It's a long road, I always say. We have a million things we could do. But we only have one summer. At least I do. And that summer is coming to an end. There's four weeks left. The pain... The pain is becoming unbearable. It used to come in waves or flashes, but it always went away. And I could hide it. But now... Now it never goes away. It's this searing pain in my chest. I can badly hide it anymore. Soon I won't be able to.
I haven't told anyone. I hope no one has to go through the pain of knowing I'm going. If it would hurt me to much, it would hurt them much worse. The one person I'd hate to have to tell is... Ferb. That's right. My brother. Step brother if we want to get technical. But it doesn't matter to me. It never has. I love him as a brother. He's my other half. More important than anyone.
That's why I don't tell him. He'd be badly hurt. I can't let him go through that. I'll stage it as an accident. Or a homicide if I have to. But I can't let him know.
If you haven't noticed yet, I've been avoiding using the word. The D word. I know it'll happen, but why now? I have one thing to say, "Carpe diem, quia posset aliquis ultimus sit." I've never said it to anyone, but myself as a reminder of my fate. I use carpe diem a lot, but not the rest. Seize the day, seize the day... This phrase I live by each and every day. I just, just hope, hope that my brother will never know the rest of that.
I can tell you that this summer has been the best of my life. I hope no one ever reads this, but if they do, please let it be Ferb, and only Ferb. I love you bro.
I signed the entry, trying not to cry. Why? Why was I the cursed one? Why did I have to go? Why did I have to leave him alone? These were questions that would never be answered. I hear Ferb coming and shove the notebook under my pillow.
He came in and smiled. Pulling out his secret cookie stash, he offered me one. I took it.
"Thanks Ferb." I smiled as I took the cookie.
We ate in silence till Candace knocked on our door, but came barging in anyway.
"Okay you two. Mom is gone and she left me in charge. You guys better not be up to anything!" she said.
I smiled. Typical Candace. "Okay. We don't even know what we are doing today!"
She left the room and I looked over at Ferb. He was still nibbling a cookie. I wish I was like him. Calm, cool, collected. Quiet, unmoved, stable. Quick, smart, willing. He was everything I wasn't. I was nothing. A nobody. An unwanted. I wasn't smart. I wasn't talented. I wasn't helpful or handy. I was nothing. Nothing.
What WERE we going to do today? We could make a trampoline where one bounce brought you to the moon. Or maybe make a swimming pool in the sky using anti-gravity. Maybe we could dig that tunnel to the center of the earth we always wanted to. Oh! We could make a giant hot air ballon that could travel at the speed of light. Or the world's longest train. The possiblties were endless.
Ferb rolled his eyes and smiled at me. He most likely could see the gears turning in my head. He always seemed willing to do my ideas. That was one thing I was good at... Having stupid ideas.
"Ferb, what do you want to do today?" I asked.
He shrugged. "I don't know." he said, stunned that I had asked him. "That's YOUR area of expertise."
"Well I'm as clueless as you are! I don't have a single idea!"
"Righhht... Phineas, I could literary see the ideas jumping in your head. One of them, HAS to be a good. So don't even try that trick." Ferb laughed.
I raised my hands. "Guilty as charged. But none of them are good."
"Whatever happened to carpe diem?" asked Ferb, with his eyebrows raised.
It was my turn to laugh. My brother had once again caught me red handed. Maybe, just maybe my ideas weren't so stupid after all. Ferb always seemed to love them.
"Well," I began. "What about a hot air ballon that can travel at the speed of light?"
I got a thumbs up from Ferb. Then, calling the warehouse for supplies, we went outside to make our dreams come to life. To make a life well lived, so that no one had to worry about tomorrow...
A/N: I don't own Phineas&Ferb! All rights go to Disney and the creators. I only own the plot!