The Melancholy of Yuri Nakamura

The Angel Beats! You know and love with a Haruhi Suzumiya twist.

"Ugh… What time is it, it's too damn early for Haruhi's stupid fantasies."

In the middle of a generic looking High School lay a boy, that boy's name…. well we don't actually know it. People often call him "Kyon" and don't bother learning his true name.

"Wait a minute…"

As the boy known as Kyon composed himself and began to realize this wasn't his cramp little room a single thought began to race around his mind.

"What the hell did Haruhi drag me into this time!?"

Inspecting his surroundings he soon realizes he was in a strange looking school with a foreign looking uniform on.

"Finally awake huh?"

"Another person's here!" thought Kyon, He focused in the direction the voice came from. There crouched a High School girl wearing a white uniform which was accompanied with a dark blue skirt. She had a striking similarity to an annoying idiot he knew but that wasn't what got him so dumbfounded what shocked him was the fact she was holding a big ass gun, a big ass sniper rifle to be exact. "That's it this has Suzumiya written all over it."

"Haruhi… is that you?"

The mysterious girl kept in her crouching position and continued aiming her gun.

"Haruhi? A name at least you remember your past, you must not have been traumatized in the head..."

"Eh?" Was the only thing Kyon could say, what was this girl on about? She isn't Haruhi but she's got the same weird way of not making a lick of sense like she does.

The girl finally turned around and gave a death stare to Kyon.

"Are you even listening to anything I'm saying!? Are you deaf or something!"

Grabbing Kyon by the collar she met his eyes, staring uncompromisingly straight, Kyon can only look down in sheer embarrassment.

"To make a long story short, you're dead and this is the afterlife."

Unhanding the aggressive girl, Kyon is rendered speechless. Denial and anxiety began to overwhelm Kyon's fragile mind. "I'm dead… but how, last thing I remember was waking up in the hospital. Haruhi camping overnight on my left and Yuki silently reading on the right. How can I be dead!?"

"How can this be poss…?" Thinking back on the many balls to the walls adventures he's had with the SOS Brigade, Kyon began to calm down and reason how this event came to be "This is probably just another of Haruhi's powers, I'm probably in another dimension like last time with Yuki. I can't possibly, actually be dead. The world would fall apart without me! Haruhi would be bored to death if I were really gone and she would subconsciously teleport me back…right?"

Then as if taking him back to his current "reality" Sniper girl began speaking.

"You're taking this whole "being dead but really alive" thing pretty well, most people would have a nervous breakdown or get themselves killed just to prove me wrong. But you… you got over the shock pretty damn quick."

Kyon began speaking in his detached and apathetic tone, "Listen, I've been in stranger situations then this. I think I can handle being "dead" (Kyon said 'dead' while doing air speech marks)

"Hmmm…" hummed the mysterious girl.

A big wide smile began to creep in her face. "Hey stranger, what's your name?"

"People call me Kyon, but my real name's…"

Interrupted by the overly energetic girl she began to speak.

"Kyon is it?"

"No, that's just a…"

"Kyon, I like that name…"

A hard smacking palm came into contact with Kyon's forehead, "Not this crap again."

"Since you introduced yourself it's only fitting I do the same. My name is Yuki Nakamura and we are the SSS, or the Afterlife Battlefront…"

Kyon began tuning out her ridiculous explanation of her "battlefront" and why they'd change their names all the time, it was too much information and reminded him of the time Haruhi explained what the SOS Brigade was/did.

"…We fight God, to rebel against the cruel and unfair lives we lived."

A snicker came from Kyon. "God huh?"

"What you think, he/she doesn't exist?"

Kyon stopped his snickering and returned to his normal apathetic tone.

"That's not why I was laughing, just saying the word "God" reminds me of an energetic brat I knew."

"Is it that Haruhi girl?"

"How did you know that?"

"From the way you shouted out her name, she sounded like someone close to you."

Kyon began to blush, he never imagined Haruhi as a person he considered "close" she was a loudmouth with godlike powers who on occasion cured him of his boredom. "But was there something more? I guess I think of her as a friend…"

"Enough about me, I've been wondering this for the longest time, why the hell are you pointing a sniper in the middle of school/purgatory."

"Oh this, I almost forgot. I'm aiming this gun at her, Angel..."

Searching the open field he spotted the "Angel" she was referring to. A petite, silver haired girl with a cream uniform and a brown skirt.

"Who is she?"

"She's the battlefront's archenemy, she wants us to accept our "fate" and pass on and reincarnate like obedient dogs."

There was clear disgust in the way she said that whole sentence, clearly something caused her to think the way she does.

Suddenly a voice came calling from his right, Kyon turned and saw a boy this time. Clearly a Battlefront member, he had blue unkempt hair and sported a cream colored jacket similar to the one Angel wore and black pants.

Clumsily, stumbling his way into Kyon's little talk it took him record time to gain the annoyance of Kyon.

"Great, another idiot comes this way."

As if on schedule both Haruhi and the blue haired kid shouted in unison. "Hey, who you callin' an idiot!"

Ignoring there duel retort, Kyon turned to Yuri…

"Who's the idiot?"

"Him? The idiots name is Hideki Hinata."

"I'm standing right here ya know?"

As if on schedule both Yuri and Kyon responded with a sarcastic "…And?"

Turning away from both, Hinata finally asks Yuri what he wanted to say.

"So Yurippe, did you finally get the noob to join the battlefront?"

Smacking herself in the head for not remembering that, Yuri turned to Kyon and asked him.

"First of all its Yuri not Yurippe you ass and second Kyon are you gonna join the battlefront with me and Hideki?"

Eagerly awaiting his response, both were severely disappointed when Kyon gave his answer.


"What!" responded Hideki.

"You heard me straight, I'm not joining your "battlefront/brigade" thing."

It was Yuri's turn to respond.

"But, why not?"

Kyon began walking towards the open field that contained the Battlefront's nemesis, Angel.

"I'd be an idiot, if I'd just accept one side's story over another without a second thought. But because I have an ounce of intelligence, I'm going to talk to that "Angel" girl over there. Besides I'm already part of a mysterious organization. The SOS Brigade, wouldn't be fair to them if I went up and joined every group that offered me membership."

With that, Kyon began walking towards Angel much to the dismay of Yuri and Hinata who began shouting.

Slowly approaching Angel, Kyon began to introduce himself.

"Hey there, my name… scratch that you can just call me Kyon, everybody else does. Let's cut to the chase. I know I'm dead and I'm stuck in this "afterlife" because I was upset with the life I was living, the thing is I wasn't all that upset. Well not really, I guess I was bored with mundane things but isn't that normal for every angsty teen?"

The silver haired angel began to speak.

"Do you know how you passed on?"

Kyon pondered for a minute "Wait a minute… How the hell did I bite the bullet!?"

After further deliberation, Kyon answered.

"I don't exactly know myself, one minute I'm happily enjoying my monotonous (When Haruhi isn't there) life and then outta fracking nowhere, I'm stuck in purgatory.

"I see."

The girl began thinking, her eyes never leaving his.

"This girl seems really damn familiar, she kinda reminds me of Nagato."

Then out of nowhere, the awkward silence was broken.

"I'm not sure myself on how to deal with this, you may be a special case."

"Why is it, that a normal high school kid is always a special case, huh? Now I get why superheroes and Manga MC's are always depressed."

A surprised look came over Angel. "Kyon, what do you mean by that?"

"Oh it's nothing for you to worry about, hey Angel. I wanted to ask you something are you really an Angel, wouldn't surprise me if you were."

"I'm not, I'm the student council president and my actual name is Kanade Tachibana."

"Kanade huh? Why do they call you Angel then?"

A small smile entered the lips of Kanade.

"Are you sure you want me to show you why?"

Arrogantly, with a huge smirk on his face, Kyon began to indulge Kanade.

"I've seen somethings you wouldn't believe, nothing surprises me anymore."

In a second that condescending smirk turned into a terrified whimper, when Kanade showed him why people called her "Angel".

"Guard Skill: Hand Sonic…"

A transparent blade manifested in Kanade's right arm. The sight of which gave him memories of the time Ryouko Asakura and Nagato decided to have a reality-bending sword fight.

Meanwhile at the top of the open field.

"Hey Yurippe, Angel's about to kill the noob!"

Not focusing on their talk, Yuri's eyes began to widen when Angel began using Hand Sonic.

"Shit! You're right, better get a shot off before she kills him!"

Because she wasn't focused and wasn't paying all too much attention, Yuri was less then accurate with the rifle, instead of hitting Angel, she hit Kyon…

"Are you OK, Kyon?" asked Angel.

Looking down, Kyon quickly notices there's a bloody hole in his chest. Angrily Kyon turned to face the likely suspects, Yuri and Hinata.

"Those idiots…"

With that Kyon plummets to his certain death or it would of if he was actually dead.

A/N: I'm back bitches! Would greatly appreciate some reviews and feedback and don't be afraid to tell me if its complete dog shit. The lack of honorifics and use of first names is because I watched both dubbed and can't imagine either any other way.

See you later Space Cowboy's…

-All Day Tsundere