set after The Outlaw Armaggon. because this is beyond needed at this point.

behold my salt.

It had been a while since Donnie's last science kick, but since they'd gotten over the initial shock of hey our planet's dead! and realised that they were in SPAAAAAACE, Donnie's level of nerd had reached critical.

If he wasn't in the astrophysics lab, he and the Fugitoid — and sometimes April — would be huddled over some monitor or another babbling about SCIENCE! (Donnie's words, not Leo's) or discussing the latest, greatest alien technology. Now, Donnie had called them all into the common room, practically vibrating with excitement and a gleam in his eye that Leo didn't quite trust, and was handing out pieces of paper. Leo didn't look at his copy, and set it down instead on the table in front of him. He settled into his seat, ready to look as though he was paying attention while actually turning his brain off for a while.

He loves Donnie. He does. But sometimes, Donnie is just so… Donnie.

"Gentlemen," said Donnie, before bowing to April the way he always did when he said, "…and lady," and then smiling at Raph in that way he always did when he wanted to be a particular level of brat, "and Raphael, and Jones, thank you for coming here today."

"Nice," Mikey said quietly, over Raph's far less polite invitation for Donnie to go jump out of the airlock. "Hear that? We're gentlemen."

"Now, once you've got your handouts, we'll get started — there's one for you, and one for you, and— Mikey! That is NOT an aeroplane! — and if there are any questions, please don't hesitate to raise your hand."

Mikey raised his hand.

"Is this an actual question?"


"Put your hand down, Mikey."

Once everybody was ready, Donnie turned, pointing a clicker to the main screen in the room, where happy little gifs of Donnie's and Fugitoid's heads bopped around in a weirdly-adorable screensaver. "And remember," Donnie said, "if you're going to tweet, please use the hashtag #StopLeo2015."

Leo blinked, startled out of his lazy Donnie-tolerance into full attention. "Wait, what?"

Fugitoid made a falling bloop sound, and the lights dimmed as the screen flared, the first slide flickered up, and the science began:

Honeycutt, Zayton; Hamato, Donatello

Adequate psychological analysis is not yet available in Malaclemys terrapin sapiens due to the endangered nature of this species, and this research is expected to become more necessary in the near future, in order to enable timely intervention should the subject (M. terrapin sapiens subject L1) continue to cause his family emotional distress over his constant need to throw himself into danger because he watched way too many action movies when he was six.

The primary objective of this study is to find out exactly what Leo's problem is.

Observation of primary subject L1's behaviour when faced with extreme danger; retrospective reflection upon subject's previous actions on Earth; comparison of L1's cognitive decision-making to other similar taxonomic subjects (M. terrapin sapiens subjects D1, M1, R1; H. sapiens sapiens; H. sapiens kraangiens); denial of subject's access to the Insanity mode in the holodeck.

Research indicated that L1's ability to not go off on his own at idiotic moments was limited. L1 displays continued disregard for own personal safety especially when victory has extremely low probability and/or coolness level is considered to be higher than zero. L1 displays decreased ability for self-preservation and logical thinking at these times when compared to other subjects. L1 tried to fight a space shark (Carcharodon galaxias galaxias) in protective armour using two swords while on a spacewalk and was surprised when C. galaxias galaxias chewed through his lifeline. L1 is an idiot.

L1 is clearly suffering from Chronic Hero Syndrome. L1 needs to stop. L1 needs to be stopped.

L1 should be sat down and informed what effect these actions have upon his family, and asked how he would feel if another specimen of M. terrapin sapiens decided to go punch out a kaiju. L1 should also be reminded that he is a ninja, not a samurai. L1 should not be allowed to watch Space Heroes until further notice unless with appropriate adult supervision.

The final slide was just splashed with #StopLeo2015 along with an adorable picture of a sad Mikey, and the lights went back on.

Donnie was smiling; somewhere, above the embarrassment and humiliation, Leo could just about tell it was the smile Donnie did when he was feeling really, really smug about something. "Any questions?" he asked brightly.

"Dude," Raph said, somewhere behind Leo, somewhere just above the pounding blood in his ears. "Did you literally just use science to call Leo out?"

Preening, Donnie leaned back, bracing one hand against the desk, and examined his fingernails. "Maybe."

"That is a whole new level of dork, even for you." And then Raph stood up, and Leo refused to look at him but he could practically hear tears in Raph's eyes and could imagine Raph grasping at his heart, looking at Donnie with tearful, tender love and awe and just being so impressed with the little shit. "You made me care about science, man. I just. I just—"

Leo turned around, but missed being able to give Raph an absolutely poisonous look, because Raph was now fake-sobbing on Casey's shoulder, blowing his nose in Casey's bandana. And they were all just missing the point, they didn't get it–

Enough, Leo thought, and got to his feet. "I am not that bad," he said hotly, and instantly, four voices shot back:


"That was one time!"