Title: And the Reason Is You
Summary: She's so still that it chills me to the bone. I can feel my resolve to remain in control of my emotions crumbling around me. She's the driving force behind everything I have done since we came to the Ground.
A/N: This was written for nothinbuttherain as part of the Kabby fic exchange on tumblr. It is also written in first person point of view (in Marcus' voice).
I cannot take my eyes off the bed beside me. She's so still that it chills me to the bone. I can feel my resolve to remain in control of my emotions crumbling around me. She's the driving force behind everything I have done since we came to the Ground. She's opened my eyes to the kind of man that I want to be. The kind of man she needs me to be.
I gently place her hand in mine as I rub my thumb over her palm. I just need her to know that I am there. I need her to know that I refuse to give up in her, and that she's not ever going to be alone again.
"I need you."
My words are simple, but they are the most honest of anything I have ever spoken. My hand moves along her silken hair as it lays splayed out around her head almost as if it were a halo. This causes me to smile. She's anything but angelic. I'd be lying if I couldn't at least admit that.
She's all that matters to me in this moment. In all the moments, if I am being brutally honest with her. With myself.
I lower my eyes as I feel the tears as they start once again. I cannot let any of them see me as I start to fall apart. This isn't the first time since arriving on the Ground that I'm afraid of losing her.
If I lose her, then I have lost myself. Forever. Life will hold no meaning for me anymore. I'll curl up and die without her.
And I know that she wouldn't want it, but I simply do not care. She's my life, my breath, my desire, and without her, nothing will ever matter again.
My eyes close tightly, taking in the sound of her breath as it comes in steady and quivering gasps. She's in so much pain, and she's lucky to be unconscious through it all. I cannot help but thank whatever God is out there for that very fact alone. If she were awake, I couldn't handle it.
I've always been a selfish man. She would be the first to tell me exactly that. Another smile tugs at the corners of my lips. I know her almost as well as I know myself.
I lean forward, pressing my lips to her forehead. It's as if I am willing my very life into hers. As if my very will alone can do what technology and medicine cannot.
As I sit back, I notice Jackson as he approaches and has waits patiently for me to collect myself before he clears his throat. I simply nod as the words leave me so he can attend to her in any way that he possibly can at this point.
Wait and see were his only words of comfort.
Wait. And. See.
Jackson's words came rushing back to me like a punch to the gut. That is all the encouragement that he makes to me and to our people. I take a deep breath as I struggle to find the strength to offer the young medic any words of comfort. He's hurting, too.
Abby is his mentor, but mostly, she's his friend. She would want me to do that much. I know it as much as I know she loves me.
But I'm a selfish man. I cannot bring myself to utter a syllable to soothe the ache the young man must feel at the possibility of losing her and being completely helpless to do a damn thing about it.
So I let him do his job, and I let him walk away. I let the pain inside me almost eat me alive before I can no longer stand the pain and I begin to sob softly as I clutch both my hands around her smaller one.
"You-you can't leave me, Abby. You're too stubborn, too full of life..." My words are lost as I shift my body so that I can bury my head against her stomach. The only thing that reassures me is the soft rise and fall of her chest as she clings desperately to life. She is a fighter, and she loves it on the Ground despite everything we have encountered since crash landing.
"Abby," I beg as my tears get lost in the medical gown that they dressed her in once they'd finished suturing the gash on her head and the one on her shoulder. She had gone out on her own to gather medicinal herbs and managed to take a nasty fall. She had almost bled out before the search party had found her, bringing her back to camp.
"Damn it, Abby. You promised. You promised that-that we wouldn't do this alone. That we'd do it together." My voice sounds foreign as it reaches my ears. I have never been one to beg for anything in my life, and I couldn't start now.
Now I'm angry as my hands ball into fists and fall away from hers. I feel almost sick at the very thought of being mad at her. I lift my head just in time to see a flash of coffee brown before it disappears again, leaving me with the thought that I had imagined it.
I hold my breath, waiting to see if I was wrong. Then it happens.
Her eyes open, and she reaches her hand toward me to touch my face with her outstretched fingers. "Marcus," she breathes in barely a whisper.
"Abby," I whimper in return as I shift closer to her. My hand finds her cheek, cupping it gently before my mouth falls softly against hers in the softest kiss.
The tears are falling freely down my cheeks, and I don't even care who sees.
And her words reach first my ears and then my heart. "I need you, too, Marcus. I've always needed you."
My fingers gently comb her hair, trying not to put her in anymore pain than she's already in. She's struggling to keep her eyes open. "Sleep, Abby. I'll be right here when you wake up. I promise."
Her hand slips into mine, giving it a gentle squeeze just seconds before her eyes slip closed. Her breathing evens outs as she slips back into unconsciousness.
My lips press gently against her temple. "Sweet dreams, Abby." I settle into my chair, watching as she sleeps. She's not out of the woods yet, but her waking up had definitely given me hope.
All I knew was that I refuse to give up on her and refuse to let her give up on herself.
Our journey isn't over.