Chapter one.

Realisation.

Relationships are difficult no matter how much time and effort you put into them.

Sheldon believed his and Amy's relationship was going great. He had planned to propose but those plans where cut short when Amy left early on their anniversary. She was angry and he knew it however instead of apologising he blamed her. Accusing her of it being that time of the month. It just made her angrier.

Amy wanted time to think. It wasn't a request that was difficult to follow through with for most people however Sheldon insisted on turning up at her doorstep. Again she gave no real answers or reasons to taking a break from their relationship which confused him more.

'How can our relationship be going down hill? I love her, she loves me..right?' He asked himself over and over again.

Sheldon had never allowed himself to get close to someone as much as he had Amy. He allowed her to break through the barriers and squeeze through but he regretted it because now his heart ached more than he would like.

He wanted to believe it was just an illness but he knew deep down it was guilt and heartbreak that he felt.

He wanted to make things right with her, he wanted her back. If he hadn't of messed up during their anniversary they could have been planning their wedding.

Six months had passed, six whole months of loneliness. The group continued to tell him to move on but he wasn't sure if he could. He loved Amy, she was his first love and he believed his only love. 'Why can't she see that?'

He continued to watch the months go by sadly. He watched as Amy met up with a man in the cafeteria at lunch. She would laugh and smile with him. He couldn't remember a time when she ever looked at him with such happiness.

Amy and the man who he now knew as Mike began a relationship. She was happy, so he heard from Penny.

He was glad she was happy but sad that it wasn't him that was making her happy.

They no longer talked, she didn't visit 4A for dinner and neither did the others in the group.

Leonard had moved into Penny's leaving Sheldon on his own. It wasn't long before they moved out of 4B though. He saw the guys at work but barely after. They no longer had movie marathons or game nights. More often than not Sheldon would be alone at night with his take out.

He didn't realise what loneliness really was until everyone got taken from him.

He didn't believe there was any hope for him anymore. He knew he and Amy would never be together again.

Penny had told him he should move on and find another women or just be on his own. He didn't like the sound of the second option but the first seemed impossible.

Would he be able to get over Amy like she had gotten over him?

Would he be able to commit to another women after five years of no commitment to Amy?

Would any women actually want him?

It saddened him more knowing that he had put off relationships and romantic love for so long but now he craved it more than anything.

'Why can't I just be happy?' He continued to ask himself.

Although Sheldon believed he would never have a relationship, he had. He had thought they were happy, he was happy but clearly Amy wasn't.

The loneliness he felt every day only became worse. He began regretting every time he pushed his friends away, pulled from someone's comforting touch, made fun of his friends and took advantage of them.

He missed his friends, even Howard.

He had wanted to visit Leonard and Penny but they never invited him and he wasn't sure just turning up would be a good idea.

The group never invited him anywhere anymore. He didn't know if it was something he had done it whether they simply didn't care about him anymore.

He threw himself into work even more than before. He spent all day and sometimes all night by his white board working. Sometimes he even forgot to eat or shower.

It was usually at night when it hit him. He would lay in bed thinking about all the means things he would say to his friends, all the times he took advantage of them, all the times he pushed them and Amy away.

He knew deep down it was his fault that his relationship and friendships failed.

Although he wasn't a fan of change he often wished he could go back and change what he had done however in a way he believed this was for the best.

Penny had once told him that not all change was bad. He had scoffed in her face and thought she was being ridiculous but as he lay in bed he decided it was time to make some changes, some good changed not only for himself but those around him. He no longer wanted to be a burden to anyone. He didn't want to be the uptight jerk his friends would often call him.

'Can I really change?' He thought.

A/N: let me know what you think!

Second chapter will be uploaded soon!