5/29/20: Hi! Just reworking some typos again!
8/25/16: Going back through and updating chapters as I've found some typos.
A/N: Look who has story completion issues! That's right, me! Instead of working on my other fics, I've had this kind of stuck in my head. Sorry. I hope you guys like this one, though! It centers around the theme of Tenten viewing herself as convenient and seeing her insecurities manifest around her in the form of her teammates… especially one in particular, who she has created an arrangement with.
NOTE: This is a 3/4 plot. That means it starts roughly 3/4 of the way into the story, but then jumps back to the beginning. Each section is numbered. The first chapter is in four parts, 11-13 and then part 1. After that, everything is in order.
MORE IMPORTANT NOTE: This fic is rated M, as you will see in the first scene. For the most part, 11 is really as detailed as it gets. If it's too much for you, skip part 11, or the first 20 "paragraphs." Enjoy!
getting used to getting used (by you)
Tenten clung desperately to the sheets and arched her back, and moaned. Her throat was raspy, his hands were tight on her hips.
They moved in sync.
Her arms wobbled from holding herself up in her position, but she persisted, willing them not to give out under her.
Soft, deep moans wafted tantalizingly from behind her but were quickly drowned out by her own, louder cries of ecstasy.
Doggy style was her favorite position.
For one, the position left her able to be penetrated deeper, reaching and caressing spots that were apparently just outside of reach in the other usual positions. That sensation, that depth, always pushed her over the brink of sanity. Sometimes she swore that it felt too good and that she could not stand another second of the constant pleasure.
That always enticed a proud smirk from reason number two.
She didn't have to look at him.
She didn't need to - didn't want to - see her partner's perfect features, contorted in pleasure, and withering over her at the climax's point. She did not like the way their eyes met amid such intimacy.
Their encounters were supposed to have no obligations, but Tenten had fallen for him hard. Instantly. And each time he would leave her bed after laying with her and watching her at her most vulnerable, her most private moments, her heart broke a little more.
When they started, they did so under her suggestion and the understanding that they were teenagers too busy with the realities of being ninjas to set aside time to find a lover to experiment with. She had sold it as another form of training and promised that nothing between them would change.
What Tenten hadn't realized then was the powerful pull of oxytocin.
Oxytocin was often known as the 'love drug.' It was produced during orgasm, birth, and a plethora of other situations in life. The hormone was responsible for pleasure, trust, and bonding.
It could not be fought off with weapons.
Sometimes Tenten wanted to cry. From pleasure or heartache, she was never quite sure, but she relished in the fact that doggy style hid her face.
And for these reasons, sex with Neji was best from behind.
His pace quickened, and she lost her hold on both reality and the sheets with his quick, accurate thrusts. He tugged at her hips, and between moans, she pushed herself up, and he caught her quickly, pulling her back against his chest, their movements slowing. The hand that held her against him found a taught nipple while lips found her neck. The slowed pace and languid kisses were just as maddening as the quick, primal thrusts. Tenten wanted to cry whenever he did this (sometimes she did if he couldn't see her face). The act slowed down was too intimate - too sweet. It made her heartache as the broken promise of "just friends" rang in her ear with each slow caress.
She closed her eyes and sighed, pushing back her anguish and tried to focus on the real reason they were supposed to be contorted together - pleasure.
His free hand slid down her belly, through the soft patch of hair and pushed between her legs. Her body jerked when his fingers began stroking her clitoris quickly, and she stretched and arched and moaned - repeatedly announced the impending arrival of a powerful orgasm.
She came, cried, and whimpered in pleasure. Fingers slowed, stilled, and eventually withdrew from between her legs. She disentangled herself from Neji and fell forwards on to her elbows, panting, her body relaxing fast. Behind her, Neji still thrust and moaned. He issued one murmured warning before his breathing hitched, and his movements slowed with his own climax.
Tenten pressed her legs together as he withdrew and fell onto her stomach. Neji pushed himself off the bed, still catching his breath, and slipped into the bathroom.
There was a certain amount of cleanup after sex that was never really discussed. Tenten's legs were pushed tight together to delay the inevitable mess of secretions until Neji returned with a towel. She had just changed her sheets and would be damned if she had to deal with a wet spot.
Neji emerged from the bathroom, towel in hand, and passed it to Tenten. She discretely cleaned herself up and sat up in bed, watching as Neji shifted through the pile of their clothes on the floor and dressed.
Sex was rarely slow and romantic like television, and books had made her believe. Sex was often frantic and primal, the end goal being release. It was clumsy. It had weird sounds. It was messy. But it felt amazing. And that alone was worth every other bit of awkwardness that the world had failed to inform Tenten about.
"Aren't you going to get dressed?"
She looked over at Neji and stuck her tongue out at him, using her cheeky demeanor to hide the ache that was settling in her chest. Sometimes she wished he would stay in bed with her longer and hold her close. Sometimes he did, but those moments were brief. Besides, cuddling was for couples.
"Can't I be naked in my own bedroom?"
Neji ignored her question and smoothed out the last of the wrinkles in his shirt.
"We are supposed to meet Lee and Gai-sensei soon. I don't want us to be late."
Sometimes Tenten couldn't help but think how they sounded like a couple, even if they weren't one. She bit the inside of her lip.
She nodded in agreement and pushed herself off the bed. She went straight for the bathroom and sat down on the toilet.
Tenten had learned early on (the hard way) to pee after sex.
No one had really mentioned UTI's before either.
She flushed the toilet and turned on the shower. She ran her fingers under the water until it was hot and stepped in, soaking herself.
She pushed her face under the water briefly, and with a shaky exhale, she allowed a few tears to escape.
She shook her head, shaking away her sadness and began to clean herself quickly.
Tenten allowed herself seven minutes in the shower to compose herself before turning off the water and getting dressed.
Neji had made short work of tidying her bedroom, retrieving the clothes they'd carelessly tossed across the room, and even made her bed for her.
A smile slipped across her lips. She enjoyed the small gestures Neji performed for her. Even if she was not his lover, their connection ran deep, and nothing could change that.
At least, that's what she hoped.
"Is he paying?"
Gai had requested they all meet for dinner around 7:30. It was 7:22, and Tenten had just realized she should have checked how much was in her wallet before they left. She frowned. Knowing her luck, it was empty.
"Only for the most youthful participant." Neji's joke was laced with his usual dull sarcasm; however, she could hear a hint of amusement in his voice.
No doubt he could sense her tense mood, he always could. Granted, Tenten never was good at masking her frustrations. She realized, with a palpitation, that he was trying to cheer her up. A smile cracked on her lips, and she whipped up a retort.
"Then you must be paying for your own meal." She laughed lightly and hoped he was satisfied enough with her attempt to shift her mood.
Neji chose not to respond, and she took a moment to run through her recent purchases. She had just restocked on kunai and paper bombs and had splurged on a new battle-ax, but if she ate light, she should have enough…
"I can buy your dinner."
She sensed his curiosity and elaborated.
"Reading my mind like that. How do you do that anyway?"
"Your nose gets scrunched up whenever you try to figure out your finances."
Tenten frowned, and he smirked, satisfied.
"Also, you showed me the supplies you bought the other day. Remember?"
The truth was, she didn't really. She had been too distracted. She peaked at Neji out of the corner of her eye and felt her breath catch when he returned her glance. She looked back ahead of her and focused on the shapes and shadows of the village around them.
They walked for a few more moments in silence, passing by noisy shops and stalls. The different scents of food wafted through the air and mingled in Tenten's nose. Her stomach growled.
"You don't have to buy my dinner, you know." Tenten would be lying if she said it was the first time he had offered. They bought each other's meals on a somewhat regular basis, each knowing it would be made up eventually. Maybe it was guilt, shame, or the way Neji had held her close earlier, but tonight, she didn't want to admit to any level of dependence, financial, or otherwise on him.
They paused in front of the restaurant, and Neji pulled back the bright, lettered canvas to allow her to pass under it.
"I know," he replied.
Tenten felt an uneasy weight settle in her stomach, and her appetite fled.
The words hung lazily in the room as Gai scooped up another mouthful of beef from the grill on the table and chewed eagerly.
He swallowed and took a healthy sip from his drink.
"So," he grinned and looked down at them, proud as she'd ever seen him, "You all have been training very hard these past two years, and I must ask you once more: Shall I sign my glorious team up for the chunin exams?"
Neji replied first.
Tenten felt a knot in her stomach. Lee exploded in excitement.
"I am ready! We will definitely become chunin this time!"
Gai's gaze settled on Tenten, and she nodded.
Tenten flinched when Gai yelled.
"My students burn with the fire of youth!"
She shifted her weight in her seat a little and spoke up.
"Have I become stronger?"
Gai put down the glass he was about to sip from and looked over at her with surprise knit into his furrowed brows.
"Well..." he rubbed his chin in thought. But the damage was done before he finished his sentence. "You should have..."
Tenten frowned. Wasn't a sensei supposed to be more supportive? Sometimes, for a very brief moment, she wished she was Lee.
Gai tried to save the rest of the dinner with attempts to cheer her up, while Lee piped in with (what he thought to be) reassuring comments about all the wonderful things she brought to the team. But things weren't skills, and she ignored them, poking idly at her rice with her chopsticks.
Neji said little to nothing. Even if Gai and Lee would have allowed him to get a word in, it wasn't in his nature to offer emotional comfort through words. He provided it instead through his subtle actions and constant presence.
There were times, however, when Tenten wanted to smack him. She didn't think it would kill him to speak up on her behalf every now and then.
But then again, he never had before - she had never needed him to, never wanted him to. It was what he had come to expect. Tenten took care of herself. Why should a little sex change that?
When the bill came, she watched Neji place enough money on the table for both of them.
She excused herself, meal unfinished, citing a need for fresh air.
Outside she leaned against the wall of the restaurant, studying her toes. Something tickled her cheek, and when she went to scratch her face, she found it was wet.
She pushed herself away from the wall and went home.
"Have you ever kissed anyone before?"
An arched eyebrow, subtle curiosity, weight was shifted from one arm to another, and palms were pushed further into the grass.
"You mean romantically?"
She nodded, and he pondered his answer.
A breeze rustled the leaves and brought a much-needed chill to their skin. They were slumped under a tree, still catching their breath from their spar.
"No, I haven't," he finally conceded. If his admission embarrassed him, Tenten couldn't tell. She had learned how to read him well enough, but there were times were he still eluded her.
Their eyes met, and he asked her.
She pulled her knees to her chest, hugging her arms around them, and shook her head.
She studied his features for a moment, looking past the teammate and seeing the handsome features of a young man.
"Why do you ask?" His voice was low and piqued with interest.
"I'm just curious," she paused and studied his lips. They looked soft. She had heard kisses were soft and sweet. Her eyes slid back to his. "Have you ever thought about it?"
"I've heard it's supposed to be pleasant."
Silence moved in, and she observed him for a few moments before speaking.
"We should try it."
His brows furrowed in confusion, she was quick with her to follow up.
"To see," she added lamely, "what it's like. I mean, we're getting a bit old to not know." She felt the anxiety start to swim through her stomach as her insecurities began to pour out. "What if I'm thirty before I have a boyfriend? I can't have my first kiss at thirty, Neji! I won't know what to do. It's bad enough that I've made it to fifteen without it..." She felt his eyes on her and blushed.
He remained calm, as always, and shrugged his shoulders.
"Well, our lifestyle does not leave us too much time to dedicate to finding a partner."
"Right," she agreed, "so we should try it. You know, so we at least know what to do." Her palms were slick as the absurdity of her suggestion dawned on her. She traced her fingers over each other, seeking a way to soothe her nerves. "I mean... if you want..." she began to fumble over her words.
He seemed to remain calm and curious and analyzed her emotional break down carefully and quietly before speaking.
She sat up a little straighter, taken aback.
He inclined his head in a nod, and she felt her cheeks warm and quickly pushed her bangs out of her eyes.
"I-I mean, just to practice. It wouldn't change anything between us, just so we know what to do, right?"
"Of course," he agreed.
Relief surged through her, and a long moment of silence passed between them. She felt Neji's eyes on her still, and she looked up at him. He raised his brow as if waiting for her to speak.
Her stomach dropped.
"Now?!" Her voice squeaked.
She had no real reason that would stand up against 'why not?' She wasn't ready, though. Wasn't there some mental preparation that happened before kissing? She didn't know. Her lips parted, but no words came out.
She looked over at him and chewed her lip.
She scooted a little closer to him until their shoulders were almost touching. His body was warm and comforting, as a teammates should be, and she let her eyes drift down to her lap.
He leaned in enough for their arms to bump together, and she looked up. She could see the different flecks of color in his eyes and could distinguish the subtitles between his iris and pupil.
Slowly, carefully, she leaned in as well. Their lips pressed together lightly. Tenten's first thought was that her lower lip fit nicely in the space between his lips. Her eyes fluttered shut. There were no fireworks, but his kiss was light and soft, as she had imagined, and it felt quite lovely.
They parted a little, and she took a shaky breath. Neji's arm was warm against her, and she felt surprisingly relaxed for having just had her first kiss. It didn't feel strange to be next to him, and she found solace in that.
Their friendship had survived their first kiss.
She leaned in for a second.
Instead of the shock, she had expected him to express (they had only agreed on the one kiss, after all) he welcomed her advance and kissed her back.
They were braver this time. Lips parted a little further, they allowed themselves to relax, although her spine tingled when she felt the palm of his hand press against her lower back.
A/N: Thanks for the read! Let me know what you thought! As always, I thank you for taking the time to read and review. I have two more chapters already written. My goal is to have it finished in the next couple of days for weekly updates. I'm not sure how many chapters it will be at this point. Probably around 5 or so?