"This visit is a celebration of the ties of friendship and family that bind our peoples," said Barack Obama. "Today is also a chance for Americans, especially our young people, to say thank you for all the things we love from Japan. Like karate and karaoke. Manga and anime. And, of course, emojis."

These were the words used by the US President when welcoming Japanese Prime Minister Shinzō Abe to the White House in 2015. That isn't a work of fiction. He actually said that. The following exchange, however, is how it played out in my mind.

"You're very welcome, Mr. Obama," said Shinzō Abe. "And we'd like to thank you for McDonald's, the Internet, and Hulk Hogan's Rock 'n' Wrestling."

"Mr. Abe," Obama whispered, "let's not talk about Hulk Hogan. The nation is still shaken up by some racist things he said."

"Oh, you don't like racism?" laughed Shinzō Abe. "This, coming from the guy who goes to Japanese people and thanks them for karate?"

"Uh, I was just…"

"Do you want to thank me for being good at math next?" the prime minister interrupted. "Maybe I thank you for bomb."

"Whoa!" shouted the president. "Let's not bring up things that happened 70 years ago, OK? That was before our time."

"We're still digging them up! When we build a bridge, we hire diver to check in river," said Abe, starting to struggle with English. "Maybe we find fish to make delicious sushi. Maybe we find bomb. There is no telling! It's like Christmas, but without fried chicken!"

The president began to sweat nervously. He hoped for the prime minister's microphone to miraculously malfunction.

"Hah! I'm just joking," said Abe. "By the way, thank you for fried chicken and Christmas. It may not be how you celebrate, but we think they go well together."

With a sigh of relief, Obama shook Abe's hand and said, "Well, maybe this Christmas, our families should get together and celebrate with some KFC."

"That sounds good." Abe's tight grip began crushing Obama's hand. He turned off his microphone and whispered into the president's ear, "I bet you love fried chicken."

Then World War III happened and everybody died. The end. Colonel Sanders for president.