A/N: I won't waste your time with excuses. However, I will say that the next batch of LETTERS TO THE AUTHOR will be up sometime soon (though the definition of 'soon' is highly debatable). Also, I am in the process of editing the story. I already went back and did the first few chapters (I think) and will continue to do so. Please blatantly ignore any inconsistencies this chapter may have in relation to previous chapters for they will be fixed in upcoming edits. I'm starting at the end and working my way to the beginning. Wow, I feel so much like Lucas...and at such a young age... .
Chapter Something: Revenge of the Sessh and Why Two Swords Are Always Better Than One
A year and several months later we find that only mere hours have passed in the unequaled tale mischievously entitled 'That's Why They Call Him Fluffy.' This, my intrepid audience, not only breaks the rules of the space/time continuum, it also brings us back to another glorious morning that our heroes have awoken to. But who's counting.
Speaking of mornings,
you know how there are just some mornings where you really hate
ryone and everything? It never –really- starts out that way, does it? (Rhetorical question) In fact, my ever-diligent readers, things are never more chipper/dapper (insert other golfing adjectives) until people actually starting thinking. Read on, brave friends, but do not give in to the pale illusion that is false enlightenment. Then you'll start actually producing ideas…spreading philosophy…going on food strikes and such.
'That's it, I've got it! Now, to convince his Highness. This...is not going to be easy. At all...' "Sesshoumaru-sama! Sesshoumaru-sama wake up! I've got it! I've got it, I tell you!"
"Then let it go and let me get back to sleep you- "
"Ah ah ah! Now's not the time for pleasantries! I found a way to cure our ailments. In short, we just need to take a little trip. Again."
"..." 'And by that I mean where to?'
"Your sister-in-law's a miko. I've been wanting to visit Kagome and the kids for some time. Let's go for just today, get this thing settled, visit for a few hours and come back." 'The mind boggles at the ease of this solution that has been evading me.'
Oooh. S.A.T sentence, folks. The author just got chills up and down her spine. Amongst other things. Carry on.
"No." And by that this Sesshoumaru means that he is not awake enough for this.
As a slight wind swept through the room (don't you bother with the 'how'), a faint "use the force" danced in Rin's mind and she stared blankly at him for a few seconds. Deciding that he was not a morning person, she passed her hand in front of his face, followed by the words: "We WILL go to Kagome for a solution."
"Rin. I don't know what the hell that was but the answer is still no."
The force is strong with this one.
"Define no." And by that, Rin means that she's going, with or without your fine hanyou-self.
What a fine thing telepathic communication is. Really, what would we be without it, I shudder to think.
"It is out of the question. I do not wish to encounter Inuyasha and his brats in my current state. Nor shall you make the trip alone, if that is what you are intending. I will not let that insolent puppy gain amusement at my expense. Understand this, little one, we are not going. This Sesshoumaru will say it only once more: out-of-the-question. We are NOT leaving this castle. Has this Sesshoumaru made himself clear?" And by clear, you are to understand crystals, my young apprentice.
... And just like magic, two hours, thirty-five minutes and seven fights later, we find our dynamic duo, once again in fashionable garb n' gear, making their way to Casa de Yasha.
Despite popular belief, they're not on their way to South America.
Ignoring the howling screams of pain that somehow found their way from the nether regions of our fine little planet and unyielding chirps from green things that have more resurrection in them than the Bible, our people pressed on towards the in-laws.
Sesshoumaru was...well, let's just not go there yet. Peeved is one way to put it. One of many choice words, in fact.
Let us all take a moment to thank the English language for providing us with a plethora of fine words with which to strategically convey our or others' emotions.
I know. I really strained myself with peeved. Pressing on... It really wasn't all that bad until-
"Well well well, if it isn't the mighty- HOLY HELL WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU!"
Inuyasha has such a way with words. Needless to say, as articulation is not one of his finer points, Kagome's interjections at the opportune moments are most welcome. And it all works out. Almost as if this were written down somewhere...like a story...hmmm..
"Rin-chan, Sesshoumaru! How wonderful to see you guys! My...this is an...unexpected surprise. What...ah...happened?"
"Hi Kagome-chan...Inuyasha," Rin said somewhat nervously as she exchanged hugs with Kagome. "We, ah, have a few little problems."
"Yes, I see. Do tell me what happened."
Kagome was looking as perky as ever. In fact, Rin was somewhat glad that the sight of herself and the Lord in their present disheveled states served to bring Kagome down a few notches, that is, before Sesshoumaru got it in him to claw the perk out of her.
Speaking of Sesshoumaru, as we all love to do, we must also bring ourselves to discuss anger management, its pro's and con's and just why some relatives simply beg for violence. But perhaps that is for a later point in time.
"Yeah, I didn't think you could look any dumber but you look like a real-"
"Hahaha, dad you really need to stop pissing mom off!"
Enter hellion one. That is to say, Inutaro, the younger of Kagome and Inuyasha's two sons. Aren't children such blessings? And talkative little tikes...
"Hey aunt Rin, uncle Sesshoumaru. Whoa aunt Rin! What's with that stench? And what's under all the cloth uncle Sesshoumaru? You look kinda...deformed..."
As can be expected, a child usually gets more from one side of the family than the other.
Curioser and curioser.
"Your brat lacks respect and tact, as can be expected in such an environment." Rin, you had better make this quick and worth this Sesshoumaru's while. All this...perkiness...is getting to me.
"Sesshoumaru-sama please!" Be nice for five minutes, damn you. "Kagome-chan, we need the help of your miko powers. You see, it all started when..."
This would take a while. Of course, it's all a matter of interpretation, so it's not like Kagome had to know everything. And Inuyasha...
"So, lemme get this straight. You want Kagome to set you guys back to normal, right? What's in it for her, huh? Besides, I think this is just what the asshole deserves!"
But before anyone could comment further on Inuyasha's...misgivings... enter hellion two.
"Honestly father, how can you be so ill-mannered towards your own flesh and blood, to your much older and much wiser brother?"
"Ahh hello Haru-chan!" My goodness, he resembles his uncle so much it's almost disgusting.
"Hello aunt Rin, honored uncle. As always we humbly appreciate you favoring us with your visit. I trust your trip was well."
Now this was a kid that was definitely a chip off Sesshoumaru's block. In fact, the only one that he actually liked out of his new relatives. His hope for the Inu-youkai line was always renewed whenever he saw Haru. Unfortunate that he is tainted by human blood, but a powerful warrior in the making, nevertheless. Plus, he resembles this Sesshoumaru so much, it's almost disgusting.
"Your powers have increased since we met last, nephew. Perhaps you will allow this Sesshoumaru to oversee your training in the future." That ought to get Inuyasha's goat.
And the goat was gotten, faster than you can say-
"Hey! What the hell do you think- "
"I am at your service, esteemed uncle." Please, take me away from this nuthouse.
After a few more pleasantries and subtle pleas of wanting to be taken away were exchanged, Kagome got to work on the relatively simple formula that would put an end to Rin's...er...friendliness...and the lengthy process of relinquishing Sesshoumaru from his impoverished state. In layman's terms, it was a very long day full of insults, threats of homicide and otherwise ghastly descriptions of what Sesshoumaru could do with or without his swords and just where Inuyasha could stick Tetsusaiga.
Kagome and Rin had grown tiresome of listening to the men quarrel, as had the boys who were now minding their own respective businesses, one contemplating global domination as the other one thought "ooohhh...worms..." Thus they waited for Rin's hormone levels to come back down to earth and for Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha to get a life. Two, if possible.
Trees were being flung everywhere. The gardening bill was going to be expensive again.
"Goodness, they sure love to keep at it," Kagome said, attempting to break the boredom. "It's almost time for dinner but I doubt they have any intention of stopping."
"Hmm," Rin offered in agreement. For once in her life.
"Inuyasha still hasn't learned to control his temper, after all these years."
"And that Sesshoumaru- he's no better! Such an immature, overgrown puppy."
"Hmm... hey- what was that?" Red alert. I'm sorry, are you insulting my man? My lord? Are you even –trying- to go there?
"Well," Kagome smiled and waved her hand dismissively, "he certainly has acted like one ever since I cam to know him. It's not exactly a secret. Oh, you know what I mean, Rin-chan."
"No I'm sure I –don't- know what you mean, Kagome-san."
"Whoa, what's with the formality all of a sudden?"
"How dare you call Sesshoumaru-sama an immature and overgrown puppy! What gives you that right. Just take a look at Inuyasha- what is he, huh? Certainly not behaved or well-mannered, that's for damn sure." Let's go woman, bring it.
At the sound of voice decibels being raised, Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha put a brief pause in their brotherly bonding, to see what all the ruckus was about.
"Uh-oh," interjected Inutaro, "Mom and aunt Rin are gonna go at it. Man, my money's on mom."
"Surely you jest," retaliated Haru, "Aunt Rin is more than capable of securing the upper-hand."
"...Huh? I mean- oh yeah! 20,000 Yen says mom woops aunt Rin's ass."
"It is a bet. The same rules apply to this as have been used in previous wagers. Understood? "
Inutaro looked at his brother in disgust, for the twelfth time that hour. "Understood. Man, you really did get more of uncle Sesshoumaru's genes."
"Nonsense. Just because I –know- I'm better than everyone else does not suggest-"
"Don't you dare compare my husband to that homicidal ego-maniac!"
"Homo- what! Are you calling him gay? Because you'd better not be calling him gay- that's MY job. There's nothing Inuyasha can do better!"
"Well at least mine has a bigger sword! Beat that…you- you brat!"
The men stared in wonder. What the hell was going on? Did it even matter?
No, not really.
"Yeah, you tell her, Kagome! See, that's MY human."
"Oh yeah?" Rin continued, "Well mine. has. two. BEAT THAT."
'Excellent job, little girl. You do this Sesshoumaru proud.'
"And he's far prettier than Inuyasha."
'That needn't be said.'
And while our favorite original hanyou was still attempting to peel himself off the Earth, Sesshoumaru had had enough of the two hormone-high humans. Besides, it was evident that Rin had won by a landslide. There was no mistaking it; he had done an impeccable job in raising her. Not that he doubted his child-rearing skills at any given moment. It's just that the rest of us that did. And clearly, in comparison with his, what –we- think is pure diddly.
Thus with one swift stride (the man likes speed, what can I say) he had hurled little Rin over his shoulder and proceeded homeward bound. At least, the main objective had been secured and sanity could once again be restored.
Still, there were shouts of "please take me with you, uncle! I beg you!" lingering in the air... How very curious indeed.
"Well, I guess that puts an end to that," Kagome sighed, trying to smooth her ruffled feathers. "Inuyasha, -what- are you still doing down there?"
"I believe you owe me 20,000 Yen."
"What! She left in the middle of the fight. That was interference!"
"I would appreciate you not referring to our beloved uncle as "interference," you ingrate."
"Beloved- wha? What did you call me?"
"I do not expect one such as yourself to come close to comprehension. Come, let us not waste time. Hand over what is mine."
"Make me, asshole!"
"You will regret those words you unworthy- "
"Kids! Behave! Mom has a headache."
"Mother, the ingrate, henceforth known as my insignificant other, has engaged in a wager with myself, also known as the latter party, in which it was agreed that if he, a.k.a the former party, were to lose or forfeit the aforementioned wager, he would thereby acquiesce the pre-determined sum of 20,000 Yen to the winning party, otherwise known as the latter party, being myself. He is currently refusing to comply with the rules which he himself helped set. I realize that there is no justice in this world however if you wish to see your son in one piece I heartily suggest that you initiate an affirmative response which will lead to the flow of 20,000 Yen into my hands."
"Hu-huh! What did you just say?"
"Mom, he's cheating!"
"…. I don't know what you just said but stop threatening your brother Haru, or mom's going to send you with your aunt and uncle."
"Oh please mother, would you? Spare me from the clutches of this prematurely dysfunctional unit you people have the audacity to call a family."
"Mom make him speak Japanese!"
"Sigh... You certainly did get more from your uncle's side of the family, didn't you."
"Indeed. I was spared."
"Yeah mom, and he's always staring at that girl, ya know, Rikku. That's where he wanders to all day."
"Silence you punk. As if I would taint myself further by associating with humans. Never mind the fact that she is several years my junior."
"Inuyasha, dear, I need some help!"
"You're such a spoiled, pretty-boy - "
Aaah... Another generation of brotherly love unfolds before our very eyes.
As for our ever riled-up twosome, the trek home was more than welcome. The conversation had taken a few unexpected turns, ranging from questions such as "why do you get so angry?" to comments such as "lemme at her, I'll rip her hair out!" But as the tone grew more serious and, dare this humbled author say romantic, the chirping turned into surround sound and yada yada yada (insert sunsets and all the shooting stars and fireflies bullsht).
"S-so what are you trying to say?"
"What this Sesshoumaru is trying to tell you," now that you are not as –rabid- as you were "is that… some things need not be said. They should be understood." excellent. That should buy this Sesshoumaru enough time to-
"I don't agree. Will it kill you to tell me how you really feel?"
"Perhaps you are being presumptuous about this Sesshoumaru's feelings?"
That was it. She snapped (again). 'What in the seven hells do you mean 'presumptuous'? I'll frickin...' "You know what buddy, you're a real ass when you want to be," she yelled, as she jabbed her finger into his back, from her uncomfortable position being hanging over his shoulder. "Are you sure you're not an ass-demon? Because I could swear sometimes... never mind. My point is, I'm not afraid to say it, unlike some people." 'Here goes nothing...' "I love you! See! It's that easy. I love you. There, I said it again. My goodness, you're an ass. I mean, it's intolerable sometimes, so much that I hate you. I love you, but sometimes, I really fcking hate you. And right now is one of those times. Am I making sense? Are you even listening?..." And so she rambles on.
'She loves me. She loves me. SHE LOVES- but of course she does. I am Sesshoumaru, after all.' "As I love you. Now do BE SILENT!" he barked.
"You...you love me? Sesshoumaru-sama... So stop yelling at me and let down!" 'You're damn skippy you love me. You think you'd still be capable of walking if you'd said anything else? I don't care how powerful you are, every man is a moving target in the same place...'
"Intolerable. I swear..."
So much love going on. All you need is love. And food. And water. Possibly shelter. But anyway... Sesshoumaru was right, some feelings transcend mere words.
"Sess..Sesshoumaru-sama? I have a confession to make." 'Yet another.'
'Dear god, not another one.' "What is it?"
'Careful, don't sound too concerned now.' "Well, a while back, you know, before the whole accident…thing…whatever... I started hearing these, I dunno, voices- in my head. I'm pretty sure they're gone now but what do you think it means? Am I thinking too hard?"
'I doubt there is much danger of that.' "..."
"Or do you think I'm going crazy?" Rin's voice pleaded.
'No crazier than this Sesshoumaru.' "Perhaps it was merely your conscience trying to reprimand you for your behavior." 'Someone has to.'
'Gimme a break. If that were true then you'd be a walking migraine.' "Then what about you? Doesn't you conscience ever talk to you?"
"Absolutely not." 'If you only knew the horror that has been this Sesshoumaru's mind of late.'
'Lies. All lies, I tell you!' "Oh and why is that?"
"I do not have one."
Deadpan looks are shared as the faint echoes of a distinct, familiar chirp, long since forgotten, sweeps through with the winds of time.
"Did you hear tha- never mind. So are you trying to tell me that you never hear voices? Never. As in...never?"
"Perhaps you could enlighten this Sesshoumaru by citing a example of such an incident." 'Then I could understand how your attention is otherwise engaged when you are busy disregarding every vital thing this Sess- ……' Yeah, Sesshoumaru has officially been cut off.
"Well... Let me think. Ok, let's say, for example- and this is only an example!- that this voice just happens to be female. She claims to be my conscience and let's just say that she calls herself my better half. She keeps telling me how stupid I am, whenever she can fit it into the conversation, but she does it so often that Rin gets lost and confused and then you start talking to me then she makes Rin say things that Rin doesn't intend to share and she picks on me and, and-" Alright child now I want you to take a deeeep breath.
Sesshoumaru's eyes blinked on and off, much akin to the attributes of a camera whose flash has all but blinded the innocent people who are ruthlessly being bound to a cheesy photograph that probably makes them look larger then they are, with stupid smiles that they're probably faking and red eyes that make it look like everyone's been possessed by a savage...thing...with red eyes. But let us not dwell on product placement o beloved readers.
"And what you have just described is..."
"A purely hypothetical situation."
"What are you on?" 'And can I have some?'
"Whatever it is, you can't have any." 'I'm on love, baby. I've got nothin' but love for you.'
Now, onwards and upwards faithful audience for as our favorite demon/de-hanyou-fying lord and not-so-hormone-high human are on their way home in caveman-like fashion, the little green wanderer is still trying to find a way out of the…well…the nether regions. No, the other nether regions.
"Hey! Hey 'Sesshoumaru-sama'! Big news!"
"What is it 'Rin'?"
"They've done it! They've actually done it. They've spoken the words."
"No, the other ones!"
"No dammit! I love you."
"! (since when are exclamation marks words this author cannot say...but go with it) Really...then it is time. Time to really screw with their minds, as kind of a goodbye before the One orders us to retire our efforts."
"I couldn't agree more. Shall I collect 'Jaken'?"
"Yes, and do make sure the other Jaken makes it up in time to...barge in...kukuku."
Brushing aside the unnecessarily creepy sound effect in the previous sentence, we bring another chapter to a close, faithful followers. And After all is said and done, I leave you with one final thought: aren't we all entitled to a happy ending or two? Not to mention, the right to get our respective grooves on without being interrupted?
That's what I thought...
A/N: As always, thank you for reading the story and putting up with my eccentricities.