Key Details, Warnings & Disclaimer
Disclaimer: We all know that I could not have come up with this whole world on my own so all rights for the story characters and world (apart from Hope) go to James Dashner.
This is set in a world with soul mates and because the female race is generally the more sensible one they are told who their soul mate is and have the decision on how to approach said person. Of course that's not how it works when one's memories have been wiped.
As you'll pick up very quickly this is initially a story about how Newt injured his leg.
This is just a one shot but WICKED is still running this program to try and find a cure for The Flare but because of the whole soul mate situation obviously things are a little bit different.
Warnings: possible trigger warnings, suicide attempt and some sad ass language.
DON'T WORRY IT HAS A HAPPY ENDING!
Personal Source of Hope
Newt's POV: About half a year or more before Tomas.
The whirling of the Grievers could be heard all throughout the night. The constant sound grating on my nerves. I watched the rest of the Gladers sleep, those lucky enough cuddling up with their partners.
You could imagine our shock when the first girl came up but of course nothing suddenly changed and she was nice enough. The world didn't end and when another one came up the next month we moved on. Apparently, the creators had decided it was time to introduce the female race. From there on we got a girl every month instead of a boy, now instead of simply 25 boys, we had an added 12 girls.
Of course that wasn't all, each girl found a tattoo somewhere on their body. The tattoo was always one name and it was always the name of one of the Glade boys.
I looked up at the clear sky above and wondered for the millionth time why we were here. Of course like always no answers were forth coming and I turned away and looked across the other sleeping forms. The weird thing with the girls and the tattoos was that within the next month the girl and the boy whose name was on said girl would feel an undeniable connected and soon enough they would become a couple. I nearly laughed when this happened the first time.
The first time we thought it was simply a coincidence but as it continued to happen, well no one could ignore that.
The creators were most likely up to something but there was no way to tell since it wasn't like we could simply ask and no one remembered if this happened in the real world.
Slowly the dark sky started to light up and the stars slowly faded away. I quietly got up and started moving around to get my running gear. It was the only thing that gave me any hope these days. The fact that out there in the maze was a chance for an escape, a chance to get out.
As I crept away from the sleeping figures I saw the others start to get ready as well. There were 8 of us, just enough to cover the ground we needed to each day. I stood with Minho at our exit door, both of us going through various stretches as we prepared for our runs. Not a lot of talk passed between us but it wasn't really needed, we'd talk after we got back for the day, after we had results that might eventually lead to a solution.
As the first rays of sun peeked over the far wall the grinding sound of the gears turning filled the Glade waking those who were not already awake. Slowly, stone slid against stone and the large doors started to open. As soon as a body could fit through the opening we took off one after the other. 8 people leaving from all different ends of the Glade.
My joggers pounded harshly on the stone but I didn't mind so much. After a while it became soothing, with no other thoughts in my head as I ran.
Of course, the peace never did last and as I continued to run my brain managed to drag up thoughts that I normally tried to squash. A new she-bean would appear today, and like always everyone would be wondering whose name was tattooed on her skin.
A small bit of hope surfaced each time that the next girl would have my name but they never did. When I watched the couples at night after a run I couldn't help but envy them. The boys always seemed more at peace then the rest of us, more relaxed, happy. I wanted to experience that, to feel at ease, to not worry all the time about whether or not we could get out, if today would be the day we found a solution or the day that I gave up hope.
I shook my head and pushed myself a little harder, I didn't want to think about this, there was no point. It wouldn't accomplish nothing. There was no guarantee that I would feel the same as the other couples anyway, even if the girl did have my name.
As soon as that thought appeared the small, dark voice that always seemed to be there awakened. I knew that in the normal world it was called depression but there was nothing to help me here in the maze. No anti-depressants and no doctors to stop it. The voice called me nasty names and even though I tried not to listen to it, each time it raised its ugly head I found myself more and more inclined to listen to its vicious suggestions. It told me that I was worthless and that no girl will ever have my name because I wasn't worth it.
I gritted my teeth and ran harder still, trying desperately to banish the dark thoughts.
The day wore on and soon enough I was making the last couple of turns back to the Glade. Nothing, like usual, had appeared in my section of the maze and I felt the voice nag at the back of my mind again. Telling me there would never be a solution and that I would but stuck here forever.
Again, I tried to shake it off.
I was back a little earlier than the others and I ran straight into the Maps building. I got a few glances on the way from both boys and girls but they knew that I couldn't talk right now. I needed to get the map down before I forgot it. I spent the next half an hour mapping out my section of the maze and by the time I was done the others were just starting to finish off.
"Good job today Newt," said Minho as I passed him on my way out.
"Thanks, one of my faster times I think. You didn't to do badly yourself, you weren't that far behind me."
He nodded with a smirk, "next time I'll catch you, ya skinny shank, go grab some food," he said turning back to his map.
I shook my head at him but smiled. With that simple interaction the small voice was banished for the next couple of hours. It felt like a weight had been taken off my shoulders and I happily headed over to the kitchens for dinner. Of course, Alby would want me to meet the new she-bean, what with me being the keeper of the runners and all. I wasn't particularly interested, the shank wouldn't have told anybody the name yet. Often the girl would only voice whose name was tattooed on her after a couple of weeks, often once we all had a pretty good idea anyway.
"Hey Newt," greeted Alby as I entered the eating area.
"Evening," I greeted back as I grabbed a stack of food from Frypan and made my way over to him. I sat down opposite him and started to dig in, I figured the topic of the newbie would come up sooner or later but after a full day of running I was more interested in eating then asking about the new shank.
"How was your run?" Alby asked.
I shrugged, "the usual, nothin' new," I informed him knowing that he was really asking whether we had found anything or not.
He sighed but nodded, he was a lot like me, losing hope little by little that there was actually a solution.
"So the new she-bean came up today as I'm sure you're aware," he said pushing away his empty plate.
"How'd it go?" I asked pausing only just enough in my task of eating to ask the question.
He chuckled, "she's a small thing but man has she's got one hard punch," he frowned rubbing his jaw.
I nearly choked on my food trying to laugh. Finally swallowing I asked, "She punched you? What'd ya do?"
"I don't really know," he said thoughtfully, "she was a panicked like everyone else but when I tried to grab her to help her out she punched me, not wanting to be touched. I tried again of course but the bloody shank kept hitting me. Eventually we got Harriet to pull her out, which she seemed perfectly fine with. Apparently she don't like us males," he said with a laugh.
I snorted, that much was clear. I would be steering clear of this one.
"What's her name?" I asked finally finishing off my meal and sitting back with a content sigh.
"Hope. Remember to go and introduce yourself."
And with that he got up and left leaving me to go and attend to other Glade matters. Now sitting on my own with a full view of the eating area I looked around wondering if the she-bean, Hope, was still here. It didn't take me long before I found a pair of unfamiliar eyes.
She was sitting in-between two other girls and kept her eyes on her food not really interacting much. I couldn't blame her, we all remembered how confusing and shucked up the first day was. Her hair was short, unlike most of the girls who came up, and it was a nice brown.
I sighed, being a keeper sucked sometimes, I had to be part of the stupid klunk of a council and be all nice and friendly with the newbies.
I took my dishes to the dish bucket and headed off down the tables to where the she-shank was sitting.
"Newt," greeting Harriet with a nod as I took an open seat opposite her and Hope.
"Hello Harriet, good day?" I asked, never one to be overly rude to a lady.
She shrugged, "same old, planting and weeding. How was your run?"
"Good, didn't trip or pull anything it was smooth sailing," I informed her before turning to the new shank.
"I know you're probably sick of all these idiot people introducing themselves but it is part of my job so I'm Newt," I introduced myself to the she-bean, catching her attention.
Now that I was closer I could really inspect the newbie and I could see what Alby meant by small, even sitting down you could tell that she was a good half a head shorter then Harriet and therefore a solid head or more shorter than the rest of us.
Her head lifted up from looking at her food and I was surprised at her strong gaze as she looked over me. Her grey eyes calculating before she reached across to offer me her hand, "Hope," she said.
I was surprised and apparently so were the others because they all stared at her offered hand in slight awe.
I reached out and took it, clearly she was one of those people who shook hands, "nice to meet ya," I said letting go and pulling my hand back to my side of the table.
"It's nice to know that not everyone is here to lie to me," she said.
I snorted, "Yeah well, where would we all be if lies weren't told? All still klunking our pants I suspect."
She laughed, nothing like I thought it would be, not a small bell like thing but a deep chuckle that warmed me up and made me smile, "I suppose, though I'm not so familiar with your language. Klunking," she pulled a face before picked up a bit of food and plopping it into her mouth.
I nodded, "stupidest shuck I've ever heard but it sure makes conversation interesting," I said getting up to leave.
"That it does," she said giving me a smile, "by Newt," she said.
"See ya around, Hope," I said, not able to force myself to call her by anything else. For some reason the normal terms of newbie, she-bean or shank didn't seem to apply to her.
Another smile graced her features before I left, making me smile myself. I didn't know what happened and as I walked out I pondered over the strange exchange. Alby had said she didn't like male contact and yet she had been the one to offer a hand shake. I knew that the whole ordeal had been closely watched by the others which meant he hadn't been exaggerating her dislike but then there she was. I liked her, I knew that much, I now had the strange urge to become her friend which these days I didn't really have. I tended to avoid most people, only seeing how content they seemed while I drifted closer and closer to that dark edge.
That night sleep was again elusive and again I found myself gazing up and the stars. I wanted to hit my head against something as the same questions circled around in my head: why were we here? Was there a way out? What was the point? Why did I continue to run like a mouse in their games?
The thoughts swirled around and around and the vicious, cruel voice came back.
It was pointless, I was useless, there was no hope and I should end it. Let these guys be happy with their partners, eventually they would all have one at this rate I should end it before one of the poor girls got stuck with me.
I couldn't stand it, suddenly the sleeping area seemed too hot and I found it hard to breathe. I got up and carefully stepped through the sleeping bodies heading out to the far wall.
The air was cooler but it didn't stop the voice, it didn't stop the thoughts. Breathing became more and more difficult like there was something sitting on my chest and I started to jog, then sprint across the Glade only stopping when I crashed into the far wall. The air burned as I breathed in and out my head pressed against the cold stone. It wasn't helping though, nothing was helping.
I couldn't do this, the pointless running, there was no hope! There was no solution. We were never getting out.
I turned around and leaned against the stone hands braces against my knees. I was so sick of this!
My gaze flicked around the Glade, across the sleeping forms in the distance and settled on the vines that climbed up the wall to my left.
I could end it.
No more pointlessness, no more hopelessness. I pushed off the wall and grabbed onto the vines. My muscles strained as I began to climb. Legs and arms working hard not to slip.
No set of vines reached the top but I didn't need them to they simply had to be high enough so that the impact could kill me.
Up and up I went, no other sound apart from my ragged breathing and the rustling of the vines. Eventually the vines ran out, and I turned around so that I was braced against the wall and looking out across the Glade.
Still I could not breathe properly, it wasn't the exertion that made it difficult it was that weight, the pressure that wasn't leaving my chest.
This was it, all I had to do was let go, fall. The darkness made it hard to see how high up I was exactly, so I was only mostly sure that this would work. I hoped that it was.
There was that word again, hope. I wanted to scream but I knew that even from this distance someone would probably hear it and come over.
Do it, hissed the voice, the hatred and self-loathing burning through my system.
End it. You're worthless, there's no point. Why bother hanging around? There's no way out. No one wants you around there's nothing for you. Jump.
I stared at the sleeping forms in the distance, was I really going to do this?
I jumped. I pushed off with my legs and flew out from the wall. The air whistled passed my ears as I sped towards the ground.
"NEWT!" cried a panicked voice.
The ground grew closer and closer though and I put it out of my mind.
Then I hit the ground. I heard several sickening crunches. I cried out as the pain burst through my system. My leg first because of the bad angle I hit at and then my side as it crashed into the ground. I felt a few ribs crack and my arm.
All breath was knocked out of me and I couldn't seem to pull a new one in.
Yessss. Whispered the voice.
My body tried to fight though, even though I'd given up in my head. My lungs tried to pull in air and as I lay there gasping I heard someone running towards me.
"Newt! Newt! Oh no, no!"
The weirdest thing was, it was a girl's voice.
"Newt? What have you done, no, please no," she said as she hit the ground next to my head, moving me until I was resting in her lap.
"HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME!" she screamed across the Glade as my body still fought for life.
I heard others start to run over but I didn't care. I felt the blackness coming as my systems started to shut down.
I opened my eyes though, to see who was trying to stop me from leaving.
"H-o-p-e?" I croaked, not nearly enough breath to pronounce the name.
"Newt! Newt, why? Please hold on, please don't die," she pleaded hands brushing through my hair. I closed my eyes, it was heavenly. Surely with everything else in so much pain this shouldn't feel so good? My eyes fluttered closed, I was so tired and the darkness was waiting for me.
"No! No, Newt hold on please. HURRY!" she cried to the approaching footsteps.
I felt a drop of cold water hit my cheek and I opened up my eyes to see tears streaming down her face.
I tried to ask why she was so sad, we didn't know each other, but it turned into a moan of pain and then a sickening cough.
"Oh god, Newt please, you can do this," her grey eyes held onto mine, not letting me close them.
"W- wh- y" I didn't know why it was so important but I needed to know why she wanted me to hold on. To live in this hopeless world when she had only met me that day.
"I didn't like this place when I first got out of the box," her words capturing my whole attention, "I didn't seem to know anything. I quickly learned a couple of things though. When a girl first arrives she finds a tattoo on her somewhere. Then fairly quickly she ends up feeling a connection with that person. Newt, I felt that connection from the second you sat down, Newt," she smiled through the tears, "you're names tattooed across my bottom rib."
A cough wracked my body and I knew that I didn't have long. It was nearly over. I didn't have the breath to say anything to her statement but I held on to her grey eyes. Those eyes that seemed endless like they had captured the stars and turned them into a liquid. I wanted to say a million things, to ask a hundred questions. To simply say that I had felt something too but I couldn't.
I held onto her eyes until the darkness came, and just as I started to slip under I saw other panicked faces come into view, I heard distant shouting but most of all I watched her grey eyes that appeared to be leaking stars.
Those eyes followed me, the swirling grey, and the tears that were stars. Dreams came, meeting a young girl that looked a lot like Hope, studying with the same girl, playing when we were little and being put through multiple tests together.
Our first kiss, the sweetness and the innocence of it and then when we were older, her hair was short and she again had tears in her eyes.
"Don't worry it will only be a year, we can do that," I reassured her.
"I know but I don't want to be apart for a year, Newt, I-I love you," she said the tears spilling over. I reached out and brushed them away cupping her face.
"I love you too. I love you so much it hurts sometimes and when I'm alone and you're not there I feel pointless. You're my Hope, my future, we're meant to be together remember?" I said sliding a hand down to the rib that I knew had my name tattooed across it and lightly brushed my fingers along it through her shirt.
She nodded and I captured her lips in a kiss full off passion and love, completely different from the first one I saw.
I was watching her through glass, we had our palms pressed on either side of it. They would be touching if not for the layer between us. I felt the liquid start to fill the tank but I didn't look down I kept my gaze locked with hers.
I love you she mouthed.
"I love you too," I said knowing that she would be able to understand.
I'll see you in a year.
The liquid rose above my chest and I nodded before I was completely submerged and everything went black.
"I've told you before! I headed out to the far wall because I couldn't sleep and when I got close enough I saw Newt hanging from the top of some vines and then he just let go! I screamed and started running towards him as he hit the ground. I called for help and tried to talk to him, to keep him awake, until help arrived."
Someone must have tried to reach out a comforting hand or something because then she said, "Don't touch me!"
"Sorry," a male voice murmured.
I heard her huff and walk away from whoever she was talking to.
The footsteps go closer until they stopped and I heard her sit down in a chair close by.
A sigh came from the other side of the room, "I'm sorry I just don't understand why he would do that."
It was Alby, I knew that now, and they were talking about me. It was then that I figured out the fall must not have been high enough. I was still alive this wasn't another dream.
"He tried to kill himself, that's what happened! Go, just... go," she said moving around some more.
Alby sighed again but left.
"Damn it Newt, I just don't understand. Didn't you feel it too? I knew there was something special between us, didn't you?" her voice sounded so lost.
I'll see you in a year.
I needed to find the strength to move, she was right there.
I-I love you.
My eyes fluttered and I groaned as the pain from various limbs rushed through to my brain.
"Newt?" I heard her jump from the chair and grab my hand non hurting hand.
I groaned again as I forced my eyes to open, "Newt!" She cried, "ALBY!" she called, "HE'S AWAKE!"
Stars appeared in her eyes again, as she reached out and brushed a hand through my hair, "Don't you ever, ever do that again. If you do I'll pull your ass from the grave and kill you again myself. Newt WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!" she cried as she knelt down and squeezed my hand.
I wanted to laugh but of course that hurt way too much, "I didn't realize, it was you," I croaked out.
She looked at me questioningly before Alby came bursting back in and cut off anything she wanted to ask.
"Newt! You're awake!"
"State the bloody obvious why don't ya," I muttered, not able to make my voice any louder at this point.
"You piece of klunk what were you thinking?!" he asked then as he moved passed any relief that he had been feeling.
I wanted to shrug but the beginning of the movement caused a massive pain to my arm and I winced.
It was then that I really took stock of the areas that hurt, my arm was in a sling that laid across my chest which also appeared to be heavily bandaged. I knew with a slight shift of my leg that it had taken a lot of the impact which was probably why I was alive now but it appeared to be the worst of all my injuries. The pain radiated all up my leg at the simple shift and I grimaced before turning back to the growing number of people in my room. Clint and Jeff came in and immediately started assessing my condition. Minho followed close behind and shook his head as he saw that I was awake and well.
"You shuck face what the hell were you doing?" he asked.
"Everyone keeps asking me that," said, my unused voice slowly getting better, "how long have I been asleep?" I asked.
"A week and a half," Hope said quietly, taking a step back and letting go of my hand. I wanted to reach out to her but I was so confused. I needed to talk to her alone but these shuck faces were still here.
"You're bloody lucky," said Clint stepping back as he re-wrapped the bandages around my leg, "the fall would have killed you if any more force had hit your ribs, I'm surprised they didn't puncture your lungs as it is," he said shaking his head.
I wasn't sure how to feel about that, should I be unhappy that I was so close to accomplishing my goal or thankful that I didn't? I didn't know at this point. I wondered what they thought, did they know I had done it one purpose? Or did they think I had just gone for a climb randomly through the night.
"There is one thing though," he said suddenly uneasy about whatever he was going to say.
"Let me guess," I said knowing deep down already, "I'm never going to be able to run properly again?"
He nodded, clearly hating to be the one to technically give the news.
I nodded, again I had no idea how to feel about it, about any of it really.
"Guys, I'm kind of tired," I said to the room, knowing that they wanted to ask a million questions but I just wasn't ready to answer them.
"Yeah, come on guys the man needs his rest," said Jeff starting to usher everyone out the door.
Hope was about to turn and file out with the rest of them when I called out softy to her, "Hope? Will, will you stay?" I asked her, preying that she would agree. I was scared now, scared of what I would do, of what I would think if I was left alone.
She paused at the door and quickly turned around. A small smile graced her features and she closed the door before coming back.
"Sure," she said sitting back in her seat.
I smiled gratefully in return and we sat in silence for a little while.
"What did you mean before?" she asked quietly, "about, not realizing it was me?"
I thought about lying but decided against it immediately, if what I had seen before were in fact memories I would never lie to this girl.
"When I was out, I dreamed, but I'm not so sure they were just dreams, they seemed too real. I think they were memories, and they were memories of you," I said voicing the thoughts that had been floating around.
"What happened in them?" she asked curiosity evident in her voice.
I smiled, "well first we were just kids, hanging out and having fun. We played stupid shuck games like hide and go seek with some friends," she chuckled but didn't interrupt as I continued, "then, when we were older, it turned to studying together and focusing on a mission. I don't remember what it was though, then," I hesitated, should I tell her?
"Then what?" she asked reaching out taking my hand again.
I was nervous but she had said before that she felt a connection, "then," my voice became really quiet, "I saw our first kiss, flashes of moments between us."
"Yeah? We were a couple?" she asked a shaky laugh that hinted at her happiness.
"Yeah, we were a couple, and then a year ago, we had to part for a while, it was part of this mission but we knew that in a year we would see each other again so we managed to convince ourselves it would be alright in the end."
"Memory wipe, the maze," she said quietly, and I nodded.
"You had the tattoo even then, I even knew where it was and everything," I said stroking her hand with my thumb.
"So we really do have a connection…" she said quietly, so quietly I almost didn't catch it.
She smiled at me and slid off the chair so that she was kneeling down right next to me, our faces inches apart.
"You said you loved me," I murmured suddenly getting a stroke of courage to say the words.
"I did? And what did you say?" she asked those grey orbs gazing into my own eyes.
"I said I loved you too."
She closed the distance between us and pressed her lips against mine. It was crazy, technically we had only meet a little over a week ago but we had known each other our whole lives and here we were kissing and it felt so right. So perfect and I was filled with hope.
I grinned and settled back into the pillows. She pulled over her chair so that she was right by the bed and re-took my head.
I smiled sleepily at her, "don't ever leave," I said softly as I started to drift off, "I don't trust myself not to do something stupid," I muttered before falling into the embrace of sleep clutching her hand tightly.
I caught her words just as I drifted off, "I'll stick around, you're never going to get the chance to do something stupid again."
A couple more weeks and my arm was mostly usable and it was suggested by the med-jacks that I start trying to walk. I needed help, but I wouldn't accept it from anyone but Hope. I didn't talk about it either, plenty of questions from lots of people but I didn't answer them. They knew though.
They all knew that I hadn't just been out for a pleasant climb during the night.
One day, after my first walk in a month I sat down in the shade of the med hut with Hope. Her head on my shoulder with her hand securely tucked into mine. There was no friendship period because for us it felt like we had known each other forever and it would be a waste of an unknown amount of time to not simply pick up from where our emotions told us we were.
It was a hot day but everyone was still hard at work as we watched the Gladers move about their jobs for the day.
It was this day that I decided to finally talk to someone, a day where no one had tried to get the answers out of me. A day that I chose because I finally felt prepared to.
"That night," I said breaking our comfortable silence. I felt her lift her head and look up at me but I didn't look down at her I continued to gaze across the Glade.
"It all weighed down so heavily on me. I couldn't sleep and I felt like I couldn't breathe. There was a tightness, right here," I said lifting my free hand to tap the area over my heart, "I felt smothered so I went for a walk. It wasn't a physical pain though."
I paused to take a breath but she didn't interrupt she knew how important this was I guess, "That day, I had gone running like usual, just like every other day but a voice, inside my head," I lifted our intertwined hands to the side of my head as I blinked and a tear leaked out from my eye.
"Told me to give up. I had been fighting this voice for so long, denying that what it was saying. I thought that there was a way out that I was being useful but with continuous results of nothing that time," I closed my eyes at the memory "it won."
She pulled our hands down to replace them with a soft kiss. She placed several butterfly kisses all over the side of my face.
"I lost hope," I said opening my eyes and finally turning towards her the tears slowly sliding down my face.
She kissed me then, softly and full of love, "it's a good thing that I found you then isn't it?" she asked pulling back with a soft smile gracing her features.
I laughed and pulled her back to kiss her again.
"I'm so very happy that you did."
Well, this is my first Maze Runner FanFiction and its purpose was merely to get these ideas out of my head. After reading the books I naturally dove into the Maze Runner FanFiction archive. I will be brave enough to say that originally Newt wasn't my favorite character, don't get me wrong, I loved him and disliked the fact that he died but until I read FanFiction I couldn't fully appreciate him. Safe to say I can't get enough of him now.
This is intended to be a once shot so unless something changes my mind (which could possibly be my own mind) it should finish here. Of course if you see that chapters have been added well then obviously something changed.
I hope that all you lovely readers enjoyed reading this and consider leaving a review.
Until next time lovelies.