A Tale Of Two Yeti's (V 2.0)
Jose Philipe Mendola

A Note From Jose: Sweet Zombie Jesus, what the crap is happening here? I'll tell you.
After a weekend that I'll not soon forget, a fan brought up all of my old work. The OLD stuff. Embarrassing stuff. Let's face it, I've never grown as a writer, and only did this to amuse TWO people.

Things feel a LOT better after having typed that out… anyway. This is where we are now, and you all have only ONE person to blame: Hollywood.

Now that I'm looking this original Trash over, I seem to be missing some stuff that I'm re-publishing anyway, and I'm asking myself questions: Did some of my original work get deleted? Was it me or the Mods that did that? Weird stuff, man… I wonder what ticked people off?
(Remembers some of the first Eco the Dolphin fic)
Oh balls… right… THAT.

All I had ever known was the Mountain. In fact, every waking MOMENT found me on the mountain…. not that I ever remembered leaving it. Even to sleep. Or eat. In fact, how did I even get UP here?

Gazing down the mountain, I see what lies before me; Trees, other skiers on the slope, rocks and more trees.

Perhaps there are a few freestyle ramps for me to enjoy… who knows?

I know I'm going to have fun. It's another BEAUTIFUL day on the slope. As I line up at the gate, I take a moment to look around.

The Gate is more like a few flags jammed into the pristine snow. There are no spectators. At the moment, I am alone. Even the passing lift, steadily trucking further up the mountain contains no riders. I remove these odd instances from my mind as I ready myself.

There is no signal to go. I am to depart at my own leisure. I ready myself, but there is a quick burn of foreboding.
What's going on? What was that?

In my minds-eye, I conjure up a quick glimpse of a building storm along the snowy mountain tops. Black clouds roil and churn, driving a hard snow before it. It devours the skyline of other mountains.

Other mountains? WHAT other mountains?

Try as I might, I cannot seem to recall having seen the top of this mountain. Or ANY mountain for that matter. I blink hard, trying to clear my mind. This odd idea of a 'mountain top' vanishes as quickly as it came about. As does the storm. There was never any kind of storm… the weather is perfect. Like always.

Have I been here before?

My stomach drops. An awful feeling crawls it's cold, terrifying way up my spine. Despite my warm parka, knit hat and insulated gloves, I m overcome by a full-body shiver. The trees ahead of me on the white snow seem to grow huge, then shrink. The Lifts whip back and forth violently in the non-existent windstorm before I can pull myself together.

What was that all about?

I smile, despite myself and prepare to depart my flag gate.

Pushing off from the gate, I can immediately feel the chilly air rush past my face. I take a deep breath, enjoying the fresh mountain air. I manage to get through a small plot of trees without any kind of problem. Perhaps, had I been still worrying about -

What was it I was worrying about again?

Anyway, I might have hit them if I had not been paying attention.

Further and Further down the slope. A bit faster. Moguls here, trees there and the occasional novice skier, obviously marked by their pink coats.

Why was it that EVERY other skier was a novice and dressed in the same clothing? Was it some kind of rule that the resort enforced? Was this even a resort?

Ahead, a skier collided with a tree and immediately fell where he was, looking rather displeased with himself. He appeared fine as I flew past, just seemed that he'd be there for a while.

Where did he come from? I don't remember him going past me.

Ahead, the trees began to thicken a bit. Some rocks were visible around the bases of them.

Ha! Simple!

Any thoughts of the where and why fled before my new terrain.

On and on, further down the mountain. Trees, rocks, ski-lift posts with their yellow padding all flew past as I gained speed. Ahead, the first of what might be more rainbow-painted launchers.

What's up with these, anyway? How do I manage to get airborne off of these things? It makes no-

Making contact with the thin, rainbow-painted strip sends me flying. I have a few seconds to turn this way and that, cross my skis here and spin there.

Killer! This is a BLAST!

As I clear another collection of trees, A snowboarder speeds past me, a bit too close for my comfort.


Just ahead of me, I see him slow momentarily and roll, returning immediately upright and continuing his run. I barely manage to speed past a collection of moguls that I would have missed.

I do not even glance back as I continue on. Everything that is important to me lies only forward.

Does this run ever end?

Several more snowboarders sly past, again a bit close for my comfort. One manages to crash into another skier that has somehow made it this far and quickly returns upright after a quick roll and continues on his way, leaving the skier on his pink-suited butt.

Not even going to stop… that's just-

As suddenly as everything else has come and gone, I am filled with foreboding. Another full-body shiver and again a fleeting drop somewhere in my stomach.

Another glance around, and no reason for that feeling can be figured out. Nothing ahead but a distinct path through trees, a few rocks here and there, a dog that is loose for SOME reason on the slope and…

Another sweet frickin' JUMP!

Just managing to clear the trees, I again find myself airborne and proceed to face this way and that, crossing and uncrossing my skis.

I land hard, but manage to maintain my speed if not going a bit faster. I am now neck and neck for a moment with a snowboarder that has followed me.

For reasons beyond me, he makes a hard left turn and finds a tree. I fear for the worst, but when I look again, he is in a roll and back up. No words can aptly convey my confusion.

That hit would have KILLED me!

This is a fact. I don't know WHY I know this, but is solid. A scientific FACT that I would be dead meat if that were me. I'd dare say it was a PROVEN fac-

A little black dog, a little further down the slope quickly trots into my path and quickly urinates on the snow, leaving behind a noticeable yellow stain on the otherwise perfect snow. For some reason, I find this absurd and begin to laugh as I enter another stand of trees, strewn with rocks and moguls.

I enter the trees at what must be max speed, quickly turning this way and that, barely managing to scrape by the rocks that now seem to be grown in a field.

This is nuts! What kind of course is this?

Trees whip by and I find myself in the air several more times before I realize it. I am almost flying over the trees. Oddly, they seem to be becoming more and more frequent. Large patches of open snow have made way for practical FORESTS of these things… rocks now lie strewn about like someone sick joke…

I'm not sure I like where this is going…. I think I need to slow down before I hit a tr-

Then I feel it.

As I continue to fly through trees and around rocks, almost accidentally hitting Rainbow-painted jumps, and managing to ping off of a few more, another sudden feeling of dread hits. Bad enough that it almost robs me of my breath.

What the-?

I can see it, just out of the corner of my eye. A large SOMETHING plowing through the trees. OVER them, THROUGH them. It does not roll over them as It collides, It does not slow. It comes only onward.

What the-?

I manage to just escape the trees, whatever It is, only right behind me.

I am in open terrain again. Rocks, a few trees, Rainbow-painted jumps, the occasional Ski Lift post and… That Thing charging across the snow for me.

Me. It's coming for me. Not the snowboarder that is flying past-

A Snowboarder, out of nowhere, flies' past It, not even glancing Its way. The Thing keeps after me. Perhaps Insane with rage or-

It's hungry.

It stands a head or two taller than me. Spindly legs support a large, gray body. It's impossible to tell if the body is matted in gray fur, or the Creatures skin is just a sickly gray. The way it runs, it's not 'sickly' at all.

It's gaining!

From Its formidable body sprouted two equally spindly arms, each tipped with thin hands. Or were they paws?


Arms raised over Its head, onward it charged.

Why is this happening? If I could get just a bit further!

Onward we sped, the Thing right behind me. It uttered no sound, It made no noise as It ran across the snow and seemingly THROUGH obstacles. I could only guess as its proximity to me.

It's right behind me! I can FEEL It charging after me!

Another glance at It. A tiny head, almost ridiculous in size compared to It's body possessed a gaping maw that remained open in a silent, eternal scream. Long pointy teeth were just visible as it flew on like a guided missile.

I'll never make it! This mountain does not end-

Just visible beyond It's gaping may, burning red eyes. The kind of burning red eyes one can see their own, impending doom in. A Burning pit of eternal Hell.

No salvation! We're racing for nothin-

We sped past a slow moving skier. It did not change course. It paid him no heed. Through trees, past rocks and posts; nothing slowed the maddening rush if It.

Another Rainbow-painted jump was ahead. Beyond it, trees.

This is it. The story ends he-

I am airborne again before I know what happens. It rushes along under me, arms outstretched above Its head, reaching for me. I landed hard. I was in the trees. It was behind me. I swear, I could feel It on top of me.

If I could only get a bit further-

Concluded in I'm A Yeti Doodle Dandy V 2.0