I never wanted you to see
The darkest part of me
I knew you'd run away
I waited but you never came
So afraid to be alone
I tried to let you go
Still I find you lost inside the darkest part of me
~ Red: Darkest Part
Sighing for the umpteenth for the last ten minutes, the tall adolescent, human-Saiyan hybrid sat in the confines of his own room with his sole attention focused on the roof as if it held some answers to his current predicament, if only his current situation wasn't so damn complicated.
It had been a little over a fortnight since the defeat of the tyrannical being known to the world as Majin Buu, and in that time the once destroyed planet earth had begun where it left off. It was in these moments that Gohan began to appreciate every little detail of life that could be experienced in times of peace. A small smile appeared on his lips as he made himself aware to the fact that his once dead father was now among the living and with his family. He couldn't recall a moment in his life when he finally felt content… Or at least close to it.
There was still a single aspect of life that troubled the teenager, a problem that perhaps might be more complicated than impending doom and destruction; of course it involved a certain raven haired female. A girl who had been caught in the center of his chaotic life by accident, not that he was complaining, in fact his problem more or less had to do with himself rather than the girl who was constantly invading his thoughts.
Videl Satan was her name, and she could only be described in Gohan's mind as a being of pure beauty. Over the past few weeks the boy had allowed himself to grow closer to this girl, even going as far as to conjure up warm feelings towards her, though this was never his intention; in fact this was the situation he was actively trying to avoid. He ran a hand through his jet black hair as he began to process the information once again. Yes, he was in love with Videl Satan, but that was precisely the problem. This wasn't some teenage love story where the two could be involved in a happy, loving relationship. Gohan wasn't like most boys, or a human boy that is. No, Gohan was part Saiyan, an intergalactic warrior race that was infamous throughout the universe for their fighting prowess and bloody history that involved the extinction of multiple races throughout the galaxies. And by carrying this blood within his body it signified that Gohan held a dark, predatory, killer instinct that could potentially make itself apparent at any time despite Gohan's reluctance to unleash this hidden, untamed burning fire of hate and raw strength. He may have been blessed with this extraordinary power, but he now had a difficult decision to make as a result of his inherited abilities.
Gohan wanted nothing more than to confess his true feelings to Videl, but he was restricted by his dark thoughts. Videl deserved better than someone who could not promise a long lasting relationship, she deserved someone who didn't have to carry the burden of protecting the world, someone who didn't risk hurting her time and time again, someone who wasn't a monster.
The boy groaned into the palms of his hands as he allowed himself to think so lowly about who he was. It was then that it became clear that this was far beyond Gohan's jurisdiction, and what's worse, he had no third party to seek for assistance. His father wasn't exactly the best choice for relationship advice, his mother had no knowledge of Saiyan urges and Vegeta was completely out of the question. The feeling of uselessness racked the troubled boy's brain for the ensuing few minutes. As his thoughts became more and more negative Gohan stood from his sitting position and with all the courage he could muster, jumped from his bedroom window and flew in the direction of his troubles.
Yes, he had to step up to the plate regardless of what his heart or brain told him to do, the only way to resolve this issue and give him peace of mind was to confront the problem from the source and hopefully cut himself free of the chains that restricted him from breaking out. He had to take action now, or he would never be able to let go of the girl he so desperately wished a monster like him could love.
The closer he came to the Satan residence the more daunting the task became the more nervous and flustered the boy was becoming. Maybe it was possible for love to blossom; maybe they could find a way…
'No!' Gohan practically berated himself in his mind. 'Someone like me doesn't deserve that kind of love. I can't allow her to see what I truly am'
After his declaration Gohan immediately picked up the pace, flying at speeds he never knew he was capable of achieving; all the while he tried to convince himself that this was the right course of action and he had no other alternative. But in the back of his mind, he knew. He knew that there may actually be a chance.
Videl sat at her desk eying her homework venomously; today was the day school had reopened after the Majin Buu fiasco. With the general public now ignorant to the iconic events of the past week everything was now back to normal… Or mostly, after the defeat of Buu Videl was well aware of almost everything that she previously would never be able to comprehend. Alien life, God like figures, wizards and to top it off, the fact that one of her friends was the unsung, true savior of the world seven years ago. It was almost like an information overload, to the extent that Videl constantly was convinced that she was trapped in some sick twisted nightmare.
But as time began to ware, she was aware of the fact that this was now her reality. Not that she minded, or would have minded if a certain classmate of hers was willing to give her peace of mind. After their reunion on top of the sacred flying fortress of Kami's lookout, Videl was convinced that she and Gohan were destined to remain the best of friends, or perhaps even more than just friends. That would most likely be a fact, if Gohan weren't actively trying to avoid her. Though she had no conclusive evidence to support her assumptions, she could only admit that Gohan for some unknown reason didn't wish to see her.
Her phone calls were ignored, visits to the Son household only ever ended in Gohan suspiciously leaving to train in seclusion just minutes before her arrival, and lastly the 100% test score perfectionist was absent for school. Videl hung her head in shame, she not only felt alone, but also disappointed in the absence of her friend. Why was he keeping his distance anyway? Was he afraid she would blackmail him again? It seemed like the only logical reasoning, at this the girl now felt ashamed that her previous selfish actions had cost her greatly. 'Gohan, I'm sorry' Videl mentally said mainly to herself.
Her thoughts were then interrupted by a soft know on her balcony door. It was almost impossible though, no one could traverse the secure front gate of Satan manor, unless they could fly of course…
Then it hit her, in a flash of movements the girl jumped from her desk side and tore the curtains open, revealing the tall, muscular figure of a certain demi Saiyan, but the thing that stood out most was the serious expression the boy employed, something that was far from the usual naïve and innocent attitude he lived his day to day life with. Immediately Videl's demeanor switched from one of joy to concern and worry, after opening the door's Videl ushered for the boy to enter which he complied.
An awkward silence befell the two, Gohan didn't exactly know where to start and Videl had so many questions circulating her mind that she planned to ask the boy, but in this unexpected situation only a single question escaped her lips.
"Gohan, what're you doing here?" in hindsight it wasn't the best choice of wording.
"I need to tell you something" Gohan explained seriously, enough to make Videl forget her resentment she had towards her tall friend for staying away from her for the past two weeks. "You may want to sit down, this could take a while" the boy said now gesturing towards the girl's double bed.
With both teens now comfortably positioned on the mattress Gohan slowly tried to initiate his piece. It was now that he realized that perhaps he should have waited longer and prepared his speech before he arrived on the scene. But he was here now and couldn't just leave without an explanation. His eye's clashed with the intoxicating blue of the raven haired female's irises. Even this small exchange nearly had Gohan wanting to declare his love for her right then and there. But he needed to control himself, and with all his willpower he finally began.
"Videl, what I'm about to tell you is extremely important and I want you to keep from saying anything until I'm done" His tone clearly implied that this wasn't a suggestion, but it was an order. Before she even had time to respond, Gohan was speaking again.
"The past few weeks have been the craziest of my life. Not because of the world tournament, or the release of Majin Buu, or even the destruction of earth. It's because I met you. Over the past few weeks I have seen you as a close friend, someone I could depend on and swore to protect from harm, and the more time I spent with you, the more I wanted you by my side. Every time I see you I cannot control myself, I want nothing more than to say this to you; Videl, I love you" the last words were barely above a whisper, but were more than enough to send a message.
Videl meanwhile was digesting the fact that Gohan, her Gohan had feelings for her. Her stomach was doing flips and her heart rate had picked up to was could only be described as inhuman speeds. "Gohan… I" the girl began, but was stopped by Gohan holding up his hand, signaling for her to hold her comment.
"You heard me right, I love you. But it's for that reason that I can't be near you" he stated with his eyes sealed shut to prevent himself from witnessing her reaction. "Before you say anything, just let me explain. As you know about my Saiyan heritage I'll get straight to the point. My life has been a constant battle for survival, I have fought in many bloody battles and in those times I have done many things I am not proud of. I have inflicted pain and enjoyed it; I have tasted the horrors of war and battle and allowed it to consume me, to the point that my father had to give his own life because of my arrogance."
A look of horror spread onto Videl's features and though Gohan still refused to make eye contact, he could sense the look she was giving him, yet he still continued.
"The truth is that I am not a good person. In fact I'm a monster bred for war and destruction who's driven by anger and rage. And all these urges to kill and spill blood lay just below the surface and I have no way of controlling myself when this power is released. It's because of this untapped power that I will die a premature death and when this happens I couldn't die knowing that I have left behind friends and family who have to live with my failures. So for that reason I try my best to avoid serious relationships and that includes continuing my friendship with you"
The task was done, Gohan wanted to feel relief for finally disposing of this situation once and for all, but no matter how hard he tried he could only feel regret and pain, and that only worsened when he boldly spared a quick glance towards Videl.
A tear, the Videl Satan, toughest girl alive, was crying, and what's worse was that she clearly made no attempt to stop the sadness from pouring out. This sight made Gohan's heart clench tighter than he knew it was capable of doing, he wanted so desperately to hold her close to him and comfort her, take back the previous statements he made and declare his love for her all over again.
"How can you say that?" she asked quietly, her voice trembling through the magnitude of this conversation. "You say you love me and expect me to just forget about everything we've been through, live life as if we never met!?" now Videl was abandoning her saddened state and turned to her fiery attitude that she was notorious for. "You call yourself a monster, but all I see is you. You're still the same Gohan I've known before Buu was even hatched. Don't tell me what you are; I can see it for myself!"
Her eyes burned with fury, but still the flow of tears did not cease, in fact it now continued at an even more rapid rate. "You've never seen what I truly am!" Gohan countered feeling way in over his head. "I have spent years trying to lock away the part of me that cost my father his life, the darkest part of my heritage that turns me into everything I despise. The truth is that I don't fear death or pain, what I fear most in this world is what I am capable of turning into, if I can't trust my own power how can I make promises to my friends?"
Standing from his position, Gohan began furiously pacing Videl's room. "My actions cannot be justified, I am a savage monster"
"You're wrong!" Videl practically screamed as she stood up herself and marched over to the demi Saiyan, locking eyes with him in a heated challenge, Videl allowed a hard glare to creep onto her face as the bodies of both teens were only separated by only a couple of centimeters. "Who are you trying to convince here, me or you? Because I don't give two shits about what you think you are, and what you think the best decision is for me. In the end I can see just as clearly as anyone else, and I can make my own decisions!"
Gohan's eyes widened at this newfound wave of passion that was hurled his way, had he really been acting so selfish? As he noticed the mix of anger and sadness in the eyes of his crush. Sighing, Gohan brought his palms to his face before falling to the floor and landing on his backside. "I've spent so long trying to keep people away" The boy said slowly as his lip quivered slightly at the now distant memories. "I figured the less people I got involved with, the less people I would let down. That's why I couldn't see you; because you're another face I couldn't bear to see disappointed with me. Every time I try to put things right I fail and it always comes with a price"
Immediately Videl's eyes widened in how vulnerable her friend seemed at this very moment, so doing the only thing she could think of, she pulled the boy into a tight embrace, and was surprised when he made no attempt to pull away despite his reluctance to remain friends.
"You need to stop putting the world's fate on your shoulders" Videl whispered into his ear making a shiver course through Gohan's spine. "You don't have to carry such a burden when you have friends who are willing to help."
"I know" Gohan admitted with a sigh as his Saiyan urges were entirely focused on the woman in his arms. "But I can't stand to see them get hurt for me. People have died for me before and who's to say it won't happen again?" flashbacks of Piccolo standing into the line of fire and Goku saying his last goodbyes haunted the Son boy's mind, the pain was vivid and unforgettable.
"Don't you trust your friends?" Videl wondered as she put an end to her tight embrace and directed her gaze solely on the handsome features of the tall teen. "If you did you would trust their judgment regardless of what you think…" she paused before placing a small hand on the rough knuckles of Gohan. "You would see that they don't picture you as a monster, they idolize you and care for you"
"Videl" Gohan whispered as unconsciously both their faces drew closer to one another.
"You declared your feelings towards me and want me to forget it. Did you ever stop and think that maybe those feelings were reciprocated? That maybe I deserve a say in our future? Because there is only one thing I want right now, and I can see that you feel the same."
The gap between the two teen's faces was now reduced to a mere centimeter, the two could feel each other's breath on their lips and it drove their urges to the absolute limits. The two lingered in that position for a small moment before finally giving in to temptation, in one bold movement Gohan closed any amount of distance that remained between the two and found his lips moving in sync with the girl of his dreams.
To say Videl was surprised was an understatement, her eyes widened at the sheer confidence Gohan was employing with such a bold move, but it wasn't long before Videl shook herself from the shock and surrendered to the wave of emotions that coursed through her body. Closing her eyes, the girl deepened the kiss and wrapped her petite arms around the broad shoulders of Gohan who responded by encasing her waistline in his muscular embrace. The two remained in that position before lack of air required both teens to pull apart, as this happened Videl flashed Gohan a victorious smirk that said 'I told you so.'
"Videl, are…" Gohan tried to ask, only for the girl in his arms to interrupt him mid-sentence.
"Now you know how I feel" she claimed matter-of-factly before rewarding her love interest with a seductive smile which made him unknowingly strengthen his grip around her.
"Are you sure this is what you want?" Gohan questioned, still unsure about how this situation could be successful in the long run. "Even knowing about what I am?"
It was at that moment that Videl wanted to simply smack the boy upside the head and snap him from these negative thoughts he had placed on himself. "For someone so intelligent you really are dense about anything besides book smarts" Videl said rather harshly, making Gohan's eyes widen at the sheer fire the words held. "Do I have to spell it for you? I-don't-care-about-how-you-see-yourself, I'm sick of hearing you verbally degrade yourself, so stop it!" the raven haired teen commanded while hardening her gaze, making the previously confident demi Saiyan tremble.
"Yes ma'am" he replied shakily. Luckily enough for Gohan this statement made Videl drop her tough girl persona, which was now replaced with an attitude of happiness and relief; slowly the girl lowered her head onto the shoulder of Gohan and allowed a sigh of content to escape her lips. Gohan meanwhile tensed slightly at this uncharacteristic show of affection from Videl, and if it weren't for Videl guiding his hand onto her lower back it was most probable that he would have been frozen in place.
"I'm guessing this means you want me to stay" Gohan stated with a chuckle.
"Well maybe if you had listened you would have noticed that from the start" Videl replied both sarcastically and matter-of-factly at the same time, as she also emitted a small laugh.
Relaxing in each other's embrace, Gohan's eyes lingered over the facial features of the girl that lay in his arms, and it was almost impossible for his broad smile to be wiped from his face. 'Yeah, I could get use to this." Gohan thought to himself, before planting a kiss on the forehead of Videl.
"Thank you" Gohan whispered into the girl's hair as he allowed her intoxicating aroma to fill his nostrils.
"For what?" Videl questioned as she pulled herself away from the boy's embrace and traced her hand over the chiseled jaw that was evident on Gohan's face.
"For seeing the part of me I had lost and for accepting the darkest part of me"
~ AUS Wild Thing