"You need to drink water!" Hermione shouted at Draco, trying to drag him off of the dance floor. He resisted, keeping his hands firmly on her waist as he continued to roll his hips against her in time with the music.
"Dance with me!" he hollered over the booming bass. She rolled her eyes.
"We've been dancing! You need water!" She turned in his hold and tugged at his right arm. "Come on!"
He still refused to leave the pulsating throng of Muggles as he tossed his head to fling his sweat-soaked hair off his forehead. "I'm good!"
"I've been drinking plenty of fluids!" he informed her. He removed a hand from her to snag a blue cocktail from another club goer that was passing. "See!? Staying hydrated!"
He brought the drink to his mouth, gulped it down and then sighed appreciatively at the burn of the alcohol before whooping loudly. "I fucking love Muggles!"
Hermione's mouth fell open at his antics. "Draco!"
"What!?" he laughed.
She pointed to his hand. "You took that woman's drink!" she shouted reproachfully.
He never stopped dancing as he looked down at her. "No! She was giving it to me!"
"She was not! You stole that drink!"
"I've been getting drinks this way all night!" he shouted back. He pushed the empty glass at another random person who took it with a look of confusion and then turned his attention back to Hermione. "See!"
"You what!? I said no alcohol!" she yelled at him. "And you have no idea what you've been consuming! Draco! That is so dangerous!"
He wasn't listening and instead had tilted his head toward one of the club's flashing light fixtures as he admired it. "This place is awesome!"
Hermione shook her head and then forcefully removed his fingers from her waist and fisted the front of his soaking wet shirt in her hands. She pulled him hard to remove him from the fray and he finally followed her clumsily over to a free space near the bar.
"Water, please!" Hermione shouted at the barman and then shoved a still bouncing Draco onto a stool.
He laughed and banged a hand obnoxiously on the bar. "And another one of those blue concoctions!" he called out. Hermione glared at the barman in warning not to fulfill the latter order and then rounded on Draco.
"How many 'free' drinks have you had!?" she demanded to know. He shrugged as he blinked wonkily at her.
"A couple? Maybe five…six…no…eight? Yeah, yeah…ten…no, wait, uh…"
Hermione rubbed anxiously at her forehead. "Oh, my god…" she whimpered in concern as she finally noticed how far gone he was. "I told you not to drink with those drugs in your system."
He just laughed again and grabbed the water the barman had pushed toward him. He drank it rather greedily and then slammed the empty glass on the bar. "Let's go dance!"
Hermione watched him hop down from the stool and then stumble into another man. The man helped to steady Draco on his feet and Draco grinned stupidly at him.
"Thanks, mate!" he shouted jovially, slapping him on the back as if they were old friends. The man met Hermione's eye and gently shoved Draco back in her direction.
"You should probably take him home!" he suggested with a chuckle. "This one's off his face!"
Hermione's cheeks flushed with embarrassment but nodded in agreement before pushing her weight into Draco's back to force him toward the exit.
Draco laughed as she shunted him along. "What are you doing!? I wanna dance!"
Hermione grunted impatiently. "We're going home. You're going to crash soon and you're not going to like it."
"Nonsense!" he disagreed enthusiastically, spinning about and wrapping his arms around Hermione's waist again. "I've never felt so good in my entire fucking life!" He tried to start dancing with her again and she grabbed his face in her hands with a huff to force him to look in her eyes.
"If you don't go out that door right now," she threatened with a nod to the exit, "I swear on my magic I will throw out the television!"
Draco's eyes widened slightly. "You wouldn't!?"
Hermione gave him a hard stare. "Oh, I would."
"Kill joy!" he lamented dramatically, though he was still smiling like a loon. He allowed her to guide him outside then and she hustled him through the throng of other club goers mingling on the pavement. She pushed him up against a lamp post.
"Wait here, while I try to find us a taxi," she ordered. She took one step away and then stopped. "On second thought…" She went back and grabbed his hand to tug him with her. "You are not leaving my sight."
Draco waggled his brows as he bounced along beside her. "Because I'm so sexy?"
She didn't bother responding to that and simply continued to yank him along. "Why are there no taxis!?" she growled in frustration at the edge of the road.
"Let's just Apparate!" he shouted. Several people near them gave them shifty looks and Hermione frowned at him.
"You'd Splinch us both," she hissed at him in undertone. "Now, shut up and come along…"
"You love it when I come along," he said with a sloppy leer. Hermione began to roll her eyes when a man standing on the pavement whistled to get her attention. She scowled at him, but he grinned back and gave her a good look up and down.
"Hey pretty Sheila…" he said with an amused grin, his eyes darting pointedly to her hips, "feelin' a bit of a breeze are ya?"
Hermione followed his gaze to look down at herself and let out a mortified gasp when she took in the sight of her dress bunched up – the sticking charm long faded – and exposing her knickers. She let go of Draco at once and tugged frantically at the hem of the dress in an attempt to cover herself.
"Goddamn it!" she cursed when the garment wouldn't stay put.
Draco swayed where he stood next to her as he watched her struggle. "Do you want your wand!?"
Hermione shushed him loudly. "Stop shouting," she growled at him, her frustration mounting. Draco never stopped smiling as she continued to pull at her dress.
"Just put another sticking charm," he said, his voice still louder than necessary. He bent over to tug up the leg of his trousers.
"Stop it," Hermione scolded him, her eyes darting around anxiously to see who was within earshot. "No magic."
"But I've got your wand right here- aah!" He started to fall over as he lost his already shaky balance.
Hermione reflexively grabbed for him and caught him by the shoulder in time for him to recover his footing. He took the opportunity to wrap his arms around her again and hug tight.
"Gods, you are so perfect," he said.
Hermione huffed and pushed at his chest to force him off and then took up his hand and yanked at his arm all the harder to lead him away and continue her pursuit to find them a ride home, all the while holding the edge of her dress down over her bum.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Harry set down his newspaper and mug on his desk and then dropped unceremoniously into his chair with a dramatic, exhausted sigh.
"Rough night?" Neville Longbottom asked him, pausing on his way to his own desk. Harry let out another sigh and ran his hands through his wild hair as he nodded.
"I should start calling my house 'the Burrow'," he puffed out.
Neville grinned. "Molly giving you two advice again?"
Harry gave him a look. "She and Gabrielle got into it over how to make a correct bouillabaisse and Ron drank all my good whiskey and got himself mauled by Hermione's damn cat again."
"What?" Neville laughed. Harry sat a little straighter in his chair and took a sip from his mug.
"Hermione's cat doesn't like him," he answered after he downed the swallow of coffee. "S'pose it doesn't help that he's always going off about Malfoy. I swear that fucking cat understands English."
Neville's grin flattened into a line. "Ron needs to get over it."
"Oh, there's 'nothing to get over'," Harry replied in a poor imitation of Ron's voice. "He couldn't care less that she's 'fucking Malfoy's ferrety brains out'. Just ask him. He'll be happy to tell you how much he 'doesn't care'."
He rolled his eyes sarcastically and Neville hummed in concern.
"How is Hermione?" he inquired. "Have you talked to her?"
Harry nodded. "She's having the time of her life, apparently. She and Malfoy have been doing all sorts of things out there."
"Good for them," Neville said sincerely. "I'm glad Malfoy's changed for the better."
"Yeah," Harry replied with a half shrug. "From what she says, he really seems to care for her. And he gets on well with her parents, which is even more surprising…"
"Speaking of parents and Malfoy," Neville whispered out the side of his mouth, inclining his head in the direction of Lucius Malfoy who had just entered the office. Harry looked up to see the man striding purposefully in their direction and groaned.
"What does this arsehole want now?" he muttered back as he stood and crossed his arms over his chest.
Neville's brow furrowed. "Probably wants to get his morning briefing."
"He's supposed to go to Robards for that," Harry hushed back as Lucius got closer. "And I don't know why we bother, anyway…he hasn't given us any new intel in six months."
Neville hummed in agreement and then set his face into a hard expression and crossed his own arms when Lucius came directly before Harry's desk and stopped.
"Potter…" Lucius began at once. Neville cleared his throat loudly in a way that sounded like a warning and Lucius cast a spiteful glare at him before looking back at Harry and lightly clearing his own throat.
"Auror Potter," he said as though the words tasted bad. The corner of Neville's mouth tweaked upward, but he remained silent as Lucius went on. "I need to report a crime."
Harry looked entirely unconcerned. "I'm sure Head Auror Robards will be happy to hear it," he said.
Lucius shook his head. "This has nothing to do with my underworld connections. I've come to report that my son has been kidnapped and that I suspect him to be under the influence of one or more coercive spells."
Harry and Neville both stared at the man like he'd grown an extra head, but he continued.
"Draco has not responded to any offered communication, there was a million-galleon funds transfer from my vault to another vault that I did not authorize, and I believe that his recent marriage was the result of manipulation and illegal magic. Due to its seriousness, I expect immediate attention to this case."
Harry's look of shock was replaced by one of barely contained annoyance and anger. "Mr. Malfoy, your son has not been kidnapped. I know for a fact that he is a willing partner in his marriage and that he is alive and well and under no magical influence whatsoever. As for the money, you'll have to take that up with Gringotts."
Lucius's eyes took on a dangerous glint. "You know the whereabouts of my son?"
Harry's face gave nothing away as he replied. "Your son is of legal age and is a free citizen. If he's chosen not to inform you of where he is, then I cannot help you."
Lucius looked about to spit, his top lip curling back. "How can he tell me where he is when he's been bewitched!?"
Harry and Neville exchanged matching exasperated expressions and Lucius angrily banged the head of his walking stick on Harry's desk to force them to look back at him. "I know that you are in communication with Draco's kidnapper," he loudly accused, "and that you know where they are. If you refuse to accept my report and continue to collude with the criminal responsible for my son's duress, Harry Potter, know this…I will make certain that your misconduct is exposed and that neither your name nor hers will be able to keep you from justice."
Harry glared back at him and then simply picked up a quill and parchment from his desk. He wrote something on it hastily and then slapped the parchment onto the giant stack of 'to-do later' on his desk. "Report accepted," he said tersely, throwing down the quill and then crossing his arms again.
Lucius glanced down at the parchment that read "Malfoy submitted false kidnapping report" and then met his eyes again. "I will pursue this to the full extent of the law," he threatened, looking between both Harry and Neville, "and beyond it, if necessary."
"You'll want to run along, Lucius," Harry said, his green eyes hard behind his glasses, "Robards will be expecting you. You wouldn't want to risk violating the terms of your probation…"
Lucius stood to his full height and after one last furious glower, turned on his heel to leave with his robes whipping behind him.
Harry and Neville both scowled. "What a dick," Harry said.
"You should tell Hermione," Neville said. Harry plopped back down into his chair and groaned.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
"Go shorty! It's your birthday! We gonna party like it's your birthday!"
Hermione cringed when she nearly buckled under Draco's weight as she tried to support him after exiting the taxi that had already driven away.
"Shhh!" she shushed loudly as he leaned heavily on her and continued his singing. "My parents are probably sleeping."
"And you know we don't give a fuck it's not your birthday!" Draco hollered merrily, his voice echoing in the still night air.
"Draco," Hermione pleaded with a grunt as she stumbled in her heels with his ungainly movements. His arms came down and circled around her waist in an attempt to steady her.
"Oh, Granger," he purred, running his hands up and down her back. "Oh gods, do you feel good."
Hermione rolled her eyes irritably as she pushed his arms down again. "It's just the drugs."
Draco only rubbed against her harder. "Touch me, you fucking beautiful thing, you," he said.
He slid his hands down to her arse and moaned. "I like the way you do that right thurr, right thurr!" he started singing again and grinding up on her right in the front garden.
Hermione grabbed at his hands and tried to push him toward the house again. "Draco!"
"Right thurr, right thurr…"
He pushed his face into her neck and licked her. "I love you," he said, "fuck, I love you. You feel so good. Mmm mmm mmm…so goooood. I love this Muggle shit!"
Hermione turned from him and trudged toward the house with Draco still trying to dance behind her, his hands on her hips. "You're not going to feel very good in the morning," she forewarned. "You should not have had that much alcohol on top of the drugs."
"Less talking, more touching," Draco said, slipping his hands from her hips to her stomach and kneading his fingers into her suggestively. Hermione huffed and then cried out when Draco lost his footing and tumbled to the ground, taking her down with him.
"Are you okay?" he asked through a fit of giggles as he rolled her over on the ground. Hermione nodded from where she was pinned beneath him in the grass.
"Yeah," she said, hastily trying to pull at the hem of her dress that had popped up again with the fall. Draco growled and shook his head at her.
"Leave it," he said, running a hand up her leg toward her exposed knickers and lowering his face to her neck again. "Have you ever fucked outside before?" he slurred at her.
Hermione pushed at his chest and shimmied out from under him. "No," she said firmly, getting to her feet and tugging her dress down, "and I'm not going to tonight."
Draco dropped his forehead to the ground and groaned. "Please?" he whimpered, looking up with a huge smile still plastered to his face. Hermione looked down at him and shook her head.
"I doubt you'd even be able to get it up at this point," she said, bending down to give him a hand up.
"I can always get it up," he countered as he stood shakily with her help. "Wizard, remember?"
"On Muggle drugs, remember?" Hermione sassed right back, hand on her hip, eyebrow raised.
Draco swayed heavily on his feet as he looked her up and down. "You're so goddamn gorgeous," he said, his words slurring worse by the minute.
Hermione sighed and sidled back up to his side and tugged his arm over her shoulders to help brace him again for the walk up to the house.
"We need to get you into bed," she said matter-of-factly, "you are going to crash so hard."
Draco merely grinned and sniffed at her hair as they unsteadily made their way inside. "I love you," he said again, nuzzling his face into her curls. Hermione didn't respond as she fumbled with the front door and then tripped the both of them inside.
"Draco," she whispered urgently while trying to shuck him aside, "Draco, you need to move… I have to reset the alarm."
Hermione's eyes widened and she snapped her head up at the sound of her father's voice. "Dad?"
Gene pushed up from where he sat in an arm chair. "Couldn't sleep," was all he said as he stepped up to the couple.
"'Sup, Gene!?" Draco yelled gleefully with a goofy smile. Gene's dark brows rose into his scalp and he turned an inquiring look to his daughter.
"Someone drugged him," Hermione explained apologetically.
Gene's expression turned serious as he again eyed Draco who had resumed his wobbly dancing. "Do we need to take him somewhere?"
Hermione shook her head with a wince as she kicked off her heels while Draco draped himself over her back again. "I don't think so," she said, grabbing at her husband's hands to coax him to come back around to her side, "he's just not a big drinker. And I know what they gave him. He just needs to ride this out."
"I wanna ride YOU out," Draco said, pushing his hips clumsily against her.
"He's going to have one hell of a hangover," Gene said, shaking his head at him. Hermione snatched Draco's hands into her own again when he started sliding them over her breasts and gave her father a rueful look.
"He said he wanted the full Muggle experience," she sighed. "We have coffee and painkillers in the house, right? Because I didn't bring any potions."
Gene nodded and Hermione tugged at Draco to make him follow her to the stairs. "Good… See you in the morning, daddy," she called over her shoulder.
"Are you sure you don't need any help with him?" he called back. It was at that moment that Draco's body decided to fully rebel. His legs gave out right as Hermione got him to the foot of the stairs and he doubled over to vomit soundly.
"Maybe a little help," Hermione said with a grimace as she moved behind Draco to avoid the mess and rub a hand over his back.
"How much did he drink?" Gene asked seriously. Hermione shrugged.
"I don't know exactly. He was sneaking drinks. But it was a lot, from what I could gather."
Gene shook his head in disappointment. "How long since he had the last drink?"
She shrugged again. "I…I don't know. Maybe… maybe thirty, forty minutes?"
"Oh, gods," Draco managed to mumble between heaves.
Gene swiftly came to their sides and placed a hand to the back of Draco's neck. "Go and wake your mother," he ordered Hermione. She nodded once and darted up the stairs.
"I don't – glagh!" Draco started to cry as he retched violently, his hands trembling against their grip on the bottom step. Gene kept his hold on him to keep him upright.
"You're okay," he said calmly to him. "You'll be alright."
"Oh, good heavens!" came Ellen's exclamation as the upstairs hall light clicked on to reveal her and Hermione rushing back to the stairs. "What happened?"
"He drank too much after someone drugged him," Hermione answered, her voice laced with fear and guilt as she came to her father's side.
"Hermione," Ellen scolded, "how could you be so irresponsible!?"
"Now's not the time, Els," Gene said firmly. Draco made another particularly forceful emesis.
"I…don' like…this," he blubbered miserably, his words slurring worse as his eyes rolled.
"I know," Gene said soothingly. He looked up at Hermione. "Do you have a spell that determines blood alcohol concentration?"
Hermione shook her head regretfully. "No. That's really not something a wizard would normally need to worry over."
Ellen came the rest of the way down the stairs and sidestepped the growing puddle at the bottom to hurry over to the living room couch. "Well, you had better start worrying," she said severely, grabbing a blanket hanging over the back of the couch and bringing it over to drape onto Draco's shaking, hunched form.
"Hermione…" Draco called out desperately, blindly reaching a quaking hand out to his side. Hermione hurriedly reached forward and grabbed it.
"I'm here," she said as she also did a quick wandless spell to vanish the mess he'd made. He didn't say anything more and simply clutched at her as he continued to shiver and whimper.
"Ellen, ring for an ambulance," Gene ordered his wife with a concerned scowl.
"A wha?" Draco managed to ask as Ellen went for the phone.
"No, mum, wait," Hermione said in a slight panic. She looked at her father crouched beside Draco. "He can't go to a Muggle hospital. He won't understand anything they try to do."
Draco vomited again and Gene grunted irritably.
"He's experiencing alcohol poisoning," he said to his daughter impatiently. "He's got to go. Where's the nearest Magical hospital, then?"
Hermione made a regretful face. "Canberra."
Gene let out a scoff. "Is there a way to get him there within the next fifteen minutes?"
"I don't know," she answered honestly. "You're house isn't Floo connected and it takes two Apparition jumps to go that far. I don't think he could manage two safely that fast in this state," she said right as Draco puked again.
"Backwards," Gene muttered angrily. He shot Ellen a look and she nodded in silent agreement as she began dialing the phone.
"'mione?" Draco garbled. "Whazhappning?"
Hermione tried to give him a reassuring smile as she vanished the newest mess. "You've most likely got alcohol poisoning," she told him, helping her father then to sit him back on his butt. "You need to go to hospital. Mum's getting an ambulance for you. It's an emergency vehicle that will bring you there," she explained as calmly as she could.
Draco shivered terribly as he blinked at her. "A Mugglon?"
"Yes, a Muggle one" she replied, setting a hand to his knee, "the Magical hospital is too far without a Floo or Portkey."
"Don' let 'em do surgery," he begged pitifully. Gene muttered under his breath again and Hermione lightly rubbed Draco's leg.
"I promise they won't need to do surgery," she assured gently. "I won't ever leave your side, okay?"
He nodded reluctantly and Hermione squeezed his knee and smiled. "You'll be just f-"
Draco's eyes rolled back in his head as he lost consciousness.
And, I just want to be clear that I do not condone the use of illegal substances nor irresponsible alcohol consumption.
Also...The songs Draco sings: In Da Club by 50 Cent and Right Thurr by Chingy. :)