The Void Behind My Eyes

by WSJ

WSJ: This is actually an idea I had for a full-blown angst/drama story (ya'll know how I love those! ^_^;;) But at the moment I have no time to write it, what with everybody bugging me about SoS and PCHANGE, not to mention Camelot. So I've condenced it into a crappy little POV ficclet. Maybe I'll eventually get the time to write it, who knows?

Disclaimer: Not mine. Never will be. Wish they were tho, just like every good little fangirl... ^^;


'The pain these days is almost too much to handle. Well, not that it wasn't before. It seems I've been in pain for three-quarters of my short life...'

My words echo back to me as they bounce off the walls of my splintered soulroom. Like everywhere else in my mind, it has become just another battlefeild for those two. I sit curled in the corner with my knees pulled up to my chest, avoiding as best I can the shards of glass that are littered around me.

Two years ago, my yami, Bakura, did what everyone thought was previously impossible.

He stole the Millenium Puzzle.

Ever since that time, he's been on the run. He's taken permenant possension of my body, and I... I am unable to do anything about it. I'm too weak, too small...

Yami-Yuugi (or would that be Yami-Ryou the Second now?) assures me that as soon as he's able to overthrow Bakura and get back to Yugi that he'll help me. Right, like I believe him... I think the pharoah just wants to be back with his original host, instead of competing for space in my mind with Bakura.

So all I do these days is sit in my soulroom. That's about all I can do. Bakura and Yami's constant wars with each other for control of my phisicallity have left me weak and drained, body and soul. I don't think either of them realize it, but I'm fading. Ever so slowly, I'm getting thinner, flimsier, smaller. Soon I'll be nothing but shadows.

And I wonder. When I am no more substantial, no more real then a soft breeze, will either of them even remember? Will either of them, once in control, look into a mirror and remember the gentle boy whose body they hold? I wonder, if, when they do remember, they'll come dashing to my soulroom, only to find me gone.

Yami-Yuugi might.

Bakura wouldn't.

Sometimes, for the breif minutes I have control of my own body, I'll look at myself in the mirror and ask what's become of me. The last time I actually looked, I could count all my ribs, right through my shirt. My cheeks were pale, and my eyes sunken in. My hair was longer and more unkept then I remembered, my eyes duller, more hopeless. And of course, the accursed Ring and accursed Puzzle hung around my neck, weighing me down and making my shoulders droop. I was looking into the mirror in a scuzzy, discusting, dirty, foul bathroom of a cheap motel kami-knows how many miles from home. That was seven weeks ago. I don't know where I, we, are now, nor do I wish to know. It would only bring me more pain to see just how far away I really am from all I once knew and held dear.

Sometimes, for those breif moments when I have control of my own body, I'm scared to close my eyes. If I do, I see two pairs of eyes looking back at me. One deep brown pair glares mercilessly, promising pain if I do not give him control. The other, a ruby red, looks at me eagerly, asking me to let him have control, so he can get back to his home, and his real aibou. I was never Yami-Yuugi's aibou, just a temporary vessel, used to get him back to his Yugi. I fooled myself to think either one of those selfish Egyptian idiots would care for me...


My name is barked at me in a voice all too familiar, and I tremble as Bakura makes his way over to me, his eyes narrowed in hatred. "You allowed that Pharoah," he spits the title like a curse, "To gain control! How dare you!" He grabs me by the hair, hauling me to my feet. I shut my eyes tightly and try not to cry as the blows come, one after the other. Soon Yami-Yuugi will arrive and try his best to defend me. Not out of any personal feelings of protectivness or compassion, just the general belief that no one should be hurt.

And then Bakura will forget about me and turn on Yami-Yuugi, and the wars will start. I'll get caught in the crossfire, unnoticed, of course, as so often happens. And I'll end the day more worse for wear then if Yami-Yuugi had just stayed away and let Bakura beat me.

Sometimes, when I'm in control of my own body, I dream about being completly alone. About happily-ever-after. About love. But that's all they are, dreams. Because the instant I let my lids slide shut, I see two pairs of eyes looking back at me, and they pull me back down into the dark void behind my eyes, where I'll eventually be lost forever among twisted shards of a shattered life.

And no one will care.


WSJ: *sniffles, and then bursts into tears* Waaaaaaah!!!!!! Ry-chan!!!!!!! *blows her nose loudly* Okay, I better... *sniffles* Reviews onegai...

God bless minna-san!