I wrote this today and decided to post it. It's my first serious Obernewtyn fic.
Title: Blind Love
Info: A sweet and slightly angsty fic set before Obernewtyn and told from Dameon's POV.
WARNING!!!!!! This fic is slashy!!!! I mean male/male love!!! If you don't like this kind of relationship, PLEASE don't read it.
The couple is Dameon and Matthew.
Anyway, there's nothing graphic at all. They kiss and that's it.
On with the fic!
I think I love him.
How strange that I, who can feel and understand the emotions of others as easily as breathing, should find it so difficult to interpret the sentiments illicited in me by one person. I don't know when it was exactly, that the friendship I felt for him began to change and grow into the love I feel now.
I often wonder how it is that he cannot tell how I feel. The strange awarkardness that comes over me whenever he is near seems so obvious to me, yet he never mentions it, perhaps thinking it a symptom of my blindness. I know that I could find out once and for all his feelings, but I cannot bear the terrible finality that would bring. I cannot bear to know conclusively that he is disgusted with me for my disability or my love, or that he can feel nothing for me.
That, I think, would be worse than his hatred.
So I shut him out of my senses until I am unable to feel his emotions without a great effort of will, blocking him away behind impenetrable walls because I am such a coward that I will not risk his rejection. I will not risk losing my only comfort in this place. I will not jeopardise my only friend on the faint chance that he may feel the same.
I can feel the sunlight across my skin as it filters through the gnarled branches of the tree I am stood under in the orchard. I reach out carefully and rest my hand against the bark. It is rough and uneven and calloused beneath my palm, except for the smoother patch that my thumb rests against.
He comes up behind me and when he lays a hand upon my shoulder, I feel my face begin to burn. Are ye' all right? he asks, his voice honey soft.
I nod dumbly. You were just starin' into space. I wonder if he's smiling at that moment. I can hear the amusement in his voice but not see the proof of it.
I was just thinking, I reply, surprised at how calm my voice sounds.
I feel him move away slightly and I am not sure whether I am glad or disappointed at the loss. Sometimes I wish I could see him. I imagine that when I confess my love I will stare deep into his eyes -- deep brown or sparkling green maybe -- and whisper my heart to him. He will smile dazzlingly and promise that he loves me forever. Of course that can never be.
What were ye' thinkin' on?
The colour of your eyes and the scent of your hair. It slips from my mouth before I can stop it and despite my shields I can feel the ripple of shock from your mind.
you choke out and I flinch at the strange tone of your voice. What do you mean?
Maybe this is the end, the moment I have been waiting for. I know I have to tell you now or forever lose even your friendship and trust. I waver for a moment. How do I tell him what even I do not understand completely?
Hesitantly, I speak, dismantling my emotional shields and bearing my soul to him as I do.
Matthew, I... I think that I love you.
The force of his reaction nearly overwhelms me. A fierce and protective and passionate love tinged with embarrassment and fear. is all I manage to say in reaction. Why didn't he tell me before? Save me from the agonising wait?
I can feel his eyes on me with burning intensity. I thought ye knew. I hid it as best I could, but I knew ye'd be able to tell. I thought you knew and just didn't want to mention it.
I didn't know Matthew. I closed you off because I didn't want to risk losing you. You're all I have in this accursed place.
Suddenly he is clutching my shoulders tightly and I am pulled close against him, his breath whispering across my skin. You won't ever lose me Dameon. I swear it. There isn't anyplace to leave you for anyway.
There is a reluctant silence between us. Neither of us knows how to continue. What now? Matthew asks, his nervousness and insecurity clear in my mind.
I pause for a moment. I have never loved anyone this way before. How do I know what is meant to happen? Finally I remember something that once happened to me before the death of my father. The daughter of another Councilman had met me in the garden. We had talked for a short while and then, for no reason I could discern, she had pressed her lips against mine. I didn't know what she was doing or why and she had explained that it was which one did with a person one cared for.
I... I think that we're meant to kiss. I feel so foolish. How can I have said that?
Oh. I... we can do that.
I don't know what he is doing, but after a pause there is the sensation of his lips pressing clumsily against mine, bumping our noses together and testing. I don't know what to do with my hands or my tongue or anything at all but it doesn't matter. It feels strange, so strange. But good.
I know I am blushing furiously as he moves away and I suspect he is. His voice is breathy and hesitant. Was that right?
I smile at him. I don't know. But it felt right.
I'm glad. He is suddenly sombre. It seems like this should be a solemn occasion, but all I wan' te do is smile.
I understand that. How do we continue now?
The silence crackles with tension. We cannot be caught, that is certain. We are already misfits and imprisoned here, this would surely get us burned.
We just do, he says. We stay together. That's all we can do.
He pulls me down to the ground to lean against the apple tree and wraps his arms around me while I do the same to him. His head comes to rest on my shoulder and for a moment of peace among many of fear, this is all that matters.