Chapter 1: Acceptance
I woke up like every other morning, tears in my eyes, me clutching my chest for much needed air, soft whimpers escaping my mouth. I hate waking up like this but truth be told its becoming part of my morning routine. It gets better over time, but after it gets better it becomes worse than it was before. What caused me to wake from my slumber? The nightmare where I confess my feelings to Adam and his reaction sends shivers down my spine. Lets just say it ends with me laying in my own pool of blood, broken bones, torn out heart (figuratively speaking), and I'm alone. It's the one thing I fear most "loneliness". Not being loved by anyone. Not being noticed. Not being accepted.
I shrug it off and choose to forget what happened in my dream. I force myself out of bed and walk to the bathroom to take a shower. I usually let the water run a bit allowing steam to fill the room. Finally I entered the warm water and instantly feel more relaxed. After I wash off I carefully step out trying not to slip. I glanced at my alarm clock and noticed that it was 4:32 AM. Since it was Saturday I could peacefully live in my home WITHOUT the usual bullying and teasing at school. I throw on sweatpants and a normal T-SHIRT and a pair of pink socks. I loved the socks. Bree got it for me on my birthday last year. Even if it was pink, I didn't care. As I got down to the living room I saw Bree was passed out on the couch. I chuckled a bit and shook her to wake her up. 'It's not good for your back to sleep on a couch'. She finally woke up and sat up at lightning speed. Our foreheads collided.
"Owwww", I said clearly letting her know I'm in pain!
"Sorry chase!" she quickly hugged me. "Why did you wake me? You know I have sleep reflexes" she said humorously
"Its fine Bree" I smiled back kindly and broke the hug
We are really, really close. I trust her with my life. She's always there for me and we do almost everything together. Bree is the best big sister anyone can ask for. She and Tasha are the only people who know that I'm gay and also know about me being deeply in love with Adam. Of course Bree and Tasha being there normal selves think that it's cute. I usually blush when they playfully tease me about it, but also give in, laughing about it.
Bree then left the living room and headed upstairs. I plopped down on the couch and started to flip through the channels. I saw something called 'mama' and decided to watch it.
"Shit" I stared wide eyed at the rolling credits. Holding my blanket over half my face, only my eyes are visible. My breath is shaky because holy shit that was scary.
I looked at the clock again and saw that it was 6:45 on the dot. I cuddled into the couch and closed my eyes for a while until I heard footsteps coming down from the stairs and noticed it was MR Davenport.
MR Davenport adopted me, Bree and Adam when we where very little. I was about 2 and Adam was 5 and Bree was 3. He never told us about our past really. Whenever we try to talk about it he shuts out. He just says that it's better to suppress the memory.
Anyway after MR Davenport entered I hid under the blanket hoping not to be noticed since I wanted a day off. I really didn't want to do chores and stuff.
"I already saw you chase" he said in a victorious manner. "And don't worry; you can have the day off"
"Thank you so much MR D…enjoy work" I said awkwardly
"Thanks, I'll try to enjoy working on a Saturday" he left and I was once again alone
I know I'm a little shy towards MR D but I don't have a great bond with him. Well not like Leo and Adam. I know that he thinks less of me, in comparison wit the rest of the family. But I also know that he is very protective of me.
I cuddle deeper into the couch rethinking the scary scenes of the movie. I really don't know why I'm doing this… I hate horror movies. The only thing that will allow me to enjoy it will be Adam holding me in his strong arms, Him calming me when I get scared.
I decided to go back to my room. As I go upstairs I bump into someone and I fall backwards. Before I could hit the floor his arms where wrapped around my waist preventing me to endure any form of pain. He pulled me closer and my hands where forced onto his chest. I realized that my knight in shining armor is Adam. Instantly I get nervous, my heart pounding out of my chest. I start to tear up.
I woke up due to the sound of MR Davenport and Chase talking about heck knows what. I threw of the covers and was hit with a gust of cold air. After my body adjusted to the cold I exited my room to investigate what the sound was. As I walked out of my room I instantly bumped into a small figure. My instinct kicked in and I grabbed it to prevent it from falling.
I pulled it up to witness that it was Chase. My baby brother, the person I held most dearly to my heart. The one I want to hold in my arms till the day I die. I know that I love Chase more than a brother. Look I might be dumb but I know that we aren't related. But why would he ever want to be with me? I'm dumb old Adam that everybody looks down on! I don't even know if he's gay? But as I saw chase I pulled him a lot closer to assure him that he was safe. He instantly began to tense in my arms trying to avoid my gaze. WHY does he get so nervous around me? Maybe he has feelings for me? HA a guy can dream.
"Chase are you okay?" I said in a caring tone.
"Sorry." he said sheepishly. I noticed him tearing up
"Heyyy what's wrong?" I hug him trying to console my little brother.
"N...Nothi…Ing." It broke my heart seeing him cry. But I'm curios why he is crying.
"N…Nothi…Ing." I said while tears slowly fall down my face. The only thing keeping me from having a breakdown is Adam's body heat.
"Chase, I'm not blind… just tell me." Adam pleaded
I ignored him because really? I can't tell him 'hey Adam, I'm deeply in love with you'. Can I? Help me!
After chase woke me up I went up back to my room. I tried to sleep but failed miserably and decided too get ready for the day. I showered and put on some comfy clothes, since it is a WET, Cold and rainy day. I plopped down on my bed with my bedazzled pink laptop and decided to watch some vines.
"LOL" I laughed hysterically.
Sadly my laptop's battery died. I am quite hungry… maybe some ice cream and 'Netflix and chill' by myself. As I exit my room I freeze at what I see, Adam holding Chase in his arms. I Gather almost all my strength not to squeal at this because honestly, CUTE!
I heard Adam asking him what's wrong and Chase is crying? Okay something is NOT right. Quickly I rush towards them.
"Hey Adam can I borrow chase please" I ask grabbing chase and run back towards my room. "Thank you" I said before I close the door.
Oh my god that was nerve wrecking. Thanks to Bree I can let it all out without making myself even a bigger fool in front of Adam. All I'm wondering about is why he hugged me and looked so concerned when I started crying? Maybe he did have feelings for me.
"Hey Chase u okay? Bree asked in a soft tone.
I did not answer her, but merely gave her a nod to tell her 'no I'm not okay'. She walked over and gave me a tight hug. Comforting me and trying to console me.
"Wanna Netflix and chill with me" she asked laughing… She probably watched vines I assumed
"As long as I get to pick the movie" I asked forcing a weak smile
"Deal" she hugged me once more and went to the kitchen to fetch us some snacks, pop corn and ice cream.
I made myself comfy in her bed and linked her laptop with the TV in her room. I'm kinda shocked to see that she hasn't done it already. Anyway after resetting it all I started my search for a movie. I'm in a really sad mood and usually cliché rom-com help me to adjust but know it will only make me think of Adam. Maybe a musical should help me. Look I know I'm a guy and all but I am a sensitive person and I am only 15. So don't judge me until you know you're perfect. Anyway I decided on pitch perfect 2, since it is a musical and comedy…
Later Bree arrived with the 'goods' and we began our journey of laughing and trying to cheer me up.