Amanda stared at the pregnancy tests and couldn't believe her eyes. Yates' taunt had actually been true. She had known something was going on with her body, and her snappy comment at Carisi about a bad bagel had been her trying to convince herself. She held her head in her hands and let out a little laugh. She was pregnant with Declan's baby. She smiled, picturing them raising a child together. He would be such a good dad. Attentive, protective and loving.
She covered her mouth as she thought about her own father. She had always been daddy's girl. Even when her father had neglected them. She had always blamed her mother for whatever problems they had been going through. That was something she had worked through after being in SVU. She knew that she had been seeking love from a man that really didn't know how to give it and had blamed her mother because of it. Her Momma was no angel, but she had not been the sole problem in the family. She did not want that kind of environment for her child.
She pushed those thoughts out of her head as she rose and began getting ready for work. Declan was not like her father and Amanda was not her mother. Their relationship was their own.
She stood in the shower, letting the warm water rush over her and thought about how she was going to tell Declan. Technically, they weren't even in a relationship. There was a promise of one, once he was through with his undercover work.
Amanda turned off the water, wrapping herself in a towel. She wiped the condensation off the mirror and stared at herself. How was he going to feel about this? They had been as reckless as teenagers that night. Sure she took the pill, but there were days she forgot to take it. She had slacked off on it when she and Nick had ended their relationship. Didn't seem like a big deal at the time. It's not like she could have seen this coming. She wouldn't change it for the world. She had felt more of a connection with him, than anyone she had been involved with in her adult life. He had seen her at her worst and believed that she could come back from it. He knew the darkest parts of her and hadn't run away.
She had no contact with Declan. No way to reach him except through the precinct. What was she supposed to say to the undercover unit? 'I need to get ahold of my baby daddy and tell him he's the father?' Amanda snorted and continued to get ready for the day.
Damn Carisi and his insightfulness! He zeroed in on her and called her out in front of the damn soda machine. She had to give Carisi a little credit though. The man did have three sisters. He knew when something was up.
She knew she would have to tell Olivia soon. She didn't want to be tied up in knots about this and it wouldn't be long till she couldn't hide it. She hated the thought about Declan not being the first to know but there wasn't much she could do about that.
She absolutely would not risk his life by trying to contact him. She couldn't stand the thought of his cover being blown and she knew that as soon as he found out, he would do whatever he had to to get to her. She wasn't going to let anything happen to him. She could only hope that sometime in the next nine months he could make his busts and come home to her.
She had almost let Declan's name slip when she told Liv she was pregnant. It had stung a little when Olivia jumped to the conclusion that she would be on her own. Just because she didn't talk about her love life at the station, didn't mean she didn't have one. Her back had been up when she said she might not be on her own and when Liv's eyes had widened in surprise, Rollins had caught herself. She lamely added something about her mother, which Rollins would not be following through with. That was a headache she did not need.
Amanda left the station after the horrific case involving child services. It had been a bad case and a bad day. And Chief Dodds had busted her. She knew it was coming. Being seven months pregnant was not something she could hide.
Amanda was curled up on the couch watching TV with Frannie when there was a knock on her door. Hope flared in her chest as she moved as swiftly as she could to the door. She swung it open and was momentarily confused when she saw Olivia standing there.
"Liv? What's going on?" Amanda moved aside to let Olivia enter and closed the door behind her. The tension on Liv's face made her grab her belly in a protective gesture. "What is it?"
Benson sighed, "Its Yates."
Amanda frowned, "What? What do you mean?"
"Yates has escaped Amanda."
Amanda's head spun and her knees almost buckled underneath her. Olivia caught her and guided her to the couch, reassuring her all the way.
"Amanda, I don't want you to worry. You are going to have a protective detail until we find him and we will find him."
Amanda gripped her belly tighter, "Liv, he's going to be gunning for me. He all but told me he was obsessed with me. Going on about our connection and about how I was bringing life after his child died. This isn't just about me now."
Olivia gripped Amanda's hands, "I know that and that is why we aren't going to let anything happen to you. I promise you that. We will protect you."
Her worst fear had become reality. Someone was threatening her child and it hadn't even been born yet. This was a bone numbing fear she had never experienced before. She knew Yates was a stone cold killer and all the tactics she had used to become close to him, to get him to talk, were now back-firing on her. Even though she wasn't his preferred brunette, she knew he was fixated on her. And she was terrified for her unborn child. She couldn't hold this back from Declan anymore. God forbid something happened to her, he needed to know he was going to be a father and that she was pretty sure she was in love with him.
Amanda let out a shaky breath, "There's someone I need you to get ahold of for me. I need him here. I need Declan."
Olivia's eyebrows shot up in surprise, "Lt. Murphy?"
Amanda closed her eyes and rested her head on the couch. "I don't know where he is. All I know is that he is still undercover."
Olivia coughed to clear the shock out of her voice and patted her hand, "I'm going to do everything I can to get him here with you."
Amanda was ashamed to feel tears welling up. It felt so nice to hear the support in Olivia's voice. Her family was as crazy as a bag of cats, and no one had ever been there for her. Her mother always made everything her fault, and don't get her started on her sister Kim. Amanda didn't have female friends and right now just the simple feeling of Olivia's hand on hers was the most support she had gotten in a long time. Olivia seemed to sense that Amanda was about to break and she scooted closer and hugged Amanda to her and let her detective sob against her.
Olivia made sure Amanda was comfortable and resting in her bedroom. Uniforms were posted outside the apartment building and one of squad would be with Rollins at all times. Olivia tried to shake off the déjà vu of William Lewis and pulled out her phone. She dialed the number for Vice, "This is Sergeant Olivia Benson of Manhattan SVU. The color of the day is Red and I need to speak to the Captain in charge of undercover assignments."
Olivia glanced at the clock briefly before resuming her vigil from Amanda's apartment window. It was almost 3am. She should be back at the squad helping run this manhunt but vowed to stay until Declan arrived. Finn was in charge and she knew that he was more than capable of running the show. Especially with his partner being the one in danger.
She had been surprised when Amanda had asked for Declan but in the following hours she had thought back on the time when Declan had been acting Captain of the squad. While keeping it professional, he and Rollins had definitely had chemistry and she knew the two had a bond from when Amanda had found herself in the middle of his undercover assignment.
Olivia had explained the situation to the Captain in charge, and was assured that Murphy would be on the next flight out. Olivia didn't know from where and didn't know how long it would take till he arrived. She did know that as soon as he got here, he wouldn't stop until Yates was taken care of.
At 5am there was a pounding on the door. Olivia opened it and was immediately pushed to the side as Murphy came barreling in. He looked around the room, "Where is she?"
Olivia held her hands up in a placating manner, "She's fine, Murphy. She's asleep in the bedroom."
Declan ran his hands through his hair, "Tell me you have this covered."
"Finn is running the manhunt right now and we have every cop out there looking for him. We are going to find him," Olivia said.
Declan looked her in the eyes and what Olivia saw there made her blood run cold. "Remember what I told you about William Lewis?"
Olivia drew in a shaky breath, "You told me I should have killed him when I had the chance."
Declan nodded, "That's exactly what I'm going to do to this Yates. I will not let this become another William Lewis." He turned and went into Amanda's bedroom, shutting the door softly behind him.
Olivia blew out a breath and rubbed her forehead. God help Yates, because Declan Murphy was not going to show him any mercy if he caught him first. At that moment it occurred to her that she should call Voight in Chicago and give him a heads up. He deserved to know that the man who had killed one of his own was out on the streets.
The room was dark but with the predawn light coming through the windows, Declan could see Amanda perfectly. She lay on her side with her arms around her growing belly. His gaze was fixed on her and he could barely breathe. Everything he wanted was laying on that bed. His future, a future he wanted so badly he could taste it.
As soon as they had gotten word to him what was going on, he had lit out of that hell hole like a shot. He laid some cover of having to 'take care' of some business in the old country and didn't look back. The whole way to New York all he could think about was Amanda pregnant with his child. Even as he was looking at her now, he couldn't believe it.
He sat next to her on the bed and placed his hand on her face. She slowly opened her eyes and caught sight of him.
He smiled at her, "Hey."
She smiled tentatively back at him, "Hey."
He held her gaze and softly stroked her cheek with his thumb, "When were you going to tell me, darlin'?"
Amanda tried to duck her face away from his intense gaze, embarrassed. "I couldn't risk your safety, Declan. I couldn't stand the thought of distracting you from your case. I didn't want you to worry about it."
"Amanda, I'm not worried. And I'm not just going to walk away, you know that."
She seemed to droop in relief, as if she had been worried that he was going to do just that. He grabbed her chin gently and forced her to look at him, "I know that you have had a lot of people in your life let you down, but I'm not going to be one of them. I promise you that."
She looked into his eyes and believed him. Believed that no matter what came next, that Declan would be there for her. She leaned up and kissed him. She felt his soft beard tickling her face and his lips kissing her back so gently.
She pulled back from the kiss and took his hand and placed it over her belly. "I'm about 7 months along. I don't know if it's a boy or a girl."
Declan stared at his hand on her rounded belly and couldn't believe this was real. Children were something he had given up on, something his career had taken the place of in his life. Now he had that chance. A chance at a life he had only previously envied, and he would not let anything get in the way of that.