The Snowball Fic

"Wormtail, I want you to make a list."

"Yes Master." Peter Pettigrew dipped a fresh quill into the inkpot and set it to parchment. He still wondered at the remarkable sensitivity in his new silver hand. It turned an ordinary chore such as dictation into something much more fascinating. Which was lucky for him, because he was doing a lot of dictation lately. Even restored to his full power, Lord Voldemort had to begin slowly. And that meant a lot of time lying low and writing lists.

Pettigrew supposed it was something. For all his master treated him with distain, he knew his place within the Death Eaters was assured as long as he had the neatest handwriting.

"This is my list of people that need to be killed. In order."

Aha. He was going to hear his Master's great plan! To be trusted so was a great honor. He, Peter Pettigrew before all other men would be privy to the inner workings of the Dark Lord's mind.

"First. Harry Potter. That accursed brat has escaped my clutches far too many times." Lord Voldemort's hands twitched from where he'd been stroking Nagini's head, as if she were a Persian cat. He hissed, "He needs to be made an example of."

All quite true, but still Wormtail winced. He spent three years in the company of the Boy Who Lived, and really, Potter wasn't such a bad child. He didn't deserve the hand that fate dealt him. Of course he would obey his Master until the end.

"Next." Voldemort paused, and seemed to get even angrier. Pettigrew looked up from his paper, wondering at who it was that could make the Dark Lord so upset. Dumbledore?

"Next....Fred and George Weasley."

Ahh, of course. Fred and George......what!? Pettigrew cleaned out his ears with a silver finger. Surely he didn't hear right. "Pardon, My Lord?"

"Fred and George Weasley. They must Die!!"

"But...My Lord, they're only children. And not particularly bright, if I remember. Or have you had some vision of the future....?"

Voldemort's hands moved again, slowly wrapping themselves around Nagini's neck and squeezing. "Four years ago I possessed the Hogwarts Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor. It was one of the lowest moments of my life, Wormtail, living muffled behind his ridiculous headgear, forced to stay with him every waking moment."

Nagini was beginning to struggle, slowly strangling in her Master's grip.

"But do you know what happened that winter, Wormtail? DO YOU!?!?!"

Pettigrew was so nervous he dropped his quill. "N-n-no My Lord...?"

"Those God forsaken Weasley twins had the utter GALL to enchant snowballs and throw them repeatedly at me! ME! The Most Powerful Wizard on Earth! Who's very name makes people tremble at the sound!"


Nagini's eyes were rolling back in her head, the tip of her tail twitching feebly.

"Um, Master, your snake....."

"WHAT!!!......oh." Voldemort released his quite literal death grip on his beloved snake, which fell to the floor gasping for breath in great gulps of forked tongue. Nagini made a mental note never ever to bother Wormtail in the future.

It took the Dark Lord a few minutes to regain his composure. Pettigrew retrieved his quill and made a note. "Um, who's next on your list, My Lord?"

Voldemort waved his hand dismissively, "Oh, Dumbledore I suppose....."

The End.

Author's Notes..

This fic is brought to you by one line: "The lake froze solid and the Weasley twins were punished for bewitching snowballs so that they followed Quirrell around, bouncing off the back of his turban."