A/N: This idea was suggested by my sister, and since I LOVE the Lunar Chronicles and the Seven Kingdoms Trilogy, I had to write this. Also, I put Scarlet on the Rampion, because I can :P.
Disclaimer: If I owned TLC or 7KT I would be rolling in the dough. My life savings amounts to about 600 dollars.
Despite the fact that there was an evil queen who wanted to kill her and ultimately take over Earth, Cinder was relatively bored. Everyone aboard the Rampion was bored, really. Cinder didn't even have much piloting to do, since they were in orbit.
"I almost wish we would get attacked," Thorne complained. The entire crew was lounging in the cockpit.
"Captain!" Cress exclaimed.
"I said almost," Thorne pointed out. "And it doesn't even have to be a big attack."
"As much as I hate to say this, I agree with Thorne," Scarlet said. "I really want to shoot something right now."
Thorne and Kai scooted a few inches away from her (Cress was too polite for such actions).
Scarlet threw her hands up. "Oh, come on. If I was going to shoot you, I would have already."
"I don't doubt that," Wolf muttered. Even he wasn't brimming with his usual nervous energy.
Iko piped up. "I, for one, am not fond of the idea of crazed Lunars disturbing this peaceful environment."
"Peaceful? More like boring."
"Thorne, stop complaining," Cinder reprimanded.
"Yes, Your Highness."
Thorne smirked. Cinder smacked him with her metal hand.
"Ow! Kai, control your girlfriend!" Thorne yelped.
"Just because she's my girlfriend doesn't mean I can control her," Kai replied.
"So you admit that she's your girlfriend!"
"I—what? I never said-"
Kai was interrupted by an earsplitting squeal from Iko. "OH MY STARS! I called it!"
Kai heaved a sigh.
"I'll admit, I'd love to date you myself, but I'll back off since Cinder's my friend," Iko continued.
Thorne grinned. "Iko, is he blushing?"
"Like a beet."
"That didn't make sense, but okay."
"Thorne, Iko, stop torturing the emperor," Cinder cut in, who in that moment was grateful for her inability to blush.
"Okay, future empress of the Eastern Commonwealth."
After that, everyone was relatively silent. Except for Iko, who's dictionary did not include the word 'silent'.
As Cinder stared out the window at the countless stars, she saw something in the distance. It resembled a swirling purple cloud that resembled an intergalactic hurricane. Cinder wondered if it was significant enough to point out.
Then the Rampion was pulled out of orbit and started to head toward the strange disturbance, and she stopped wondering."THORNE!"
"Spades, what did I do this ti-"
"WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!"
"What is what? I can't see, remember?"
"I don't know, or I wouldn't be asking!"
By now, everyone else was looking out the window at the object in question.
"It's a swirly purple thing, and I think its pulling us in," Cress described.
"Thank you, Cress," Thorne said with a pointed look in Cinder's general direction. "I have no idea what that is."
"Well, how do I steer around it?"
"Shouldn't we be in orbit?"
"Yeah, that doesn't seem to be working right now!"
"Calm down, Cinder. It might be nothing," Kai reasoned.
"Famous last words," Scarlet commented bluntly.
"Thorne!" Cinder shouted.
"Right. Um. Try turning that red switch on."
"Well, frankly, I have no idea what to do either! I'm a captain, not a pilot!" Thorne snapped.
"This is so much better than a net drama," Iko murmured, at the same time Cress said, "This would be so much easier in a net drama."
The vortex continued to pull them in at increasing velocity.
"Yeah, maybe it's not nothing," Kai admitted.
"You think?" Cinder retorted.
"We might die," Wolf stated simply, as Cress screamed and warnings flashed across Cinder's vision and the Rampion disappeared completely into the cloud that was not a cloud because there were no clouds in outer space.
Then everything went black.
One of the many downsides to being an android is that when you and your friends get eaten by an evil swirly thing, you remain awake the entire time.
Iko lay sprawled out on the floor of the Rampion. She would have been sore if she had nerves. The ship had been tossed around quite a bit, and so had the inhabitants.
And then it had stopped.
She hopped up and looked out the window. They were in a large clearing surrounded by mossy stone walls. The floor was a giant mosaic of what looked like the inside of a fishbowl. In the middle of the clearing was an intricately carved fountain.
She did a quick search and concluded that this was some kind of First Era courtyard.
Her audio interface picked up a rustling noise behind her. She turned around and saw Cress looking around.
"Cress!" Iko exclaimed.
Cress jumped. "Oh. Hello, Iko. What happened? Where are we?"
"I think we got sucked into a portal of some sort. We're in a courtyard! Isn't it great?"
"I don't know. Is it?"
"Yes. It is. Because courtyards mean palaces!" Iko squealed.
Cress looked worried. "Who's palace is it?"
Iko sighed. "Right, that is a problem, isn't it? I hope whoever lives here isn't one of those Levana-type rulers."
Thorne, Cinder, and Scarlet woke up next. Cinder sprang up. "Oh no. Where are we?!"
"Stars, why does everyone ask that?" Iko said.
"Thorne, this is all your fault!" Cinder exclaimed.
"Because you said you wanted us to get attacked!"
"This isn't an attack! And Scarlet agreed," Thorne pointed out.
"Way to throw me under the maglev, Thorne!"
Kai groaned and say up. "Who's throwing who under a maglev?"
"About time, Your Majesticness."
"Ah. I guess I deserved that."
Wolf stirred. "What's going on?"
"Kai just told everyone that he wears pink boxers and Cinder said it was hot," Thorne deadpanned.
Cinder sighed. "Don't listen to him. We landed in a courtyard or something, and-"
The cyborg was interrupted by a pounding on the hatch.
Iko looked outside again. They were surrounded by guards. "I'm guessing that's not a welcoming committee?"
"Cinder?" Kai asked. "What do you want to do?"
Cinder took a deep breath. "Um. We'll just explain to them that this is a mistake and we'll be on our way as soon as possible."
"And if they don't buy it?" Scarlet asked.
"Guns are in the crate in the far corner," she remarked. "Access. Open hatch."
The creaking and grinding of metal followed shortly, and seven guards flooded onto the ship. Iko found it strange that they carried swords. It was always exciting to find something strange.
Cinder flashed a smile. "Hi, sorry, we didn't mean to disturb you. We'll be—"
The guards dragged them out of the Rampion and dumped them unceremoniously at the feet of another guard. Cress ducked behind Thorne's back.
"I told you this was a bad idea," Thorne hissed.
"You did not!" Cinder shot back.
"Silence!" the guard barked. "Who are you, and what business do you have with our queen?"
Before Cinder could say something placating, Thorne spoke up. "Are we supposed to stay silent or answer the questions?"
The guard scowled. "Don't be smart with me, boy."
Cinder cut in before Thorne could get himself into further trouble. "Look, this is a mistake. We came here by accident, and we want nothing from your queen."
"A likely story."
"Cinder. Use your glamour," Wolf said.
"I am not using my glamour," Cinder insisted stubbornly,
The courtyard doors were thrown open, and a woman strode into the courtyard. She wore a fabulous blue floor length-dress. "Enough. No one is going to be using anything." She walked up to the guard. "Are you the captain of the Monsean guard or the leader of a street gang?" she scolded.
"Forgive me, Lady Queen, but they appeared in your palace in a foreign and threatening object," the guard defended himself.
"That doesn't mean the people inside are threatening, and you completely abandoned any sense of diplomacy. We will continue this discussion later." The woman turned to face the Rampion's inhabitants. "I am Queen Bitterblue of Monsea. What brings you to my courtyard?"
"Um, we're not sure, exactly," Cinder replied. "Our spaceship-"
"My spaceship," Thorne corrected.
"The ship kind of got teleported here, wherever we are," Cinder continued. "I'm sorry if we created a disturbance. We'll be gone as soon as we figure out how."
The queen considered them for a moment. Then she shrugged. "Fine. You're welcome in my castle until you find a way to leave."
"Thank you," Cinder said politely.
"Hey Kai," Thorne stage-whispered. "I smell future empress material."
Cinder coughed. Kai turned roughly the color of Scarlet's hair. Scarlet gave an unladylike snort.
Bitterblue raised an eyebrow but didn't comment on it. "Do you need rooms or will you be staying in your..." She gestured to the Rampion. "...thing?"
"We're fine in our ship, but thank you again."
"Very well. We have a library, if you need it. Don't ask pointless questions and the librarian should like you well enough." With those words and a dramatic sweep of her skirt, Queen Bitterblue left the courtyard. The guards followed behind her.
"If everyone here dresses like that, I will be very happy here," Iko chirped.
When Bitterblue opened the door to her sitting room, she nearly had a heart-attack.
Po was lying on her couch, examining a grape from the bowl of fruit that sat on her table.
"Great skies, Po. If you continue to be so troublesome, you'll end up getting thrown into the river," Bitterblue remarked.
"That's it? No, 'Hello, Cousin?' No, 'I have missed you ever so much over the past few months?'" Po said, popping the grape into his mouth.
Bitterblue ran over and wrapped him into the kind of hug that leaves one feeling like he has been stepped on by an elephant. "When did you get here?" she asked the front of his shirt.
"Ages ago. I ate half the fruit in your bowl. What took you so long?"
Bitterblue pulled away. "There was a disturbance in the courtyard."
Po sat up and set his feet on the floor. "I know. What happened?"
"Some people showed up in a strange sort of ship. They appeared out of nowhere. And they dressed strangely and talked strangely."
"I haven't been here for two hours and already something absurd has happened. How typical."
"And the guards didn't like that they couldn't explain it so they were being difficult."
"I'm fairly certain they were being difficult because they thought it was a threat to their queen."
Bitterblue huffed at the second interruption. "So you can read thoughts about me now too?"
Po laughed. "My apologies. Continue with your account on the courtyard disturbance."
"Well, the strange people said they came on accident and that they would leave when they found out how. So I let them stay in the courtyard until then. That's the end of it." Bitterblue took a grape for herself and found that it made one look quite nonchalant. She made a note of that for later.
Po stared at her. "You gave complete strangers the use of your courtyard? Have you not considered the safety risks?"
Bitterblue frowned. "They will be guarded. I will be guarded. Nothing will happen."
"The spring ball is held in the courtyard. What if they stay until then?"
"Then we'll move the ball to the ballroom. It's there for a reason."
"The ballroom is for the winter ball."
She waved a hand. "The lords and ladies don't come for the room. They come so they can brag to their friends who are less rich and popular. Honestly, it's as if you want me to regret my decision."
Po sighed. "For your sake, I truly hope you don't."
They sat in silence for a moment.
"I really am glad you came," Bitterblue said. Then she perked up. "Is Katsa here?"
"Did you honestly just ask that question?" Po commented dryly.
"I want to see her."
He smiled. "Alright, then. Let's go see her."
A/N: Woah. This turned out much longer than I anticipated. In fact, this was supposed to be a one-shot but I might turn this into a multi-chapter fic. Tell me what you think in that little white box in the bottom right corner of the screen.