Here I am, telling myself that I should try to update once a week and everytime, I always break that that promise to myself. It's because I always write out what I think I want to happen and then my mind's like nope, that sounds cool but I want to write this.
On a separate note, I'm thinking of getting a tumblr for fanfiction purposes but I made my account so long ago and my username is *cough* ahem, kind of embarrassing *cough* but I want to keep it for nostalgic purposes. Should I make my tumblr under a different username or would that be too confusing?
Sasuke remembers when he first noticed Naruto's shadow. The idiot only bothered to pay attention to his surroundings when in battle or training which left him oblivious to the world at all other times. But Sasuke always kept his guard up; he was quiet,
and cunning and he saw.
She had only ever admired his teammate from afar, and anytime the blonde would unknowingly get too close to where she stood, she'd scamper off as if afraid. Or if running away was not an option, she'd turn to her teammates and start a conversation so
she could hide her face, have her back turned. Sasuke didn't understand and thought she must have been damaged in the head; he'd experienced the way Sakura and Ino chased after him, affronting him at every step, vying for his attention at every moment.
It made no sense to him that she would turn away from the person of her affections, would distance herself purposefully and avert his gaze. It made him uncomfortable, the way she went about it. Often, he'd find her she'd pushing her pointer fingers
together and stare at the floor with a faint blush adorned on her cheeks.
When Sasuke turned 12, his mother took him and Itachi to the Hachiman shrine a little ways outside the village. Itachi had been assigned on a mission in the Land of Lightning. It was a diplomatic matter and he was merely guarding Konoha officials, but
rumours had spread within the shinobi ranks that the Raikage was ready to declare war if things did not turn out to his liking.
Mikoto had decided to be preemptive. She was a spiritual woman who lacked Fugaku's more stern sensibilities. Sasuke found him kneeling on the wooden floors, forehead to the ground alongside his brother and his mother as they prayed in unison for prowess
in their endeavours and victory at their feet should anything war-like transpire. Watching his mother as she lit the incense, bowed, murmured words of praise and hope, he began to understand. Hinata Hyuuga did not fear Naruto Uzumaki in the manner
he originally supposed. It was not mere cowardice that kept her distant. No, she was reverent.
If Konoha had a god, Hinata supposed that she had found him. It made his stomach churn and the smooth skin of his forehead had furrowed with deep lines of displeasure. When they returned home, he had laid in bed for the rest of the day.
Once they had tested through the Chuunin exams, the situation escalated. Naruto had defended her honour when he went up against her cousin, Neji Hyuuga. In turn, she became more bold and started to follow him around. Sasuke often saw a person and their
crop of blue-black hair darting between the trees of their training ground as his team trained. It was disgusting. If someone had asked him his opinion of Hinata Hyuuga at that point in his life, he would have recited a litany of disparaging descriptions
as his impression of that girl. She was pathetic and it made him sick.
When he turned 16, his relationship with Sakura came to a boiling point, or more specifically, his lack of a relationship with his teammate. A friendship was inevitable when you're teammates; no matter how fragile a bond is when initially formed, it is
molded by trust and exposure into a thick rope of steel forged from the sweat and blood shared between comrades. But she had come to him with overflowing eyes and thunderous sobs, and demanded for more. She couldn't take it, she'd said, it made her nauseous watching him bed whores on their missions. Not when she loved him. So
he'd stopped. It wasn't an uncommon practice, and most shinobi of a certain age had made a habit of releasing the tension of their duty with the carnivorous pleasures of the flesh. But for her sake, he gave up the practice whenever she was around.
However, she remained a comrade. Some requests, he could not acquiesce to.
Dealing with Sakura during this period of time was a period of hell for Sasuke. She was relentless in her pursuit and her confessions and everytime, she'd beg for him to hear her out. Am I not even worth a few moments of your time? To his own
surprise, Sasuke learned a lot from this version of Sakura. He'd become cognizant of a potential emotional failing on his part, he'd learned that passion turned people into creatures he couldn't recognize, and he'd learned that the feeling of your
guts being twisted inside your abdominal cavity was called jealousy.
Sakura had shown him that his feeling of needing to retch whenever he saw Hinata glancing at Naruto, chasing him, adoring him, was called jealousy.
Once again, the situation containing Hinata Hyuuga made little sense. How could he be jealous of such a pathetic little girl? Perhaps because Sasuke's only notion of the workings of jealousy was through his relationship with his older brother, he didn't
know that if someone was the cause of another's jealousy, it was not always because the other wanted to be them. Sasuke had had years of experience with envy, having lived side-by-side with Itachi and always fallen short of his brother's mastery of
the shinobi arts. His only conceptualization of that pernicious green-eyed monster was the tightness he felt in his chest when his father's eyes would glaze over him and land on Itachi.
Next to Itachi, he wanted the glory and recognition of being unrivalled. Itachi made Sasuke want to be him. But Hinata caught him off guard. She didn't just make him want, she made him crave for the kind of unconditional affection she lavished
on others, on Naruto. She made him want her.
She pressed her lips against his neck in a butterfly kiss and he hummed in approval. The vibrations caused her to giggle, the air from her exhales caressing his skin. He leaned back on her elbows to get a good look at the expression on her face. Her pale
face accented the inflamed red of her lips, swollen from his nips and sucks. Her eyes were wide and bright in the darkness, seeming to reflect what little light there was, nothing like the trance-like gaze that she had first looked at him with when
they'd first kissed.
Sasuke hadn't expected this from her, especially not from her, especially not with him. But she had been the one to initiate; she had been the one to respond when he kissed her again; and she had been the one to lead him into the forest, hobbling with
a swollen ankle in a fashion that likely would have had him laughing at her if she hadn't looked at him the whole time like she wanted to devour him.
Hinata Huuyga was a soft-spoken lamb, always with a shepherd. Always following. He was following a lioness; he didn't recognize her.
I'm going to get to the bottom of this, he'd told himself as he laid her on the forest floor in front of him. I'm going to find out what's going on, he mentally recited as he snuck his tongue past her lips and tasted her.
It was not that Sasuke wasn't curious about what had come over Hinata. In fact, he was apprehensive about the whole situation, but the logic of his mind fell second to the yearning of his ego to have her and to prove that he was worthy. He wanted to dominate
over her, impress upon her a want for him that surpassed everything else. His pride demanded it.
With every breathy moan she released, he could feel the edges of his mind cloud over more and more with animalistic instinct. The primate was winning over the man and he couldn't even redeem himself by being bothered by it.
"Sasuke", she whined in a voice wholly uncharacteristic of herself. So when she looked up shyly at him through her eyelashes, he felt comforted by the familiarity of that look though it had never been directed towards him until now.
"You're wearing far too much clothing." She whispered to him with a charming smile.
He was unarmed for that look, that smile, those words. And even as the impossibility of Hinata ever saying that set off alarm bells in his head, he found himself telling her "I don't have to be."
Her fingers were gentle on his skin, trailing touches up and down his biceps and his forearms. The hint of nails that lightly scratched him from time to time set tingles up his body. He couldn't bare to touch her back. The feeling of her hands on him
felt too good and he couldn't help the fear that if he moved at all from his position, she would stop and the moment would finish.
She ran her fingers through the soft straight locks of his hair and drew his mouth down to hers once more.
Sasuke's eye snapped open at the disturbance. He hadn't noticed a third-party earlier but their chakra presence was now unmistakable. An ANBU was perched on the tree above them, looking down.
"Princess, don't you think it's a little too late to be out here in the dark?" Sasuke looked over to see Hinata next to him, sitting on her hind haunches, but rather than petrified as he'd expect, she looked exasperated.
"I can take care of myself." She said without humour. "Let me have my fun."
The officer glanced over only briefly at Sasuke for the sake of addressing him. "You should go home. I can take the princess back to the compound."
Sasuke's eyes narrowed in response. Even he wasn't as heartless as to leave her in the hands of a masked stranger, ANBU or not.
"Are you going to give me a lecture when we get back too, brother?" The annoyance in Hinata's voice was clear but that last part caught him off guard. Even though the word been stressed to seem sarcastic, it made Sasuke re-think the situation.
Was this Neji? But not, he had stumbled out with Tenten and Lee only hours ago. There was too little time for him to have recovered to this level of sobriety. Although, it was becoming clear that Hinata obviously knew the ANBU quite well but he was
still wary of leaving her alone without knowing who the other man was.
"You should listen to him. I'll be fine." Hinata sighed before giving Sasuke a wry smile.
"Hn," he nodded his head slowly, trying to work out right up until the last moment if he'd listen to her or not. "If you say so." He took one final glance at the shiny porcelain smile above him before dashing away.
The ANBU jumped down and landed in front of Hinata.
"You've been causing trouble." Even without seeing his expression, she could hear the disapproval.
"That's not true," she argued. "It was consensual. There was no trouble… until you got here." She pursed her lips to one side in a show of dissatisfaction.
"What you did was inappropriate." His voice was cold as ice and despite the humid warmth of the summer night, she couldn't help the shiver that ran down her spine.
"You're the only one that thinks that." She was angry now. Being frightened made her angry, and she lashed out by reaching out to grab the porcelain mask off his face.
He caught her wrist mid-way in a vice grip.
"Stop hiding behind that damn mask." She hissed in irritation.
His other hand raised to his face, fingers outstretched, and ripped the mask off. The thin lines of his lips were white from pressure, and his dark eyes were black as coal.
"What happened tonight?" The calm of his voice almost disguised the demand in his words.
"I was out late." She answered curtly.
"That doesn't explain why you'rehere with my brother." Itachi never shouts. He doesn't have to. The deadly intent seeping out between the tone of his words is enough. Hinata may have felt comfortable being frustratingly rude to him a moment ago, but she
knew that his patience had run out. She surmised that it was probable this tended to happen whenever Sasuke was involved. To say that the older brother was overprotective could not be overstated.
"We were celebrating and I don't know, I must have fallen asleep while he was walking me back."
"How did you end up on top of him like that?"
She blushed a faint pink. "I kissed him."
"And why would you do that?" He all but hissed at her.
The blush spread down her neck and over her chest as it darkened to a deep crimson. "I thought it was you." She whispered. "You're always the one there when I wake up."
"I only meant to kiss you as a joke." She added, but neither could say if they were believed it. "But then he started kissing me back."
The frigid expression on Itachi's face softened for a miniscule fraction of a second before being re-instated as a permanent fixture.
"And well," Hinata's nervous posture was exemplified even more when she absently started pointing her index fingers together, a gesture that surprised the both of them though neither expressed the emotion. "I couldn't exactly control myself since that's
one of the domains where you got rid of most of my … inhibitions."
Realization flashed across his face. "I see."
"Well, I didn't foresee this particular aspect of the …situation."
"I am still a woman, you know!" Hinata huffed in angry embarrassment. "Is it really that difficult to have imagined that I would like kissing a man?"
"I still would be if you hadn't showed up." She muttered under her breath.
Itachi rolled his eyes. "You'd likely be doing more than kissing at this point, princess. You should be glad I found you when I did."
She laughed without humour. "Is it so strange to think that I could wanted more? Or stranger still, you don't think much of your precious little brother do you, to think he would try to do more than I wanted?"
"And damnit, wasn't what I was doing the whole point of this!? What is the purpose of lessening my inhibitions if I can't act on them? I've played along Itachi, I've played along damn well with this game of yours. You think I didn't figure your
intentions out after the first few times? That you were using me to relieve your own guilt?"
The words left her lips in a flurry, one rushing after the other. And for once, Itachi didn't know what to say. The cold, cunning logic he normally used to argue with seemed wrong for this conversation. He felt raw at her words because he knew they were
true, and he hadn't been able to accept that about himself yet.
He'd seen her in the lush meadow that night, after that near-kill, and he had contemplated killing her, a simple, sleeping girl, to test the extent of his capabilities for despicableness. What was more morally depraved than a person who killed what was
good and beautiful for the sake of destroying it so there was less good and beautiful in the world? If he could do that, he could do anything, he'd told himself. He could rid himself of that nagging conscience that plagued him with gruesome kills,
unpleasant maims. He would get some rest after all these years.
But she'd woken up and saw him barefaced. When she called his name, whispered like wind breezing through willow branches, he knew he could not do it. Not to a girl like her, who was all soft limbs and doe eyes and sweet smiles that slipped out behind
laughter caught between fingertips. He had meant to put her back to sleep through his genjutsu; she would sleep on without awareness of the danger that had almost descended upon her. But he was tired and she had trained with Kurenai since her genin
days, and who had known that she would fight him and wake up as her unconscious, as her unresolved turmoils that roared in the presence of her mind at night, the parts of her that went about uncivilized.
She had jolted awake from his genjutsu petrified, with tears streaming down her face in rivers and lungs that couldn't catch their breath. He'd thought of leaving her there, but her whole body cried out to be held and comforted. When he finally calmed
her down, and she spoke out in infantile tongues, he realized she couldn't be older than 6. He saw 6 year Hinata a few more times before she disappeared. Others appeared in her stead: angry Hinata, doubtful Hinata, pensive Hinata, and bitter Hinata.
The last was his favourite so far; she was a comfort to him in ways none of the others could be. She spoke the truth. She was desolate, desperate, dying just like him.
He came back to her every night, let her resolve her feelings and her demons, then put her back to sleep without disturbing her daylight world. He even crafted a jutsu for the purpose of rousing her as pieces of herself when she fell asleep at night.
It made him feel like he was doing good – like he could be absolved of his crimes if he saw this through and helped this drowning girl swim. But along the line, he'd also put his burdens on her. He made her his salvation, his priest, and demanded
absolution from her – and being who she was, she wanted to give it to him. Sometimes, she also held it against him, over him, but in the end, always gave in to him. She took power from it, but it made her weak because the minute she tried to give
him peace, she failed; it wasn't hers to give. And he tormented her over it because she could feel him yearning and her nature dictated she soothe. Even in her anger, even in her pain.
"You tell me I'm resolving but you don't let me remember and I don't feel different. Tell me how I'm fixing anything when I forget every night."
"It's for the best. Forgetting slows realization but what is unconscious soon becomes conscious."
"Just let me remember," she begged and clutched the fabric of his shirt. "I won't run away, I swear. I won't be frightened or disturbed."
But how could she not when she wakes up the next morning with the realization that Itachi Uchiha had been poking inside her head with her alter egos. She would feel violated. She would hate him.
"I could help you more if I knew everything. Itachi. During the day. It would help me and I would make sure to help you. If he got better, you would too. They're not letting anyone in except the medics and me and I know you can't say anything to them
without causing trouble for yourself. Itachi," she pawed at his shirt harder, her fingers digging into the flesh of his chest, "let me help you heal Shishui."
Sasuke had tossed and turned all night until the first rays of sunrise hit his window pane and spread over the cold oak floor. Moments from the previous night kept replaying in his mind and a nagging anxiety had kept him up with the worry that he had
made the wrong choice when he left her alone with a someone who was a stranger to him. In between his worries, he couldn't stop seeing flashes of her in front of him, on top of him; he couldn't stop feeling her lips on his, her touch on his body.
He knew her behaviour was strange but that didn't stop the electric feeling that shot him to the core when he thought of all the things he'd discovered about her body, and all the things left undiscovered. All night, he found his body hot with tension
Out of habit, he'd risen at the first sign of light, but the dull ache of his mind craved rest. Absentmindedly, he noted that Itachi had still not returned from the night before. The door to his room was ajar and the bedding untouched. New clothes for
a new day still laid strewn on his chair.
He shook his head to clear his thought as he stepped out into the rising light of the new day, taking a deep breath of cool morning air. He strolled leisurely into the village, ready to knock on Naruto's door and wake him up for morning training. That
was their morning routine now. The idiot slept past noon if no one dragged him out of the comforts of his bed and Sasuke was more than willing to be that person.
Up ahead, he saw a figure with long dark hair walking with a weaved basket on her arm. Increasing his pace ever so slightly, his suspicion was confirmed as he gained ground on her lazy pace. Hinata was swinging the basket ever so slightly, her eyes held
upward by the bright blue hue of the morning sky. The sun had risen beyond the horizon and was making it's way higher and higher, shining rays of warmth down on the village.
Sasuke remained frozen. Did he overtake her, did he acknowledge her or merely remain silently behind her, avoiding her gaze if she happened to look back? The pit of his stomach churned uncomfortable. He assumed it was from hunger.
He was saved from having to make a decision. She turned left, likely towards the market, but as she did so, she glanced back and caught sight of him on the road behind her. It had been a mere second, but Sasuke thought he saw her become immobile at the
realization of his presence, but it was too quick and once that second passed, she threw him a shy smile, a hint of pink on her cheeks. Then she was on her way, without sparing him a second glance.
He felt oddly offended. Out of the two of them, Hinata was the more emotional one, the one prone to embarrassment and emotional perturbances. But here he was, feeling unknown feelings gnaw at his chest and she looked at him like he was every other person
in the village.
When I started this story, I completely wanted to include more mature scenes hence the M rating. However, I'm wobbling now. What you guys think of ... essentially smut? I mean, I will likely still write out those scene when appropriate but if a lot you are underage and/or don't want to see that, I might post it as *extra* scenes in a separate 'story' or on another site (TUMBLR?)