Enjolras stared at Combeferre for a moment, wondering if he was still dreaming. Despite what all his friends said, Enjolras hadn't believed Combeferre was still in his apartment and he definitely hadn't expected to see his friend in his room. Enjolras was so certain that Combeferre despised him after what he did. He was so sure that their friendship was too far broken. No matter what Courfeyrac told him, or Grantaire, or any of the others, Enjolras had been sure that he and Combeferre were no longer friends. He ruined their friendship. He had broken their trust.

And yet… There he was. In the doorway, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. It was plain clear that Combeferre was nervous as hell and didn't feel comfortable at all. But he was still there, looking at Enjolras and talking to him.

"Hey, E…," Combeferre said quietly, his eyes meeting those of his friend for the first time since more than a week. It felt strange, but at the same time very natural to be here. Courfeyrac told him that once he'd see Enjolras, he wouldn't feel angry anymore. Or at least, not that angry that he would lash out at his friend. Combeferre was very doubtful at first, but now that he was here, he had to admit that Courfeyrac was right. Seeing Enjolras, small and pale on the bed, did all kinds of things to Combeferre, but he didn't feel angry. Not at all. He was sad, confused and worried. And most of all, he felt an immense desire to take his friend in his arms and protect him from all that was bad in the world.

But at the same time, he felt awkward and distant. He might not feel angry, but things were different now. Combeferre had been hurt by Enjolras and he couldn't just forget that. He couldn't just brush it aside.

When Enjolras didn't respond, but just stared back at him, Combeferre cleared his throat and took one step further into the room. "D'you think you and I-uh… can t-talk for a bit?"

Enjolras opened his mouth in an attempt to say something, but no sound came out. Instead, he glanced at Grantaire and nodded his head very slowly. Grantaire offered Enjolras a small smile and squeezed his shoulder. Then he stood from the bed and walked towards the door.

"It's good of you to come, 'Ferre," Grantaire said softly, nodding his head at Combeferre. "I know he's been wanting to talk to you. Courf and I will be right outside if you need anything, alright?"

Combeferre's eyes never left Enjolras. His gaze was fixed on his best friend, who looked just as nervous and uncomfortable as he felt. When Grantaire nudged his shoulder, he nodded absentmindedly. "We'll be okay," he said, feeling a weight lift off his shoulders when he realised that that was what he truly believed. They would be alright. He briefly looked up at Grantaire and gave him a small smile.

With that, Grantaire left the room, glancing behind him just in time to see Combeferre take another step into Enjolras' direction. He wasn't sure if everything was going to be okay after this, but at least something was happening now. Both Grantaire and Courfeyrac were growing tired of convincing Enjolras that Combeferre was still his friend. Now that Combeferre made the effort to come and talk to his friend, Grantaire was sure things would start to look up.

Once Grantaire walked out of the door, the room was left in silence. Enjolras no longer looked at Combeferre, but cast his eyes downwards. He was afraid of what he might see in his best friend's eyes. Now that Grantaire was no longer there to keep the peace, what would happen? Would Combeferre yell at him? Would he cry or curse? Did he come to tell him that he never wanted to see him again? That he couldn't trust him? Enjolras' heart beat rapidly inside his chest. He'd been wanting to talk to Combeferre for so long, but now that his friend was here, he was terrified.

Combeferre, however, was still looking at Enjolras and he noticed the discomfort his friend was in. He knew Enjolras to the core and could read every emotion, every feeling, every desire. It was clear to him that his friend was nervous. Scared even. And he knew that he was going to have to take the first step if he wantedt his conversation to happen.

"Well…," he started, clearing his throat to get Enjolras' attention. "This sucks, doesn't it?"

What happened next nearly broke Combeferre's heart. He only meant to make a light joke, a stupid thing to break the tension between them. But though it had the desired effect of Enjolras looking up at him, the reaction wasn't what Combeferre was hoping for. His friend let out something between a laugh and a sob. Then he buried his face behind his hands and started crying.

Without hesitation, Combeferre crossed the distance between them. He sat down on the bed and gathered Enjolras in his arms. Immediately, Enjolras' arms curled around him and held on tight. Desperate even. As if he feared that Combeferre would slip from his fingers if he didn't hang on to him.

Then the apologies came. A hundred of them. Sorry after sorry tumbled from Enjolras' lips until he was nothing more than a sobbing, sorry-blabbering mess. Combeferre bit his own lip as he felt his best friend tremble and cry against his chest. He looked to the ceiling as tears of his own filled his eyes. This situation was all kinds of messed up. How did it get so bad? How had he not noticed his friend was in such deep trouble? How had Enjolras not found the courage to talk to him or Courfeyrac? These were questions Combeferre asked himself every second of every day.

He bit his lip when it started to tremble. In order not to break down completely, Combeferre took a deep breath through his nose and closed his eyes. He bowed his head and pressed a soft kiss against the golden curls. Enjolras was still whispering through hiccups and hitching breaths, but Combeferre couldn't understand a word of it. He knew though that they were still apologies. He could practically feel the guilt and shame radiate off of him. And suddenly Combeferre felt horrible for not coming in sooner. For leaving Enjolras like this days on end, thinking that Combeferre hated him. He should've gone in immediately. He should've held his friend and tell him that they would be fine; that they would fix it. But Combeferre had waited. Waited for days and then a bit longer. And now that was just another thing to pile on top of all the things he'd done wrong already.

Enjolras' nails dug into his back and Combeferre knew his shirt was damp from his friend's tears. He let out a soft sigh and rested his chin on top of Enjolras' mop of hair. His hands rubbed back and forth in a comforting matter, hoping to calm his friend down at least a little so that they could talk. Not that he knew what to say. What was there to say? Everything was just so screwed up.

All Combeferre really wanted to do was to tell Enjolras that "it was okay." That they were fine and that everything would solve itself in the end. But it wasn't that easy and Combeferre knew it. He no longer felt anger towards his friend, but what happened between them wasn't something that could easily be forgotten. Enjolras had hurt Combeferre by betraying him in a horrible way and though he wasn't angry, it still hurt. And Enjolras knew exactly how much he had hurt his friend; knew what he did wasn't something that could be easily fixed. And so saying things like "it's okay" or "we're fine", wasn't going to cut it. For neither of them. They were empty words now and that made this whole thing all the harder.

But Combeferre wanted to say something. He had to. He came in here to make things right, to talk to his friend, to make them both feel better. This had to be the start, because if it didn't happen now, then when? And if he didn't make the first step, then who? Enjolras was far too ashamed and depressed to reach out first. It had to be him.

"Shh," Combeferre murmured, feeling a little foolish for making the sound. But he accompanied the soothing noise with another kiss against Enjolras' temple. "I'm here now, E," he added. "I'm here now… I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

Enjolras tensed in Combeferre's hold, but didn't stop crying. All he did was repeat apology after apology. He felt like a broken record, but he didn't know what else to say. What else was there for him to say? What he had done to Combeferre was horrible and "sorry" didn't quite cut it. Still though, it was the only thing Enjolras could think of saying right now. He was afraid to say anything else, because now he had Combeferre in his arms and he was terrified that his friend would leave the moment he loosened his hold. Enjolras was so far gone, he didn't even hear Combeferre talk.

Combeferre pinched the bridge of his nose and wiped at the wetness in his eyes. The man in his arms was bordering on a panic attack and that was the last thing either of them needed. He loosened his grip on Enjolras' shoulders and gently pried Enjolras' arms away from him. That elicited another sob from Enjolras' throat and the smaller man curled his fists in the fabric of Combeferre's shirt in an attempt to keep his friend close.
Still, Combeferre was stronger and he pulled Enjolras' arms away, but didn't let go of his hands.

"No, no, no, 'Ferre… please, don't go, don't leave. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please…" Enjolras babbled, face tear-stained and red from exertion. He did his best to get close to Combeferre again, but his friend kept him at a small distance, "Please?" Enjolras whispered again, voice breaking.

Combeferre's heart ached for his friend, who sounded like glass shattering all over the floor. It wasn't right. He reached out and lifted Enjolras chin, so that he could look his friend in the eyes. At first Enjolras' gaze was focused on anything but Combeferre, but after softly calling his name, Enjolras finally met his eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm here." Combeferre said again, slower this time. He squeezed one of Enjolras' hands to emphasize his point. "I'm here, E… I'm staying here with you, alright? I'm not… I- I'm not angry with you…"

Enjolras shook his head and tried to wrench his chin away from Combeferre's hold. "No, no, no, you are angry, you should hate me! I hate myself for what I did to you. You need to be angry…"

"I don't hate you." Combeferre stated firmly. "You hear me, Enjolras? I don't hate you. I never could, no matter what happened. You're like my baby brother, how could I ever hate you? Don't say things like that. Don't even think things like that."

Enjolras just shook his head, another sob escaped from his throat.

"And I'm not angry with you," Combeferre continued softly, carding a hand through the blonde curls. "I was… But I'm not anymore. I'm just worried and scared… And I'm hurt… And this whole situation sucks more than I can describe… But I'm here, Enjolras. I'm here and I'm not leaving anymore, because I love you so fucking much. You hear me? I love you and I can't lose you. Ever."

"I betrayed you," Enjolras whispered. "I hurt you."

Combeferre sighed. He brought his hand to the nape of Enjolras' neck and squeezed. "Yes, you hurt me. A lot. And… everything's not okay. But you're not the only one at fault here, E… What you did was wrong and I can't just forget that… But I know that for you to do something like that, you must've been really desperate. And the fact that you didn't come to me or Courf scares the hell out of me. I know that's because we weren't there for you when you needed us and that hurts more than any fake signature you might have written. Things are screwed up right now, but we'll fix it. I know we can. We have to. Because you're my little brother and I need things to be okay between us. I need you to be smiling. I need you to share your feelings with me. I need you to trust me…"

When more tears fell from Enjolras' eyes, Combeferre thumbed them away with a small smile. "It's always been me and you till the end, right? That's still us. There's no me if there is no you." He fell silent for a moment and kept his eyes locked with those of Enjolras. "I don't hate you, mon ami. I don't."

Enjolras sniffed but gave a small, watery smile and nodded. He knew Combeferre and he could tell when his friend was being honest and sincere. "I'm sorry," he whispered again. It was an apology for everything that had happened in the last few months. For lying and for cheating, but also for not confiding in his friends and for feeling depressed in the first place.

"I know," Combeferre said. "And I'm sorry too."

When Enjolras shook his head and tried to counter that, Combeferre placed his hand over Enjolras' mouth and gave him a stern look. "I am sorry," he repeated. "I'm sorry for being blind, for not noticing anything… For not being there for you when you needed me."

Enjolras closed his eyes for a moment. He was finally calming down and the tears no longer blurred his vision. Tentivaly, he reached out for Combeferre's hand. When his friend didn't pull away, he entwined their fingers. "We'll be okay?" he spoke quietly, though it sounded more like a question than a statement.

"We'll be okay," Combeferre replied, squeezing Enjolras' hand in return.

The younger man opened his eyes again and looked at his friend. He felt far from okay, but for the first time in a long time, he could think clearly again. And right now there was only one thing on his mind. One thing that he wanted Combeferre to know. One thing that could maybe put this whole thing behind them. "I promise that as soon as I'm able to leave this bed, I'll turn myself in, 'Ferre. I'll go to your supervisor and I'll tell him everything. I'd call him right now if I had his number. I swear that I won't let you lose your job over this. I swear it. I don't care the consequences. I don't care if it'll go on my record, or if they tell my father, or if I'll go to jail… I just… I'm going to make this right, I promise."

Combeferre looked at his friend with a small, slightly amused smile on his face. It had been a while since he had seen such passion in Enjolras' eyes. Such fire and conviction. It only hurt that the cause of that passion was something so sad. Combeferre didn't know how to feel or what to say. He was grateful that Enjolras wanted to turn himself in. He also thought it was the right thing to do and he didn't want to lose his job over a mistake Enjolras made. On the other hand, he didn't want this to go on Enjolras' record. He didn't want his friend to suffer even more, while he knew that the reason for copying his signature had to be problematic. He just wished there was a way out of this without hurting either of them.

"I know you will," Combeferre spoke softly. "Once you put your mind to something, you won't stop until you've reached your goal… Just… I don't want this to ruin your future. If this goes on your record and becomes public, you can forget about any big law firms or politics."

"I don't care," Enjolras countered at once.

"Well, I do." Combeferre sighed and shook his head. "I do care, Enjolras. You've got a bright future ahead of you… I don't want you to throw that away because of a mistake… no matter how painful it is."

Enjolras scoffed at the word 'mistake'. "I won't have you lose your job, your future, because of me, Combeferre."

"No, I know," Combeferre said. "Just… Let's not rush this, alright? The investigation is still going, we don't know what they'll find… Let's just wait until I know more. My supervisor promised to keep me posted and he believed in my innocence, so who knows… Maybe we can work something out."

There was silence for a moment. Combeferre looked at Enjolras and watched how his friend bit the inside of his cheek. A habit he picked up as a child whenever he was frustrated but didn't know how to express himself. Combeferre could practically hear the tiny motors in Enjolras' head.

"I really need to make this right, Combeferre," Enjolras said at last.

The medical student nodded. "I know that. And I'll let you fix it. I just want us to wait a little longer. I don't want you to make things harder for yourself than they have to be."

Combeferre kept eyecontact with his friend until Enjolras sighed and nodded. His shoulders slumped and the younger boy looked truly defeated. Only then did it hit Combeferre how little there was left of the Enjolras that stood proud and tall in front of masses. This Enjolras looked young and insecure. Like the boy he guided through high school. The boy who cried in a bathroom stall when bullies took his lunch money. The boy who once got so depressed, he took a knife to his wrists.

Thinking about that particular hard moment in time, made Combeferre shiver and he reached out once more to take Enjolras in his arms. Together they laid down on the bed. In silence. Drawing comfort from each others presence, like they had done so very often in their lives.

Enjolras lay with his eyes closed curled up against Combeferre's chest. He felt like a huge weight was lifted from his shoulders. Though he and Combeferre weren't all okay, he knew that his older friend still loved him and cared for him. Despite everything that happened he hadn't lost his best friend. And Enjolras couldn't be more grateful. To lie here, in the safety of Combeferre's arms, was all that he needed right now.

Combeferre stared up at the ceiling, looking at nothing in particular. His fingers thoughtlessly traced the skin of Enjolras' arms, until they came to rest on his friend's forearm. The older man took a deep breath and looked down, eyes ghosting over the white scares on Enjolras' skin. Some barely visible, some protrudent. He could feel Enjolras tense birefly against his chest and then his blue eyes turned upwards to meet those of Combeferre.

"I didn't go down that path again," Enjolras said, reading the question in Combeferre's eyes. "I thought about it… I was tempted… I almost bought a new razor, but I didn't. I couldn't. Somehow that felt like an even bigger betrayal of our friendship."

Combeferre brought Enjolras' wrist to his lips and gently kissed the damaged skin. "Will you talk to me?" he asked. "Will you tell me?"

Enjolras averted his eyes. He was silent for a moment and took a deep breath. Then, very quielty, he said: "yeah."

TBC.