as she pleased, if she asked him to go faster, he would, harder, he would, and she was sure that if she asked him to stop, slow down, or anything of that nature, he would have. He was always so good to her. Giving her a perfect release and holding her tightly afterwards. Never leaving her.
"No…" tears clouded her vision, her knees felt weak.
'What have I done,'she asked herself, finally realizing the huge mistake she made by letting Goku go…and how much she really did love him.
She felt like screaming "no", continuously, at the top of her lungs, so Goku and Chi-Chi and all her family could hear, stop their marriage before it got too far, get Goku back! Tell him that she never meant anything she said yesterday and she did love him!
Her vision cleared, her mind made up. She was about to step out from behind the building when she saw it…
"No…" she said again, but like the last times, it was quietly.
Goku and Chi-Chi were kissing. That was it. They were married. She didn't speak quick enough. She was too late…
Bulma felt her breath coming out quicker, too quickly. She felt like her heart was going to explode, she felt it in the back of her throat and in her brain. Blood rushed to her face, heating her whole body and making her dizzy.
She saw everyone stand up and start clapping for the newly weds. Bulma stepped back and pressed her back against the side of the building so she was out of sight in case anyone saw her.
Not seeing Goku and Chi-Chi didn't help her breathing and she couldn't help it any longer as she let all her emotions out.
Bulma banged her fists roughly against the brick, letting out a long, pain cry of agony that couldm't be comprehended as a no or just a moan full of hurt. Tears streamed down her face, one after another, burning her eyes.
She flung herself around, pressing the front of her body closer to the building, banging her fists continuously against it before feeling jolt after jolt of pain run through her arm enough to make it tingle with numbness.
"No! Oh Kami, why?! No…!" The words were hardly understood, but she screamed them, wanting Kami to feel her pain, to punish her even more for her mistake that she could never make up, to bring Goku back to her.
Her knees finally gave out on her as she slowly slid down against the hardness of the bricks, closer and closer to the ground. As she went, the word 'no' never stopped coming out of her mouth, before and after every sob that she gave, causing her heart to not slow down.
Bulma reached the dirty ground, letting her legs go out from underneath her so she could sit on her bottom. She pulled her legs up to her chest and hugged them tightly. She buried her face between her arms, still letting out the sharp gasps and sobs, never giving up on the word.
She felt her tears soak her arms and legs, but didn't care. She didn't care if she died right then. What was the use…she just lost her best friend. He would have to spend a lot more time with his wife now.
"Guess we won't be going on that dragon ball hunt, Goku…" she muffled. Saying this only made millions of fresh new tears come down her face.
"Bulma?" she heard a man call her name and even before looking up, she knew who it was.
"Go away, Yamcha, I don't feel very social right now."
She felt him sink down so he would be eye level with her, "Bulma, what's wrong?"
"Nothing!" from screaming, she couldn't help but let out a sob, "Go away!"
"Is it because Goku got married? And you think he's not gonna have enough time for you?"
Bulma didn't answer right away. That wasn't even half of it. Yamcha didn't know about her "affair" with Goku, but she figured he didn't have to know, after all, it would never be again.
She felt his hands on her shoulders, "Bulma, don't think like that. Goku is the kind of guy who has time for everyone. He won't forget about you."
Bulma didn't respond at first, but finally decided to lift her head up to reveal her tear stained face to look into the eyes of a smiling Yamcha. She looked away quickly, not trusting herself for fear of just telling Yamcha about everything that was on her mind. So she only nodded.
Yamcha nodded too, "Yeah. So…how about we go get something to eat, hmm? On me."
She really didn't feel like moving from her current spot, but found herself nodding again. She knew it wasn't her herself doing everything her body was doing right then. It wasn't her standing up shakily with Yamcha's help, it wasn't her breaking into fresh tears as soon as she stood straight, and it wasn't her clinging to Yamcha tightly and repeating "no" all over again into his chest.
Bulma felt like a whole different person, just walking around in a dream state. She remembered saying before that she liked fantasy better than reality. Well…at the moment, it didn't seem like there was a difference. The memory of Goku would always haunt her, whether she was awake or asleep.
She still had Yamcha, but she didn't love him. It wasn't the same feeling she had for Goku and she knew that feeling was pure love. In the meantime, however, she wasn't about to let Yamcha go, too. She still needed someone to hold when she was down, just like she was doing at the moment.
The thought of finding someone she'll love as much as Goku was farfetched, but she would never give up. What kind of life would that be, hoping and wishing that Goku would someday come back to her? It wouldn't even be life at all…hoping and wishing for something that was never going to happen.
So she planned to keep faith for that one guy that would someday come into her life and win over her love that Goku left behind.
Bulma knew that would be what Goku wanted for her.
The End! =(
Okay, I bet a lot of you out there want to kill me for ending it like this, eh? Well…I would feel like killing me too. BUT if you paid close attention to the summary of this story, I specifically said "what COULD'VE HAPPENED before..." Which means, all in all, that I only put in what might have happened with Goku and Bulma in between, also having Goku and Chi-Chi not get married on the same day they fought.
Have no fear though; I am making an alternate ending/sequel to this story! It's gonna be Goku/Bulma for sure, I promise. But…when you review this, can you try to focus more on saying how well (or not well) I wrote the ending instead of wanting to kill me with all these "why the hell did you do that for?!" 's? ^_^ Great.
So, if you like this story still and wanna see some real Goku/Bulma, stay tuned for the next story called "Best Friends and More". Coming to a computer screen near you!
And once again, thank you to all the people that reviewed this story! I really love ya guys! =)