Disclaimer: I don't own the characters--heaven forbid that I own anything nice...

A/N I was talking to Nimisha, when I told her that I had the first sentence of this story and nothing else, and then I got her helping me with the rest...and Well...you get this. She is a psycho, (she told me to say that!) but....she is--she also helped me think up most of the plot. Well...She heard all of what I thought--and she thought up the Dumbledore thing...So. She's kind of a co-writer, but not. She thought up a lot of it and I formed it into the story! So, this wouldn't be here with out her!

She was joking brainstorming for ways for James to notice Lily when she said ' she was found kissing Albus Dumbledore' at first I was like "WHAT?!" and then she said 'HAHAz' and I said 'you psycho' and then I said 'but--it could work...' and then this all started...(Err...that was directly quoted--I had the IM in front of me. I'll post it in my live journal which you can get to at my profile, when this is done :-) I saved it--for reference, because it had the plot on it you know! :-p)


Lily Evans should have figured out that there would be major difficulties in getting James Potter to fall frantically in love with her, when she noted James Potter...did not know she existed. Well, Lily finally gets noticed... Lily/James FICLET!

Explanation on things!

Lily is in Slytherin, because it was the only way it would make sense that James wouldn't know her--or want to get to know her...This way, no one really pays attention to her--and the Slytherins wouldn't like her either. It's not a *huge* factor in the story...But it's important too, so--no flames on that account, please. I know that she's a Gryffindor for real...but this is fiction!

No suing me please, I'm just the author! I happened to start listening to 'Kiss the Girl' while I wrote it...so...sorry, sorry...

Genre: Humor/Romance

Rating: PG-13...I wasn't sure, but I think it was just too--grown up for PG

Created: December 29, 2002


I Was Kissed By Albus Dumbledore

The Twisted Romance of Lily Evans and James Potter


Sierra Sitruc

Lily Evans should have figured out that there would be major difficulties in getting James Potter to fall frantically in love with her, when she noted James Potter...did not know she existed.

Falling for him had been the easy part, he was so easy to love with his lopsided grin and his chaotic black hair and the charming spectacles. His easy-going attitude and his knack for mischief--Lily had loved him at first sight...He on the other hand, had yet to take in her identity, as anything more then the girl with red hair in a few of his classes.

The muggle-born Slytherin, had grown used to the feeling of being an outcast, and being overlooked. She wondered what fates had led her to her rank in life, but she couldn't have stopped the sorting hat from putting her in Slytherin--instantly making her the outsider of the school.

Lily had only two friends--unlikely ones at that. Severus Snape and Peter Pettigrew, they didn't like one another, but both had taken a liking to Lily's quiet attitude and her sweet humor. Peter was a lot like Lily, he didn't attract a lot of attention--but his popular friends, James Potter, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin; had given him a social status Lily didn't have. They were both lonesome and the Slytherins disliked them with a vengeance--they'd paired up in first year out of loneliness--since Peter had yet to befriend the other Marauders.

The only Slytherin accounted for that did like Lily, was Severus Snape--his motives for being her companion were tainted however. He'd looked at Lily the summer after he'd hit puberty--and took notice she was indeed a girl, and was growing up to be a very lovely woman. He'd wanted her since then, and Lily had put up with his advances with patience, enjoying his unique kind of company, even if it did get rather annoying at times...

The fact that her own house mates and--well, frankly the entire school disliked her, happened to get Lily into more trouble then one would believe. Lily was bored of the negative attention she got--but it was the only attention she received these days...

It was upon such a time of negative attention, that Lily found herself getting into a very large amount of trouble.

"Evans! You are a disgrace to the name of Salazar Slytherin!" A vicious Slytherin girl taunted Lily, as she walked innocently down the hall.

Lily shrugged, used to that particular comment. "Is that the best you can come up with? At least I don't disgrace the name of Slytherin by shagging the potions Professor," Lily said casually, turning around to face the girl.

"Where'd you hear that!?" The Slytherin girl gasped--shocked that someone had found out.

"Everyone knows...How else could you pass that class?" Lily asked with a smirk, before turning on her heel to leave--of course, it was most unfortunate that the said Professor the Slytherin girl had been supposedly shagging had decided to show up and break up the crowd.

How much did he hear? Lily wondered briefly.

"I should wonder how such a false rumor could pass around the school, but with such a large mouth as yours Miss Evans--I don't." Professor Bigglesby sneered, hovering over Lily--Lily felt her gut twist in knots. It appeared that the Professor had heard all of it.

Professor Bigglesby was the potions master, he was rumored to be half troll--and his detentions were supposedly full of back-breaking work, that often left students with back problems for the rest of their lives. Lily Evans did not want a detention with that man, she'd rather be sent into the torture chamber--which was a myth the Marauders had passed about the school, they said it was in a secret entrance through Filch's office...It sounded quite painful from what Lily had heard.

"I'm sorry Professor," Lily mumbled, going for the groveling to escape this mess.

"Sorry won't get you out of trouble this time Miss Evans--to the headmaster's office with you." Bigglesby growled--Lily could almost swear she'd seen a snot bubble pop on his nose as he said this, but she didn't have much time to think on this, as she was being led down the hallway rather roughly by Bigglesby.

"Is this really necessary?" Lily tried to persuade the potions master otherwise.

"Yes," he said fiercely, "You need to be punished!"

"Isn't this a bit--severe though?" She tried again.

"No, not in the least bit," Bigglesby answered, shoving her in front of the entrance to Dumbledore's office. "Get up there now!"

"It's not open--." Lily had started to protest.

"Fizzing Whizbees!" The entrance opened up, and Lily stumbled up the stairs in a hurried manner, Bigglesby left scowling behind her.

Lily entered Dumbledore's office, and found him--playing with his Phoenix, Sirius Black was beside him and the two seemed to be sharing a laugh--when they noticed Lily's presence.

"Oh! Um--." Dumbledore struggled to regain his poise--he hadn't looked very headmaster like, while playing with his pet and laughing with Sirius Black. "Take a seat--Miss...?" Dumbledore didn't seem to be able to recall her name.

"Evans, sir," Lily said--feeling very awkward all of a sudden.

"Right, right--I knew that." Dumbledore then took on a very over professional look, as he sat in his seat. Sirius stood there uncomfortably behind him. "You may--be excused Mister Black--no more dungbombs in the girls' bathroom now," Dumbledore said, and Lily was sure she'd heard Sirius snort with laughter as he exited the room.

Lily sat there expectantly for several moments--and when nothing was said, she was quite convinced Albus Dumbledore had finally lost his marbles, when he spoke.

"So Miss Evans is it?" Dumbledore asked, his voice sounded a bit strange--smoother...and higher, now that she thought about it.

"Yes, Professor--Lily Evans--fifth year Slytherin," Lily informed him cautiously, worrying a tad for his memory.

"Ah yes! I remember now!" Dumbledore declared happily, he stood up, and walked speedily to her side. He led her to a chair to sit, and Lily plopped unceremoniously down in it, and stared up at her Headmaster in confusion.

"Um? I'm here for punishment sir," Lily said, unsure why she felt like she did...The Headmaster had never acted like this before. He seemed so different...

"You need punished?! But you look like an angel..." Dumbledore said earnestly, and Lily felt herself blushing...It almost seemed like...but it couldn't be..."You're very beautiful Lily," Dumbledore said wistfully, and Lily shifted in her seat--appalled by his behavior. He wasn't acting like himself at all!

"Headmaster--you see, Professor Bigglesby sent me--." Lily started to explain, but Dumbledore was now sitting beside her and had his arm around her, and he'd protested against what she was about to say with a wave of his hand. Lily couldn't help but feel highly aware of his presence beside her--he smelled like mints and freshly cut grass...

"Whatever that blunderhead said is half the time a lie--you don't need to be punished," Dumbledore said, giving her hand up. "You'd better go," he said quickly--and Lily couldn't help but feel even more awkward as his hand rested on her arm and he led her out.

"Thank you, Professor..." Lily said.

"It was a pleasure speaking with you Lily," Dumbledore informed her, walking her down the steps and out of his office--he'd never done that before, Lily was certain.

"Goodbye Professor, until next time," Lily flashed a smile, and at the same time she did so--she saw an odd emotion pass through Dumbledore's eyes, and the old man suddenly cursed to himself.

"Oh--sod it!" And before Lily could protest, he tugged her close, and gave her a firm kiss on the mouth.

Lily made a frightened squeal, before jumping back in horror. Dumbledore looked as shocked at what he'd done, as was Lily.

She couldn't think of anything else to do but run--all the while the same thought going through her head over and over...I was kissed by Albus Dumbledore...I was kissed by Albus Dumbledore...

Lily ran down the hall as fast as her legs could carry her and didn't stop running until she'd smacked straight into Peter Pettigrew.

The impact sent them soaring backwards onto the ground with two loud thumps. Lily sprung up quickly, and helped Peter as well. "Oh Peter! It was awful! Terrible! Disturbing! Not to mention--Pedophilic!" Lily rambled, and Peter knew Lily only rambled when she was over excited--or terribly shocked.

"What was it, Lils?" Peter asked calmly.

"Professor Dumbledore kissed me!" She shrieked, the news coming out before she could think of a way to make it more subtle.

"He WHAT!?" Peter bellowed, completely unprepared for that piece of information.

Lily suddenly felt totally violated, and she sunk back down to the ground. "I went to his office--and he'd been talking to your friend Sirius--"

"He was what?" Peter asked, suddenly looking highly relieved.

"Talking to Sirius," Lily said slowly.

"Oh--that makes sense then. Lily--don't worry about it, Dumbledore was--not himself when he kissed you," Peter said reassuringly, Lily only stared.

"What--not himself? What do you mean?" Lily asked incessantly.

"Just--think nothing of it Lily. Sirius probably--gave him drugs or something," Peter said logically.

"Opium? Pot?" Lily asked, still dazed from the kiss.

"Heavens no! Wizards drugs Lily! It'll make you do anything..." Peter then began to ramble on about the uses of Wizards drugs, and Lily only half listened, she couldn't believe Peter thought Dumbledore was on drugs...Lily kept replaying the horrifying moment over and over in her mind, again and again...She'd never be able to look Professor Dumbledore in the face again!


It didn't take long for the rumors to spread, as nothing is kept secret in Hogwarts...

"Did you hear about Lily Evans?"

"Lily? Evans? Who's that?"

"The hot redhead in Slytherin."

"Right. What about her?"

"She kissed Dumbledore!"

"No way! Dumbledore is un-kissable!"

"I saw it!"

"You DID!?"

"I did--I think I'm scarred for life, too."

"Did she--enjoy it?"

"No! She took off running..."

"Did you hear about Evans?"


"Lily Evans."

'No, what about her?"

"She snogged Dumbledore!"

"Have you heard that Lily Evans snogged Dumbledore?"

"I thought she shagged him!"

"Same difference."

Soon, Lily Evans had gone from just the red-headed muggle-born Slytherin, to 'The-Girl-Who-Shagged-Dumbledore-In 20-Seconds'. Lily was missing her unknown days badly...

Later, in the library--Lily Evans could be found sitting with Severus Snape--Peter Pettigrew was across the room, too afraid of Severus to talk to their mutual friend.

"How did it happen Lily," Severus began conversationally (I know that's completely different, but sarcasm...), "How does one shag Dumbledore---ugh? I didn't think he could still get off..."

"Severus!" Lily hissed, highly embarrassed. She covered her face in her hands. "Nothing happened--."

"Nothing happened my arse! It's all over the school!" Severus growled.

"It's not true--." Lily protested.

"It is true! You'd do anything to get out of trouble--." Severus argued back at her, and Lily was feeling her temper flaring, one can only take so much...

"I would not--nothing happ--." Lily tried again.

"It's just the kind of thing a mud--."

"I DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH ALBUS DUMBLEDORE!" Lily screamed at the top of her lungs...In the next moment, she found her and Severus both thrown out of the library, with several sniggering students as the audience.

"Look what you did Lily...You're making a mountain out of a mole hill you know! Just admit it! You shagged Dumbledore--and enjoyed it," Severus said viciously, as they hurried down the halls, books in hand and robes swooshing behind them.

"I will admit only to that HE kissed ME! I was the inanimate person in this predicament!" Lily screeched, her temper letting loose--she'd known one day she would blow up, but she hadn't expected it to be as something so silly as kissing Dumbledore...

Severus raised an eyebrow at that. "Are you sure?" he asked smirking.

"I think he was on drugs..." Lily explained what Peter had told her.

"You can't believe anything Pettigrew says, he's a Gryffindor!" Severus said waving his arms around wildly after she'd explained.

"It make sense though--I bet Sirius did it--drugged Dumbledore!" Lily said, nodding enthusiastically.

"I wouldn't put it past Black." Severus griped, and Lily rolled her eyes...If Severus had ever found out exactly what she felt for Sirius Black's best friend...Death by pain...Lily thought, cringing.


At dinner that evening, the school kept whispering and pointing at Lily, who was sulking in her seat, trying to hide as best she could--without success. She felt like she was in a freak show...

She let her mind drift off to do what she did best--dream of James Potter. Her mind imagined his messy black hair running through her fingers--then of course she went through the day dream where James had fallen madly in love with her and had asked her her to marry him at Quidditch game...

Her dream was rudely interrupted, just before they started snogging passionately--by--

"James? Lily choked out, dropped her fork loudly onto her plate, her fork had, until then--been spinning in circles through her greens.

"Lily--may I speak to you...in private?" James asked nervously. Lily was beyond shocked, never before had James Potter spoken a word to her--and now he was asking to speak to her in private?

Lily finally came to the conclusion that it was all just some mad dream--and she would wake up, to not having been kissed by Albus Dumbledore, and not asked to speak in private by James Potter. So, Lily responded in a very un-Lily like way.

"Sure, why not?" Lily said, giving him a dazzling smile, and took his proffered hand and stood up and followed him gracefully out of the Great Hall. Once out in a hall way, James shifted uneasily where he stood in front of her. Lily relaxed against the wall...It was all just a dream--in a moment James would spill his for her feelings, and snog her madly--Lily could handle a dream easily...It was the reality that got difficult.

"I have something to tell you Lily...It might put you at ease, I'd think," James said nervously running his fingers through his hair, and adjusting his glasses repeatedly.

"Go on then..." Lily said encouragingly, raising on eyebrow at him expectantly.

"This afternoon...When you--were kissed by Dumbledore..." James was now turning the brightest red Lily had ever seen on him.

"Yes..." Lily said nodding her head--a bit confused now--it was a dream...wasn't it?

"It wasn't exactly Dumbledore who kissed you..." James admitted, deciding to stare at his feet now.

"Oh?" Lily asked, feeling stupider by the moment....Maybe it wasn't a dream after all.

"It was...me. You can hit me if you want! I didn't mean to, mind you--you just...Looked so gorgeous, and I was feeling out of sorts with the polyjuice potion as it was, and my hormones kicked it--and I know how scary it must have been to have a hundred year-old man jumping at you. But damn it all Lily Evans! You are hot, and you can't blame a guy for being infatuated by you. Now, all I ask is you not kill me--or if you want, you can decide I'm not that bad since I am a friend of your friend's and decide to just snog me like crazy--I don't know what girls do in situations like this, when it's all awkward and--Mmph!" James was stopped mid-sentence by a fiery kiss from the Slytherin in front of him.

It seemed Lily had decided to snog James like crazy.

They hardly knew each other, but when it comes down to love and attraction--sometimes people just jump in head first....

"Mmm..." Lily sighed, taking a breather from the long kiss. "You smell like...mints and freshly cut grass--did you know you smelled like that even in Dumbledore's body?" Lily asked him dazedly.

James breathed in Lily's hair, and spoke quietly, "You smell like a Lily--sweet and delicious."

Lily giggled despite herself...If this really was a dream--she was praying that she never woke up. This was just too good to be true. She really hadn't kissed Albus Dumbledore, instead she's kissed James Potter...

Everything was perfect, just for the moment, she pretty much had the boy she loved, Albus Dumbledore was not a drug induced maniac who'd kissed her and she wasn't a nobody anymore...

All she needed now was a happily ever after.

.:.:.The End.:.:.


A/N Well, that's another one of my twisted ficlets--a reminder, you can see the plot and how it was thought up at my live journal when this is posted...

I hope it wasn't too rushed at the end--but forgive me! It's 4am! Feedback would be appreciated--even if this story did scare the living day lights out of you.

Thanks to all of you who were brave enough to read this! I just couldn't help writing it...I'd thought of the intro sentence and had just HAD To write it--I had no clue what the rest of the story would be...But with the help of psycho Nimisha, it had been plotted and written! Thanks again!