Disclaimer: I have made slight improvements in my legal claiming of the world for those of you who may be interested in my ongoing legal troubles- but until I do take over the world and force everyone to make me their inheritor before brutally murdering them or forcing them to commit suicide -brutal suicide- (TM), I own nothing. ESPECIALLY not the Fate franchise or any reference you may happen to recognise.

It was never supposed to end like this.

The tall man stared in silence at the sight before him, his cool facade cracked, his despair clear for the world to see.

Where? Where did I go wrong?

Opinions may differ on exactly where things went wrong- maybe it was the man's own choices, maybe this was doomed from the beginning. One thing he knew for sure however.

I am not paying the repair bill for this.

So for you faithful reader who may be wondering how there may be repair bills involved in this... well, you really shouldn't. Every hint about an oncoming slaughter was sprinkled throughout the previous two chapters and then covered in neon signs that spelled CLUE. But in case I am that much of a genius (and let us face it, I am) and managed to hide them so well despite the neon signs, here's a flashback.

FLASHBACK

"Eat the cotton candy Kirei!"

"Don't you make me eat the cotton candy!"

"Imma make you!"

"No!"

END FLASHBACK

The King of Heroes stared at the priest with an increasingly worried look. He had expected Kirei to try and talk his way out of this, to present more of a challenge. All it had taken however was a thinly-veiled threat to make him comply and the man began wordlessly consuming the sweet treat. But of course Gilgamesh was, as a general rule, used to such reactions from those who served him. No, what had become a cause of concern for the ancient King of Uruk was the face-splitting grin that had creeped on Kirei's face and was becoming ever wider per bite.

A few more minutes passed before the first insane chuckle spilled from the priest's mouth. He had already eaten an entire cotton candy stick and, under Gilgamesh's increasingly alarmed gaze, had moved on to the second with a worrisome eagerness.

This was not going according to plan. Gilgamesh watched with an unreadable expression as Kirei was now openly devouring the cotton candy, the King's own entirely forgotten in his hand. Bits of pink sugar covered his lips and the tip of his nose and when he went on to the third one, he didn't even bother with picking it up like a normal person. He simply ripped handfuls of it and shoved them in his mouth, uncharacteristic glee in his eyes.

To the King he seemed like a hyena devouring a corpse.

"Kirei."

No response, just even more eating. The third stick was almost completely clean.

"Kirei."

The priest raised his eyes to meet the King's glare, however that only lasted for a few seconds. Instead, his gaze fell on Gilgamesh's own uneaten candy. "Will you eat that?"

"...no."

The sense of foreboding that had overwhelmed Gilgamesh during the "Rin incident", as he planned to refer to it from now on, seemed like nothing compared to watching Kirei devour the pink contraption like a starved man. The priest was flat out cackling with maniacal glee, practically choking on the cotton candy in his attempts to shove it all in his mouth. Compared to the usual calm, collected and sinister Kotomine, this new persona was not only unexpected, but unwelcome as well. Gilgamesh wasn't used to such feelings of... uneasiness. It was incomrehensible to him to feel that sort of emotion. As an absolute being, whose power could be matched only by one person in the entire world, for him to feel this unnatural, mongrel emotion was something he was unable to understand. He only knew one thing. Kirei had to be stopped.

"Kirei, that is enough. I believe I have seen all there was to be seen in this place. We are to go back right now."

The priest raised his eyes to look at Gilgamesh with a frenzied, incomprehensive, insane glare as his grin spread from ear to ear, revealing to rows of perfect white teeth.

"Enough? No... never enough. Never."

The mighty Gilgamesh felt a very human chill run down his spine, but he wasn't about to let the crazy priest know. Instead he narrowed his eyes, assuming the look that he knew sent his vassals doing cartwheels.

"I said that we are leaving Kirei, lest you wish to provoke my wrath. I would advice against it."

And still the priest laughed. In fact, Kotomine Kirei had doubled over, the crazy radiating off of him in waves. The golden King looked down at him, partly in anger, partly in contemplation. He entertained the thought of repeating his request a third time, but his deposits of generosity, small at the best of occasions, were now completely empty. If the priest did not stop this foolishness, the King decided, his life was forfeit. Because of the nature of their relationship he had decided that he woud allow him a chance- the chance had passed when he had repeated his order.

"He wants us to leave!" Kirei cackled, as if saying the funniest of jokes. "He wants to order me to move, like a puppet on a string! There are no strings on me!" he finished in a sing-song voice and then proceeded to do a cartwheel and land in perfect stance, twirling and, as a finishing pose, stood on one foot with his arms raised above his head, finger tips touching. That blasted grin never leaving his face.

Wait a moment.

The King replayed the scene in his head.

That can't be right.

He stared at the still-posing Kotomine, for the first time since the dawn of time his mind completely unable to comprehend the sight before him.

Kirei giggled.

"Look Mommy! Look what that Mister just did!"

The high-pitched voice of one of the little humans snapped him back to his senses.

"Who do you mean hon- oh, Father Kotomine! Nice to... uh, see you here." the mother, an average Japanese woman of relatively young age, stared at Kotomine's back, unsure of what to say about his stance.

Breaking eye contact with the King, expression unchanged, the priest slowly turned his head around without moving the rest of his body. The woman had a slightly afraid look in her face, but to her credit she did not flee. At least not until Kirei spoke to her.

"I know what you did last summer."

The line was delivered in a calm voice, but the maniacal overall look the priest sported kind of prevented the average human being from not scooping up their child and running away like all Hell had broken lose behind them, screeching like a banshee.

Much like the woman had done.

Kirei laughed, at last dropping the strange pose to double over in laughter. Again. This was getting too weird for the King's tastes. Way too weird for anyone's tastes, really.

"Hey Dad, look! Betcha I can shoot it!"

Kiritsugu Emiya sighed and fished in his pockets for coins. "Sure, go ahead." The redhead grbbed the money offered, ran to the shooting stall and picked one of the fake riffles.

Watching his little son run -he is not so little anymore- Kiritsugu shook his head and followed behind the boy. His shooting stance was preposterous, one that Natalia would have thrown a fit over, but he didn't really mind. Shirou would never need to shoot a gun in his entire life, he had made certain of that.

When the sudden sound of something exploding came from behind him, the magus instictively made to turn around. Catching himself in time, he took out a cigarette from their box and lit it. Not my business anymore, he reminded himself. Instead, he continued to watch Shirou's doomed efforts to win the teddy bear that ranked as the number one prize. Maybe he should shoot for it himself, if the boy didn't manage to hit the target.

All his plans went down the drain however, when his insticts began screaming at him out of the blue, turning into overdrive. Without thinking he grabbed Shirou from the neck of his sweater, ignoring the surprised (and high-pitched) squeal the boy made and threw him out of the way, straight into some thorny bushes. He flinched at the following wail, but he had no time to think about a few thorns right now. Instead, he put on his Magus Killer face and turned to confront the source of his state of high alert.

His eyes narrowed. "You..."

The figure of none other than Father Kotomine Kirei, his nemesis from four years ago, landed in front of him, a malicious smirk plastered on the man's face, his Black Keys drawn and ready to fight.

Or so he expected things to go when he sported the priest mid-air and about to land.

Instead of the usual cat-like grace and precise movements he had com to expect however, the Executor landed flat on his face.

It took Kiritsugu a few moments to process that.

A muffled giggle came from the man as he placed his hands beside his head and used them as support to stand up. Kiritsugu couldn't help but shiver at the slasher grin currently decorating the face of his nemesis.

The two arch-enemies made eye-contact for the first time in four years.

Neither said a word.

The grin on Kirei's face slowly dissappeared and got replaced with the passive mask Kiritsugu would never forget, as they lunged at each other.

Or so Kiritsugu had expected things to go when the disturbing exxpression changed.

The grin indeed dissappeared, only to make room for the complete... collapse was the appropriate word, of all he knew about Kotomine Kirei. The Magus Killer stared in horror at the big fat tears streaming down his enemy's cheeks. For the first time he took note of the faint scent of orange juice coming off of him

"I only ever wanted us to be friends! Why, Kiritsugu? Tell me, why!" the other brunete pleaded.

"...Eh?"

The priest blew his nose loudly on his sleeve. When he raised his face again, Kiritsugu could only see anger inside his eyes.

"I mean, no, not really, I think you are a childish loser who thinks he is just so cool, don't you?"

"...Uh..."

"But that is a lie! I bet you can't do this!"

And with that, Kotomine Kirei began break-dancing on the pavement, before the eyes of a very, very afraid Magus Killer.

"How's that you imbecile?" he yelled between moves. "Wanna up the stakes a bit? Eh? Are you scared? Are you chicken? Tell me Kiritsugu Emiya, are you chicken yo?"

Yep. This should be just about enough for one day.

Taking advantage of the fact that Kotomine was currently spinning on his head, Kiritsugu did a series of backflips and landed soundlessly next to the bush where he had thrown Shirou a few moments prior. He fished around said bush, picked Shirou up and dragged him out as the redhead groaned in discomfort. His jacket seemed to catch on something, so Kiritsugu gave him an impatient yank to free him, failing to notice that, in the process, he accidentally propelled him towards the tree exactly in front of the bush, throwing his adoptive son unconscious.

Time to get out of here.

Gilgamesh was furious. No, not furious. He was absolutely livid. He would find that mongrel, he would drag him to the center of this preposterous fair and make him synonymous to the pain all the King's enemies would suffer for degrading and defying him.

Revenge is often the sweetest wine.

After a few more minutes of searching and random property destruction, the golden Archer came upon a rather unlikely scene.

The priest, the man he had carefully nurtured into darkness and to whom he had shown the path to happiness, was at the moment busy jumping up and down on one hand, before dropping on his stomach and moving in a manner that, to Gilgamesh, reminded slightly of the motion of a caterpillar, or a worm.

The sight admittedly made him stop dead on his tracks for a few seconds, before he regained his senses.

Eternal pain and suffering it is.

"Mongrel! Stand and face your death!"

That seemed to stop Kirei from trying to do a swipping motion with one leg in the air, while crouched. His head snapped upwards and, after looking left and right, he burst into sobs.

Gilgamesh stared for a second longer and then shrugged, uninterested as to what had gotten that mongrel so upset. Instead, he threw open the Gate and began shooting.

Kirei was covered in blood, lying lifeless on the concrete, after several Noble Phantasms impaled him.

Or so Gilgamesh expected things to go when the first projectile left the Gate.

He had expected the mongrel to try and dodge, but he didn't expect the mongrel to scream something - what in Aruru's name was a Za Warudo?- and run. No, not only run, but actually outrun his Gate.

This is not going according to plan.

And once more, bloodlust hit the roof as the King gave chase to the crazed cleric. "MONGREL!"

THREE HOURS LATER

The brunette was curled into a ball, in the middle of a crater. White froth was coming out of his mouth and his dilated pupils looked frantically around, while the crazed chuckles seemed to never stop spilling from his mouth.

A few meters away, a naked blonde was lying on his back, staring at the stars with a lost expression, his modesty just barely preserved by a thin layer of black dust.

The scenery around them was in no better shape. Demolished stalls, the burned remains of the ferris wheel, some other unrecognisable stuff. Everything within the radius of quite a few kilometers was nothing than scorched land and misery.

The golden King could not find it within himself to stand.

What was the point? All had been lost.

"Good grief... you've really done it this time, haven't you, you fake priest."

The cold voice, childish as it was, was like a bucket of iced water being poured on the blonde Archer. With a sharp move, he sat up, only to come face to face with an irritated aqua gaze. "And you, goldie. What are you do- pervert!"

Noticing his nudity for the first time, the Tohsaka wench pulled four emeralds between her fingers and sent them towards him with a sharp command. Before he had time to protect himself, he was lying a few meters further away. The spell wasn't nearly enough to even scratch him, however it sure stang like a bit-

From the corner of his eye, the Servant caught a blur of movement, accompanied by an unfamiliar war-cry, heading straight for the little magus.

"WRYYYYYYY!"

To his surprise, the Tohsaka brat didn't even flinch. With lightning-speed movements she instead brought some sort od straw in her mouth and, puffing her cheeks, she blew in it with all her strength.

The dart left the straw with equal speed to that of her attacker.

And hit home. Straight on the neck.

For a few seconds, the priest just stood motionless on one foot, as if frozen mid-running.

Then, with a loud noise, the man finally fell.

The two people remaining on their feet stood in slence, staring at the snoring figure at their feet.

"What manner of devilry was that?"

The brat shot him a dirty look. "Horse tranquilizer, actually."

"Ah."

"I can't move him on my own."

"Mongrel. You did not just ask a King to do the work of a slave."

"What a pain. This is your doing, right? Either way, you will eventually have to face consequences. You know, karma and stuff."

"Mongrel, did you just accuse me of being responsible of this malarkey? Besides it wasn't-"

It was never supposed to end like this.

The tall man stared in silence at the sight before him, his cool facade cracked, his despair clear for the world to see.

Where? Where did I go wrong?

Opinions may differ on exactly where things went wrong- maybe it was the man's own choices, maybe this was doomed from the beginning. One thing he knew for sure however.

I am not paying the repair bill for this.

This left only one option. With a wave of his hand, a golden portal swallowed the cause of all of today's troubles.

Rin streched and let a sigh escape her. "Well, I am off. My business here is done."

"You have my leave. Oh and mongrel?"

The brunette turned to look at him.

"Not a word. You forget this ever happened."

To the King's surprise, the only response he received was a grin, very close to theone that had triggered all the events. He narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

"Am I now?" she asked sweetly, her hand reaching out towards him with a palm opened.

Too exhausted mentally to argue, he grudgingly threw her a ruby.

"I have also been present from the moment you reached the ferris wheel. I. Saw. Everything."

Without a word, Gilgamesh tossed her twenty more.

"I hope I never have to see your face again goldie." she offered, instead of a proper goodbye. Normally he would be angered by such rudenes, but he was just not in the mood.

"Likewise wench. Now get lost."

Shrugging, she did just that. And as she went out of his line of sight, the golden King of Uruk finally allowed himself to lose consciousness.

I hate the fair.

THE END

A/N: This is called Idiot Wind. What did you expect? After all, this is the final productof a lot of frustration, lack of sleep and JoJo. Lots and lots of JoJo.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed this! :D