Disclaimer: Divergent Series is owned by Veronica Roth as do the few quotes that I've used in context from the Series in this story. All Veronica Roth's work.
**Warning: Allegiant Spoilers
AN: This story kicks off 10 months after Tris released the memory serum at the Bureau. Uriah wakes from his coma a few weeks after Tris is shot in the weapons lab. Unlike 'some' authors, I've chosen to keep the main character ALIVE for my story.
This story will be written from both Tris and Tobias' POV. Most of the outline for this story is already done and I have a few chapters already pre-written which I will be uploading over the next week. As always reviews are always welcomed.
I don't know how long I've been asleep, an hour, maybe two before the nightmares start tonight. Honestly I have no idea how Uriah and Christina can sleep through my screaming and thrashing. Practice I guess. I smile at the thought of how much of surrogate brothers Uriah and Zeke have become and I'm just as protective of them as they are of me, something my own brother could never be.
It's been months since I've last heard from Caleb. He fled the Bureau as soon as the memory serum was released leaving me fighting for my life in a hospital bed for 3 months. I still don't feel sad that he's gone. I guess he left my life before the war even started, the day he chose Erudite.
I sigh; this train of thought only ever leads down one path, directly to my broken heart and directly to Tobias.
I scoot over to the side of my bed and turn on the bedside lamp. The soft glow is still bright enough for me to have to blink a few times to readjust my eyes. I slide the top draw of my bedside table open and move the three books and papers to get to what I'm looking for. A wrinkled piece of white paper, complete with torn edges. Even though I know what it says, I take a deep breath to calm myself before reading it for the hundredth time.
You deserve better, you deserve more..
You're safer without me Tris.
These were his final words to me while I spent eight weeks in an induced coma, recovering from the bullet wounds I received from David while setting off the memory serum. No one seems to know why he left, or even when he went, and if they do they don't tell me. Best to move on they all said. But how do you move on from the only person you know you will ever love? I blink away a tear and put the note back under the books and papers. I switched the light off again and snuggled back down into bed. I doubt I'll be getting anymore sleep tonight.
I must have dozed off again at some point because I wake to my morning alarm blaring into my ears. 5:45am is a crazy time to be up, but if I want to get my morning run in, I can't be late.
I roll myself out of bed and proceed to the bathroom to clean my teeth. I count down the seconds until the familiar banging on my bedroom door starts. It's become some what of a routine between me and Zeke. He always accompanies me on my morning run. I mumble a "come in" and Zeke let's himself into my room. As always he starts to jog on the spot like he's just come off a rollercoaster or something. I have no idea how he manages to be so perky this time of the morning. I grunt in annoyance and kick the bathroom door shut with my foot. Once my teeth are done, I change into my running gear and grab my shoes before joining Zeke in my room.
"Come on grasshopper, time is a wasting"
I yawn into my sock "You know I hate you right?
"Nah, you love me, now get your ass moving, I promised Shauna I'd be at breakfast."
We take our usual route around the Dauntless compound. It's a great run, lots of hills, and debris to dodge. We stay far away from the Abnegation and Erudite sectors. There are just too many bad memories attached to those areas.
After I was released from the hospital and we all came home, back here to Dauntless, Zeke took up the lead on my physical therapy. Training me back to my old self, even improving on where I was when my Dauntless initiation ended. He was always patient with me, but knew when to push me too. I wonder sometimes if it's out of loyalty to Tobias that he does, not that I really care. I'm just happy to have him in my life.
We rounded the last corner of our route and spotted Christina, Uriah and Edward waiting for us, each stretching their muscles. Thursdays were always a group training day. We worked through our combat techniques, agility training and of course, the fast track. Zeke would time each of us around the running track and add that to our total scores for the day. The two top members got to hit it out in the ring. The past 6 weeks straight it had been me and Edward at the top, with Edward losing to me each week. I had a sneaking suspicion he was taking it easy on me.
I ducked a few of Edwards punches before going in for his throat. A move Tobias had taught me when I was a Dauntless initiate. I still used it and the rest of the techniques he taught me, even though every time I did, I thought about him.
Edward seemed to be off his game today; his movements were sluggish and delayed. I easily tripped him up and pinned him to the mat.
"You concede or do I have to knock your lights out?" I joked.
Edward snorted and chuckled at me "I concede, I concede". I smiled back and rolled off him. I hadn't expected Edward and me to be friends when we first returned. I know his time with the factionless had changed him, but being back at Dauntless he had thrived and began to return to the boy I had met on my first day here. There was nothing romantic about our relationship, we were strictly friends, however I knew Edward would like to change that. I'm just not ready to even entertain the idea.
Zeke grinned widely at me as I exited the ring; he was busily punching things on his tablet, before I realized my name was sitting in the 1st spot on the leader board. I smiled; maybe, just maybe I could go back, back to the Tris I was before the war, before my friends and parents were killed, back before I was used as a lab rat. I looked down at my shoes, no, that could never happen, Tobias isn't here. I could never go back without him.
I opened the door to the apartment I shared with Uriah and Christina and headed towards my room for a well deserved hot shower. I had unofficially moved in with Uriah and Christina a few weeks after our return to Chicago. I had a very spacious apartment up in the Pier where Tori and Bud, the other Dauntless leaders lived, however I was yet to spend a night there.
I had barely taken a few steps down the hallway when I heard voices coming from the kitchen. Sounded like Zeke and Uriah were deep in conversation, then I heard a high pitched voice which definitely belonged to my best friend, Christina. I headed toward the kitchen only to overhear Christina say, "Someone has to tell her!"
I sighed. They did this a lot.
"Tell me what?" I asked while I barged into the kitchen. Zeke visibly cringed when he saw me enter. I glared at each of the faces of my friends around the kitchen table awaiting a response. Uriah was the first to move.
"Well I got work, so I'm out." He practically ran out of the kitchen.
"I've got stuff too, bye!" Christina mumbled and ducked under Zeke's arm which was resting on the back of her chair in what seemed to be a feeble attempt at getting her to stay.
I arched an eyebrow at Zeke, he just sighed.
"Tris, sit down." It was more a command than a request. I took a seat across from him at the table.
"Okay, who died?" I asked, trying to lighten the mood a bit. It didn't work.
"I got a letter from Four." All of a sudden I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. My mouth dropped open and I just gaped at Zeke.
"He wants to come home but…" he trailed off, looking at me.
"But what?" My voice was barely audible.
Zeke sighed again. "He wants to know if you'd be okay with that. He said if it's too much for you, he'll resettle elsewhere." Zeke looked like he could take flight at any moment. Clearly he was on edge about my response to the whole situation.
We sat there for a long moment before I finally had something to say.
"He didn't say anything else? Where he was? Why he left?" Zeke shook his head. I shut my eyes for a few moments. "This is his home too, just because we aren't together doesn't mean we can't live in the same place." I said looking directly back at Zeke.
Zeke relaxed back into the chair. "Tris" he started.
"Look I'm not saying I ever want or need to speak with him, and if I see him in the compound I'm not going to throw knives at his head. But this is his home too."
"Are you really sure about this?"
I exhaled the breath of air I hadn't realized I was holding. Was I sure? Could I manage to see him here, living life without me? Could I stand to see him move on, with other girls, settle down, without me? No. I couldn't stand any of that, but I couldn't stand not having him near me again either.
"Yes, I'm sure"
"Okay" Zeke smiled and headed towards to fridge, cracking a beer and sculling it.
The rest of the week passed in a blur. I got up, I ran, I trained, I worked, I hardly slept, hardly ate, the usual. I tried my best to keep my thoughts from drifting to Tobias, but if I was being really honest with myself he plagued every thought I had. It was Sunday night that the thoughts really started to get to me. I was lying in bed listening to Uriah's snores from down the hall when I found myself pulling on my hoodie and my feet taking me the familiar route towards the apartments on the south west of the compound. I stood in front of the door and tested the lock, locked. Of course it was locked. I had asked Zeke to ensure it was kept closed off to anyone, in the vain hope he would one day return. The sole key was kept just under a pile of nearby rocks. The key was covered in a light film of dust; I placed it into the lock and took a deep breath. The door opened with a familiar creak, and I slipped inside.
My hand slid down the right side of the door along the wall searching out the light switches. Everything in the room was the same as I remembered, except the large red stain on the matt at the foot of the bed. Blood. My blood. Seeing it again churned my empty stomach. I barely remember the last time I stood in this room, but that stain was proof that it wasn't just a nightmare.
I walked slowly towards the bed, the blue quilt still spread out, the indents in the pillows still visible. I sat down slowly on the end, and gathered the quilt to my face. It still smelt like Tobias. No matter how much he physically exerted himself, he still smelt like fresh summer rain. I reminded me of safety.
The door creaking startled me from my thoughts and I saw Uriah poke his head through the door.
"Ah, there you are" he puffed. "You know how I feel about you sneaking out in the middle of the night!"
"Sorry" I responded meekly.
Uriah took in the room, his eyes fixated on the stain on the matt. He furrowed his brows at me and nodded.
"Five minutes, Tris and I'm leaving the door cracked, okay?"
I wanted to argue with him, wanted to scream at him that I wasn't a child and could be left alone for five minutes without going psychotic! But that wasn't the truth and the stain on the floor was evidence of that. In reality that's what had happened so I understood the worry Uriah's face now held.
"Okay" I nodded and Uriah's head disappeared from the room.
Tears were threatening to escape my eyes as I thought about how much I loved the man who once resided here. How much I loved him yes, but also how much I hated him. Hated him for leaving me when I needed him the most. Being well enough to finally read the note for myself felt like being shot all over again, this time straight though my heart.
I let the quilt drop back onto the bed and took one last look around before switching off the lights and closing the door, ensuring it was locked. Uriah helped me return the key to its hiding place and we walked slowly and silently back to the apartment. Once inside Uriah placed his hand on the small of my back and guided me effortlessly into his bedroom where Christina was asleep cuddled up on one side of his bed. We had been here before. Me a catatonic mess and him terrified I would do something stupid again. It was an unspoken rule; I wasn't going to be left alone, not tonight, not tomorrow, not for the rest of my life if they all had it their way. At first I was upset, that they were monitoring my every move, analyzing my moods, checking I had taken the correct dosage of medication and at the right times. It wasn't until I began to shake out of my downward spiral that I noticed the bags under Christina's eyes, the muted tone in Zeke's voice and the weary smile Uriah had to force. I was hurting them, my friends, my family, the only family I had left. So I tried harder, complained less, let them feed me medications, schedule my days, and ensure one of them was with me at all times. Slowly this life started to become the norm and everyone reverted back to their former selves.
I settled myself on my left side, the bed dipping under my weight causing Christina to stir. She flicked her eye-lids open at me, she didn't look surprised, she just wiggled over towards me and rested her arm over my shoulder. Uriah took off his sweatshirt and looked down at us. He gave me a swift brotherly kiss to the temple and got in on the right side, effectively spooning Christina. I let the fatigue take over and closed my eyes.
AN: As always please R&R