Rules:

1. Sheldon/Penny – They can be platonic, romantic, smutty, Super Heroes/Villains, etc.

2. Leonard/Amy's death MAY occur anytime from the Pilot thru Season 9

3. The death must be completed in a single chapter, although you are welcome to contribute as many different forms of death as you like as long as they are a chapter each.

4. The story must be no more than 1,500 words long.

5. Deadline is October 31, 2015.


100 Ways To Kill a Doctor: The Mistletoe Solution

When Amy brought the bottle of wine over to celebrate Christmas Penny didn't tell her she was turning over a new leaf and giving up alcohol. She was the one who usually poured the wine anyway so she just kept pouring sparkling grape juice into her glass and let everyone think she was guzzling her wine away.

When she told Amy she wasn't feeling well and she'd have a glass later before bed the scientist smiled, looking a little too pleased for Penny's comfort, and suggested she get some rest. "I'll call you tomorrow Bestie."

Penny shrugged and put the bottle on top of the fridge. Leonard was supposed to come over, maybe he'd like a glass. It was a good wine. He was always saying how she needed to improve her wine selection. According to Leonard her wine selection was only one of the things she needed to improve.


When Leonard came over he brought Raj and Howard with him, and immediately took down the bottle of wine, exclaiming his appreciation that she'd bought something halfway decent to drink for a change. He immediately opened it and poured a glass for himself.

Penny came to the door of her bedroom, putting her earrings on and watched as Leonard sniffed at the wine before sipping it. "Raj, Howard? Would you guys like some?" She rolled her eyes as Leonard swished the wine around in his mouth pretentiously.

"No, thanks Penny, but I'm driving." Howard shook his head with a smile.

"And I'm only allowing myself one glass per day, so I will have it with dinner," Raj patted his belly. "The extra calories will go right to my hips."

Penny frowned as Leonard finally swallowed the wine and immediately began to cough. "Whatsa matter honey? Go down the wrong pipe?" She patted him on the back and recoiled in horror as he clutched as his throat as if he was choking. "Oh my god! Guys call nine-one-one!"

By the time Raj got onto the phone with the operator Leonard had died right in front of them. Howard took the phone away from his friend and spoke absently to the woman saying he was sorry but a friend had been choking, but they'd performed the Heimlich and he was fine now.

Penny stared at him and Howard shrugged. "What? He's obviously been poisoned. I just didn't want you to go to jail."

"Guys, Amy gave me that bottle of wine." Penny told them. "I told her I'd have a glass before bed."

"So Amy meant to poison you and she got Leonard." Raj shook his head.

"Why would Amy want to kill you?" Howard didn't seem to disagree with the conclusion, just the motive.

"Sheldon and I have been spending more time together since Amy's been with her monkeys and their alcoholism. He kissed me the other day. We agreed to tell our significant others that it was over this weekend. He must have told Amy, or she figured out something was up." Penny stared at Leonard's body. It smelt a little like almonds.

"Okay, first order of business, find an empty bottle and pour a glass of that in it," Howard pointed at the poisoned wine.

Penny nodded, finding an old bottle of zinfandel and followed his instructions. "What are we going to do?"

"We're going to take Leonard to the emergency room along with the rest of the bottle of poison." Howard put the cork back in the bottle and handed it to Penny. "Call Bernie and ask her to meet us there instead of the restaurant. We'll speed the whole way and when he's dead when we get there we'll say we didn't want to wait for an ambulance."

"Then what?" Raj took Leonard's feet while Howard took his arms.

"We go over to Amy's apartment with a bottle of wine tomorrow." Howard said grimly. "What's sauce for the gander is sauce for the goose."


On the way to the hospital Penny expressed the concern that the poisoning would be immediately obvious to any waiting room physician.

"It might, but we're going to the majorly busy hospital closest to the apartment. You're going to stay there and Raj and I are going to see Amy." Howard explained. "By the time a doctor gets around to analyzing why Leonard's dead, Amy will be dead of an apparent suicide via poisoning."

"Where would she even get poison?" Penny was still trying to take in the idea that Amy had actually tried to kill her.

"She works in a lab. She kills monkeys in various ways. She can get any toxin she wants." Raj said glumly.

"Knowing Amy she used a blend of sentimental and exotic." Howard rolled his eyes as he pulled in. "Here we go. Put the acting face on Penny. This is gonna win you an Oscar. Or it should."

Penny nodded and took the bottle of wine while the guys manhandled Leonard's corpse into the emergency room.


For all his flaws, and they were many, Howard was a smart cookie. Penny had provided all the information she had when she filled out Leonard's paperwork. When the police arrived to question her she promptly did it all again and gave them the bottle with the remainder of the wine in it. "I just don't understand." She told the officers tearfully. "People break up all the time. They don't kill people over it."

It was a grueling thirty six hours, during which time Sheldon appeared and demanded that Penny be either released or arrested so he could post her bail. But by that point the police had been to Amy's apartment and found her body, prompted by Howard and Raj calling them and saying that Amy was dead.

"It seems your 'friend' Amy was more than a little unstable," Detective Wiggins told the group sympathetically. "Her diary claims that Penny is a succubus and a vixen who stole away her destined mate, one 'Sweet Baboo'." He looked at Sheldon, "I guess that means you." Sheldon's grimace confirmed the appellation. "She's got it all written down. I guess after she did the deed she couldn't take what she'd done. We found a glass with the same concoction on the floor by her body."

He glared at Raj and Howard, "I don't ever wanna hear you doing something as foolhardy as confronting a murderer by yourselves again. What if she'd had a gun? What if she hadn't killed herself before you ever got there?"

The guys mumbled apologies and promises to never do such a thing again.

"I am curious, what did Amy intend to poison Penny with? I'd like to keep an eye out in case she left any more poisonous gifts." Sheldon fixed the detective with a cobalt stare.

"Looks like cyanide and mistletoe berries with a dose of digitalis to smooth it all out." Detective Wiggins made a face. "The cyanide would have done the trick. Mistletoe…guess it was just in honor of the season."

"Sounds like Amy. A combination of chilling and sentimental." Howard sighed.

"But the bright side is, you're all free to go, and we thank you for your patience and co-operation." Wiggins smiled at them. "Have a happy holiday, in spite of this."

"We'll try." Penny looked at Howard and Raj. She knew they wouldn't tell anyone about what they'd done to Amy. Neither would she. It was for the best. "You guys should come over tomorrow. I'll make a roast and we can watch a movie."

Sheldon smiled and his hand pressed against the small of her back. "I'll make the gravy and mashed potatoes."

"I can bring the vegetables," Raj offered.

"Bernie and I will bring pie and rolls." Howard grinned.

"Then we'll have a good Saturnalia, in spite of this mess, just like the Detective advised." Sheldon's smile grew wider. "Minus the mistletoe."

That got a heartfelt chorus of agreement.


Author's Note: I wanted another one where Amy deliberately tries to kill someone. Hope you all enjoy. And to my flaming troll reviewers, thanks for reading and driving up my page views. Hostile guest reviews will be deleted. Even if they're in Spanish.