Drunken Ramblings of the Perfect Soldier

by WSJ

WSJ: *groans* Okay, this time I've really lost it... *sighs* 02xRP (even though neither Relena nor Duo are actually in the story), ex-01xRP. The song is "Brokenheartsville", by Joe Nichols. ^-^;; Please don't ask me where this came from, because I don't know...

I don't own GW, nor Heero's drinking buddies, who are all of other anime.

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"So what're ya' in 'ere fer?" the blond slurred as he plopped onto a barstool to the left of Heero. The Perfect Soldier tried to focus his steely eyes on the blond's face and failed. He was pretty sure it wasn't Quatre though. Or Dorothy. Or Treize. Which didn't really leave anyone he knew.

"M' girl ran off wit' anoder man," Heero grumbled, slurring his words just as bad as the other man.

The blond beside him whistled in appreciation. "K'so. Sucks be ta' you." he swung back another glass of beer, and then offered his hand to Heero. "'M Jounouchi, nice ta-ta-ta meet'cha."

Heero grunted and tried to shake his hand, but after several failed attempts he gave up. "'M Heero."

Jounouchi nodded, almost falling off his stool as he did. The door behind them opened, letting a draft of cold air at the back of Heero's neck. He ignored it, but Jounouchi spun around in his seat and waved an arm clumsily. "'Ey you's guys! C'mere!"

Two more men wandered over at Jounouchi's call and sat down. Now there were two blonds; Jounouchi and one of the men who had just came in. The other had black hair pulled into a short pig-tail, reminding Heero of someone he knew. What was that name? Wuffer? Wuffin? Ah, no matter.

"Hi Jou," the blond said. "What's up?"

Jou shrugged. "Eh, Mai kicked me out of the house again." he motioned to the pilot of 01. "This is Heero. His girlfriend ran off wit' another guy."

Both men made the necessary sympathetic comments. "I'm Ranma," the pig-tailed man said. The other blond introduced himself as Yamato.

"So what're you two doin' 'ere?" Heero asked, motioning vaguly with his glass before taking a long drink from it.

Ranma scratched the back of his head and chuckled sheepishly. "Shampoo and Akane got into another fight, and when Ucchan joined the fray I decided it was time to go..."

"My band just got in from a tour." Yamato said. "I figured I might find Jou and Ran-kun here."

"So what happened with this girl of yours?" Jou asked, leaning on the bar and looking at Heero. "Was she hot?"

Heero thought for a moment, trying to capture her image in his hazy mind. "Very."

"Well, c'mon, details man!" Yamato insisted, prodding Heero with a finger.

Heero grimaced and held up his glass for a refil.

He wore that cowboy hat to cover up his horns.
Sweet-talkin' forked tongue have a temptin' charm.
Before I turned around, that girl was gone.
All I can say is: "Bartender, pour me somethin' strong."

"Weeeell, she ran off wit' my best friend after his wife got killed. I dunno when Rel-chan fell for 'im..."

"Rel-chan?" Ranma asked. "Your girlfriend?"

Heero grimaced. "Hai. Relena. She went off with my best friend Duo three months ago and I haven't heard from 'er since. Duo's wife jus' died about a year ago, and Rel-chan claimed she went on vacation with him to 'help him greive'."

Yama, Jou, and Ranma winced. "Itai..."

"Wel all I gotta say is good ridnseseses!" Heero declaired, swaying rather dangeriously in his seat. "Who needed 'er anyway? An' Duo wasasas a punk! Who cares!?"

Jou and Ranma cheered, while Yamato looked worridly at the mound of empty glasses in front of the Perfect Soldier. "Oh dear..."

Here's to the past, they can kiss my glass.
I hope she's happy with him.
Here's to the girl, who wrecked my world,
That angel who did me in!

"Sounds like this Duo fellow was a demon," Jou commented several rounds later.

Heero, much loosened from his usual steeliness by the alcohal the others had been buying him, nodded. "The devil 'imself! Shinigami!"

"Shinigami?" Jou asked, trying to focus his unfocused eyes. "Wha' about Anubis?"

"Anu-whatsis?" Yamato asked.

"Anubisisis. Egypter-whatever god of death." Jou stated proudly.

"Ohhhh..." The other three chorused.

They sat in silence for a few more minutes, steadily downing glass after glass of high-alcohal content drinks. Then Heero suddenly jerked to his feet, albeit rather unsteadily. "I'll kill'im! I'll kill'em all!" he declared, waving around a gun he'd gotten from kami-knows-where.

Jou squeaked and ducked, Yamato tumbled off his barstool, but Ranma made a clumsy grab for the gun. "C'mon man, you'll kill us!"

Heero blinked slowly, and then sat down again. "Okay,"

The other three exchanged glances that plainly said 'what nutball have we dragged in this time?'

I think the devil drives a Coupe de Ville.
I watched 'em drive away over the hill.
Not against her will, an' I've got time to kill,
Down in Brokenheartsville.

It was several hours later, and Yamato and Jou were both passed out on the floor. Heero was hovering on the very brink of conciousness, while Ranma seemed fine. "'Ow you do dat?" Heero asked.

Ranma shrugged. "High motabolism. Plus, I'm used to drinking a lot stronger stuff."

"Ah..."

"So, did you love this Relena girl of yours?"

Heero tried to form his mind into some semblence of coherancy. "Maybe. I dunno. I thought I did,"

Ranma nodded wisely. "That's always the way. You think you'll hold onto 'er forever, and then BANG! She's gone, and you don't give a rip."

Heero laughed, the first in what seemed like ages. "Yer right! I dun' give a d**n! Relena can kiss my glass!" he proclaimed, raising it over his head.

He then promptly fell over, much to Ranma's amusment.

It was long on chrome, sittin' in the lot.
An' fire engine red, that thing was hot.
He revved it up, she waved goodbye.
Well, love's gone to hell and so have I!

Quatre paced up and down the livingroom of the safe house. "Where is he?" the Arabian fretted. "He's never home this late unless he's killed someone! Do you think he's all right Trowa? Should we go look for him? Duo running off I would expect, but not Heero! Do you think Relena leaving has hit him harder then we thought? Especially with her running off with Duo like that?"

Trowa looked up from the couch, where he was reading a thick Stephen King novel. "Quatre, chill. Heero'll be fine. He always is."

"Except when he's stone drunk."

The acrobat and CEO looked over at Wufei, who had previously been practicing some katana strokes in the corner (after a promise to Quatre not to break anything). He was now holding the curtains a little way away from the window with the point of his katana, and had a rather amused expression on his face as he watched whatever was out there.

"Nani, Wufei?"

Wufei chuckled and turned away from the window, letting the curtain drop back into place. "Go answer the door Winner."

The doorbell chimed just as Quatre and Trowa were exchanging puzzled looks, and Quatre scurried to answer it. Trowa put a bookmark in his novel and got up to follow the little Arabian. Wufei followed too, chuckling quietly to himself.

Here's to the past, they can kiss my glass.
I hope she's happy with him.
Here's to the girl, who wrecked my world,
That angel who did me in!

I think the devil drives a Coupe de Ville.
I watched 'em drive away over the hill,
Not against her will, an' I've got time to kill,
Down in Brokenheartsville.

When Quatre pulled open the door, he was surprised to see a black-haired man in martial-arts clothes quite like Wufei's standing there. He had, of all people, Heero Yuy slung over one shoulder. "Is this the Yuy house?" he asked politly.

Wufei continued to chuckle as he stepped into the man's line of sight. "The Yuy/Winner/Barton/Chang house. Good to see you Saotome."

The man's face broke into a grin. "{Chang! It's been awhile!}" he said effortlessly in Chinese. "{Is this a friend of yours?}"

Wufei chuckled yet again. He seemed to be amused a lot tonight. "{Yes, Yuy's what I might consider a friend. How'd you know he lived here?}"

"{Drunken ramblings,}" Ranma said, rolling his eyes.

Seeing that Trowa and Quatre were looking a little lost, Wufei reverted back to Japanese. "Bring him in Ranma. Quatre can take care of him."

"So, you know this guy?" Trowa asked as Quatre led Ranma toward Heero's room.

Wufei nodded. "We trained together breifly in China awhile back. We can trust him."

Trowa shrugged. "If you say so Wufei..."

Trowa followed Ranma and Quatre to Heero's room, while Wufei made for the kitchen. He found a glass, filled it with cold water, and snickered.

Here's to the past, they can kiss my glass.
I hope she's happy with him.
Here's to the girl, who wrecked my world,
That angel who did me in.

I think the devil drives a Coupe de Ville.
I watched 'em drive away over the hill,
Not against her will, an' I've got time to kill,
Down in Brokenheartsville.

"Oh Raaanmaaa!"

"Don't you dare Chang!!!"

~*END*~

WSJ: *groans* Where do I come up with these things...? Reviews please!

God bless minna-san!