Nintendo High: Bonus Levels
Chapter 6-1: Luigi, Camera, Action
(Originally posted on deviantART on August 3, 2014)
It was a quiet Saturday morning, with the sun barely over the horizon. Luigi tried to gather his camera equipment as quickly and quietly as possible so as to not wake Mario, who had been out super-late at a movie premiere with Peach the previous night. He carefully made his way downstairs and out the door, biking away to the location of his shoot.
Luigi was the first to arrive at his group's filming location, a somewhat secluded part of a nearby park. He took the time to unload and set up his filming equipment. As he was putting together the finishing touches on the setup, Pit and Ruka arrived. "Hey, guys!" Luigi said upon noticing they were there. "What took you so long?"
"What took us so long?" Pit laughed. "You're the one who got here an hour early."
Luigi chuckled. "Well, I am the one with the equipment, hehe..." He looked around, his face slowly becoming puzzled. "So...anyone know where Mona is?"
Ruka shrugged. "No idea," he replied. "I've texted her three times and she hasn't replied to any of them. She might still be asleep."
"You gotta be kidding me..." Luigi sighed, hiding his eyes in annoyance. "I told everyone exactly when we were gonna meet..."
"To be fair, this is Mona we're talking about," Ruka reminded him. "Queen of Procrastination, remember?"
Luigi groaned in disappointment. "Well, we have two options," he said. "One, we wait for Mona, making this whole early meeting thing completely pointless. Or two, one of us puts on a dress and takes on the female role. And it can't be me because I'm the only one with camera experience." After a slight hesitation, he turned towards Ruka.
"Well?" Pit asked, also turned towards Ruka.
Ruka gave them all weird looks. "...What are you guys looking at me like that for?"
Luigi shrugged. "You seem to be the best candidate for our female lead stand-in, to be honest."
"Wait, what?!" Ruka exclaimed. "Wh-what makes you say that?!" His eyes than narrowed into an annoyed glare. "...It better not be because I'm gay!"
"I said 'wear a dress', not 'kiss a guy'!" Luigi insisted. "Besides, I wouldn't make you kiss a guy you weren't in a relationship with. I mean, it'd probably make you feel like how I'd feel if I had to kiss a girl other than Daisy..."
Ruka rolled his eyes. "Gee, thanks for your concern," he said sarcastically. "But seriously, why am I the best dude to be the woman? We all placed in that crossdressing pageant, remember?"
"Luigi's on camera duty and the dress we brought for the female lead has no wing room," Pit insisted. "You're technically the only one who can fill in if Mona doesn't get here soon."
"...Can I at least keep my pants on?" Ruka asked hesitantly.
"There's nowhere around here that's private enough to change completely, so I'd say that's a given," Luigi said.
Soon enough, Ruka had put the dress on over his pants. He did seem to be slightly uncomfortable, but his discomfort seemed to be more about the dress itself than the fact he was wearing women's clothing. "I really wish we had time for me to run home and get my pageant outfit..." Ruka muttered.
Pit gave him a weird look. "You seriously still have that?" he asked.
Ruka nodded. "No point in getting rid of perfectly usable clothes, after all," he replied. He tugged at the dress in annoyance. "Plus, they weren't as...tight as this thing. Yeesh..."
"It was fitted for Mona, remember? She is a bit slimmer than you," Luigi said, double-checking his setup. "Now remember, you're playing Lady Macbeth in this scene. Pit, you're Macbeth."
"Can we just change Lady Macbeth to be Macbeth's gay lover so I don't have to wear this anymore? Or do a scene with two guys instead?" Ruka groaned.
"But we only brought the part of the script containing this specific scene, and I doubt there were any open homosexuals in Shakespeare's time," Pit said. "Plus, girls weren't allowed to act back then, so you playing the girl is technically more accurate."
"Am I at least a pretty girl?" Ruka asked sarcastically.
"Guys, focus!" Luigi exclaimed. "We need to get this shot today so I can edit it before Monday!"
"Sorry!" Pit donned a cheap yet fancy-looking hat and walked out of the view of the camera. "Okay, I'm ready. You ready, Ruka?"
Ruka nodded. "Yeah, I'm ready too."
"All right, then." Luigi turned the camera on and prepared to begin filming. "Act 1, scene 5 from 'enter Macbeth'. And...action!"
Ruka stayed in-frame as Pit made his way towards him, doing his best to look tired. Ruka turned to Pit and, in his best impression of a female voice, began to recite his line. "Great Glamis, worthy Cawdor, greater than both, by the all-hail hereafter. Thy letters have..." He stopped when he noticed that Pit had begun to lightly snicker. "...okay, why are you laughing?"
Pit let out a nervous chuckle. "Sorry, your girl voice...it's strangely convincing..."
"Um...thank you?" Ruka half-asked.
"Can we get back on track, please?" Luigi asked with a sigh of annoyance. "We're gonna have to start that line over."
"Let's get this over with," Ruka said.
"Act 1, scene 5, take 2. Action!"
Ruka began his previous line from the beginning. "Thy letters have transported me beyond this ignorant present, and I feel now the future in the instant."
"My dearest love," Pit recited, an artificial pompousness in his voice. "Duncan comes here tonight."
"And when goes hence?"
All three of the young men stopped what they were doing in surprise and looked around for the source of the exclamation. They soon saw a little girl nearby who stared at Pit and Ruka with glee in her eyes. "You two are so cute together!" the girl squealed in delight.
"He's not my boyfriend!" Ruka shouted. "We're just acting!"
"Yeah, and I only wanna date girls!" Pit added.
"Little girl, we're kind of in the middle of filming a really important school project," Luigi said, trying to be as polite yet firm as possible. "Could you please go find your parents or something?"
"And when goes hence?" Ruka continued.
"Tomorrow, as he purposes."
"O, never shall sun that morrow see! Your face, my thane, is as a book where men may read strange—dogs!"
No sooner had Ruka pointed it out that the three of them were nearly run over by a small group of runaway dogs dragging leashes behind them. "Get back here!" a man shouted to the group of dogs. "Sorry, so sorry!"
"To beguile the time, look like the time. Bear weclome in your eye..."
"'Weclome' in your eye?" Pit asked, confused.
Ruka groaned. "'Welcome'. Damn it..."
"We will speak further," Pit said.
Ruka nodded. "Only look up clear. To alter favor ever is to fear. Leave all the rest to me."
"And cut!" Luigi breathed a sigh of relief. "I think we got it this time."
"Thank god..." Ruka sighed.
At that moment, the sound of a motor scooter approached them. Mona, who was driving it, parked the scooter, jumped off, and ran towards them. "Sorry I'm late!" Mona exclaimed. "I accidentally set my alarm for PM instead of AM. So, when do we start filming?" She then noticed what had been going on. "...Wait, why's Ruka wearing my Lady Macbeth dress?" The boys did not answer whatsoever, merely glaring at her with fury. "Heh...hehe...I take it I've screwed up royally this time..."