Roman knew he shouldn't have answered the door. He knew who was knocking before he had even gotten out of bed. With Dean on a separate house show tour this weekend, that left just one person who would come looking for him. He had tried to tell himself to stay put. There was no need to let him in. He didn't need to give him the time of day. But as the knocking had continued, his heart had started skipping beats inside his chest. It ached for him to get up. It ached to see who was on the other side. So he had caved once again, just barely getting the door open before Seth slipped inside and shut it behind him.
"The fuck are you doing here?" Roman's mouth felt incredibly dry as he asked.
"The fuck do you think?" There was the faintest trace of alcohol on Seth's breath. He never really got past being buzzed. Too much alcohol made him really sick really fast.
Roman swallowed hard. He hadn't really needed to ask his question. He knew why Seth had come. There was only ever one reason these days. He opened his mouth to tell him he wasn't in the mood. That he wasn't going to do this again. But the words died in his throat as he kept looking in Seth's eyes. Those brown orbs had always been his weakness. They had been ever since they first met. And Seth knew it. He always had. He knew exactly how easy it was to break Roman down, and he always made sure to use it to his advantage.
Seth grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled him in for the kiss. The thought of pushing him away lasted very briefly. Roman quickly found himself responding to it all too quickly. One hand settled on Seth's hip while the other rested on his lower back. His lips moved against Seth's, relenting to the control the younger man wanted. His brain was already scolding him, but he stubbornly ignored it. He didn't want to care how bad of an idea it was. It was Seth. It was Seth back in his arms again, which wasn't something he could ever resist.
They stumbled over to the bed, nearly tripping and falling in the process. They took their clothes off as they went, letting them fall wherever on the floor. Roman turned them so he was the one who landed on top when they hit the mattress. Seth broke the kiss to smirk at him. "Say anything and I'm kicking you out," Roman threatened.
The smirk didn't disappear, but at least Seth chose to not run his mouth. It made it easier for Roman to start trailing kisses down to his neck and chest. He tried not to go too slow, not wanting Seth to get impatient and break the mood by being an asshole. He didn't want to go too fast either though. He wanted to savor this like the sap Dean often accused him of being. He couldn't help it. This was always a too fleeting of a thing for him to want to rush. He wanted to have the time to pretend that Seth was his once again.
His mouth traveled lower, eventually wrapping around Seth's cock. Seth moaned and grabbed a handful of Roman's hair. His fingers twisted in the dark locks tightly, making the older man's eyes water in pain. He didn't tell him to stop though. He kept on going, teasing the head every time he bobbed his head upwards. He loved the moans that he was drawing out of the younger man. In these moments it was like nothing had ever changed between them. He could close his eyes and go back to the time before the betrayal. He would go back to the nights in their hotel rooms where they would try to be quiet as they fooled around so they wouldn't wake up Dean. Roman had always treasured those nights. He loved the way the world melted away into just the two of them. He had thought that was the way it was supposed to be. He had thought Seth felt the same way too. He hadn't ever considered the fact that he could be wrong until that steel chair came blasting against his back.
Seth pulled him back upwards for a quick kiss. "Got anything?"
Roman nodded. "Front pocket of my bag."
Seth pushed him off and rolled off the bed to get it. He pulled out the bottle of lube and a condom before coming back to the bed. Roman tried to take them from him but Seth just slapped his hand away. "I got it."
"I can -"
"I said I got it!" Seth slapped his hand again, glaring at him as he did it. It was a look Roman used to laugh at. He had used to find his impatience adorable. But now it was different. The source of it was different. This wasn't Seth being impatient with how slow and thorough he was being in getting him ready. This was Seth being impatient with Roman even wanting to do it. It was impatience with Roman still desiring some actual intimacy between them. That wasn't what they had now. Maybe they never really had it to begin with. Maybe he had been willfully blind to Seth not feeling it. Or maybe Seth had really tried. Maybe he had tried to be a person instead of the narcissistic monster that they all dealt with now. Part of Roman wanted to ask. That part of him needed to know. But the other part of him was too scared to find out the answer. He didn't know which one would be worse to hear.
Seth rolled the condom on over Roman's dick before squeezing some lube on his fingers and slipping them inside himself. Roman kept his eyes glued on him, nearly groaning at the sight he was getting. That brought the smirk back to Seth's face, and he let out a loud, drawn out moan. He was being a tease. He knew what he could still do to Roman with very little effort. Roman let out a growl and rolled them over so he was the one on top. Seth moved his fingers out of himself and tried to push them back over so he was the one on top. Roman didn't let it happen. He slid inside Seth with one swift motion, both of them groaning at the action. He made himself go still, giving Seth the time to adjust to the feeling. He never could bring himself to do something that would really hurt him. It was hard enough doing it when they got into the ring together. He certainly couldn't manage it when they were like this.
A hand tugging at his hair was his signal to move. His thrusts were still slow, both to draw it out for himself and to not completely give Seth his way. He didn't deserve to have that.
"Fuck!" Seth kept one hand tangled in Roman's hair while the other came to rest against his broad back. Long legs wrapped around his waist, feet pressing against his ass to push him in deeper.
Roman grunted, burying his face against Seth's neck. He wouldn't let himself cover his face and throat with kisses like he used to. He was exposing enough of his feelings as it was already. He didn't want to expose himself more than he already was. Not that it probably even mattered. Seth could read him like a book. That was why he was here. He knew Roman would always let him in. He knew Roman hadn't stopped - maybe even couldn't stop - loving him. So whenever he got this itch - this uncontrollable itch that brought him back no matter how far he ran - he had the security of knowing he would always get back in.
Roman's thrusts got faster, his teeth sinking down into Seth's skin to keep himself from getting too loud. Seth's hand slipped out of his hair and slipped down between their bodies and started stroking his own cock. He came first, moaning as his cum spilled on his hand and Roman's stomach. Roman kept thrusting, his release soon to follow. His movements finally stilled, his eyes closing as he tried to catch his breath. His heart was beating so hard that he thought it would burst out of his chest.
"Let me up."
Seth's request went ignored. Roman stayed where he was, his brain still trying to cling to the post orgasm bliss even as it rapidly slipped away from him
"Ro. Fucking move. I need to steal your shower." Seth pushed him on the chest until he rolled off. "God damn." He got off the bed, barely looking at Roman now.
Roman swallowed hard as he pulled off the condom and put it in the little trash can by the bed. The self-hatred and disgust that usually waited until after Seth left was already here. It twisted him up inside, berating him for the fact that part of him still wanted to pull Seth back into bed with him. Seth wasn't his. Even when he came to him, they couldn't be further apart if they tried. "What do you get out of this?"
Seth stopped and turned back to look at him. "What?"
"What do you get out of this?" Roman tried to keep his voice from wavering as he asked again. "You've fucking taken everything." His heart, his dignity, his dreams of taking the title and the ones where they would settle down together - it was all gone. "What more do you fucking want?"
"I got what I wanted."
"You can get sex from fucking anywhere Seth. Why do you come to me?"
Something in Seth's face twitched as a very long stretch of silence passed. Roman waited, hoping he would get an answer. But none came. Seth turned away and stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him and leaving Roman as confused as ever.