Disclaimer: All characters in this fic belong to Akira Toriyama.
"Why did you have to drag me off to this thing anyway…" Vegeta grumbled.
"Oh come on, we HAVE to come. As PARENTS. It's Trunks' first time at acting, don't you want to watch? Besides, it'll be fun, and a good learning experience for you. You can learn about the birth of Jesus" Bulma said cheerily.
"I hate Christmas" Vegeta said, folding his arms. Bulma grinned.
"Grinch" she said as she walked into the school.
"Cheer up Vegeta, it could be worse" Goku said, patting the smaller Saiyan on the back sympathetically. Vegeta pulled away angrily.
Goku smiled. "Last year Chichi dragged to a COSMETICS CONVENTION"
Gohan –who was standing next to his father- nodded. "Mom tried all her make-up out on dad first before she tried it on herself"
The (rather disturbing) image of Goku in lipstick and (heaven forbid) eyeliner fluttered into Vegeta's mind and he grimaced and hit Goku on the back of his head.
"Ow! What was that for?" Goku asked, hurt, rubbing the back of his head.
"I am going to have nightmares for WEEKS…" Vegeta grumbled as he stomped past the big Saiyan to his wife.
"How do we sit on these chairs?" Gohan asked doubtfully, looking down. "They're TINY! Probably BREAK once we sit down on them!"
"Goku, I already TOLD you a hundred times, the school does NOT have popcorn!" Chichi said irritably.
"But I'm hungryyyy…" Goku whined.
"Hey man, you're hair's like in the way, move it…" someone said from behind Vegeta.
"Can't I kill just ONE of them?" the Saiyan muttered.
"No Vegeta, you can't…" Bulma sighed.
"How about pizza? Does the school have pizza?"
"No, it does NOT have-"
"Cola?" Goku looked around hopefully. "I want a fizzy drink"
Chichi looked like she was about to explode.
"Um, I'll just um, sit down…" Goku said meekly.
"Dude, your hair's STILL in the way!" the guy behind Vegeta yelled.
"Gohan, the chair will NOT break, SIT DOWN," Chichi snapped.
"Hey, did you hear m-"
Vegeta whirled around and picked up the startled man by the collar of his shirt. With a snarl, he flung him up where his shirt got snagged on a small hook on the ceiling.
"Now shut up!" he spat.
Gohan blushed red as he tried to disentangle his legs from the broken chair.
"Told you it'd break," he said. Goku stared and pointed at someone on the other side of the hall.
"He's got POPCORN! Chichi, I want popcorn too!"
Goku ducked as an irate Chichi lobbed her handbag with the skill of a practiced baseball pitcher at his head. It narrowly missed and quickly found another target.
With a loud THUNK, Son Gohan passed out onto the floor.
There was chaos behind the curtains.
"Calm down children, don't worry, everything's fine…" the female teacher shushed, but to no avail. Children ran and fussed everywhere.
"Is my hair okay?"
"Miss, I think I ripped my shirt again…"
"Baaa… no, that's not quite right, lemme try again… baa-haa-haa-haa…"
"I can't see!"
"My feet are cold…"
"I want my mommy!"
"Why's it so dark here?"
"This make-up tastes funny…"
"Miss, my wig is scratching at my hair!"
"ARGH! I can't WORK like this!"
"I have a headache…"
"I need to pee!"
Goten walked up to the teacher. "Miss, the other two wise kings just vomited on the stage. I think they gots stage scared"
"That's 'stage fright' Goten…"
"That's what I said," Goten said, nodding his head.
"Danielle just joined them," Trunks reported, walking over. The teacher held her throbbing head in her hand.
"Brilliant! NOW how do we do this? Obviously they can't go on, but we CAN'T have a NAVITY play with only one king and no Mary!"
"I can always be a king…" Trunks suggested.
"Everyone's got a part already, who can I get to fill up those extra parts…" the teacher ran a hand through her tousled hair frustratedly.
"Me! Me! I can be a king!" Trunks jumped to get her attention.
"Maybe we can get Justin to be the sheep AND one of the kings…"
"Are you MAD? Me! I can be a king!" Trunks yelled.
"No, we can't have a fluffy king…"
"Miss, I think Trunks wants a part," Goten said.
"Oh!" the teacher looked at Trunks. "Trunks! You're only doing the backstage work, aren't you?"
"How about I give you a part?"
"Yes! Yes! Let me be a k-"
"Danielle, give your dress to Trunks"
Trunks froze. "WHAT?"
"My head hurts" Gohan moaned.
"Stop being such a wimp, brat" Vegeta snapped.
"Don't call my wimp- I mean boy a brat," Goku said. He paused. "Come to think of it, don't call him a wimp either"
"Gee mom, you sure throw hard," Gohan complained.
"Goku grinned and rapped his son's head. "That's where it pays to have a hard head"
"A thick one too" Chichi muttered under her breath. Bulma snorted in laughter.
"Look, the show's starting" Gohan said. The lights dimmed and the room went silent. A spotlight fell onto the stage.
"Wow it's quiet in here" Goku commented, his voice echoing off the walls. He grinned. "Echo!"
"Shhh!" Chichi slapped her husband on the back of the head.
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to our school's nativity play. We hope that you are comfortable-"
"Haha" Vegeta muttered sarcastically and got sharply elbowed by Bulma.
"And will enjoy the show" the teacher finished. She left the stage and there was a loud sound of applause.
"Why are they applauding? Nothing's even happened yet!" Gohan wondered, turning around.
"Shhh!" Chichi hushed.
"Hey that's not fair, you hit me but not him…" Goku said.
"SHHH!" Chichi hit the back of his head.
"Goku, please be quiet" Bulma begged as the heavy blue curtains pulled back. There was a long silence then a screech of the microphone.
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" the Saiyans yelled in agony, covering their ears. The screeching finally stopped.
"Ahem, sorry about that… oh no! Miss, I can't find my sheets!" a child's voice sounded over the announcer. There was a loud ruffling and some thumps, then a woman's voice.
"Just try remember it Justin!"
"Um, okay…" the voice got louder as Justin moved closer to the microphone. "Okay! So, once upon a time, there was a man and a woman called Mary and Joseph… that is, the man was called Joseph, not Mary, Mary was the woman…"
A boy walked out onto the stage and flashed a dazzling smile at the crowd. "Hello everyone, I'm Joseph, and this is…" the boy looked to his right, where there was empty space. He grinned sheepishly at everyone.
"Well, Mary's supposed to be here, but she um… she's not. She's uh… using the toilet. She'll be out soon"
The boy looked to his right and cleared his throat. "Like REALLY soon"
"Excuse me please" the boy said and disappeared into the curtains. There were some muffled thuds. The audience could hear two voices.
"Come on, get OUT there!"
There was a loud THUMP and a purple haired boy –a brown haired wig placed lopsidedly onto his head- stumbled onto the stage, blushing furiously, holding up long skirts. A pillow was stuffed in between his stomach and the dress, and was now in danger of falling down onto his feet. Vegeta stared.
"Hey Vegeta, isn't that Trunks?" Goku asked, staring.
"I thought he said he wasn't acting" Bulma said.
"Hahaha! It IS Trunks! So who's calling MY son a wimp?"
"Shut up Kakarott"
"Oh Kami, this is too great! He's in a DRESS!" Goku laughed. Gohan started laughing with him.
On the stage Trunks thought he was going to die of humiliation. 'Joseph' bounded happily back out from the curtains.
"Well, I found her! Sorry she took so long folks, the latch of the toilet door got stuck, so I had to help her out!" he chirped.
Backstage, the teacher fainted.
"Mary and Joseph traveled long and far on a donkey until they came to a city called Bethlehem" Justin narrated over the microphone. "They tried to get a room so that Mary could have a baby, but they couldn't because um… because people thought Joseph was ugly"
"Oh, poor Joseph" Gohan said, and Goku nodded, sniffling.
"But finally a nice man gave them room in a stable. Or a manger. Whatever. Anyhow, Mary sat down on some hay and then baby Jesus came out. The animals liked him so a cow licked his head. He thought 'hm, he tastes nice', so he tried to eat baby Jesus' head"
Gohan snorted with laughter.
"Justin!" the teacher's voice sounded over the microphone.
"But luckily, Spiderman shot in! Psew! Bam! Wham! He killed that cow!"
"Okay, okay, Spiderman didn't come in"
There was a silence, then Justin continued "But Batman did, and he-"
"Um, I mean, a shepherd came in with a army of sheep"
The light went back onto the stage and the curtains pulled back. 'Joseph' sat on the bed of hay, looking at a small boy in Trunks' arms.
"Jesus. He's beautiful" Joseph said, his voice warm.
"Don't swear" Trunks (aka. Mary) said, his face still tomato-red.
"What? No, I meant his name was Jesus"
"Yeah, so what, I know his name is… oh! Oh, right" Trunks said, going redder.
"Mary didn't say that!" Justin said over the loudspeaker.
"Shut up! I'm Mary, you're not, don't tell ME what to say!" Trunks yelled.
"Fine. So anyway, there were these wise guys, and one night, they saw a star"
"Miss, what do I do? There's only me" Goten whispered to the teacher behind the curtains.
"Just improvise, okay? Play their roles as well"
"Good luck!" The teacher gave him a hard shove and he stumbled onto the stage. Chichi smiled happily.
"Look, its Goten!" she said to her husband. The youngest Son blinked, temporarily blinded by the bright lights.
"Um… oh!" he said as he remembered his lines. He gazed up, where a large gold-painted disco ball hung just a bit in front of him. "It's a star!"
Chichi slapped her forehead.
Goten paused, then remembered the other two weren't there with him. He stepped to his side. "Let's follow it" he said in a deeper voice. He stepped again. "Yeah, okay" he said in a higher voice. He stepped back to his original position. "Let's go!" he said in his normal voice.
"So, the wise um, king, followed the star to-"
"WHOA!" Goten yelped as the disco ball suddenly crashed down onto the stage.
"He um, he borrowed a map from a um, a traveling mole, and went to Bethlehem"
Goten lightly kicked the ball out of the way and walked to where his friends were sitting on the hay.
"That star has a SERIOUS defect," Justin muttered over the microphone.
Goten knocked on the wall.
"Come in" Trunks said, and Goten walked in.
"Hello" he said. He jumped to the right and repeated himself, then did it again.
"Um… hi" 'Joseph' said.
"Hi" Goten said, forgetting his lines again. Trunks sighed. His friend was forever forgetting things.
"What do you want?" he asked, his voice a little snappy. Goten remembered.
"Oh! Yes! I come with presents!" Goten said. He paused then gestured at thin air.
"Them too" he added. There was a silence.
"Well? Give us the presents already!" Trunks said.
"Oh, okay. Well, hm, I have some uh… gold! Yeah, here, gold"
"Thank you" Trunks said.
Goten took a step to his right. "And here I have some… some…"
"Myrrh" Trunks whispered.
"Myrrh, thank you" Trunks said, taking an imaginary package from Goten.
"Uh yeah" Goten said, and took one more step to his right. "And as my final gift, I have… frank… franken…"
"Frankincense" 'Joseph' and 'Mary' whispered at the same time.
"Frankenstein!" Goten blurted happily. He held out his hands. "Here y'are!"
Chichi fell off her chair.
"Hey, quit squirming around" Trunks whispered to the kid in his arms. The boy wriggled.
"I can't, I need to pee…"
"Ohhh no, not on ME you're not"
"Ow! You poked me in the ribs!"
"Okay, sorry, just stop MOVING, alright?"
The little boy whimpered. "I need the toilet…"
Trunks sighed and rolled his eyes. WHY they needed him, he had no idea. His role was solely to kick around and act baby-like, and that was all.
At least he's only a grade one kid, Trunks thought. It would be hard to hold someone any bigger…
"And the sheep and the cows and all the other animals lay down beside Joseph and Mary and Jesus, and the shepherds and the wise men sat down with them…" Justin narrated.
"STOP SQUIRMING AROUND, I'M GONNA DROP YOU SOON!" Trunks whispered fiercely. The boy's face was anguished.
"I really, REALLY need to go…" he moaned. Trunks' eyes widened in horror which turned to utter disgust as he felt a warm, wet substance on his arms.
"And then Mary stood up and she said-"
Trunks leapt to his feet, simultaneously dropping the boy as hard and fast as he could onto the hay.
"Aw gross, the baka PISSED on me!"
"And that's the story of the birth of baby Jesus" Justin finished. The audience applauded, then parents moved to collect their children.
"Where did you learn such language young man? Not from your FATHER I hope?" Bulma scolded, shooting a sharp glance at an innocent-faced Vegeta.
"That was great Goten!" Goku said, sweeping his youngest son into his arms.
"Congratulations bro" Gohan grinned. "And by the way, it's 'frankincense', not Frankenstein. You shoulda seen the look on mom's face"
"Oh Goten I'm so proud of you! Acting all those parts even though you didn't know what to say…" Chichi said, hugging Goten from Goku's arms.
"Yeah… like Frankenstein" Gohan snickered.
"Thanks guys" Goten said happily. Trunks took his wig off.
"I can finally take this damned thing off," he said.
"Trunks! Don't swear!" she scolded. Trunks looked at her innocently.
"I wasn't swearing mommy, I heard dad say it so many times…"
"VEGETA!" Bulma whacked the Saiyan prince on the head.
"Ow, dammit woman…"
"See?" Trunks said happily.
"There's something about earth women that make them hit their husbands but not their children, isn't there?" Vegeta grumbled and Goku nodded his head.
"What did you think of it? Was it good?" Goten asked.
Chichi and Bulma exchanged glances.
"Interesting," Chichi volunteered.
"Unique" Bulma said.
"Did the star really fall down from the sky?" Goku asked, wide-eyed.
"No it didn't" Chichi said.
"Oh. Did Spiderman really come in and stop a human eating cow?"
Goku sighed. "So what was so special about that play anyway?"
"It shows the true meaning of Christmas. It's an important part of the year!" Chichi said.
Vegeta grunted and frankly, Goku felt like doing the same.
"Well, I hafta admit, it was fun" Trunks said.
"Sure was! I wanna do it again next year!" Goten said. Trunks grinned.
"Sounds good, would you like to do it again next year?" Bulma asked.
"Heaven forbid" Vegeta muttered. Trunks nodded happily.
"But next year," he added, "I wanna be the sheep"
A/N: I meant no disrespect from this fic and I don't mean to insult anyone who is reading this.
Merry Christmas! ^^