"They say when a butterfly flaps its wings, a hurricane happens or something like that. Point is, one little change can create endless possibilities. I call bullshit on that. It didn't matter if I had my previous memories, in the end I knew my new life was still just entertainment for a bored Shinigami and that my family would eventually become pawns for my dear old brother in his ultimately failed cause to become God."
Life and Death.
So different yet so connected with the other, they cannot exist with the other, like the soon and moon. But that's just making it sound more romantic than it is, and trust Jeanie, she knows. From this point on we've probably made clear that Jeanie has more experience in death than most if not all.
And if you ask her what dying felt like, and if she felt like telling the truth (because she had become a great liar in her new life), she'd tell you that it's impossible to explain. You can't describe it, it's intense, beyond understanding and suffocating. She'd tell you that it felt like someone had poisoned her insides making them stop working properly, like her organs suddenly started failing her, like her heart couldn't keep up with the blood loss despite beating in a painfully fast pace and like your brain just couldn't get enough oxygen that your head felt like someone was using it as a drum. The people panicking around her only made it worse!
Then...when you're at that point when you think that death is mercy compared to the pain, that you didn't cling onto your life anymore...the pain suddenly became numb. And as sudden as it became numb everything went dark...
Where did she go after death?
She didn't know, of course there was a place, but not really a place, because it was nothing, just blank. Contrary to the popular belief, it wasn't soothing. It was downright annoying, being stuck in nothingness that is.
For the first few days she cursed everything. Her life, the unfairness of her life, whatever high and mighty being existed, she cursed everyone who has every wronged her and she cursed the whole world itself.
After releasing all of her pent-up anger, hate and frustration she cried. She didn't want to die, she didn't want to leave her behind, not her precious little sister. She cried out of regret of the things she did and didn't do. She mourned the loss of her life.
Then she mulled over her life, it wasn't happy, but it wasn't that bad either. She wasn't a saint, but she sure as hell wasn't a devil either. She mulled over every events she could remember, every memories she had intact, the good and bad. But beyond that she had nothing else to do.
She just thought. It was after all the only pass time she had...well, technically she didn't even have a concept of time, but still she had nothing to do. And it was so boring. A phone would have been nice, her phone to be specific. Maybe some wifi...was there even wifi after death? It was a funny question to her with a really obvious answer.
'Of course there wasn't any internet fuckin' idiot Jean.'
Eventually she accepted it. The idea of spending an eternity in nothingness, with no worries and no problems. No responsibilities, no rules, no people, no nothing. Just her and nothingness. A lovely pairing. If she had to say so herself, her and nothingness was now her OTP. Heh, or OFP if you will. One Forever Pairing had a nice ring to it, no? She was finally at peace, she had accepted her previous life and accepted her death with the little dignity she had left.
It was during one of her naps (because she could never truly fall asleep, just daydream) that she felt something pushing her. She didn't really dwell on it, sometimes the nothingness tended to make feel like like she had motion sickness.
"Whaa...?" she remembered thinking lazily before the pushing got more noticeable.
She was free-falling through a tunnel of a woman's you know what!
(She shivered whenever she remembered that fact.)
It was annoying to her! Just when she had finally come to terms with everything, something like this happened to her? Was being at peace a crime or something? Because it fucking seemed like it to her.
She didn't remember what happened when she reached the end of the tunnel.
(Which was a blessing if you ask her.)
But what she didn't know yet, was that when she reached the tunnel...a Sayu Yagami was born on the eighteenth of June as the youngest child of Sachiko and Soichiro Yagami, and as the little sister of Light Yagami, future serial killer killer going by the name "Kira."
"Some may ask me why I didn't think of getting rid of the notebook, but the answer to that is simple...Only a fool would do so. Because even if I did burn that notebook or prevent my brother from finding it...who is to say Ryuk won't drop another book again? And if...no, when he does, who is to say that the new death note wielder wouldn't be worse than Kira?"
If you ask her what being a baby felt like she'd chuckle like it was some inside joke and leave the world wondering. Because the truth was she didn't remember~ It was all just a blur of zooming in and out of awareness.
She only became more aware when she was two. It was like all the information in her mind had begun storing and organizing itself in her head, sometimes she'd get a headache out of information overload, but she endured.
She didn't lack any common sense to know that if she acted like her twenty three year old self everyone would know that there was something off about her. She knew that no one could delve into her head to find out, it was impossible after all. But she threw away her pride as an adult for the sake of her parents, her mother whom took care of her with unlimited patience and her father who didn't need to worry about his little girl being a stranger. Above that, she did it for a sense of normalcy. Soon enough she'd find another reason to remain unassuming.
She acted like a perfectly normal two year old would. She was bratty, whiny and optimistic as hell. It felt a bit nice...except the optimistic part, it was hard not to be as apathetic as she was before. In her previous life she had been forced to grow up and throw away her childish optimism due to...despairing circumstances which she'd rather not delve into.
Then she met her big brother...
It had been a nice and sunny Sunday morning, she was in the kitchen making a teru teru bozu, a traditionally handmade doll made out of paper or cloth for good weather. Jeanie had deduced that kids her age would be interested in using their hands and playing or drawing since they can't really do much so why not?
Besides she found these things interesting. She couldn't start making origami quickly or in the line of sight of her parents because that's just asking for them to think she's advanced.
Her mother was humming a catchy Japanese tune with her bobbing her head along.
"Sayu-chan," her mother had called her.
She snapped her head towards her, "Hai Kaa-chan?" she had responded.
She could do short sentence thanks to her toddler brain that took everything in like sponge, she had no writing skills yet but she could understand. It had become a habit for her to think things in English, but communicate in Japanese. She didn't want to forget her English. Spanish and English had been the only two languages she knew, and she'd be damned before she forgot the two.
Who knew? Maybe now she could learn some other languages. After all kids tend to pick up on languages faster.
"Raito-kun's sleeping on the couch, could you wake him up for lunch?" Sachiko asked with a serene smile, completely different from her first mother.
Jeanie or rather Sayu plastered a grin on her face "Lea' up 'o me!" she spoke in a broken sentence, in reality she could speak that sentence perfectly, but she didn't want to come off as smarter than other kids her age.
So she abandoned her white doll and bounded over to the couch in a run, her rebirth had made her appreciate the small things like being able to move your limbs to run. It really is the small things people don't appreciate. Her skidded over to a stop in front of the sleeping boy who was three-four years older than her. Instead of immediately waking him up she observed him through half-lidded eyes, the only sign that she had removed her child mask.
Honestly, this was her first time seeing her brother with developed eyesight. Her eyesight had taken longer than normal to adjust, but she didn't really say anything, because kids aren't supposed to know that they can't see good like everyone else. Now that she's three year old her sight had blossomed, she no longer saw things as blobs. Ugly blobs.
Her brother was to put it lightly...cute.
She knew he would definitely become a heartthrob in the future, with his skin complexion and his beautiful hair.
'Jeanie stop checking out your bro and wake him up.'
Her half-lidded eyes went open again shinning with (fake) childish innocence.
"Nii-nii, up!" she exclaimed going on her tip toes to fully reach her brother, "Up, Up!" she continued obnoxiously shaking him, "Time fo' lunch!"
Her brother stirred before sitting up with a yawn, "I'm up, I'm up!" he mumbled.
"Morning nii-nii," she greeted with a grin.
Her brother glanced at her, a smile forming on his face, "It's noon Sayu-chan," he corrected.
Sayu or rather Jeanie made a show of pouting.
"Just say 'hello' next time then,"her brother said with a chuckle as he ruffled her hair.
Sayu beamed, "Nii-nii?" she asked.
"What is it Sayu-chan?" he patiently asked.
"What ya name?" she asked, she had been wondering what her new last name was for quite a while now.
"I'm Light Yagami," her brother smiled, as if proud of his name.
Sayu tensed. In her mind the image of a seventeen year old Light Yagami laughing maniacally as he wrote the names of countless criminals down passed in her head. Despite herself her eyes had widened, her legs had started shaking and a rush of anxiety had punched her.
She didn't hear him, no, she was breathing harder. Her lungs felt like they couldn't drew enough oxygen for her to process that simple name. Her heart starting beating rapidly changing paces that made it hurt like fuck.
She felt him starting to shake her shoulder.
(Fuck, fuck, fuck! A serial killer is touching me! Stopstopstop, stay away. Idon'twannadieIdon'twannadie, Iwannalive, Iwannalive,.it was an accident! I swear!)
He shook her shaking shoulders so quickly that her head started bobbing.
Calm down! THIS ISN'T NORMAL BEHAVIOR. Her mind yelled and as if it could control her whole body she had stopped shaking, her heart beat slightly faster but not as crazy as before and her lungs started taking in oxygen again. She took in a deep breath.
"Are you okay Sayu?" her brother aasked in concern
(FUCK. I'm Sayu Yagami. FUCK.)
"Y-yeah...just saw a spidah..." she mumbled a lie.
(Her first of many.)
Light sighed in relief, "You scared me," he said messing with her hair like an affectionate and caring brother.
(Don't fall for it, he won't care about you in about ten years.)
She dumbly nodded muttering a sorry under her breath. Then her mind kicked in and she went back to being a bratty, whiny, overly cheerful and optimistic child.
(She knew that from now on she needed to rely on logic, being dumb won't help her. She'll have to be secretly smart. She knew that if Light could be able to win against L she'd be able to be smart enough to not die and get out alive on her terms. No, she needed to be able to play both L and Light. She would make use of her toddler brain. She hoped she had the same smart genes as Light.)
That night she lay awake staring blankly at the ceiling, "My beloved brother is going to become killer," she stated in English, a humorless chuckle broke out of her mouth.
"He gonna kill criminals with a book! A book! Then he'll kill innocents just because they don't agree with his perfect world. He's gonna manipulate a woman who's hopelessly in love with him, he's going to let our own father die...I'll get kidnapped by Mello because of him, I'll go through even more traumatic shit, I'll be more emotionally scarred and I'll be stuck in a fucking wheelchair! Then my brother will die of a heart attack because he's no longer entertaining enough for an apple loving Shinigami!" she ranted in a quiet whisper.
"This has to be a mistake...maybe it's just a coincidence? Yagami can't be an uncommon name, right? Yeah, this is all just a fuck load of coincidences. There's no such thing as a book that can kill people with a heat attack, no such thing as L, no such thing as...Kira..." her lips began quivering.
Who was she kidding? This was all real.
It was happening.
"Why me?" she asked to no one, naturally no one answered.
Was she supposed to change something? Wasn't it all set in stones already?
"Why was I chosen?" she muttered.
"I didn't choose you. Don't you see this is all just an accident? You actually thought you were chosen because you're so smart or something? Don't be so vain. It just happen to fall around here and you just happen to pick it up, and that's all there is to it."
"All an accident..." she murmured recalling Ryuk's words, "I have the shittiest luck ever!" she laughed madly, "I mean who the fucking hell gets themselves reborn as Sayu of all people? Her life was a tragedy! A disaster waiting to happen! Her life is...now mine..." her laughter died down as she realized it.
She finally came to terms that yes, this is reality.
And all she could do at the moment was break down in hysterical crying as she clutched her pillow to her face. She didn't want this, she would have preferred being reborn as a cloud! Free and problem free.
She didn't think anyone would hear her crying...she was wrong.
The one person she didn't want to show any weakness to did.
Light was there.
"Sayu? What's wrong?"
She immediately composed herself to face the now open door,"G-go away, I'm fine!" she yelled breaking out of character.
A frown was then directed to her, "You're crying."
"State the obvious why don't you?" she muttered to herself sending Light a glare, it faltered when Light gave her a hurt look. Instead of saying anything,she looked away, "I had a nightmare." she lied.
"Oh...what was it about?" Light's footsteps got closer to her.
"Dun wanna say."
"I get them too." Light suddenly confessed.
Sayu blinked as she looked at him, "Huh?" she asked.
"I get nightmares too." Light repeated, awkwardly.
"Oh...how do you deal?" Sayu asked, feeling a little stupid for asking a kid for advice.
Then again Light was a genius.
"I remember that they're not real,"Light answered.
(But, mine are different from yours Light. They're frighteningly real.)
"How do you get rid of 'em?" she asked despite knowing the answer.
(You won't, you don't, you can't. No matter how much I run, I know there's no escaping...you'll only come undone.)
"You face them."
(Face them?! Ha! Like you have a choice.)
"Nii, stay with me?" Sayu asked scooting a bit from her mattress.
And as Sayu cuddled with Light...
She didn't feel any sense of danger nor fear...
She felt safe...
But...will it last?
"Good night Sayu-chan, I love you..."
"I love you too."
"People sometimes compare Kira to the devil. They really do have a lot in common, don't they? Kira was once human too and the devil was once an angel. And they tend to forget that just like Kira...the devil had noble intentions too. The path to hell was paved with good intentions, after all."
A/N : Hey peeps, lately I've been back into the Death Note fandom and I wanted to write a fanfic sooo there I was brainstorming ideas when my mind stopped at the idea of a Self Insert story as Sayu Yagami. Now keep in mind this isn't about me getting reborn as Sayu, it's about an Original Character of mine getting reincarnated as Sayu. OC-SI-Sayu to be precise.
Why Sayu Yagami? Because frankly speaking I don't see much story about her around and it's easier to advance the plot by making her role in Light's life relevant to the Kira case. Also I found Sayu's character was a bit of a waste...I mean come on! There were so many potential in her involvement with the Kira case, but, no, she was just a case of a damsel in distress with a now broken family. Harsh.
What am I planning with this story?...well telling you will get rid of the fun, no? Fair warning though, this story is a bit fast paced at the start. It slows down when the plot kicks in.
Edit date: 2/26/2017