I've had this idea for a while and considered making a Style one-shot with it, but my love for Bunny has been too strong lately; so this was born.
Contains slash, yaoi, gay; call it what you might. Don't like, don't read.
I hope you enjoy!
How come nobody goes deaf in here?
That's the only thing I can think at the moment. The music is so loud that people have to shout if they want to have a conversation, and that doesn't make the surroundings any more bearable. I cover my ears with my hands, but there's so much noise around it's almost like I hadn't done it. I can feel a pounding in my head like someone's screaming by my side, even if I'm all alone in a corner.
It's Bebe's 17th birthday party at her house and there are so many people here that I can barely identify someone I know. And I guess people are either too drunk or don't care enough to come and talk to me. Not that I mind. I'm used to being alone; it doesn't bother me at all.
My eyes wander around the room and fall upon a familiar green ushanka. I sigh in relief as I stand up when I see Kyle walking toward me.
His mouth moves, but I can't hear what he's saying because of the music. I shake my head and point to my ear, hoping he understands what I mean. He nods and looks around; I think the loud noise bothers him too. Then he motions for me to follow him.
I try to dodge the people in my way, as well as the garbage on the floor. I step on something and don't have the courage to look down and check what it is. Kyle goes to the front door and opens it. When he does so, I see Stan outside in the garden. I hold the door after Kyle goes through it and feel relieved when it closes behind me, muffling the noise inside the house.
"Hey, Butters. I thought you had gone home. I didn't see you there at all." Stan says when I approach him, following Kyle.
"Hey. I was just sitting there..." I say, distracted, as I look back to the house. "I don't really like loud music, all that noise and the way that place smells, so..."
"Yeah, it all sucks. That's why we're here and not in there anymore. Taking a break. Also, I think someone brought alcohol. Ew." Kyle says as he presses his back against the garden wall. "But why did you even come? We know you don't really like parties. If I hadn't called you to come here, you'd have stayed there alone the whole night."
I slightly blush at his question. Not because of what he had asked, but because of the answer. I look down as I remember the day before. My best friend Kenny asked me if I would like to go to that party with him, and well, I can't say no to him. Not when he's smiling and with his big bright blue eyes looking into mine. I pretty much melt every time he looks at me. Truth be told, I didn't even pay attention to his question. I was too lost in his gaze, so I just said 'S-sure...'
I shake my head, coming back to reality. It takes me a moment to remember where I am and what we are talking about. I blush again, embarrassed, as I put my knuckles together.
"I don't know. It seemed better than staying home alone all day." I lie, scratching the back of my head. "Hey… Did you guys see Kenny?"
"Last time I saw him he was shoving some girl inside a room." Stan shivers, probably disgusted at the memory.
"Oh." It's all I'm able to say. I prefer not to think about Kenny fooling around, even if I know he does it. I mean, he has all the right to. But it hurts. I know I'm in love with him; I always knew it. I want to hug him in that orange parka and rub my face against his chest and feel him wrapping his arms around me. But that's never going to happen. Kenny likes girls; and even if he didn't, he would never like me. I know he wouldn't. I'm not his type. I fact, I don't feel like I am somebody's type at all.
An awkward silence falls over the three of us, but before any of us can say anything the music inside the house stops. We hear some people complaining really loudly, but soon it's all over and all we hear is silence. Stan looks at Kyle and nods toward the house. They walk to the doorway before turning around and looking at me.
"So, are you coming?" Stan asks.
I really don't want to. I look down and shake my head. I can hear Kyle sighing, followed by the sound of steps. I hear the door closing and I just assume they went back to the party, but then I hear steps toward me and when I raise my head I see Kyle standing in front of me.
"Are you ok?" He asks, putting his hand on my shoulder. "About the whole Kenny thing?"
I almost forgot Kyle knows that I like Kenny. I ended up telling him about it when he saw my eyeing the parka boy; and I was more than glad when he promised to keep it a secret. I honestly would never show up in school again if someone else knew about it. Or worse, if Kenny found out about it. I'm fine with him being my best friend; honestly it is way more than I thought we'd ever be.
"Yeah, I guess." It's all I'm able to say. "It's not like I'm not used to be ignored by everyone."
He smiles at me. "Kenny is an asshole, really. He wouldn't notice someone that actually likes him even if he wasn't so dumb. And I honestly don't get why you like him, I mean, he's our friend and all, but... Seriously? Out of all our friends, it had to be him?" Kyle just sighs and shrugs. "Well, I guess you can't choose those things."
I think he expects me to say something, but I feel like my throat is being locked up by my sadness. I force a smile and he shakes his head, pulling me into a quick hug before he nods toward the house. "Why don't we go in there? It's cold here. And maybe you can talk to Kenny. He's such a dumbass, he invited you, the least he can do is stay a little with you."
"N-No, really, it's ok. He came here to have fun, not to talk to me." I force a smile once more. Kyle shakes his head again and starts to push me toward the house, until I finally give in and start to walk by myself. "I think I'll just grab my stuff and leave. I'm not really in the mood for a party anymore."
"Are you sure? Do you want me to take you home?"
"No, I can go by myself. You can stay here and have fun with Stan." I force another smile. I've been doing that so much tonight that my cheeks start to hurt. I rub my face as I enter the house, Kyle following me inside.
I go back to the lonely corner where I spent most of the party, looking for my backpack. I look from side to side, but it is nowhere to be found. Scratching the back of my head I wonder where it can be, but I swear I left it there. It's when somebody touches my shoulder and I expect it to be Kyle, but when I turn around I feel my knees go a little weak.
"Kenny!" I say, sounding a little more childish than I would like to.
"Hey, Butters." He smiles at me and I forget how to breathe for a second. Then he takes a sip of the soda bottle he has on his hand, but the smell coming from him makes me think it isn't just soda he's drinking. "We're going to play truth or dare." He looks to over his shoulder and I can see that some people are gathering and sitting on the floor in a circle, including Stan and Kyle. "Do you want to play?"
"I don't really know if I should..."
"Oh, come on." He says, shrugging and raising an eyebrow. "You were here, alone, the whole night. The least you can do now is come with us and have some fun. Please? For me?"
Like I said before, I can't say no to him. Every single part of my brain tells me to say 'No' and go away before something embarrassing can happen. Millions of possibilities run through my mind, but I ignore all of them.
"Okay, then. I guess."
"Sweet!" Kenny says as he wraps his arm around my shoulder and we walk toward the circle of people. Well, more like he walks toward the circle of people and pushes me with him as my legs don't seem to be working properly again. Truth is everywhere he touched me I felt inflamed and it's a little hard to walk in such situation. I look down and hope he doesn't notice how red my face is.
Kenny smells like alcohol and something else. I don't really know what it is, but I like it. Even with the alcohol.
I shake my head back to reality for the second time that night when I notice that the warmth feeling I had on my shoulders is suddenly gone. I see Kenny sitting down on the floor, on his right there's someone I don't know. I hasten to sit by his left before anyone else can do it.
He doesn't seem to notice how desperate I am. Not that I ever hoped he'd notice anything about me. Well, I kind of hope he doesn't notice certain things about me.
I just watch as Kenny talks to the people around us while Cartman approaches the group and sits down as well, closing the circle. Everybody immediately stops talking when he places an empty bottle of beer in the middle of the circle and make it spin.
I move my eyes from Kenny, whom I had been looking at for the last few seconds and look at the spinning bottle. My heart starts to beat fast as I close my eyes and pray to every single god I can think of that it doesn't point at me. I've had enough embarrassments for a life time, I don't need any more.
I don't even want to be here, please…
As luck would have it, the bottle slowly stops spinning and it points at me.
"Butters, truth or dare?" I hear Cartman say.
My jaw drops open as my hands start to shake. I force a smile again and try to look fine, but I can feel a lump in my throat.
"Hey, fag." Cartman calls again. My head shots up as I look at him. "Truth or dare?"
I look at Kyle, who's sitting between Cartman and Stan, across me. He must have seen I'm looking for help, as he's mouthing something while shaking his head. I do my best, but I can't seem to comprehend what he means. "Uh… D-Dare?" I stutter in response, looking to Cartman again.
I think what Kyle was trying to say was "Don't say 'dare'", because he face palms when I do so. I gulp as I get more nervous, but there's no reason to be like this, right? After all, what could happen? I take a deep breath as I look at Cartman again and repeat, without stuttering at all and not a trace of hesitation in my voice. "Dare."
My moment of courage is cut short when I realize some people start to giggle as Cartman gives a sly smile. Why do I feel like it was a bad idea?
"Oh, someone decided to grow some balls here. Fine, then. I dare you to kiss the person you like. On the lips."
I swallow hard at the same time I let out a gasp, and I didn't even know that was possible. I glance at Kenny, who's looking at me like everyone else is. I really, really wish that stupid bottle had chosen anyone else. I can feel he tears that try to leak out from my eyes, but I hold them in as I face the floor.
"I don't…" My voice comes out shaky, so I clear my throat and look up. "I don't like anybody." I know it's wrong to lie, I really do, but I can't tell the truth. I simply can't do it. I really want to kiss Kenny, but I can't. I really like having Kenny as a friend, and I'm not losing his friendship like that.
"That's not what we heard." One of the girls says as a lot of them giggle. I move my eyes to her with a confused look on my face, but my whole body drains of color when I look to what they have behind them.
It's my backpack, and it's wide open.
And my diary is lying on the floor, open as well.
My eyes widen as I gasp. So they know it. I really, really want to cry. How could they do it? Don't they know it's not nice to read someone's secret diary? I shake my head, devastated. They certainly read everything I wrote about Kenny; from how I like his laugh to how I wish he'd like me back.
I could just cry and scream at them right now. If I don't kiss Kenny, they're going to call me on it – in front of Kenny, which is even worse. I wish a hole would just appear beneath me and suck me in.
"Butters." Cartman calls me one more time. Now, however, I don't look up at him. My eyes can't leave the floor. "I dare you to kiss the person you like. On the lips."
I can feel everyone's eyes on me. The fact that some of them are laughing softly doesn't make it any easier. It's when I feel Kenny wrapping his arm around me. I let out a shriek and try not to look at him.
"Hey, dude, it's ok." Kenny tells me, shaking me softly. "It's all for fun. Everybody likes somebody, it's no crime. Just do it."
My face becomes a deep shade of red as I move my head to the side and look up at Kenny. He's by my side and looking at me, it wouldn't be so hard. All I need to do is lean forward, but I can't. I just can't. I try to jerk away, but he has his arm firmly wrapped around my shoulder.
"Kenny…" I say with the volume just above that of a whisper. I don't think he heard me. I look around one more time before looking back at Kenny. As always, I lose myself inside his blue eyes and out of nowhere I smile at his smile.
Without thinking at all, I just close my eyes and lean in and place my lips against his. Maybe it's the moment; maybe I just can't hold my feelings a secret any longer. I've never felt so good in my entire life. His lips are a little chapped, but so soft and perfect at the same time. I think I can even hear fireworks.
It's when I remember where I am and what I'm doing and then I pull away, jumping up in the process. I'm aware that everybody is staring at me right now, but I have my eyes on Kenny, who looks at me with wide eyes. I look away. I think my heart would break if I saw the look of hatred he certainly has on his face now.
I just lost my best friend.
I just lost the person I love.
I jump out of the circle and run to get my backpack. I grab it with one hand and my diary with the other; running out of the house as fast as I can. I think I hear Kenny calling me from behind, or maybe it was Kyle. I just keep on running and never even look back.
All I want to do is go home and hide under the covers of my bed; and never leave my room again while I live.
I run until I get home. My parents are sleeping right now, and I know I'll be grounded if I wake them up. So I just sit down on the stairs in front of the door and hug my knees. The tears just won't stop rolling down my face.
I ruined everything. I should never have gone to that stupid party. I always knew Kenny would never like me back, but now he'll never even talk to me again. Not after what I did.
But he was so close, and he looks just so beautiful when his hood is down… I wish he'd wear it down more often. Not that it really matters now, since I'll never have the chance to stay close to him ever again. I feel like my heart is being pulled down by heavy chains.
I close my eyes and hug my knees even tighter, sobbing more.
"You really shouldn't cry. You have no reason to."
I yelp at the sudden voice, for I thought I was alone. I release my knees and look up to see Kenny by side, leaning his left hand against the wall behind me.
"O-Oh… Hi, K-Kenny. Why are you here?" I say wiping my tears away.
"I'm here because we need to talk."
I really, really don't know what to say, even though I know that I should apologize. However, I just remain silent as I slowly stand up, getting ready to hear him saying he doesn't want me as a friend anymore.
"Is it true?" He asks.
I must look really miserable when my eyes are filled with tears, because Kenny reaches out and uses his right hand to wipe them away, causing me to shiver at his touch. I take a deep breath and look at the floor again, trying not to cry, but I can't help sobbing a little.
"Butters." He calls with a serious voice as he puts his right hand on the other side of my head, trapping me against the door. It makes me a little nervous, but not more than the fact that our faces are mere inches apart. "Is it true?"
I gulp and finally find courage to look up, blue eyes meeting blue eyes. "What do you mean?"
"Cartman said that you had to kiss the person you liked and you kissed me. Is it true? Do you really like me?" He asks. I think I can see a spark of hope in his eyes instead of the anger I expected to see.
Looking at him standing so close to me, I finally break down. I clench my fists start to cry, loud and desperate. "Yes, it is. I do like you, Kenny, more than I have ever liked anyone before. I like you more than I can explain! And I never told you because I knew you would never like me back! It really hurt to see you with so many other people, but I was happy because I knew you were happy! I was afraid that if I told you, you wouldn't want to be my friend anymore. Well, now you know it! Now you can tell me that you don't ever want to see me again!"
I'm crying so much that my tears go all the way down to my eyes from my chin, falling on the floor and soaking my shoes. Kenny gave a step away when I started to yell, but he approaches me again as soon as I stop talking.
"Oh, Butters. I'm so... I'm so sorry." He sighs. I wonder what he meant by that, but my tears do not allow me to think straight. Kenny wraps his arms around me and brings me close to him, stroking my hair as I burry my face on his chest.
I cry more as he does so, but I soon calm down just enough to control the tears. I take a deep breath and feel his smell. I really, really like it.
"I would never, ever tell you that I don't want to see you again, Butters, because that would be a lie."
I rub my eyes on his shoulder, using his parka to dry my tears. I keep my arms around him as I pull my face away, looking up at him in the eyes again. He has this soft smile on his face that makes me smile as well. I feel my heart slowing down.
"So... You don't hate me?"
Kenny lets out a giggle as he steps closer, until we are nose to nose. "Would I do this if I hated you?"
I lose my breath when he moves his hands to my head, placing them on either side of my face and leans closer, kissing me. My eyes widen and I shift for a moment, but my eyelids slowly go down and I kiss him back, hugging him tighter. Unlike the first time, it doesn't feel wrong.
In fact, it feels just right.
Kenny pulls away from the kiss, but keeps close by resting his forehead on mine. My breath shortens because I'm nervous and I can feel my face burning, but I can't help my smile when his breath hits my nose.
"I don't understand..."
"Butters." He interrupts. "Why?"
"Why do you like me?" He gives a step back and releases me from the hug, but takes my hands in his and looks down. "I mean, what is there to like about me? I'm poor as fuck, I'm selfish, I drink way too much, I can be really mean sometimes, I'm irresponsible... That's the reason why I never tried to have a serious relationship. Because who in the world would want to date someone like me?"
I don't know if he's about to cry or if it's just an impression, but I shake my head in disagreement as I step closer. "Kenny! You're not any of those things. I like you, because, well..." I feel my cheeks getting red again. "I don't know. I like your laugh, and I like the way your eyes shine when you pull your hood down. And I like your jokes, and I think you're beautiful, and I like when you stand up for me, and..."
Kenny interrupts me again by surprising me with a peck on my lips.
"I'm glad you think so, but... I really never thought you would like me. Because we're so different, you know." He places a soft kiss on my hands that he's still holding. "You're so kind, and cute. And so clean and you never do anything wrong, and you're always there when people need you. I just..." He closes his eyes and when he opens them, he's looking at my face. "I never thought that you liking me back was a real possibility."
I lose my breath again as I struggle not to fall over, because I can't feel my legs anymore. "Like you... Back?"
"Yeah." He giggles. "I've liked you... Ever since we went to Hawaii, remember that? Nobody had ever called me their best friend before. You were the first and I... Well, I always thought that someone like you would like someone better than me. You deserve someone better than me." He finishes his sentence with a sigh.
It's my turn to surprise his by wrapping my arms around him in a hug. "Kenny, don't you dare think about yourself that way. I love you, I always have, because... Well, because you were the only one who never called me a freak and actually helped me when I went crazy. You never took advantage of my innocence when we were kids. When we went to Hawaii together, I just... I was so happy you were there with me. I... I love you."
I feel something I had never felt before when he kisses my head and wraps his arms around me, returning the hug. I think it might be true happiness. Or maybe something else. Whatever it is, it's really warm; and a brand new feeling for me.
"I love you too." He whispers before pulling away. "So... It's kind of cold. You should go inside now that we sorted everything out."
I look back at my house and shake my head. "I can't. My parents are sleeping and I don't have a key. They'll be mad if I wake them up."
"Really?" Kenny gives a half smile as he raises his eyebrow and looks down at me. "So... Do you want to go with me to my house?"
"Really? Wow, that would be so cool! Like having a sleepover!" I smile.
Kenny looks up and laughs, wrapping his arm around my shoulder as we start to walk. "Yeah, Butters. We're totally going to sleep tonight."
Done, a little longer than I thought it'd be.
So, I don't like it when people write an older Butters as being as innocent and silly as he was when he was a kid. While I do think his innocent and cute personality would remain the same, he deserves to grow up and develop just like any other character.
I hope you liked this, let me know your thoughts. Thanks for reading, see yah next fic!