Her smile is so beautiful, it's like she can light up a room without even trying, but there is so much sadness in her eyes, a longing. Sometimes I wish I had the ability to take that away, erase every bad thing that's ever happened to her, but I can't, or I won't. I don't know what I feel for anyone or anything anymore. I've known I've felt differently for girls than boys for a long time now, but what girl doesn't feel curious at one point or another? I used to think that was all it was...curiosity. That is, until I saw Bianca look at me that first time, I'd never seen such love, and pain, and hope all at once. It tore at my heart then, and I didn't even know her. I was jealous of Frankie, that she had something that I never had, never would. When I first found out about Frankie and Bianca, I wondered how Frankie knew that she was gay, how she knew it was right with Bianca. But know I think I know how she felt, it's how I feel. I wish I had Frankie's confidence, I seem so self-assured, but I'm not. Frankie always took chances, but not me, I'm not Frankie.
Then there's Tim, I don't like him in a romantic way, when I look at him I can smile with affection, but it's not the same, not when I look at HER. How can I feel this way about someone whose heart belongs to my dead twin sister? How can I feel this way about a girl? I'm straight...at least I thought I was, but no one has ever made me feel the way Bianca does.
I'm so confused about what I feel and why I feel it. Sometimes I think I'm so close to Bianca because Frankie would have wanted me to take care of her, that I'm fulfilling nothing more than a sisterly obligation, or maybe I'm imagining what I feel for her because when she looks in my eyes she sees Frankie, and I'm not Frankie.
And I'm not gay either.
Sure, I've never really had a serious boyfriend, but what can you expect, with a screwed up family like mine I should be lucky that I've never been attached by the strings of love, that is until now.
But I'm not in love with her. Sure, I think of her when she's not there, and every time I see her, my heart beats a little faster, and I make her laugh just to see that beautiful smile, and the sparkle in her eyes, I am in love with her.
There's a knock at the door so I get up and open the door, still stunned at my secret revelation.
"Hi, Bianca."