100 Ways To Kill A Doctor

RULES:

1. Sheldon/Penny - They can be platonic, romantic, smutty, Super Heroes/Villains, etc.

Not going to happen, if you are reading because of this, stop now.

2. Leonard/Amy's death MAY occur anytime from the Pilot thru Season 9.

Leonard and Amy are too nice to kill. There is only one arrogant asshole in TBBT that needs to be killed, so I am killing him. I did however have the story occur between the pilot and Season 9, so I got part of it right.

3. The death must be completed in a single chapter, although you are welcome to contribute as many different forms of death as you like as long as they are a chapter each.

That is included.

4. The story must be no more than 1,500 words long.

Sorry I ran long.

BTW, since this is Fanfiction I can write anything I want, so don't whine to me, like some cowardly guests do. Just don't read it or get over it.

The North Pole Expedition

Howard had had enough, the last two weeks had been pure hell on earth, surpassing ten fold any hell his mother had ever put him through during his life. Even being embarrassed and shunned by girls at bars was still much better than what he was going through right now. He knew it had been a mistake to come, but peer pressure had made him make the wrong decision again and now he was suffering for it.

Sheldon had always been an arrogant asshole, but at least Howard could leave when he couldn't stand him anymore, he finally now realized. But here he was trapped, living with the arrogant asshole 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, there was no place to run, it wasn't like you could just go out and take a walk to clear your mind. He had tried to do that before, talking Raj to go out with him, because for safety they couldn't go out alone, to try to clear his mind. However now Raj, being from a warm climate, refused to go out into the cold unless he had to, so Howard lost his one cure for the insanity he had to put up with every day.

Raj had been the one best able to cope with Sheldon and his craziness, he seemed to making excuses for Sheldon's behavior every time things got really tense, but even now those excuses seemed to be coming out less and less from him. Leonard slowly drew into himself, he got more solemn and didn't smile anymore, it was like the happy part of his life was snuffed out because of Sheldon. Howard himself was being pushed over the edge, even Sheldon's voice now grated on him like nails dragging across a chalk board.

Sheldon had gone completely crazy, they all thought in one way or another, the annoying things he had always done before now seemed to be multiplied by a factor of one hundred. Even in their close confines, the three of them were trying to avoid him, he started knocking three times now whenever he wanted to tell them something, which seemed to be all the time any more. He kept giving them commands then when they refused his stupid commands he would just go on and on repeating them over and over, until one of them couldn't stand it anymore and would do the task just to shut him up.

It was one of those tasks that almost got Raj killed the day before, when while he was doing it, a polar bear walked up on him. It was that incident that drove home the need to go out in pairs, when Leonard thought quickly and set off an emergency flare to scare the huge bear off before he ate Raj. However neither of them would have been in that situation if it wasn't for one of Sheldon's ridiculous demands, that he would whine about excessively until he would drive them so crazy and they went out to just do it.

It had had taken a long month to positively confirm that Sheldon's theory was a complete failure and that staying there any longer was just a waste of scientific funds. However, when they discussed that with Sheldon, he went bat-shit crazy, telling them he was never wrong and that their minds were too primitive to understand. So because of that, the last few weeks were spent moving sensors and recalibrating equipment every day for the rest of them, while Sheldon blamed the sensors locations and ability to record data as the cause of not receiving positive results. No amount of reason with Sheldon, could make him understand the location and the constant recalibration was doing absolutely no good, as he kept insisting he was always right, and as he additionally rationalized that the equipment or their help must be the problem.

Howard wished they had used the idea Leonard had, he had found out that the unshielded electric can opener, they used, emitted an electric signature that Sheldon's instrumentation could measure, providing false results. It seemed like the perfect solution, give Sheldon the results he desired and make him happy, so their hell would stop. They had all the data that showed his experiment was a failure and he could publish that when he got back, everything would be fine, most experiments on new theories failed anyway. But Leonard wouldn't go through with it, he said he had a feeling that they would be blamed unfairly for Sheldon's experiment failing, and that he thought, in the long run, that Sheldon would understand that his experiment had failed if he continued to get bad data while they stayed. Leonard had been wrong, Sheldon only go worse and now he was making them move sensors almost every 12 hours, even in the dark.

Howard was now a little mad at Leonard, the man was too conditioned to take care of the big baby, that he accepted this craziness, day in and day out, letting it destroy him instead of taking a stand. Howard's first plan of a hunting accident wounding Sheldon, thwarted when Leonard found his crossbow and arrows, destroying them all, as soon as he realized their purpose. This lead to Howard having to come out with another plan, something he could hide from the rest, something that would end this suffering for all of them.

Howard imagined that it was Raj's almost death at the paws of the polar bear, that drove him to his current plan, Raj was his good friend, not Sheldon, so if anyone was going to die, it was not going to be Raj. To accomplish this plan, Howard had make sure he was teamed up with Sheldon on any future trips outside, which he knew both Raj and Leonard would be happy to agree too, it would give Howard the access to Sheldon he needed. He then had to think up a way to get Sheldon out of the hut, something Sheldon almost never did, his usual laziness and cowardice always ending up in sending them out to do all the work, instead of endangering himself.

So Howard suggest that the sensors needed to be aligned with the magnetic field orientation from the pole, because the particles Sheldon was looking for could possibly be influenced by those fields and that is why Sheldon wasn't picking them up. Sheldon immediately took to Howard's idea and then told everyone he had thought of it before only it didn't seem possible till now, again trying to make himself seem smarter than them all. It took all Howard's will power, not to smirk, at how quickly Sheldon jumped on his ridiculous suggestion, Sheldon's need to validate himself resulting in him grasping at any straw thrown at him.

So that is how Howard ended up on the ice pack now walking behind and to the right of Sheldon, a line of rope between them being their only connection. Walking out in the bitter cold and the danger the whole trip exposed him to only made Howard less concerned about what he was about to do. The cold alone was dangerous, but the sudden white outs, the polar bears, and many natural geographical dangers, caused by the ice, created an environment that could kill a person in a moment, something Sheldon never concerned himself about each day he forced them out there. This was one of the many reasons Howard felt justified, a real man, a friend would not keep his friends in such a dangerous environment, where one could die, longer than necessary, especially inexperienced artic explorers as the four of them. Sheldon, however, did not care, it was all about him, and it was times like this that only confirmed that that pasty skinny Pew Wee Herman look-alike, that faked being their friend, cared about nothing except himself and his future fame. Yes it was times like this, when Sheldon's selfishness showed out so brilliantly, that it made it easy for Howard to put an end to it and him.

Howard's plan was so simple, Howard would just let Sheldon kill himself, all he had to do was nothing, Sheldon would assure his own demise. It had already began, the magnetic field idea Howard gave Sheldon now had him walking on the ice, in his snowshoes, while he stared at a instrument that showed the lines of the strongest magnetic flux. Sheldon was ignoring a basic safety rule, 'watch were you are going', and although it made Howard smile as he watched, he knew it still wouldn't be enough to get rid of the crazy man.

"I'm really proud of you Sheldon." Howard yelled to the distracted Sheldon causing him to stop and turn to Howard.

"What are you talking about, can't you see I am working." Sheldon admonished the smaller man.

"I'm just saying, I would have never expected you to use the safety line that had been laying on the floor the last month for this excursion. It seems the weeks out here have mellowed you out some." Howard explained.

"WHAT!" Sheldon looked at the line around his waste in horror, "This is the line that has been laying in the corner of the hut?" he now looked at Howard in shock.

"Yes, didn't you know?" Howard asked innocently

"NO!" Sheldon immediately untied the soiled line from his body dropping it on the ground.

Howard's act began. "Sheldon you can't do that! You know that is a safety line, it is used so if something happens to one of us the other can pull them back. Leonard explained that to all of us when he briefed us on artic safety, a job you gave him as safety monitor."

Sheldon just looked at Howard like he was stupid, "I just gave Leonard that task to keep his simple mind busy, I know all about artic safety, more than Leonard and you will ever know. You just watch ahead and we will be fine, after all what else are you good for on this trip anyway."

Howard wanted to scream at the arrogant asshole, but he managed to control his rage. "Okay, but I warned you."

"Noted." Sheldon said dismissively. "Now lets continue."

"You're the expedition leader." Howard then said, sounding like he was surrendering to the superior mind.

"Correct." Sheldon then started walking forward at first splitting his concentration on the instrument he was holding and the ground, until after a short while forgetting to look were he was going at all.

It was 20 minutes later that Howard saw the fissure coming up, they weren't common but they did happen, it was one of the main reasons people out there watched what they were doing and had safety lines strung between them. Howard just slowed down his pace and let himself fall farther behind Sheldon, again forcing himself not to chuckle as the asshole approached the edge. What happened next happened so fast Howard had to blink a couple times before he could convince himself it really happened, Sheldon took one more step and then he was gone. It had happened so fast, Sheldon didn't have a chance to scream, or when he did scream he was too far down and falling that the sound never reached the surface.

Howard just stared at the fissure, he still couldn't believe the hell of the last weeks was now over, so suddenly and completely, it was then a small smile formed on his lips. He wanted to take a deep breath, but the cold artic air cold freeze a person's lungs, so he calmed himself at the happiness he now felt and prepared for the hardest part of the plan he had made, sounding like he gave a damn that Sheldon was gone. Thankfully Sheldon had insisted that he carry the only radio for their outside excursion, it would now take Howard over an hour to get back, only sealing Sheldon's fate. No one would blame Howard for not going to the edge of the fissure, to look for Sheldon, since everyone knew that loose snow on the edge could make Howard fall in too, no they would call back and get a rescue team out there and Howard would help them like a concerned friend, something Sheldon never was.

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It took 24 hours for the rescue team to arrive and then they spend three days at the fissure, a two man team even lowering themselves into it looking for Sheldon or his body. However the fissure was very deep and when they got half way down, shifting ice in it made going down even farther too dangerous, so there was no option but to quit, Sheldon was gone and declared missing. Afterwards, they all interviewed with the State Police, Howard twice as long as the others, but the results where as Howard hoped, Sheldon violated several safety precautions and just had bad luck, it was closed as an accident and Howard was clear.

The best part was that they got to go home and didn't have to listen to Sheldon anymore, Howard never appreciated his mothers home more than after those weeks in that cold hell hole with Sheldon. Additionally, Howard and Raj were both surprised how Penny had changed when they got back, she had missed Leonard while he was gone, much more than a friend, she now wanted a relationship with him. But after she heard how dangerous it had been and that Sheldon was gone, her feelings for Leonard became more intense, she understood now how easy she could loose him and became more devoted and needy with him.

So Howard and Raj didn't see anything of Leonard for several weeks after he got home, Penny keeping him all to herself and being very selfish with him. So it was with a little surprise when just over a month later, that Penny moved in with Leonard, their relationship seeming to be getting stronger every day after his return. Their small group's takeout nights continued now at Leonard and Penny's apartment, and Penny started to invite some girlfriends over to meet the guys. Howard ended up meeting Bernadette and Raj hooked back up with Cheryl who he met originally at Penny's Halloween party years before and seemed to still like him.

This change Howard's whole life, gone were the lonely days and the lack of female companionship he always desired, Bernadette was perfect. The other guys having girlfriends now made everything so much better as the girls either were with them or with each other when the guys did their nerdy hobbies. So it was no surprise that Howard was happy, and in love, his friends the same way, life was good and Sheldon soon forgotten.

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Things happened fast after that, Leonard and Penny got married, then Howard married Bernadette, the two couples being married only spurring Raj to marry Cheryl. During this time, the guys made a friend of a shy brown haired PHD at work who they brought into the group and who soon married up with their friend Stuart, making their group larger by the fourth couple. The resulting children from the couples, all became friends, making the group larger and it became more of a family than just a group of friends who got together so long ago.

Meanwhile the ice in the artic continued to move, frozen in it the broken body of one Dr Sheldon Lee Cooper, long since forgotten. He was never a friend to anyone so there were no friends who felt anything for his loss, his mother being the only person to cry at his wake. He had died like he lived, arrogant and being an asshole to the end, the people close to him finally understanding it was better without him than with him. Howard never had a bad nightmare or any regrets, he had let the wicked doctor do himself in and he would be always more than proud of it, because Howard's life had turned out much better without him.

A/N: My second story. I find this prompt easy to write a plot for and as a beginning writer, I need something easy. Besides, the character Sheldon Cooper is such an asshole and does so many things to the people he calls friends that writing about them killing him is just so easy. I already have several more stories in my mind.