Author's notes – Ok, normally I don't write Inu-Yasha fanfiction, but my friend HolyNarf gave me this idea and I just couldn't help myself. I hope you all enjoy it. It's just a little Inu-Yasha cheesecake and is strickly meant to be a one-shot deal. Have fun!
Rated – PG – 13 (you'll see why)
By - Merc
That's Inu-Washa To You, Pal!
"Ughhhhhhhhhhhh…" Inu-Yasha groaned as he trudged along an overgrown path. Harrumphing, he looked over at his fellow compatriots and asked pointedly, "Are we there yet?"
"Patience is a virtue Inu-Yasha." Miroku responded calmly as he stopped and closed his eyes. "Kagome, do you sense anything?"
"No," Kagome said wearily as she walked over to a nearby rock and sat down. "I don't sense Naraku nor any jewel shards."
"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!" Inu-Yasha exclaimed exasperatedly as he followed Kagome's suit and sat down on a tree stump. "No youkai, no Naraku, no nothin'!" He said as he stomped his foot.
"Well now Inu-Yasha, you sure are grumpier than usual." Sango said as she looked up at the sky, lost in thought.
"Well I'm perfectly fine!" Shippou said as he bounced on the ground and ran around Kagome a couple of times.
"That's because you were riding on Miroku's shoulders!" Inu-Yasha sad as he grabbed Shippou's tail and bonked him on the head.
"Serves you right you little runt." Inu-Yasha mumbled as Shippou returned the gesture with a raspberry.
"Well then, shall we go ahead and set up camp for the night?" Miroku said as she scanned the horizon for a possible place to spent the evening.
"Let me guess, gonna exorcize the place to get us all rooms for free?" Inu-Yasha asked scarcastically. Miroku glared at the half-demon and looked down.
"Looks like we'll be sleeping under the stars tonight." He said in a low tone.
"Great, we'll be sitting ducks for any and all youkai that want us." Sango said angrily as she pulled her Hiraikotsu from her back and placed it in front of her, readying it in case of the possibility of a battle.
"If any stupid youkai comes, I'll get it!" Shippou said as he bounced around, climbing up and down trees and running circles around various members of the group.
"No more coffee for him." Kagome said as she mentally kicked herself for letting Shippou have half of her "future-yummy-drink". Standing up, she walked over towards Miroku and Sango and helped them lay out what few blankets they had to form a camping area.
"Inu-Yasha, could you make a fire pit?" Miroku asked as he gave Sango's rear a quick grab.
"HENTAI!!!" She screamed as she whirled around and smacked him over the head with the Hiraikotsu.
"Hey! Don't yell at me! You were bent over and it was right there in front me. How can you treat this poor monk so poorly when you are trying to seduce him with your feminine wiles?" Miroku asked as he rubbed the back of his sore head. The comment was enough to elicit bewildered stares from both Kagome and Sango. Trying to decipher what the lecherous houshi, Sango finally gave up and slapped Miroku, mainly for the sake of teaching the monk a lesson. Petting Kirara on her shoulder, the young woman turned around and walked off to find some stones to set around the base of the fire.
Later on that night, Miroku and Inu-Yasha fought over who should have the first night watch. After trying to decide using the fight-till-the-near-death method and ending in a stalemate, Kagome came up with an answer.
"Put your fists in the middle," she said to the two testosterone-high men. They complied, and Kagome began the ritual.
"King Tut had a butt, what color was it?" She chanted as she hit one fist per word. Landing her hand on Inu-Yasha's, Kagome's face broke out into a faint blush and she asked him to name a color. Not understanding what Kagome was doing, Inu-Yasha replied with the color chartreuse, to which Kagome asked him to pick another color because she didn't know how to spell chartreuse. Seriously lost (and a little annoyed), Inu-Yasha replied with red.
"R-E-D and you are not it with a dirty dirty dishrag on your big fat toe." Kagome finished on Miroku's fist. "Guess that means you have the first half of the night watch." Kagome said,
"What the hell is this? I demand a re-match!" Miroku shouted in an uncharacteristic manner, grabbing the attention of the nearby Shippou and Sango, who had been preparing a fire.
"Nya nya, you lose!" Inu-Yasha said as he pulled down his eyelid and stuck out his tongue. Miroku grunted and walked over to the nearby tree stump that Inu-Yasha had been sitting on earlier, taking his post.
"You'll have to teach me that!" Shippou said as Kagome and Inu-Yasha walked over to the now-blazing fire and sat down.
"A little later." Kagome said as Shippou bounced up to her side and sat down next to her.
"Well then, how about a little nightcap, eh?" Inu-Yasha said with a gleam in his eye as she pulled Kagome's backpack over to his side.
"What do you mean?" Sango asked as she took a seat opposite of the half-demon. Laughing evilly, Inu-Yasha opened up the backpack and pulled out a very large pitcher of sake.
"What the- so THAT'S why my backpack was so heavy!" Kagome exclaimed angrily as she glared at him.
"Aw come on Kagome! I picked it up at the last town that we were at. I haven't had this stuff in ages!" He said as he pulled out the cork and grabbed a few small Japanese mugs from the bag. Tossing one to Kagome and Sango, he began pouring the beverage into his cup. Exchanging uneasy looks, Kagome and Sango discretely threw their cups over their shoulders, and gave the excuse to Inu-Yasha that in tossing the cups to them, he had thrown them too high.
"Oh well, you two need to learn how to catch." He said as he began drinking shot after shot of sake. Kirara jumped off of Sango's shoulders and ran over to Shippou, who began to pet it.
"Is that what all adults do?" Shippou asked as he watched Inu-Yasha inhale nearly the entire pitcher of sake in one gigantic gulp. With many giant sweatdrops on her head, Kagome looked at the young youkai and responded with a nervous laugh and the excuse that Inu-Yasha didn't represent all adults.
"Just mentally ill ones." She said as she glared at the now very drunk half-demon.
"Whudevah." Inu-Yasha slurred in response.
"Wow, I have never seen anyone get that drunk that fast before." Sango said as she watched with wide-eyes as Inu-Yasha struggled to stand up.
"Meh." He said as turned his head up and howled at the moon.
"What the hell is going on here?!" Miroku yelled as he ran over to where the rest of the group was.
"Inu-Yasha, you dumb ass, you're letting every youkai within a twenty kilometer radius know where we are!"
"That's Inu-Washa to you, pal!" Inu-Yasha said as she smacked Miroku on the back.
"What the hell are you howling at?" Miroku asked, noting the strong scent of alcohol on his compatriot.
"The moon." Inu-Yasha replied drunkenly,
"But there isn't any moon!" Miroku yelled aggravatedly as he pointed to the sky. Looking up, Sango, Kagome, and Shippou all saw that there was, indeed, no moon.
"Must be a new moon tonight." Sango replied,
"But then wouldn't Inu-Yasha be human?" Shippou asked, perplexed,
"That's a very good question." Miroku noted,
"Maybe the fact that Inu-Yasha's drunk." Sango said,
"But how does that work?" Shippou asked,
"I honestly have no idea." Miroku said, scratching his head.
"And besides that, since when did he howl at anything?" Kagome asked,
"Since now!" Inu-Yasha said as he took a step towards her, only to stagger backwards.
"I think it's time you settled down." Miroku said as he grabbed Inu-Yasha's arm in an attempt to calm him down.
"WHY!? It's early! It's party time! Lets get naked!" Inu-Yasha said as she ripped his arm away from Miroku's grasp and threw off the top part of his outfit, twirling it above his head and shaking his hips. The entire group looked at him with a mix of horror, disgust, and extreme bewilderment.
"Oh…my…" Sango managed to choke out as she watched him ran around the group twice and then throw his shirt in the fire.
"Ooooooooohhhhhhhh! Fire! Lookie, my shirt burn!" Inu-Yasha exclaimed with glee as he picked up Shippou, much to the fox's dismay.
"Inu-Yasha, what are you…" He started as Inu-Yasha twirled him above his head.
"I wonder what would happen if I throw the silly kitty into there." He thought out loud as he gazed at the fire.
"Kitty?!" Shippou screamed, feeling insulted.
"Fire?!"Sango screamed, feeling very alert.
"Throw?!" Kagome screamed, looking in horror as Inu-Yasha prepared to throw the young youkai into the fire.
"ACK!!!" Shippou screamed,
"Hehe, the kitty go BOOM!!" Inu-Yasha predicted as he arched back his arm as though to get ready to spike Shippou, like he would a football, into the fire.
"OSUWARI!!!" Kagome screamed at the top of her lungs, causing Inu-Yasha to crash straight into the ground and letting Shippou go. Running over to Kagome, Shippou hid behind her back.
"Ow," Inu-Yasha cried, as he sat up and rubbed his head. "That hurrrrrrrrrrrt." He whined as he began to cry. This caused the entire group to blanch.
"Inu-Yasha…crying…?" Sango said as she pinched herself, thinking that she was now dreaming.
"Ladies and gentlemen, pigs fly." Kagome said as she pointed out that everyone had assumed that pigs would fly sooner than Inu-Yasha would cry. Suddenly, Inu-Yasha stopped crying and looked at Kagome.
"I love you." He said, his eyes becoming big and round like an innocent puppy's would.
"WHAT?!" Sango, Shippou, Kagome, and the now-present Miroku all exclaimed. Suddenly, Inu-Yasha grabbed Kagome's right wrist and pulled her to him in an embrace.
"Marry me." He whispered,
"HUH?!" Kagome screamed, his mood swing and confession coming straight out of the blue and catching her completely off guard.
"I, uh, er, I, um, eh-heh, well, uhhhhhhhhhhh…" Kagome stammered as Inu-Yasha pushed her back and gave her the biggest kiss of her life. The sight was enough to cause Sango to nearly faint and Miroku to do a complete facefault. Shippou looked upon them with disgust ("yuck, cooties!") and Kagome's eyes grew to about the size of her face. Breaking the kiss, Inu-Yasha gazed into her eyes for a moment before having another mood swing and running over to a tree and climbing up its trunk. Kagome sat in the same position as when he kissed her, paralyzed by the event that just took place. Gathering his wits about him, Miroku shook his head and assumed that either Inu-Yasha had been possessed or the world was about to end.
"Er, I have to keep watch for things." He mumbled as he walked away, heading towards his post.
Shippou looked up at Inu-Yasha, who was now swinging from one of the branches of the tree.
"Lookie! I'm a monkey! Ooh-ooh, ah!" Inu-Yasha said as he held on with both hands.
"Look Kagome, one hand!" He slurred as he let go with one hand.
"Er…Inu-Yasha…" Sango said as she tried to gather her wits about her and get the crazied companion down before he killed himself.
"Aw, you're no fun Sango-chan!" He said as she swung from the branch,
"Inu-Yasha!" She called to him,
"Hey Kagome, look! NO HANDS!!!" He cried as he let go and fell to the ground, landing on his butt with a thud. Shippou began to laugh hysterically while the paralyzed Kagome stayed stiff as a statue, still unable to move due to the shock of his earlier actions.
"Owwwwwwwwwwww…" Inu-Yasha whined as Sango ran up next to him helped him up.
"Are you ok?"
"No, I think I broke my butt." This comment caused Shippou to burst into gales of laugher and Sango to break into giggles.
You know what would be fun?" Inu-Yasha asked as Sango helped him back towards the fire, where everyone else was.
"Uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh…" Was all Kagome could muster, her shock still to extreme for her to move, much less say anything.
"Charades! Come on, I'll start!" Inu-Yasha said as he pushed Sango aside and stood tall. Making various wild gestures with his arms and legs, the half-demon danced around like a ballerina on acid.
"Naraku!" Miroku yelled from his post on the other side of the campsite.
"Nope!" Inu-Yasha yelled back as he danced around on his toes and thrusted his arms forewards and backwards, as though he were doing a rendition of the Egyptian version of the Nutcracker ballet.
"Sessho-maru?" Sango asked,
"Nope! Give up?"
"There have only been two guesses." Shippou pointed out,
"Fine, I give." Sango said,
"I'm Miroku!" Inu-Yasha said as he fell down onto the ground, laughing.
"Hey!" Miroku shouted from his post.
"Nya nya!" Inu-Yasha said as he stuck out his tongue at the Buddhist monk.
"Drunken bastard." The monk uttered under his breath.
"Ok Inu-Yasha, I think it's time you settled down and went to bed." Kagome said as she snapped out of her shocked state.
"But why?" Inu-Yasha whined,
"Because, I think it's time you went to bed."
"You sound like my mom."
"Aw, you're no fun! Come on, let's party hearty!" Inu-Yasha said as he stood back up.
"I like Inu-Yasha better this way." Shippou commented as he pointed and laughed at his drunk-off-his-ass companion. Sango and Kagome exchanged glances once more and nodded at each other.
"Inu-Yasha, bed, now!" Kagome ordered,
"You can't make me!"
"Yes I can!"
"No you can't!"
"No no no!"
"Yes yes yes!"
"No times zero!" Inu-Yasha screamed, crossing his arms. This confused Kagome, right before she remembered that in the feudal days of Japan, very few people knew higher math.
"Uh, ok, get to bed!"
"You can't make me!" Inu-Yasha yelled as he ran over to Miroku and grabbed his Shakujou.
"Hey!" Miroku yelled, "My staff!" Inu-Yasha gave him a raspberry over his shoulder and ran back to the camp site.
"You can't make me! I have Miroku's staff-thingy!" Before Kagome had time to dignify the comment with a response, Miroku stomped up behind the half-demon and banged him on the head with his fist, causing Inu-Yasha to let go of the staff.
"Ow!" He said as he watched Miroku run back over to his post. Shippou, who had bounced over to Sango during this time, began to laugh. Sango soon joined in, and so did Kagome.
"What's so funny?" Inu-Yasha inquired,
"Oh, nothing." Kagome said through her laughter. Confused, Inu-Yasha stood where he was until the laughter had died down.
"Come on, can't we party a little bit more?" He asked,
"No Inu-Yasha." Sango said,
"Come on! Let's get naked!" Inu-Yasha exclaimed happily,
"You already did that." Shippou pointed out, remembering how Inu-Yasha had thrown his shirts into the fire earlier on.
"That's not naked!" He said as he began to remove his pants. Sango let out a squeak as her face turned seven shades of red. Covering her eyes and Shippou's she cried out. Kagome realized what was about to happen and tried to talk him out of it.
"Keep those on or else!"
"But we're partying!" Inu-Yasha protested,
"For the love of all things sacred, keep those on!" Kagome said as her face turned almost purple from the tremendous blush. Covering her eyes, Kagome gave him one more warning.
"Fine." Inu-Yasha said, and with a sigh of relief everyone opened their eyes.
"That was close." Sango said as she wiped the sweat away from her brow.
"Yeah." Shippou agreed.
"Just kidding!" Inu-Yasha exclaimed as he dropped his pants in front of full view of everyone. Screaming bloody murder, Sango's face turned fire-hydrant red and she smacked her hand over her eyes. Kagome turned as white as a sheet, and did the only thing that came to her mind.
"OSUWARI OSUWARI OSUWARI OSUWARI OSUWARI OSUWARI OSUWARI OSUWARI OSUWARI OSUWARI OSUWARI OSUWARI OSUWARI OSUWARI OSUWARI…"
Ok, that's it. I hope you all liked that! I know, it kind of got long in a few areas, but can I help it? How many times do we get to see Inu-Yasha drunk, eh? Leaves a lot up to the imagination. Anywho, please review!