She sat on the sofa with the television playing some soap opera that she couldn't really concentrate on at the moment. Trent was in the kitchen making lunch and being the attentive father to be- like she knew that he would be. There had been no further discussion of 'that girl' beyond him confirming that the pregnant woman was carrying his child. What was she to say to that? On the one hand, he was being a stand-up guy and accepting his responsibilities, but on the other hand he is her husband and as innocent as the child is, it felt like the betrayal was being flaunted in the face of her own pregnancy. Trent sat the tray in front of her. She looked up at him. He looked down at her.
"How is she?"
He waited a beat.
"She's okay…..everything is… okay."
No it's not. She carries your child…..and you're still drawn to her.
"I'm glad the baby is okay."
He looked at his wife. This wasn't fair to her and it tore him up that he had done this… that he had hurt so many people.
She deserves better than me…so does Daria…and so do my kids…all I seem to be capable of doing is hurting the people that I care about.
He moved to kneel before her. His eyes bore into hers with the earnestness that she had fallen so deeply in love with. With great care he took her hands in his and held them while letting his thumbs softly grazed the knuckles. It was such a loving gesture…..
Don't thank me…I still have so much resentment and anger…but I do love you and I'm certain that you love me. The thing is, I don't know if you love her or if you loved her…and that's what kills me a little inside. The uncertainty is smothering me.
"You've been more than a little understanding and now… it's more than I could have ever expected."
She gave him a quick smile.
"I could never blame an innocent child for…anything." He watched as she struggled for what to say. "When will you- how often-"
God Trent are you seeing her? If so when and how often? How do you correspond? What's it like? Damn, I hate this…
"When will you find out about the next appointment, or whatever?"
"Jane or Jesse will relay any messages. She and I-"
Look at that hurt just then. I caused that. Damn it- no, damn me for it.
"We have an agreement to not see each other unless necessary. I don't want to keep hurting you. I want you, us to get through this."
"I don't want to 'get through it'." She squeezed his hands gently. "I want for us to live each day together. I don't want to ignore the hard stuff; I want for us to work it out together like a fully functioning unit. I want us to talk and laugh together again."
He kissed her now bowed forehead and took her into his arms.
"I'm sorry…so sorry."
"I know…I think I know it."
"I am sorry," he whispered into her shoulder while stroking her hair, "You deserve so much more than what I have ever given you."
"Do you still love her Trent?"
He stiffened slightly…
"A part of me remembers what could have been, but my life is with you."
"I appreciate the nobility of what you're saying," She pulled back so that they were face to face, "but I need honesty- complete honesty. I will not live a lie. Our child doesn't deserve that."
Our child… Our innocent little kid…...
"I love you and I want us- you, me, and our child to be a family."
"What about your other child?"
His eyes were filled with unshed tears.
"I have to be in his life too- as much as I possibly can. I'm not trying to hurt you, but like you said he is innocent in all of this."
"I would never ask that you 'not' be in your child's life. That wouldn't be right, not for you or for him. I need to know that you're mine. I never questioned it before, but…"
"I broke your trust. I want to rebuild it."
"I don't have a timetable-"
"As long as you're willing to try, I know that we can make it."
"I am- willing to try."
He kissed her softly on the lips and moved to sit beside her on the sofa so that he could hold her in his arms. Both felt as though they could breathe a little for the first time in a very long time.