It had been four months since the whole Thanos fiasco, and that was exactly what Dean was calling it, a fiasco. Sure, Dean and Sam have had their share of screw ups and less than stellar successes, but having to deal with superheroes was a whole new level of beating a dead horse. Dean snorted softly to himself; two heads were better than one, three better than two, but anything past four was a fuck up. So of course, Dean had to partner up with a bunch of self-righteous superheroes, guys in it for the glory and yeah, it was pretty epic and badass, but the unending hassle that has come out of it, well, Dean has been trying to leave that in the dust. Case and point is Dean's newfound leech, currently slumped across from him, chowing down on a stacked burger talking around chunks of beef.
"I'm just saying Dean-o, in the majority of the universes out there you and angel boy are totally doing the dirty. It just hurts me that this isn't one of them," Wade sighed dramatically around a bite of his burger.
Dean groaned, dropping his head into his hands. Four months, four months with Wade Wilson as his co-pilot. Don't get Dean wrong, he and Wade were freakishly efficient and uproariously fun together, but Dean hasn't heard from Sam in a week and his skin is starting to crawl.
"Wade, not that I don't enjoy our conversations and honestly, I can't believe I'm saying this, but, don't you have someone to kill?" Dean rubbed his hand down his face.
"There's always people to kill, but you're stressing and I'm not going anywhere," Wade grinned back in what Dean assumed was supposed to be a reassuring manner, it was in fact anything but.
"I'm sure Sammy is alive Dean, maybe not necessarily fine, but definitely alive," Wade hummed thoughtfully, completely oblivious to Dean's pinched expression.
"I need a little bit better than alive Wade," Dean growled, hand crushing the napkin on the diner's table.
"He's been out of the game for two years and I haven't been hunting anything big enough to warrant it going after Sam," Dean flagged down their waitress and asked for a slice of pie to go.
"Well, other than the big purple alien with a love for Death who you helped put a stop to, I can think of nothing," Wade's mask creaked and Dean just new the merc was rolling his eyes.
"Key word there would be 'stop'," Dean grinned.
"Yeah, well, we still don't know who brought Jason back to life or where they got the soul gem from or why they did it in the first place. Frankly, there's a lot of loose ends that need to be tied up," Wade mused, rubbing his scarred chin.
"Fair enough, but none of that has to do with me," Dean stated, "well, short of me being able to hold the soul gem," he amended with a shrug.
"Eh, I guess. Maybe its Loki," Wade gave Dean a manic grin accompanied by a vigorous nod. Dean answered with an unimpressed, blank look.
"Please Dean-o, he totally liked you," Wade giggled, "so maybe he wanted to see what the younger Winchester was like. Wonder what will happen when Loki finds out about Sam's similarities with Thor?" Wade whispered, starring off into space.
"That doesn't make a lick of sense," Dean rolled his eyes at the red and black mask.
"Hot sex," Wade confirmed with a nod.
"What?!" Dean exclaimed, eyes wide in horror.
"They'd have hot sex," Wade smirked at Deans' appalled face, "you know, Loki would take all his unresolved sexual tension towards his brother out on you brother."
"And we have officially gone off the deep end," Dean muttered, green eyes wide with astonishment. Honestly, he should know better by now.
"We should go to Gotham," Wade piped up, causing Dean to get mental whiplash at the abrupt change of topic. But, anything was better than imaging his little brother and the God of Mischief together.
"Over my cold corpse," Dean ground out.
"That can be arranged," Wade unsheathed a knife and gave it a casual twirl.
"Don't get cute," Dean shook his head.
"No, really, we should," Wade continued, pulling out a wad of cash and leaving it on the table after the waitress dropped off Dean's pie.
"Who in their right mind, and yes I know I'm talking to you, would want to go to Gotham again," Dean remarked pulling on his jacket as they got out of the booth.
"Come on, it will be fun. We can see Jason and you two can work on your angsty bromance while I crack some heads. I mean there has to be something supernatural going on in Gotham," Wade cajoled.
"Rarely, Gotham's too crazy even for monsters," Dean huffed as they made their way over to the Impala.
"Plus, I don't think Batman likes either of us," Dean said with a pointed look thrown over at Wade as he started up his baby, the engine purring to life.
"Maybe not you, but I'm pretty sure we're one in the same," Wade smiled and shrugged.
"Hero worship is making you delusional," Dean snorted as he pulled onto the main drag heading east.
"You're just jealous. So, I take it by our current direction we will be paying a little visit to Gotham," Wade nudged Dean's shoulder.
"Just a quick stop, at least until I hear from Sam," Dean reluctantly grumbled, turning up the radio to drown out Wade's cheers.
"You remember when we first met?" Wade snickered at Dean's exaggerated groan as the hunter pulled out of the parking lot.
"Do we really have to re-live that story?" Dean moved to insert a tape into the player, but Wade slapped his hand away and turned the music down. Oh no, he's not getting out of this one. Plus, I'm sure the readers want to know this story.
"They have waited a long time that's for sure," Wade nodded, ignoring Dean's side eye. Plus, flashbacks are always a good way to pass the time on a road trip. Too right, although, I don't know how accurate this retelling will be with us being the ones to tell it.
"Well, we didn't like you at first that's for damn sure. Far to pretty," Wade began as he reached over and pinched Dean's cheek before settling back into the Impala's leather.
"Bullshit. You loved me, it was like Becky with Sam all over again," Dean gave an overdramatic shudder.
It's so true. Yeah, we can't lie, not to that beautiful face. "That doesn't mean it was all sunshine and unicorns because for some unknown reason, you were definitely not my biggest fangirl," Wade pouted.
"Maybe it was because of the bullet you lodged into my thigh," Dean grumbled, hand ghosting up to turn the music back up.
"Nah, I'm sure it wasn't that," Wade swatted Dean's hand once again, eyes drifting towards the window. It was definitely that. Or the fact that you smacked his ass and squealed.
Where are we again? Maine, you know the home state of the master of horror himself! "R.L. Stine?!" No… Stephen King. "Ah, yes of course. Still, who doesn't like Goosebumps?" Amen to that! I'd say the people who probably hunt the things that go bump in the night. "What?" What? What? Nothing.
Wade rolled his eyes as he unlocked the cracked motel door and made his way outside into the brisk fall night just as a beautiful, classic Chevy pulled up a few doors down. Wade stepped back into the shadows of the motel's roof as the car rumbled to a stop and two flannel and denim clad men stepped out. The driver stepped back to open the trunk of the car and pulled out two duffle bags. Wade caught the slight movement of the man readjusting the gun tucked into the back of his jeans.
Well, well, well this town just got interesting. And attractive, cause you know, we definitely brought it down some when we pulled into town. "Shut up, we're awesome. Sure, that man looks like he'd fit the Vitruvian Manspecifications, but does he have heart or a good pure soul?" Do we? His bow legs don't fit V-man's specs. "There, see, already an imperfection!"
Wade quieted as he watched both men enter their motel room before moving out of the shadows and adjusting his straps. "Whelp, time to go see what all these murders have been about." Why are we doing this again? "Because someone took out our mark and we didn't get paid, so I would like to know who."
Four days. It had been four days and Wade was no closer to figuring out what the hell was going on. Well, that wasn't exactly true. His knew his new neighbors were here for the same reason and they seemed to think there was some sort of supernatural element to the deaths.
Werewolves. No, nope. Get on board they're real. "We're real." Exactly and so are aliens. So, what, our mark was just in the wrong place at the wrong time? Yeah, and got his heart eaten because of it. Wade shrugged his shoulders, stranger things have happened."Let's look into our neighbors and see what they've found."
Wade waited patiently for the two men to leave their motel room before breaking in. A quick scan of the room showed two beds, both slept in although only one was remade, and the small table covered in scattered papers and books with a closed laptop. Wade poked through the papers, mostly the obituaries and coroner's reports. Wade made a note that all the victims were missing their hearts. There was a duffle bag in the corner next to the first bed, Wade bent down and heaved it onto the bed. A worn leather journal was sticking out of the top and Wade's mouth dropped, stretching his mask over his face.
No freaking way they are real. "We're real." Oh my God. Oh, should I not say that?
They're not exactly what I pictured. Yeah, Sammy doesn't have quite the long flowing mane I imagined.
Wade just continued to stare at the Winchester's journal. He stared until the boxes started shouting about the purr of an engine outside the room. Wade startled before he shoved the journal back into the duffle bag and tossed it back into the corner. He slid over to the window and peeked out, too late. Dean and Sam Winchester, Holy shit can you believe it, were exiting the car and about 8 feet from the door. We're screwed, but at least we can't die.
Wade dove for the bed, Strike a pose, laid out on his stomach, kicked up his legs, and tucked his knuckles underneath his chin as he faced the door. The door handle turned and Wade heard the deep gruff voice before Dean entered followed by Sam. A glint in the moonlight streaming through the windows told Wade that their guns were already raised and pointed at him. The lights flickered on and Wade couldn't help but giggle at the sight of the hunters faces.
"I gotta say, it's an honor, truly, Dean and Sam Winchester as I live and breathe," Wade gave a dreamy sigh.
"Do we know you?" Dean growled, green eyes trailing over Wade's red and black suit. Wade watched as both men's knuckles tightened around their guns as they took in his various weapons and mask.
"Nope, can't think of any universe that we would have met in outside of these crossovers of course," Wade grinned at the matching confused looks.
"Wait, you mean like parallel and alternate universes?" Sam's voice held a hint of curiosity.
"Righty-oh Moose," Wade chuckled. Man, he catches on quick. Such a big, beautiful brain.
"Oh man, please tell me this isn't another one of the Trickster's gimmicks," Dean growled stepping closer to the bed.
"Oh this is the real deal, although, I've hoped from dimension to dimension myself. I've even got a nifty device that transports me," Wade gestured to his belt, "or, well, at least I do in one of those dimensions."
"So, do you want help back to your world or what?" Dean asked, lowering his gun.
"Nope, this is just how it's supposed to be," Wade gave the hunter a considering look. I can't believe he believes us. It just shows how much he cares, brings a tear to my eye.
"You think you're supposed to be here knowing that you're just some character in a story?" Sam's eyed Wade with a confused head tilt.
"We're all stories in the end, just gotta make it a good one," Wade grinned.
"All right then Doctor," Dean huffed and Wade could see a small smile tug at his lips.
"Plus, you and Sam have stories about you and I'm not just talking the fanfiction," Wade's grin grew into a crooked smile as he whipped out a copy of Carver Edlund's Supernatural.
"Where the hell did you pull that from?" Dean's lips curled in disgust.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" Wade wiggled his eyebrows.
"Yes, that would be why I asked," Dean glared while Sam shook his head.
"Sorry, we're just not exactly fans," Sam winced as Wade thumbed through the book.
"Why not! This shits got everything," Wade tucked the book back into a pocket. The man pain is worth it all by itself.
"So if you aren't looking for a way to get back to another universe or dimension, what are you doing here?" Sam's gun was tucked back in the waist of his jeans.
"Well apparently, my mark ended up as a meal for Jacob," Wade heaved a long sigh.
"What? Who?" Dean's eyebrows were pulled together.
"Jacob Black, werewolf and love interest of one Bella Swan in the critically acclaimed Twilight series," Wade was affronted. Pretty sure Twilight is not critically acclaimed.
"Oh man, you have no idea how fucking terrible those books are for hunters," Dean shook his head with a frown, "they make it seem like being a blood sucking monster is a picnic."
Yeah, a picnic with humans on the menu. "Heh, I can see how that'd make sense. But, unfortunately Fido ate my mark and seeing as how I didn't complete the hit, I don't get paid," Wade pouted, the face completely lost on the Winchesters.
"Right, so you're a mercenary, could have guessed that based on the weapons," Sam's eyebrows raised in indication at Wade's ridiculous number of guns and knives.
"Oh, right, where are my manners. The name's Deadpool," Wade sprung up off the bed, flourishing his hand up and down his body.
"Deadpool," Dean drawled with an unimpressed look.
"Do you have another name you like to be called by?" Sam inquired.
"Well there's Captain Deadpool, the Merc with the Mouth, Wade the Wisecracker, Spider-man but that's only when some idiot mistakes me for being my baby boy, and plenty others but you're probably just asking for my actual name. Hi, Wade Wilson," Wade grinned, his mask stretching over his face.
Well that was very considerate. "Sure was, that Sammy's a winner."
"Uh, thanks," Sam shot a concerned glance at his brother.
"Sorry, the voices," Wade gave a dismissive wave, "they're excited to meet you too."
"Okay then. Different brand of crazy, but still crazy," Dean shakes his head with a sigh of acceptance.
"You got us there," But more shady government experiment crazy than any other brand of crazy. That probably won't help our case.
"Anyways, we should probably go after Old Yeller now," Wade continued, blissfully ignoring the cocked heads and squinted eyes aimed in his direction.
"No way, we are not taking you on our hunt. I don't care if you're a mercenary, this isn't amateur hour," Dean shook his head vehemently.
Tell 'em we can't die! Yeah, that should make them trust us more… "Would it make you feel better if I told you I can't die?" Wade stroked his chin.
"Only if it's true," Dean shrugged while Sam gasped his brother's name.
Wade grinned at the brothers and quickly whipped out a knife, slashing his arm through his red suit. Dean and Sam tensed, Sam a touch to slow as he reached for the knife. Wade watched with smug satisfaction as the cut quickly healed before the two hunter's eyes.
"Okay, you're hired," Dean's awed voice made Wade smile.
"Honey, you couldn't afford me, but I'll make an exception. Now, let's go kill the beast!" Wade pitched his voice low as he raised the bloody knife into the air.
"What the hell man! You shot me!" Dean clutched his thigh as a fresh wave of copper scent hit Wade's nose. Well, this isn't exactly going as planned. When does it ever?
"Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I thought you were the werewolf," Wade's hands clutched the sides of his face as he bent over to look at Dean's thigh.
"You thought I was the werewolf! How could you think that; I was standing right next to you?" Dean snapped as he applied more pressure to his thigh.
He's got us there. Do you hear that? Oh, there's the werewolf. Grab the man and let's go!
Wade and Dean's heads snapped up and left as a low menacing growl rippled through the air. Dean muttered a curse as he shuffled to face the monster, hand moving to clutch Wade's shoulder and steady himself. Wade didn't hesitate, he looped Dean's arm around his shoulders and heaved the hunter up across his back into a fireman's carry ignoring Dean's grunt of protest. Wade took off just as he heard the creature lunge from the shadows, Dean choking out a curse as the hunter fired back at the monster.
"We've gotta circle back around to Sam," Dean grunted over Wade's shoulder as the monster howled behind them.
"On it Dean-o, you just sit tight and don't worry you're pretty little head about it," Wade shifted Dean as he ran.
He could continue to shoot at the werewolf.Wade hummed in acknowledgment just as Dean fired of a few rounds, clipping the monster. Look he listens!
Wade rounded a bend on the dirt path just as a large shadow emerged from the opposite side. The breathless exclamation of Dean, and the overall large frame indicated it was Sam and not their erstwhile pursuer.
"He's behind us Sam," Dean groaned as Wade set the hunter down on his feet. Dean continued to clutch Wade's shoulder as all three men turned to face the werewolf ripping through the underbrush.
"What are you doing man?" Dean startled as Wade, hands somewhat free, reached behind Dean and into the hunter's waistband, sliding out the additional pistol.
"Relax Dean-o, your bullets seem to work better than mine," Wade whispered before laying a smack onto Dean's ass. That was one hell of a firm ass.
Guns raised, all three men took aim at the werewolf as the creature snarled and growled, claws slashing through the air as it made one last attempt before falling lifelessly to the ground. Wade and the Winchesters walked over as the werewolf features receded to reveal a young man.
"Now what?" Wade turned to look at Dean.
"Salt and burn the body, then get rid of anything that remains," Sam's voice was subdued.
Wade nodded as they got to work. It didn't take as long as the merc thought it would and soon enough they were climbing back into the Impala and headed towards the motel. Once inside the Winchester's room, Wade lowered Dean to the bed as Sam went for the first aid kit.
"How did this even happen?" Sam looked at his brother as Dean shucked off his pants.
"He thought I was the werewolf. See, this is why I don't like amateurs," Dean ground out.
"Hey! Without me you wouldn't have been able to out hobble that werewolf," Wade was insulted, he'd saved the man's life. Technically, he wouldn't have gotten shot if you weren't there, so no, you didn't.
"I wouldn't even have been shot if you weren't there," Dean snapped as Sam cleaned and dressed the wound. See, there you go. Yeah, we have nothing to say to that
"Oh and another thing, don't ever smack my ass again," Dean glared as Sam shook in silent laughter.
"You mean without your permission," Wade wiggled his eyebrows.
"I mean ever," Dean blinked incredulously as choked sounds started to escape Sam.
"Come on Dean-o, don't be like that. You can't just take everything off the table before we even know each other," Wade whined.
"Oh, it doesn't matter cause we are never seeing each other again," Wade gasped at Dean's vehement statement.
"Oh, I'm sure we will see each other again," Wade gave a firm nod. Yeah, after all this is just a flashback. So, technically, we're seeing each other now.
"And that was the start of our beautiful, timeless friendship," Wade batted his eyes at the hunter, not that Dean could appreciate it.
"You didn't say anything, we're not even on the highway outta town yet," Dean shook his head, a slight grin lighting up his face.
"SHIT!" This is gonna be a long one.