Disclaimer:  I only torture Integra-sama and Alucard for my own demented purposes and enjoyment.  *sigh* I made no money off of this.  *I need money though!!*

AN:  THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!  I really appreciate all the reviews!  They're so encouraging!  I'm sorry it took me so long to write this, but it's really, really, really long.  I wrote the first three pages back in like March or April but went brain dead after that.  Then, this past Monday and Tuesday I made a Hellsing music video that gave my creativity a boost!  Please enjoy, take note of the italics directly under this and Reviewer Responses are at the bottom of the page!

'Thinking to one's self.'                "'Memory of someone's words.'"             |Integra's dirty little inner voice|

Chapter 3:  Lesson 01 – the Walk

"You didn't have to be so blunt!"  Integra seethed at the former Policewoman.  She blew tentatively on her hand where she had caught her falling cigar, effectively burning herself through her glove, and poor Walter was still coughing up tea.  Seras blushed furiously as she gently patted Walter on his back as his coughing fit finally subsided.

"I didn't mean it to come out quite like that."  Seras mumbled sheepish as she watched the glaring Sir Integra warily.  "It's just that you walk like a guy does, and, heh, as you know, guys have stuff down there and in effect it makes them walk differently than women do."

"You could have said it like that in the first place."  Integra grumbled in the other woman's direction.  "So, how exactly is a woman supposed to walk that's different from men?"

"Well, when women walk, as you put each foot forward it actually comes in some towards the center of your body."  She said as she demonstrated with a few slow steps.  "If you were watching from above, the leg kind of makes a small curve, or a fraction of a circle.  But an elongated fraction, if you made it too circular you'd look drunk."

Integra quirked an eyebrow as she watched Seras walk the length of the room.  'Why didn't that explanation seem to make any sense?'

"And I'm expected to do this?" She drawled dubiously and resisted a sigh when Seras nodded her head vigorously.  "How?"

"That's…a good question."  Seras grumbled to herself as she crossed her arms over her chest with a small huff.

"I have an idea."  Walter, who had been silent since becoming reacquainted with his tea earlier, had been leaning against Integra's desk and watching the proceedings mutely.  "Do you still keep that duct tape in here Sir Integra?"  He asked as he walked behind the desk and started to open a drawer.

"Yes… its in the top, left hand drawer next to my extra clips."  Integra said easily after a short moment of thought.

"Why do you keep duct tape in your office Sir Integra?"  Seras asked as she looked around the room, not immediately seeing anything that would need it.

"To threaten Alucard with when he interrupts me excessively.  Not that it really works, he just intrudes upon my thoughts."  Integra said dryly as she resumed puffing on her cigar and removed her ruined gloves.

Walter shifted the extra magazines for Integra's handgun out of the way and slid the drawer shut again as he lifted out the large roll of beige colored tape.  He stood still for a moment, turning the roll in his aged hands until he found the end, which was promptly separated from the rest.

"Miss Seras?  Would be so kind as to take this end of the tape," he said as he stretched out the end he had just pried loose toward her.  "and just walk it away and we'll lay it along one of the lines in the tile." 

Integra watched Walter and Seras pick one of the center lines within the oversized tile checkerboard that was her office floor and laid the tape along it with dawning comprehension.

"Okay," Walter said cheerfully as he slowly stood upright again.  "Now, Sir Integra, simply walk along the line, but make sure to take you're normal length steps.  That way it will be a more natural walk."

With a barely distinguishable sigh, Integra walked back to her desk and snubbed out her cigar after one last drag and set her gloves down.  She moved to stand at the start of the line and glanced warily at an edger-looking Walter and Seras who stood on either side of the line at the halfway point.  'Do they have to watch?'  Integra wondered self-consciously.  It was bad enough that she would know about this, but adding an audience seemed to make her suddenly nervous.  'I…I could back out of this now.' a part of her murmured.  'There wouldn't be any shame in getting out now.  I'd actually save face in the end by sacrificing a little pride and recognizing my shortfalls now instead of humiliating myself after two weeks of hellish training and still not being able to pull it off.'   Yes, yes, that made perfect sense.  An image of Alucard suddenly flashed across her mind; she could still see him perfectly, just as he had been last night.  He was sitting haughtily atop her oak desk, his crimson eyes dancing with malicious enjoyment and words ghosting through her memory as his grin widened to manic levels.  "'So you can't.'"  His smug voice, rough and deep, echoed to the very recesses of her mind, taunting her, mocking her.  Her eyes iced over and narrowed unconsciously and she imagined how…how giddy he would be were she to give up.  She could almost hear his laughter echoing off the walls for days

"Sir Integra?"  Walter asked tentatively.  His gentle voice snapped her out of her revere and she shook her head slightly to clear it.

"Yes?"  She responded in kind as she shifted her softened gaze to him.

"Are you quite alright?  You seemed preoccupied for a moment."  He said politely.

"Yes, yes.  Sorry, I was just lost in my thoughts for a moment."  She said easily, waving her hand dismissively. 

'Lost in her thoughts?' Seras wondered as she exchanged a look with Walter.  They had both become instantly worried when they had seen the icy glare she was sending their way.  But now that she thought about, Seras realized that Sir Integra's eyes hadn't really been focused on anything, just glaring out at nothing.  'I wonder what she was thinking about that would cause her to glare like that?  Was…was it Master?'

"Shall we start then?"  Integra said steely.  She wasn't about to let Alucard win anything if she could help it.  'I can't believe I almost talked myself out of it.' She thought, frowning.  She was a Hellsing, the last Hellsing to be exact, and she'd rather die than concede anything to a vampire, especially to him.  Looking down, Integra placed her right foot at the start of the line, the toe of her shoe rested just barely above the beginning of the tape.  She continued to look down as she lifted and brought her left foot forward and, as Walter had instructed, took a normal length before placing her foot down again, but on the tape.  Despite feeling foolish, Integra lifted her eyes to gaze strait ahead of her and lifted her other foot and stepped.  Lift and step.  Lift and step.  'This…this isn't so bad.'

Seras and Walter smiled at each other as Integra walked by them and continued forward without stopping or tripping.  She did stop however when she reached the end of the tape, one foot resting on the tape's edge, and the other a pace's length back.

"Isn't there a specific way that you are supposed to turn around?" She asked as she glanced over her shoulder at Walter.  Seras shrugged her shoulders even though she hadn't been asked.  Walter simply smiled at Integra and said,

"You were taught how to as a child, see if you can't remember."

Seras would have sworn that Integra had made a face at Walter if she hadn't turned back around so quickly.

'If I could remember I wouldn't have asked.'  Integra seethed inwardly at the aged steward.  She remembered little of her childhood training; the most vivid was walking around the mansion with a book balanced on the top of her head to ensure correct posture.  'That had been horrible.'  She always ended up going to her studies with a smarting headache from the weight of the book.  She also remembered her lessons in table manners, which she still used, and hosting, which she hoped to God that she never had to use.  'But…' There was something, something at the corner of her memories that kept trying to surface.  It felt oddly like one might imagine the air bubble in an inverted shampoo bottle might feel like; This thought was the air bubble, slowly fight it's way through the miry darkness of forgetfulness to resurface.  She rocked backward onto her heels experimentally, then deciding it was wrong, shifted forward onto her toes.  It felt kind of right, but how was she supposed to turn around when raised up like this?  Integra easily retained her position as she shifted her weight onto the leg directly beneath her and shifted the newly lightened ankle experimentally.  Her other leg was starting to cramp when she noticed that her shoe slide quite easily across the tiled floor.  The air bubble breached the top as Integra redistributed her weight evenly on both legs and, remaining on her toes, testingly twisted her each foot on the slick tile.  And sure enough, they slid quite easily.  Integra felt a smirk that would have made Alucard proud bend her lips.

Seras and Walter waited patiently as Integra tried to remember her childhood teachings by the ever-faithful trail-by-error method.  Seras stole glances at Walter, who stood silently beside her watching Sir Integra with a gentle smile on his face and his hands firmly behind his back.  Seras tired her best to emulate his stillness but for all the success she was achieving she might as well have been try to coax a worm into a bird's beak.  She just couldn't stop fidgeting; she'd shift her weight and cross her arms over her chest one minute and then the next would find her with hands on her hips and her foot wanting to tap.  Seras couldn't really explain why, but something about the whole situation she was in really made her question Sir Integra and her Master's relationship.  It was just a simple case of her Master's boasting and aggregative nature just going a step further than normal right? It was just a simple bet, right? 

She didn't have time to answer her own questions as Sir Integra twisted around with surprising grace quite suddenly, her long hair a torrent of blonde strands, many of them straying from their usual neat appearance.  But Integra didn't seem to care as she walked back down the length of the tape again and immediately turned at the end as she had just done previously with a confident smirk.  Walter watched her with a smile that practically glowed with paternal pride as the knight easily strode past them again.

"This isn't so bad" Integra said lightly as she passed her aides once again.  "I kind of feel like I'm being tested to see if I'm intoxicated while driving though.  But, then again, they just use breathalyzers now."  Integra saw Seras give her a strange look in response to her remark.

"How do you know that Sir Integra?" Seras asked her suspiciously.  Integra stopped in front of her and quirked an eyebrow.

"It's just common knowledge.  Who doesn't know about that?"

"Oh, well, it just sounded like you might have been speaking from experience, that's all."  Seras could actually see Sir Integra go livid.

"SERAS VICTORIA!!  ARE YOU TRYING TO SUGGEST…" then Integra remembered the overly nosey vampire in basement that would surely investigate at her yelling.  Taking a deep breathe, she continue in a lower tone but through gritted teeth.  "Are you trying to suggest that I've been pulled over for drunk driving?"  Though her tone was now quiet there was no denying the anger and indignation in her voice.

"Well, they do say that that the people with impeccable backgrounds are the ones that rot the worst." Seras continued, mindless of the mortal danger she was throwing herself into.  "You know, kind of like how Preacher's sons seem to always be into some of the worst stuff."

Integra had to literally grab her right hand with her left to keep it from grabbing the gun holstered under her jacket; bullets would definitely bring Alucard.  And that was the only thing keeping the policewoman from getting a blessed silver bullet through the head.  Or maybe one of her annoyingly large breasts just for spite…  So instead, Integra settled for giving her a glare that would have sent a rabid wolf running.  But Seras, upon seeing the look, totally misinterpreted it.  Seras stepped closer to her and gave a suggestive tilt of her head towards Walter. 

"Don't worry," she said as if she were doing Integra a favor.  "You don't have to say anything."  Her insinuation had been all too clear that she thought that Walter's presence was keeping her from admitting any guilt.

It took every thing Integra had to keep herself from gawking at the younger woman.  'How dense can a person be?' She wondered silently.  'Does being undead diminish the brain function that much?'  But, then again, that would definitely explain some of Alucard's eccentricities.  With an audible growl, Integra shook her head with disgust.

"Whatever.  Lets just continue with this, shall we?" she suggested with a gesture towards the tape.  Before she even received nods from both parties Integra started again.  Walter didn't say a word about the whole exchange; hopefully he just ignored Seras' ranting.  'Please, please, please let him just ignore it!!'  Integra mentally prayed; the last thing she needed was her butler in over-protective father mode because of Seras' unfounded accusations.  But, then again, Walter knew that she didn't drink.  Well, not much anyways; she did have an occasional nightcap when she was really stressed but those were few and far between.

After twenty or so minutes of this repeated, but silent, practicing, it was unanimously decided to move off the tape to the plain floor.  This way, Integra could dodge or sidestep objects as she would in real life circumstances.  And though she still felt extremely foolish, Integra took to it naturally.  So naturally in fact, that Seras decided to step things up a notch, possibly.  With any luck, Sir Integra would be perfect for what Seras had in mind.  But she still decided to proceed with caution, as she was still receiving seething glares from Sir Integra.

"You know, I never realized until recently exactly how tall you are Sir Integra."  Seras started casually.  She thought she saw the other woman twitch slightly but paid it no mind as Integra continued to walk around the room.

"Yes…your point being?" She responded in clipped tones.  Integra absolutely hated for her height to be called to attention.  The only benefit it had ever served was in intimidation, which was a large portion of her life.  You didn't get anywhere with vampires or cankerous old men by being petite and timid.  But she had always been tall, and it was usually the first thing people noticed when she walked into the room.  In school she had been teased about her height, or her glasses, or even being untalkative, or maybe even all three and then some.  She always heard people say that it was just childish meanness; that they were just trying to feel better about themselves.  A hell of a lot of good that statement did to douse the bitterness that develops over several years.  But she had brushed most of it off with time, there were just a few things she was touchy about.  That was one reason she was thankful that Alucard was as tall as he was; when she stood next to him, she looked more normal, more human.  |That and the fact that you like tall men…| A little voice said quietly in the back of her mind.  Integra quickly shoved it back in it's dark corner, telling it to shut up.  It was being stubbornly insubordinate lately, much like Alucard.  |Oh face it Integra.  You wouldn't like him at all if he were a complacent lapdog. |  'Yes I would!' She denied the voice vehemently.  'It would be nice for a change.'  |Oh, I see.  You want him as a lapdog all right.  Just not the clean version of the term…|  'S-Shut UP!!!!'  Since when had she become this perverted?!?

"I heard in school once," Seras was off again, giving Integra the excuse she needed to get away from her thoughts.  "That taller people have larger shoe sizes than those of us who are shorter."

"Really…" Integra drawled uninterestedly as she silently attempted to regained control of her own thoughts and continued around the room, side stepping a vase.

"I just wanted to see if it was true…" Seras said slightly uncertainly.  Sir Integra wasn't playing along like she thought she would, plus the fact that she seemed to be fighting with something within herself.  "I wear a six, what do you where?"  (AN:  This is in the UK sizes, in USA it would be about a 7 ½, I think.  Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.)

"An eight and a half." She said simply.  (AN: 10 in USA)  Integra really didn't have much of an idea of what Seras was talking about.  She was too busy trying to get her brain to shut up.

"Really?!" Seras asked excitedly, but quickly subdued herself when she received strange looks from both Walter and Sir Integra.  The room grew silent once again as Integra continued her steady trek.  After several minutes Seras quietly excused herself, pleading the need to use the bathroom.  It wasn't until after she left that a sudden thought occurred to Integra, causing her to stop in her tracks.

"Since when do vampires need to use the restroom?" She asked Walter who blinked at her as if the thought had never occurred to him.


Seras quickly rummaged through a box of things from her 'other life' that she kept in her room.  It was mostly pictures of her and her father, with some other memoirs and even a couple pictures of old schoolmates.  But what she wanted was at the bottom of the box; she wasn't really sure why she had kept them, she surely couldn't wear them, Sir Integra however…

"Ah HA!" Seras said smugly as she pulled the shoes up from the box by the straps, effectively upending everything else in the box.  She grimaced when she got a good look at the actual height of the heel; she had forgotten that stilettos were that high…

"What are you doing?"

Seras gave a small yell and whirled around, startled, to face her master; instinctually tucking the shoes behind her back.

"Master!  Don't scare me like that!" Seras hollowly scolded him, unconsciously placing a hand over where her rapidly beating heart would have been.

Alucard watched his 'child' curiously as she attempted to hide stiletto heels from him.  What on earth did Seras need with stiletto heels?  What use could she possibly have for them? 'Wait…Seras was called up by Integra earlier.  Hehehehe, is master trying to enlist help?  Well then, I suppose I'd better up the ante.'

"You still haven't answered my question policewoman." He said smugly as a maniac grin spilt his face and he leaned back against her door.  What sort of answer would she give him?  A lie or the truth?

"Hm, you know, calling me Seras once in a while wouldn't kill you." Seras told him in a deadpan tone, her eyebrow twitching.

"Really?  Well, gee, I never knew that, given the fact that I'm already dead…" he answered sarcastically.  "Now answer my question policewoman."

 "No." she said simply, amazing herself in the process.  "Earlier you said yourself that 'it's nice to have a few surprises every century or so.'"  'Oh GOD!  D-did I just say that to Master?!'  For a moment, Alucard said nothing, nor did he move, causing Seras' anxiety to mount.  But a moment later his sudden laughter broke it down.

"HAHAHA!!!  Well-said policewoman!!  There is hope for you yet!"  He said laughing heartily again as he walked through the wall, leaving her alone once more.

"That was so weird." Seras murmured to herself as she stepped out the door.


"You've got to be shi-" Integra stopped herself when she saw Walter send a reprimanding look her way. "joking me!!  I'm not breaking my neck because 'all women wear them'!  That sounds like nothing more than a corny line from a movie about peer pressure!"

"It's just for practicing.  You won't necessarily have to wear them for the bet.  Its just to get you used to heels in general." Seras explained.

Integra just stared at the six-inch heels in a sort of morbid trance.  She couldn't come up with a single good argument to sway them from their course of action.  It was disgusting really; not an hour ago, Integra had almost talked herself out of the bet entirely and now she can't get out of having to wear stiletto heels.  And Walter wasn't helping; he was actually for the idea.  'It'd be easier to get used to them now instead of waiting until they went shopping.' Had been what he had said.  The traitor.  If she tried to walk in those…those things, she was sure to break something, not her neck necessarily, but something.

"Sir Integra."  Walter started calmly.  "Just try it three times.  After that, if you want to stop with them, then its fine, at least you tried."

Integra gently smiled at him.  "You used to say the same thing to get me to eat my vegetables.  But I always ended up eating more than my allotted amount."  Walter smiled back.

"And who's fault was that?"

With a sigh, Integra grudgingly slid off her shoes and socks and took the evil shoes offered to her from Seras.  Integra sat heavily into one of the plush chairs and slid her feet into the shoes.  She couldn't shake her bad feeling as she tightened the buckle on the strap that wrapped around her ankle; on a lighter note, they did fit perfectly.  Walter and Seras were there beside her when she started to stand up and each grabbed an arm to steady her as she teetered slightly.  Integra looked down out of curiosity and instantly regretted it.  Everything looked so far away!!  'These things have to be more than six inches!' she swore to herself as her vision blurred slightly.  Oh God, she couldn't do this!  Seras and Walter held her arms as she took tiny steps toward the center of the room, but she could feel the slick bottomed things trying to slide out from under her with each step.  How was she supposed to walk by herself, let alone take her normal length steps?  'No.' she said firmly to herself.  She wasn't going to stoop so low as to try to talk herself out of something again.  Like hell she'd let that vampire prove her wrong.  There was absolutely no reason she could do this; so what if it caused a few bruises or a quick visit to the hospital to get a bone reset.  When had that stopped her before?

Integra had been so engrossed in her thoughts that she never noticed Walter and Seras stepping away from her, having let her arms go.  When Integra did realize it however, she felt a wave of cold overtake her.  And with a seemingly steady move, Integra lifted her foot and set in on the floor again as she had been practicing all evening.  With grit teeth, she shifted her weight onto the foot and lifted the other.  Integra had just breathed a sigh of relief when her left ankle suddenly tried to buckle under.  Panicking, Integra quickly tried to compensate with shifting her weight, but the swift maneuver did nothing but landing her on the floor with a smarting foot and rear.  Integra cursed under her breath amid questions about her well being and suggestions as Walter and Seras helped her to stand again.

"I'm fine." She assured them and gestured for them to step back again.  She paid them no mind as they did so; her thoughts were focused inward.  She was Sir Integra Wingates Hellsing; great, great granddaughter of Dr. Abraham Van Helsing, the man responsible for the defeat and subsequent bound servitude of the vampire Dracula.  She could face master vampires and their zombie-like minions with nothing but an AK-47 and a sword and come out only scratched.  Then why the hell were stiletto heels giving her such a problem?

After taking a deep breathe, she stepped again.  It started off fine, just as before, and, ignoring the twinge of pain jolting up her left leg, Integra stepped again.  She felt her confidence raise a level when it went off without a hitch and she took another step.  That was when one of her earlier fears became a reality and the shoe slid on the waxed floor, and if Integra hadn't of quickly tucked her other leg to her, she would have surely found herself doing the splits.  As it was, Integra hit the tile hard, but most of her weight rested on the leg tucked under her, thusly saving her rear from another bruising.  She aggravatedly brushed Seras and Walter away; she was really getting ticked now.  At this rate, she wasn't going to lose to the vampire, she was going to lose to a pair of stinking shoes!  SHOES!  Integra stood herself up, albeit a bit awkwardly, but she didn't care.  Integra took a determined step toward her desk, then another, and another.  Two more and she would be even with it.  Like hell she was going to let a pair of shoes steal her chance at a complacent Alucard.

Walter and Seras held their breath as Integra walked determinedly away from them.  Well, Walter did at any rate.  But they both watched with both relief and trepidation as she stopped along side her desk.  Relief that she had made the several steps without falling, trepidation at the idea and seeming body posture that she was going to try to twist around as she had been earlier.  Walter clenched his hands as he watched his mistress rise up just enough to get the heels to hover above the ground.  And with little flourish, Integra turned.

She got about a quarter of the way.

And unfortunately she went down backwards, and her back had been to the desk at the time.  Integra gasped when the back of her head cracked smartly against the side lip of the desk that she had ironically requested be made of oak.  She crumbled to the floor, her legs tucked under her and her hands grasping the throbbing back of her head.  She let a small groan escape her lips, but it only intensified the pain; had she given herself a concussion?  Probably.  Integra opened eyes that she didn't remember shutting and immediately shut them again as two sets of tile met her.  She put one of her hands on the floor, as if to show her head that she wasn't spinning so it needed to stop being an ass and trying to make her sick.

"Sir Integra?" Seras called fearfully.

"Fuck the shoes."  Integra said simply.  "I'm burning the damn things the first chance I get."

"Sir!  You should really mind your language."  Walter said, making a pained expression.

"I can't even bloody see straight because of these crappy things strapped to my feet!  I could care less about my language." Integra growled dangerously.

"I didn't mean to come off as uncaring, but maybe that is what we should work on next."

"I don't care, just anything but these bloody shoes!"

"What is going on up here?" 

Every body in the room tensed as Alcuard's body quickly followed his disembodied voice.  He was dressed just as Seras had seen him before her meeting with Integra, without his coat, hat or glasses.  His crimson eyes glanced over the room once before focusing on his fallen master, who had completely tucked her feet under her body.

"And why are you on the floor my master?" He asked in his usual manner; the tone itself was neutral, but there was always something underlying it.

"I fell.  Do to my own human shortcomings.  There, I said it so you don't have to, now please leave." Integra tried to come off as normal as usual.  She couldn't tell if she actually did or not.

"Oh no.  I could never leave my master in such obvious distress." Alucard smirked when her icy but somewhat glazed eyes clashed with his.

"There is no need.  Walter and Seras are here to aid me.  And I'm sure you have much more important things to tend to besides myself."  She was forcing herself to act normal, causing a small hitch in her voice when she spoke, and Alucard picked up on it readily.

"But what kind of gentleman could leave a lady in distress?" He continued, taking on an air of concern as he stepped toward her.

"If a gentleman is any kind of gentleman at all then he would have consideration for a lady's pride and leave her to her own devices."  She countered quickly.  'I can't let him see me with these cursed shoes on!' she thought desperately.

"There is no shame for a lady to accept help from a gentleman who is only concerned for her well-being." He said just as easily as she had.  He now stood over her, his gloved hand outstretched in front of her, but she looked away.

"But if she does, rumors then spread through the her peers, ruining the lady's reputation, forever damning her and crushing her pride, the only thing she had left at that point."  When had this taunting conversation taken on a very personal theme?  Alucard lowered his hand back to his side.

"Then the lady needs new peers." Integra closed her eyes at the statement she had expected and listened at Alucard's light tread lead away from her.

Walter and Seras had watched the whole exchange with wide eyes; not exactly sure what was going on, but it was definitely something heavy.  The atmosphere alone said that.  They watched as Alucard walked away from Integra toward a nearby wall, undoubtedly to make his exit, but he surprised them both when he turned around before reaching the wall.

"I wanted to tell you Master, that I realized that some interesting parts of our bet were very vague.  The most important being where the 'night' in question will take place."  He was grinning again Integra realized when she opened her eyes again and looked at him. 

"I had assumed it would take place here, at Hellsing."  She said slowly, her voice heavy laden with suspicion, their previous conversation forgotten for now.  He was up to something, something very, very bad…

"I've decided against that.  It would be far too easy for you to avoid anything that would really make it a challenge at all.  I suggest we go out somewhere."

"Like a date?!?!" Seras squeaked worriedly.  So it wasn't just a bet…

"No!  Not a date!" Integra denied angrily to Seras before turning her anger towards its source.  "You can't be serious Alucard.  You and I cannot go out in public!  It's like screaming, "Look!  We're out to have a good time!  Any vampire feeling lucky please attack us!!"  And what if Hellsing has an emergency and you and I need to be here?"

"First off," he started, ticking off the fingers of one hand as he went.  "So what if a vampire attacks?  It's not like either of us will be unarmed.  Second, I know you have a cellular phone that you take with you to Round Table meetings since the Valentine Brothers incident.  If there was a question about anything, they could call us.  And last, I wasn't saying 'Hey, lets take a six hour drive to some remote pub on the northern part of the island.'   I was think just some place nearby; we are sitting next to London after all."

'Damn it…He's thought this through very well.'  Integra gave a dejected sigh.  She really, really, really didn't want to do anything in public, but she couldn't fault any of his logic.  That and the fact that Alucard knew that it would give him a distinct advantage; there would be no dissuading him from his way.

"It appears that I have no choice.  However!"  She added the last word forcefully to gain his full attention.  "I want it changed to you being utterly and completely complacent for four weeks instead of two.  No complaining, groaning, gripping or anything of the sort."  He frowned at that. 

"That's a bit unfair Master.  I don't get any added bonu…" He started but she cut in to interrupt him.

"But if I lose, or mess up somehow, you get to see me humiliated in public, whereas if I win, it will be just like we went out for dinner."

"Ahhh." He drawled easily.  Integra could hear his deep voice rumble even from where she sat.  "Very well then."  He finished after a mere moment's contemplations. 

"Good.  Now leave please." Integra said almost merrily.  Alucard grinned again as he stepped halfway through the wall before he turned back to face them all.

"Of course I'll leave.  I wouldn't want to interrupt my Master's stiletto heel practice now would I?"

Integra gawked at the indignation at being found out and Seras yelled, "MASTER!!!  YOU CHEATER!!!"

And before either person could stop her, Integra was back on her feet, still wearing the stilettos, and was walking slowly back towards them.  Her shoulders and face were set, despite her still throbbing head.  'That popish bastard!! That smug, no good…' She seethed as she fairly stomped her way across the room; she unconsciously pulled her right leg under her as her left ankle tried to buckle again.  The sudden action caused her to teeter slightly, but she didn't fall.  'God, I'll show him.  And wipe that damn smile off his face!'  |But what a sexy smile…|  'SHUT UP!!!'

AN: Man, that took a rapid dive from barely chuckle-worthy to down right serious, didn't it?  Some sexual tension too…  Don't worry, it will be Alucard's turn next chapter.  I'm sorry, I don't know what happened.  I personally don't think any of it is really funny, but I didn't think the 'stuff between your legs' line was funny either…  So, oh well!  Was the length worth the wait?  Oh, and Next time:  Lesson 02:  The Talk (Integra's potty mouth and she goes through withdrawals.)

Reviewer Responses:

Vertigo – Oh just wait!  Alucard is going to get the shock of his life!  Thanks for the review.

Katty, MasterofViolence – Thanks so much!!

M.Kasshoku – Thanks so much for the review!  I'm glad that ending line went over well, I was worried!  I hope you liked this chapter too!

Saiera – Oh Seras is going to have fun!  Thanks for the review!!

SerenaChan – I thought that it felt a little OOC for Seras, but hopefully this chapter explained it.  Thanks so much!!

Kreuz Swords – Definitely not lacy and anything but pink!  Thanks for the review and I hope you like this chapter too!

ChibiJenn – Thanks and I hope you liked this one too!

dark kitsune – Thanks for the review and I hoped you liked this chapter too!

Dark Cyrin – Thanks so much!!!

Kichigai – Yes, Walter and Seras need all the luck they can get!!  Thanks so much for the review and I hope you liked this chapter too!!

S.M. – Thanks so much!!

VampireHunter278 – Thanks for the review!!

Mystic Dragonsfire – I'm glad you enjoyed it and I hope you liked this one as well!

weatherboy – Writing, writing!   See?  I'm writing!!  Thanks so much for the encouragement, it really helped!!

Jesi - *envisions Alucard in a maids outfit.  O.O* ehehehehe, I may think about that. =P  Thanks so much and I hope you enjoyed this chapter too!

Kieroo – I can't do the 'now' part but I am working on it!  Thanks so much!

Lady Yami - *bish. no hime beating dogs away from herself* I continued already!  CALL THEM OFF!!!  *ahem* Thanks for the review!!

Taigne – Oh just wait, this is going to get good!  At least I hope you think so.  =P  Anyway, thanks for the review and I hope you liked this chapter as well.

TeaRoses – Thank you so much and I hope you enjoyed this chapter too.

JadOo and Sansele – To JadOo :  Hehe, Doomo, and I hope you liked this chapter too  And ditto to Sansele!!

Sephiroth1Ripley8 – Sorry it wasn't soon, but I hope you enjoyed this chapter too and thanks for the review!!  (Did that rhyme?)