Disclaimer: I am the Disclaimer. I'm here to tell you that Gochan owns none of the RK cast or story. She's just here to write about it. Thank-you.

Notes: Never seen Rurouni Kenshin or just wanted to find a way to summerize it all up for a friend? Well look no further! Here is the entire first set of the series, butchered down to minimal size! (This info is based on the anime.)

Warnings: OOCness, brevity, and lots, and lots of wackiness.

Rurouni Kenshin: Extra-Condensed

The Tokyo Arc

Kenshin: I used to be the feared assassin, Hitokiri Battousai, but now I'm a rurouni that doesn't kill anyone. See? My sword is reversed! Nevermind that it still has a sharp side perfectly capable of slicing a man in two.

Kaoru: I run my own dojo. For saving me and my dojo, I'd like you to stay and make yourself at home. And my obvious attraction to you has nothing to do with it.

Yahiko: Kaoru is ugly. Kenshin is cool. So I'll study under Kaoru to be cool like Kenshin! It only makes perfect sense after all.

Sano: I hate the Meiji government! All Imperialists should rot and die! …Except for Kenshin. He's cool. Oops, time to skip the bill.


Jin-e: I freeze all people just by looking at them!

Kenshin: With me being the exception.

Jin-e: *kidnaps Kaoru* Yoink!

Kaoru: What do you want with Kenshin?

Jin-e: Just a small deathmatch. I'm mainly here to provide nifty action scenes and character development, anyway.

Kaoru: Kenshin will never become a hitokiri again!

Kenshin: Battousai Time!

Kaoru: D'oh!

Jin-e: Success! Now it's suicide for me! See you in Hell!


Megumi: I am a beautiful, intelligent, and sly doctor. Why do people hate me?

Kaoru: Because you're getting in the way of the main love interests!

Megumi: Is it too late to play the tragic victim?

Kanryu: Make opium for me or everybody dies.

Megumi: Guess not.

Aoshi: I'm the leader of the Oniwabanshuu. You defeated all of my men. Prepare to die. …Or not. Great, now Kanryu's got a gattling gun. Could this get any worse?

Shikijou, Hyottoko, Beshimi, and Hannya: *dies*

Aoshi: Apparently so. I'll challenge you to a rematch after I've gotten used to insanity, Battousai!

Kenshin: So much for hoping this doesn't come back to haunt me.


Tsubame: I'm Yahiko's new crush.

Marimo: Really? So am I.

Tsubame: Eh, you're only a filler character.

Kaoru: Speaking of filler, that sumo wrestler I helped couldn't seem to get enough of my cooking!

Megumi: Whereas I was treating everyone else for food poisoning while exposing a fake "miracle healer."

Sano: And who could've guessed that a teacher friend of mine was a former assassin like Kenshin. Man, these guys pop up everywhere!

Yahiko: Well I swiped Kenshin's sakabatou and got to kick the bad guy in the family jewels for it. Hey, that's two episodes in a row!

Kenshin: Moving on to more substantial plots…


Yutaro: I'm young, rich, and aspiring to be a great swordsman. What's not to love?

Yahiko: Your arrogance and snooty attitude?

Yutaro: Just for that, I'm going to let this big, feathered oaf teach me swordsmanship instead of you or your wimpy, red haired girly man.

Yahiko: I sense a rivalry developing…

Kaoru: Enough! Time to enjoy our vacation! It's about time nothing went wrong.

Raijuta: I have a secret plot to take over Japan using the brat's mansion and money.

Kaoru: D'oh again!

Yutaro: Okay, Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu isn't so bad. But Raijuta is still Da Man!

Raijuta: Villainous Principle says that I must now laugh and boast at how wrong you are, kid. And for extra measure, I'm slicing your hand.

Kenshin: For that I'm going to analyze your technique, unveil its secrets, and then beat the tar out of you. Nevermind that I do this to every other villain anyway.

Yutaro: Off to Germany and Western medicines with me. But I'll be back to fulfill my role as Yahiko's rival! …Maybe.


Yahiko: Wow, that horse really saved the day!

Kenshin: The horse?! But I-

Yahiko: I said the horse really saved the day.

Kenshin: Oro.

Sano: Modern technology is scary.


Sano: Look! It's my old friend from the Sekihoutai!

Katsu: Hey Sano, some people are doing bad stuff as a fake Sekihoutai. Let's kick their butts and then go do some bad stuff as the real Sekihoutai.

Sano: Sure! But before the bad stuff, I'm going to throw everyone a party with your money and consequently get Kaoru drunk.

Kaoru: *Hic!*

Sano: Sweet. Okay, let's go blow up a government building.

Kenshin: Sorry Sano, but I'm going to have to royally come down on your Aku. No hard feelings! *Slam!*

Sano: Owie.

Katsu: Oh no! Sano is hurt! I didn't think this could ever happen in our quest to violently bring down the Meiji government! I will give up my vengeful ways and bury all of my bombs. …Hope no unsuspecting kid playing with matches finds them.

Kenshin: Eh, it'll be fine.


Kenshin: Pirates again? Didn't we just beat a bunch of these?

Yahiko: No, that was the horse.

Shura: Don't let my breasts fool you; I am the most feared and dangerous of all pirates! No man will ever be able to defeat me!

Kenshin: With me, once again, being obvious exception.

Shura: For that, I'm going to take you prisoner so that I can kill you later. But first I must develop a romantic interest in you to create some inner conflict.

Evil Pirate #1: Working for Shura blows. Let's become drug dealers.

Other Pirates: Cool!

Shura: Mutiny?! I'm gonna hardball them good for this!

Kenshin: I'd let you, but that would be taking the focus off of me.

Evil Pirate #2: Who ordered the jumbo bomb?

Bomb: BOOM!!!

Kaoru: Oh good, we managed to find Kenshin just in time for the anti-climax.

Shura: Well, I must continue sailing the open seas in search of my fortune, feminine side, and some new recruits would be nice.

Kenshin: See ya never!


End of Tokyo Arc


This is the result of having too much time on your hands after the holiday rush and realizing you now have a completed Rurouni Kenshin DVD set.

And for those of you who noticed that I did not mention that one little episode in-between Yahiko and Sano's introduction episodes where Kenshin fights off those swordsmen police, this next little line is for you.

Yamagata: No, I'm not at all irritated at Kenshin's refusal to join the government army even after all the trouble I went through to simply find him. I'll be back later for some cameos.

Hope that covers everything. This isn't to be taken seriously people. Just enjoy it and help me get rid of some deadline stress. Stay tuned for the Kyoto Arc! Thanks!