General Disclaimer of Everything: I own nothing.

"You are Harry James Potter, of number four, Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey?" Fudge said, glaring at Harry over the top of the judge's bench.

"Yes," Harry said.

"You received an official warning from the Ministry for using illegal magic three years ago, did you not?"

"Yes, but -"

"And yet you conjured a Patronus on the night of the second of August?" said Fudge.

"Yes," said Harry, "but -"

"Knowing that you are not permitted to use magic outside school while you are under the age of seventeen?"

"Yes, but -"

"Knowing that you were in an area full of Muggles?"

"Yes, but -"

"Fully aware that you were in close proximity to a Muggle at the time?"

"Yes," said Harry angrily, "but I only used it because we were -"

The witch with the monocle cut across him in a booming voice. "You produced a fully-fledged Patronus?"

"Yes," said Harry, "because -"

"A corporeal Patronus? It had a clearly defined form? I mean to say, it was more than vapour or smoke?"

"For crying out loud!" said Harry, feeling both impatient and slightly desperate, "I didn't expect the bloody Spanish Inquisition!"

With a blare of trumpets, three men in red robes threw open the courtroom doors and charged in. They wore floppy hats, and had heavy silver crosses around their necks.

"NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!" The lead Cardinal cried.