Never Let Cute Guys in Your Conscience Be Your Guide Part Duex (Revised)

Author's note: It's amazing what you can come up with at 1:00 in the morning. Think about it.

Conscience Guides: Elijah Wood Orlando Bloom Sean Biggerstaff Hayden Christensen Tobey Maguire Billy Boyd Ewan McGregor

On one particular hazy afternoon Elle sits in her room reading one of her favorite magazines, Teen People. Then out of the blue (as if we already hadn't predicted it) her door bursts open and who stream in but Elijah, Tobey, Ewan, and Hayden. They quickly jump aside as Ewan fights to close the door as a large white Labrador Retriever barks ferociously at the intruders. Ewan locks the door with some difficulty and they all give out a sigh of relief.

Elle: I see you've made friends with Daisy.

Tobey: That monster's name is Daisy?

Elijah: Beautiful creature. Eh..

Elle: She's very protective. Now why are you here again? I didn't summon you.

Ewan: You didn't last time. We come and go as we please.

Hayden: Sort of.

Elle: *puts down Teen People* Riiiigghhhhtttt...

Elijah: We decided that you need help with other issues in your life.

Elle: Like what? I'm quite happy right now.

Tobey: See that, she's in denial.

*Guides shake their heads in disgust*

Elle: What?

Ewan: You need help!

Elle: With what!?

Hayden: ummmmmm...

Tobey: With stuff.

Elle: What stuff?

Ewan: Um. School stuff!

Elle: School doesn't start for another two weeks at the least.

Tobey: Then you need to prepare!

Elle: What do you want me to do?

Hayden: Pack your book bag!

Elle: No!

Elijah: Alright then, we will.

*Guides swarm backpack and new school supplies*

Elle: Wait a second, are you guys bored or something?

Elijah: Just a little.

Elle: Don't you have any other people to help?

Tobey: No, just you.

Elle: I'm touched.

Hayden: Think about it, who in their right mind would pick ridiculously good looking guys to be their conscience?

Elle: *glares at Hayden* Hmm, let me think.

Hayden: Shutting up now.


Sean: *hits balcony window while on his broom*

Elle: *flinches* Ouch! *opens up door and drags him in*

Sean: That window is so clear.

Elle: Apparently, you and birds have the same problem.

Sean: *sees Teen People* Hey my favorite!

Elle: I'm not even going to ask.

Sean: Did you know you have a 120 lb. dog in front of your door?

Elle: Yes.

Hayden: Daisy is very friendly. *rolls eyes*

Sean: It's name is Daisy?

Elle: Whatever.

*Voice outside of room door* Back you beast! Whiptish! *dog wines and runs away*

Elijah: Hey! I know who it is! *runs to open door and finds Billy* Oh.

Billy: Were you expectn' someone else?

Elijah: No, it just sounded like someone like Orlando would chase off Daisy.

Billy: Daisy?

Elle: Okay! The dog's name is Daisy! I know it's weird! Just leave it alone! I didn't give her that name!

Ewan: We're done! What else can we do for you? I mean, direction we can guide you in?

Elle: Guide yourselves over to the closet. It needs to be cleaned out.

Hayden: Yes sir!

Elle: Excuse me?

Hayden: Shutting up.

Billy: Hey, where's Orlando?

Orlando: *Comes through the door with barking in the distance* Ahh! Please don't bite me! *throws a bag on the chair*

Elle: What's in the bag?

Orlando: Stuff that's going to aide me in my grand exit.

Elle: *pulls a bungee cord out of bag* You're going to bungee jump off of my balcony?

Orlando: Hey, it looks like fun.

Sean: Till someone runs into a glass door.

Orlando: What?

Sean: Don't ask.

Elle: Elijah and Billy?

E&B: Yes.

Elle: Would you teach me how to fight with a sword?

Elijah: How would we know how to do that?

Elle: Don't play games with me. I know you guys had weeks of practice before shooting LOTR.

Billy: *gives her the look* and where are we going to find swords.

Orlando: *pulls out three swords out of his pack* I'm always prepared.

Elijah: *laughs* You're nuts.

Elle: *collects swords and tosses them to E&B* Let's go.

*Elijah and Billy teach her how to sword fight*

Ewan: We've finished your closet.

Elle: *blocks Elijah's blow* Now under the bed.

*Ewan, Tobey, and Hayden dive under bed and begin throwing stuff away.*

Orlando: Ha! She's got you working!

Elle: *hits Billy's sword* I don't see you doing anything, do I?

Orlando: Hey! He's reading a magazine! *points to Sean*

Elle: He's not disturbing anyone, now is he?

Orlando: Whatever *walks by mirror* Hey it's me! Damn, I look good.

*Suddenly an orc leaps out from under Elle's bed as Tobey, Ewan, and Hayden scream and step aside*

Orc: Grr. Arg.

Elle: *cuts Orc's head off with one clean swipe*

Billy and Elijah: *puts their hands up and step aside*

Elle: What? I'm a fast learner!

Elijah: So we see. I think we're done now.

Orlando: *Picks up headless orc and throw it over the balcony*

Billy: I'm hungry

Sean: I have some Bertie Botts Ever Flavored Beans with me. *tosses Billy a little red bag*

Billy: Thanks!

Elle: At your own risk.

Billy: What?

Sean: Nothing. *winks at Elle*

Orlando: *continues to look at self*

Billy: *Chokes* Ack!

Elle: *smirking* What?

Billy: That jellybean tasted like socks!

Sean: That's the first bad one you've had?

Billy: I wasn't going to say anything about the salmon one but this is just ridiculous.

Orlando: *Plugs in razor* I think I liked my mohawk better.

Elle: Oh no you don't! *pulls razor out of his hands and throws it out the window* It was terrible last time!

Sean: Well I took the quiz and I do put my school work before men.

Billy: I should sure hope so. *takes a sip of his beer*

Elle: Where did you get that?

Billy: The pub down the street.

Elle: There isn't a pub down the street!

Billy: How 'bout that then? *takes another sip*

Elijah: *sighs and sits down in the corner*

Elle: What's the matter?

Elijah: I feel incomplete.

Elle: Oh really. *throws her Lord of the Rings book in his lap* Read this then.

Elijah: Aww, come on Elle. I already made three motion pictures on this stuff.

Elle: I could care less if you directed the film yourself. *crosses arms* Read it.

Hayden: We're done with cleaning up under the bed.

Elle: Good job boys. *pats Ewan, Hayden, and Tobey on the head*

Tobey: We only strive to please you. *Kisses the bottom side of her hand*

Elle: Alright. In the film that was cute for Kirsten. I think it's gross. Tobey: It was just a joke.

Elle: Will you sing for us Ewan?

Elijah: I could sing for you.

Elle: Oh really? What?

Elijah: *starts to sing* And one day, they'll finally say. One-two -cha, cha, cha. One two cha, cha, chaaa..

Elle: *puts her hand on his mouth* Please stop.

Ewan: I know a number we can all participate in. *starts to sing* I know a bundle of humanity. (it's a 42nd street song)

Tobey: *sings the next stance* She's about so high.

Hayden: *sings the next one* I'm nearly driven to insanity,

Elijah: * you get the idea* When she passes by.

Orlando: She's a sunny little hunny.

Billy: But oh, so hard to kiss.

Sean: I hope to overcome her vanity,

Ewan: And I'll tell her this..

Elle: *smiles* Oh you guys.

Guides: *music starts playing* I'm young and healthy, and you've got charm. It would really be a sin not to have you in my arms. I'm young and healthy, and so are you. When the moon is in the sky tell me what am I to do? If I could hate ya, I'd turn away. But that ain't my nature, I'm full of vitamin A, Say!

* Furniture in room disappears and a disco ball drops from the ceiling with different colored lights. The floor is replaced with a hard wood and the Guides all wear tuxedos. Elle wears a long flowing blue gown. All of them are equipped with tapping shoes and each of them take turns dancing with her. *

Elle: *reprise for the girl's part* I'm young and healthy, and you've got charm. It would really be a sin not to have you in my arms. I'm young and healthy, and so are you. When the moon is in the sky tell me what am I to do? If I could hate ya, I'd turn away. But that ain't my nature, I'm full of vitamin A, Say!

All: We're young and healthy, so let's be bold! In a year or two or three maybe we will be...too.old!

*curtain falls*