(AN)---okay, the chapters are short for a reason.  i realized recently that my chapter-stories seem to go on and on for pages when i type them.  so i wanted a change of menu.  there may be a few errors of consistency, please bear with me though.  also, i listed this as a romantic comedy, but what i mean is it is light-hearted. IMO.  there is comedy, but it is really kind of quirky.  so, some parts may make you laugh, or they might not.  it all depends on if you share in any part of my strange sense of humour.  ^_^  and while this is light, it *does* have plot, small that it is.  just not an overly emotional/angsty one.  please review!  this is a sort of experiment and i want to know if anyone thinks it's worth continuing.  Thanks! 

| | | | WARNING!  PLEASE READ! | | | |

please, no flames for the beginning of the story.  i know most of you won't like it at all...but that's the point.  i'm playing around with Inuyasha, because i like to torture him. ;-D  besides, we all know it's what the inukoro is thinking. 

i don't hate Inuyasha!  i just don't like him sometimes!

i, also, do not own him, so nobody sue.  but, you know what I would like to own?  Buyo!  i love that neko!  Buyo Fans Unite!  *begins waving banner* 

um, ehehe...onto the story! ^_^

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Three Times a Lady:

Chapter One:

Two Birds with One Stone

Kikyou worked her fingers into the collar of her robe, sliding them up and down under the cloth, then pushing it off her right shoulder completely.  She smiled as she did so, parting her lips and licking at them suggestively.

"I've missed you, Inuyasha.  I'm over that 'love-me-I'm-dragging-you-to-hell' bit.  I..."  She lowered her eyes demurely a moment.  "I want you to be my first."

"Bitch!" Kagome screeched, suddenly appearing out of nowhere.  She latched onto Inuyasha's arm, unconsciously rubbing it between her breasts.  "He's going to take my virginity!  So get back, you...you...undead hussy!"

"Uh..." Inuyasha looked back and forth between the two of them.  "Uh..."

"Tell her," Kagome's enraged voice suddenly turned on him.  He stood uncertainly, still not fully understanding the words that were being spoken.  It was all happening so quickly. 

Kagome bumped his hip with hers impatiently, her body language alone demanding an answer.

Kikyou's robe was slipping further and further down her shoulder.  Inuyasha ripped his eyes away from the long, creamy line of exposed flesh and looked at Kagome.

"Huh?"

Kagome's stormy blue eyes narrowed threateningly, causing Inuyasha to twitch.  He knew that look.  Oh gods, did he!  An 'osuwari' wouldn't be too far behind it.

"I see," Kagome sighed, her shoulders suddenly slumping forward.  "I guess there's only one thing left for me to do..."

Inuyasha braced himself for impact.

"Kikyou, if you would?"

Inuyasha's head shot up just in time to see Kagome hold her hand out, and Kikyou take it.

"Uh, Kagome?  What are you doing?"

Kagome hugged her doppelganger to her side and turned to Inuyasha, grinning widely.  "Isn't it obvious, silly?  You'll just have to take our virginity at the same time!"

Kikyou was nodding sagely, "It's only fair, Inuyasha."

Inuyasha fishmouthed.

Seeing his expression, Kikyou wrapped her fingers in Kagome's collar, turning her to her and pulling her face closer.  "I think our puppy needs more convincing..."

Various suggestive sounds are heard as Inuyasha's eyes widen beyond human capacity.  The two, joined, figures before him unfocus as the camera focuses on him and his reaction alone.

Kagome and Kikyou sink to the ground.  One hand reaches up, grasps the edge of his sleeve and jerks him down, too.

The camera remains trained on the now empty air.

Kagome pushed her bike beside her on the path, her steps set and full of purpose.  Approaching the tree Inuyasha was napping in, she did not pause, kept walking and lowered her head until her bangs fell over her eyes.

"I'm going home, Inuyasha," she called resolutely.  "I'll be back in three days."

"Hmmm...yeah..."

Hearing him, Kagome hesitated, blinked.  That was NOT the answer she had expected—but she'd take it!  Her face instantly cleared into a beautiful smile.  "Arigato, Inuyasha!  Ja ne!"

"Hmmm---WHAT?!"

Inuyasha landed on the ground before her, his face flushed pink...with rage?  "Where do you think you're going?!"

Kagome's hands tightened on her handlebars.  "I just told you," she shouted back.

"No, you're not!"

"Yes, I am!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Listen here, bitch!"

Kagome pushed her bike forward suddenly, the tire running over his bare foot, hard.  He yelped, not unlike a wounded dog, and hopped onto his good foot.

"OW!  WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!!"

"You're a meanie," Kagome stated, calmly getting on her bike and peddling away.

"Bitch!  Don't walk away from me when I'm screaming at you!"  Inuyasha began hopping down the path after her retreating form, only to get his uninjured foot caught on a root and fall flat on his face.

"I'm not walking away-ay," she called back sweetly.

Kagome leaned her bike against the Hone Kui no Ido.  She didn't really have any exams this time (as far as she was aware), but dog-boy didn't need to know that.  She just hadn't seen home in a couple of weeks, and...well...she missed mama.  And hot water!  And oden!  And pillows---and damn it, she missed Buyo, too!

Kagome's shoulders tightened, and a heralding shudder tripped up and down her spine.  Wha...?

"Inuyasha," she whispered, knowing if she waited but a few more seconds he would appear like a storm from the still fringe of trees.  So she didn't wait.  Throwing her head back, she screamed angrily, "OSUWARI!"

*a mile or so back towards Kaede's village*

Inuyasha leaned heavily against a tree, rubbing futilely at the throbbing muscles of his foot.  All the while muttering about stupid girls and their stupid other-worldly contraptions.  A lone scream suddenly pierced the air, pulling his head up.

"OSU-"

"no-"

"WARI!!!"

"oOWmph!"

Kagome frowned when she didn't hear the oh so satisfying sound of Inuyasha's face eating dirt.  But she shrugged it off.  Placing her palms flat on the mouth of the well, she turned and balanced one knee against the edge.  Then froze.

Slowly she turned her head, a slight breeze choosing that moment to stir her long, ebony hair.

"Eep!" she eeped, as the previously empty space before her was filled with youkai.  An inu-youkai to be exact.

"You," Sesshoumaru said, "My brother's bitch.  Where is he?"

Kagome, still half-turned from him, wondered if she could possibly get her bow down and arm it before he ripped her apart.  She strongly doubted it.  At a complete loss as to what to do to keep her life intact, she stared at him dumbly.  Part of her mind was certain that if she remained still and was quiet enough that he might forget she was there all-together.

"Loyal," he said, mistaking her silence for stubbornness, "What an uncommon trait for a human.  Shall we see if you bleed just as red as the rest of them?"  He raised one slender, striped hand and cracked his knuckles.  Unnecessary, but nicely dramatic.

Okay, Kagome, think.  But she was doing anything but.  She frantically wanted to look around for escape, but she couldn't drag her eyes away from the unfairly beautiful demon as he approached her.  Casually, slowly, as if he had all the time in the world and knew it.  She was surprised to realize he was playing with her.  Gee, nice to know he has a playful side.

"Are you that scared of me, little girl, that you can't even speak?  How truly pathetic."

Kagome's eyes narrowed.  Her fear was like her anger: complete and furious, quick to ignite and quick to burn out.  She glared at the youkai lord in his dangerous stalk and felt her chin jut out stubbornly.  "No."

That actually got her a raised eyebrow, though barely.  "'No' what?"

"I'm not scared of you."

"Then you're a fool."

Gods!  Circular-argument much?!

"I'll tell you where he is," she said, then brought her foot up fast, kicking her bike hard enough to send pain shooting in electric currents up her leg.  The bike went careening awkwardly towards the demon.

Who tediously batted it away.

But it offered her a split-second, and with more speed then she was aware she possessed, she brought her bow down and fired an arrow.

Then watched helplessly as the demon lord launched into the air, effortlessly side-stepping the glowing shaft.

DAMN IT!  Out of brilliant ideas, Kagome opened her mouth and started to scream for Inuyasha, knowing he would never make it in time.  But before she could even get a syllable out, she saw a bright pink flash out of the corner of her eye.  Small at first, but it soon grew to fill her vision with blindness.  She automatically threw up a hand to shield her eyes.

The light faded away in stages, like a fire slowly burning out.  But it was actually over in a breath.  When Kagome could see again she blinked, then rubbed at her eyes.

Sesshoumaru was standing statue-still no more than four feet from her.  His attention had shifted from her to the faintly glowing arrow that was protruding from his left shoulder, right below his collarbone.  His armor had cracked into fragments and lay scattered at his feet.

It...hit?  But how?  She stared at her own hand still wrapped around the bow.  Eventually she had learned how to focus her power through her arrows, but this...could she control those arrows even after they had been loosed at their targets?

Think about it later, her mind snapped at her, breaking into her surprised wonderings.  You struck him, probably only succeeding in upsetting him.  Go you!

Kagome twitched, knowing that a mad-Sesshoumaru was usually followed by a transformed Sesshoumaru.  But when she looked the youkai lord was still staring in annoyance at what she had done.

He's shocked, her mind screeched excitedly.  Now, now!  Get away now while he's still distracted!

Kagome didn't have to be told twice; she scrambled over the edge of the well and didn't heave a sigh of relief until she felt the familiar old magic close around her.

The Youkai Lord of the Western Lands watched as the miko disappeared into the well, unable to continue his attack...unable to move.  The arrow hissed and burned in his flesh, spreading the bitch's spell further.

TBC...

bad start, but it gets better.  all my stories start out slow, then pick up speed as they continue.  so, if you want to see another chapter, REVIEW!  ^_^

i wonder how many readers i lost with the Kikyou/Inuyasha/Kagome dream sequence?  :-D