"I can't believe she didn't even ask how she got there!"
"Well, I suppose if one is confronted with their significant other clothed in such an amorous manner, logical thought tends to take a backseat. Wouldn't you agree?"
"Wouldn't know," replied Ruby with a shrug, "I've never had a significant other. But it's still pretty screwy, don't you think?"
After scarring a certain rabbit faunus and being scarred in turn by said rabbit faunus, Ruby and Weiss had quickly decided to end their outing. Now they were strolling through Beacon's grounds, Ruby having successfully bugged Weiss all throughout the trip back to spend more quality bonding time with her instead of going back to the room and studying. The heiress had initially said yes to shut Ruby up, but as the pair leisurely strolled by a beautifully scenic view of the campus, Weiss couldn't help but admit that this was enjoyable: the fantastic view, the gentle breeze, the sun's warmth, the intimate company…
"Hey look!" chirped Ruby suddenly, pointing to a familiar pair of partners. "Yang and Blake are outside together! I wonder they're doing?"
As far as Weiss could see, the two were standing next to a wall looking up, seemingly without explanation. As Weiss's gaze followed theirs, her mood dropped to annoyance as she noticed another potential headache just waiting to happen. "Ruby, maybe we should just leave them to-"
"Yang! Blake!" called Ruby, zipping on over, rose petals trailing in her wake.
Weiss sighed with aggravation, but dutifully followed. By the time she joined them, Ruby was also staring stupidly upwards. "Hello Blake, Yang." She adjusted her gaze up. "Sun," she acknowledged.
"Heya Ice Queen!" called the monkey faunus in greeting. "What's hangin'? You know, besides me!" Indeed, Sun was supported solely by his tail, having wrapped it around a drainage gutter, his hands free to gesture wildly in conversation.
"Weiss just got me a new bed after she broke the old one!" volunteered Ruby.
"That is not-!" Weiss responded automatically before breaking off. She sighed. "Oh, what's the point, you won't believe me anyway…"
"Oh ho! What's this now? Did the Ice Queen get a little too excited at night? Ruby, you lucky girl!" he called back, a wolf whistle added for good measure.
"Hey! That's my sister you're talking to!" shot back Yang playfully.
"And what a ladykiller she is! Ice Queen probably wet the bed once Ruby melted her heart, if you know what I mean!"
Thanks to her enhanced hearing, Blake could literally hear Weiss grinding her teeth in aggravation as the blondes shared a laugh.
"Cheer up, Weiss," she offered, "At least he's not shouting it from the rooftops."
Just then, Sun climbed the five feet to the rooftop and proceeded to loudly shout his support for White Rose in front of the entirety of Beacon, using very expressive hand gestures in the process.
Weiss levelled a glare at Blake. "Is there anything else you would like to say that would make my life any more miserable?" she growled.
Blake was contemplatively silent for a few moments. "No, I've hit my quota for the day," she replied serenely.
Weiss glowered, before turning her ire on the other faunus. "Hey! Monkey boy! Why don't you come down here and say that to my face?" she snapped.
"Naw, I'm good!" replied Sun, launching off the roof and grabbing onto a high rising lamppost. "Hey! Why don't you come on up here? The weather's great!"
"Sun! Be careful!" called Ruby, completely unaffected by his earlier teasing.
"Please, Ruby! I've been doing parkour since I was a kid! No way I'm gonna slip up on something as easy as this!"
"This 'parkour' of yours is needlessly stupid, beyond reckless, and more than likely to get you killed!" shouted Weiss with a glare as Sun leapt to another hold.
"Are you kidding? Parkour is awesome! It is THE best way of moving!" declared Sun, "I wish I didn't have to walk to get around!"
"Granted," ground out Weiss instinctively with clenched teeth.
Just then, Sun slipped up and fell three stories to the ground, screaming all the way. He landed with a crash, and Blake and Yang ran over immediately to help while Ruby and Weiss stared, dumbfounded.
"Weiss," hissed Ruby, "How was that granting his wish?!"
"I suppose he now has to crawl to move around?"
Ruby stared at the heiress for several seconds before facepalming with a sigh. She shook her head, and the pair went to check on Sun.
And sure enough, once they got Sun to the infirmary, he was told he couldn't use his right leg for the next two weeks. Sometime later, they found him trying to parkour in a wheelchair. He was sent back to the infirmary on a stretcher.
Once the whole debacle with Sun had been wrapped up with a neat little bow on top, Team RWBY had decided to hold an outdoor picnic for dinner. Weiss had wanted to assemble Ruby's bed before nightfall, but was swiftly outvoted by her procrastinator teammates. So instead of making her bed, Ruby helped Yang make sandwiches while Weiss and Blake got together the rest of the picnic stuff. As one, they headed out into the main courtyard to look for a spot, when they stumbled across an interesting sight.
"Hey there girl," echoed a faux-suave voice that could only belong to a moron, "Are you an alien? 'Cause your ass is out of this world!"
Team RWBY watched with amusement as Neptune spiraled to the ground, stunned, as the girl he had been hitting on walked away in disgust. A few seconds later, Neptune had picked himself up and approached a different girl.
"Hey there girl," he began, "Did you grow up on a farm? 'Cause you sure know how to raise cocks!"
Neptune was once again sent to the ground.
"You know," thought Yang aloud. "This is actually pretty entertaining. Wanna just sit here and watch?"
And that's how Team RWBY ended up spending their dinnertime watching Neptune getting beaten up by various women after insulting them with his myriad of bad pickup lines. Though the pickup lines were diverse and never the same, the end result of Neptune being laid out on the ground remained constant with only minor variation. Some of the women muttered about converting to lesbianism as they left, while others had their boyfriends sock the wannabe pickup artist as a follow up. One instance had Neptune accidentally hit on a guy dressing as a girl, only to get a taste of his own medicine as the crossdresser started making his own advances…
But eventually, there came a point where Neptune had hit on just about every single woman that passed through the area, and he finally caved. This just so happened to occur immediately after he hit on Joan, and Pyrrha placed him number one on her shit list before proceeding to beat the ever loving crap out of him. So yeah, he was pretty discouraged at that point. Then he saw Team RWBY watching his floundered track record and went over to say hi.
"Weiss, hello!" he greeted. "Are you-" SLAP!
Neptune spiraled to the ground as all eyes turned to Ruby.
"Why?!" Neptune lamented as he writhed in agony. "I didn't even hit on anyone from your team!" he wailed. "Today!" he added.
"You would have," replied Ruby nonchalantly, finishing off her last cookie.
"You've only been doing it for the past few hours now," added Blake helpfully.
The blue-haired boy blanched. "You… You've been here all that time?"
"Your streak of failure has literally been our dinner entertainment," admitted Yang shamelessly.
Neptune wilted. "Oh. Well, did I at least make you smile?"
"Yeah you did!" said Yang encouragingly, "I even got some of it on video to post to the DustNet!"
"…I guess it's better than nothing…" Neptune sighed. "I wish I was a better chick magnet," he wished.
Three pairs of expectant eyes turned to Weiss. "Oh HELL no!" she shouted, before turning on her heel and stomping away, Team RWBY trailing with amused smiles.
Neptune blinked in confusion. "Was it something I said?"
With their dinner finished, Ruby and Yang had finally decided to take a look at putting that new bed together, making certain to not damage Weiss's new bed in the process. As the Rose-Xiao Long sisters decided the best method of construction was opening the box and spreading the pieces all over the floor like children's building blocks, complete with the disastrous consequence of foot injury, Weiss and Blake had opted to spend some time in the library before bed. A suspiciously short amount of time later, Ruby had messaged them saying they were done.
And so, apprehensive at the thought of what their partners had brought into the world, the monochrome half of Team RWBY was headed back to their dorm room when the sound of heavy impacts and shouting caught their attention. Exchanging worried glances, Weiss and Blake went to see what was going on. When they arrived at the scene, they were very confused to find Velvet holding a piece of rotten fruit, arm wound up as if to throw it. There was a barrel full of more rotten fruit next to her.
Velvet noticed them as they made their entrance. "Hey Weiss! Hey Blake!"
"Hello Velvet," greeted Weiss naturally. Ever since the incident at the mall, the four huntresses involved had unanimously agreed that it had never happened, and proceeded to bury the memory in the darkest recesses of their minds for eternity. "…Why is Cardin wrapped up in duct tape and hanging upside down from the ceiling?" Asking why he was covered in rotten fruit was rather unnecessary.
Velvet shrugged. "Let's just say he suddenly pissed off a lot more people than usual, his team included."
Cardin caught sight of them. "What are you looking at, you filthy human?" sneered the asshat.
Blake shot a glare at the heiress. "Damn it, Weiss! This isn't what I wanted!"
Weiss shrugged. "I told you: zero control once I say yes. Still, he is treating humans and faunus equally, isn't he?"
Their attention returned to Cardin as he yelled at Velvet again, the rabbit faunus hitting him in the crotch. "Goddamn," she huffed in annoyance, "As much fun as this is, I wish Cardin would just stuff a sock in it."
"Granted," murmured Weiss as she backed away out of earshot and away from the public display of karmic retribution. "Well, this is fun, but we should be going. Come on Blake, let's get back to our room."
The next day saw Cardin in the infirmary yelling at the staff at how human they were, trying to come up with a rational explanation as to why he had shoved a sock up his colon.
When Blake and Weiss arrived at Dorm RWBY, they were utterly appalled at what was waiting. When they'd left, they were treated to the sight of Ruby and Yang tearing open the box holding Ruby's new bed, throwing planks of wood and spilling open bags of screws everywhere without a second thought. Now though, the random bits of construction detritus were gone, cobbled together in a massive conglomeration that no sane person would ever think could be built out of bed parts. Replacing them as foot killer fodder were bits of twisted metal and mattress down.
Weiss pursed her lips sternly. "You built a giant slingshot."
"Yeah!" chirped Ruby excitedly. "It even works completely fine too! Watch this!" Ruby loaded a spherical mass of what appeared to be cardboard, mattress down, and duct tape into something resembling a sling and pulled it back, aiming it at the window.
"Trust us, this'll be cool!" endorsed Yang with a toothy grin.
"Wait, don't-!" cried Weiss, but it was too late.
Ruby let go of the improvised weapon and the ball of stuff went careening into the still-closed window with a shattering crash, sailing outwards as bits of glass showered the floor. Ruby blinked. Yang blinked. "Oops," they chorused.
Blake utilized her preternatural senses (or rather, simple knowledge on how the heiress would react) to grab Weiss's arms and hold her back from attempting to maul the sisters, a precaution that was completely justified.
"Ruby Rose! Yang Xiao Long! How the hell did you two idiots make a giant slingshot when you were supposed to be putting together a bed?!" Weiss shouted as she struggled in Blake's grip.
"We… may have used parts from the bed you bought for yourself," admitted Yang sheepishly, taking a step back from the enraged heiress.
"You did what?!" thundered Weiss. "Not only did you completely ignore what you were supposed to do, you also had the nerve to take my stuff?!"
"You weren't using it!" defended Yang weakly as Weiss continued her rant.
"And another thing…!" raged Weiss indiscriminately.
"Ruby, Yang," said Blake as she struggled to contain her charge, "Can you two please do something about this? I can't hold her forever!"
"Run for it?" asked Ruby.
"Run for it," agreed Yang.
They ran for it.
"Get back here so I can throttle you!" roared Weiss as she broke free from Blake's hold.
Blake just sighed, then hopped on her bed and started reading.
When the rest of the team finally got back, it was well past midnight. Blake raised an eyebrow as they filed in one by one, neither of the sisters seemingly harmed. "Friends again?" she asked from beneath a pile of blankets. The broken window let in quite a chilly draft.
"We have reached an understanding," said Weiss, "And we will cement this understanding in the morning."
"Yeah, what she said," agreed Yang listlessly, before plopping down on Blake's bed and delving beneath the covers.
"Yang, as much as I enjoy your company this really needs to stop…"
"I'm tired, the window's broken, and you're cold or else you wouldn't have stolen my covers. Just shut up and let me cuddle you."
Blake sighed. "Well, if you put it like that…" She gave in and drifted off to sleep in the arms of her partner.
On the other side of the room, Ruby had grabbed a sheet and jury rigged a hammock, hanging from the hooks her previous bed had used. Weiss eyed it dubiously, but was too tired to comment, and the pair made to sleep.
A few seconds after turning the light off, a loud tearing filled the room, and Ruby plopped down next to Weiss, perfectly aligned for a cuddle as the remnants of the sheet draped over them.
Ruby blinked. "Um…"
Weiss sighed. "Oh just come here," she said in resignation before drawing Ruby into a hug.
"So you've granted all our wishes, right?" asked Yang the next morning.
"Yes," confirmed Weiss, "All of you, plus most of our friends, have had their wishes granted. Hopefully this means the end of this wishing madness."
"You didn't have to say yes to some of them," Blake pointed out.
"It's hard to stop once I've started. If you had listened to the monologue I gave about my tragic backstory two days ago you would've known that."
"Yeah, yeah," dismissed Yang. "As if you would've paid attention to us if we gave one."
"I never said I would," responded Weiss. "But thankfully, it seems the recent bout of craziness plaguing our lives is contained, now that I no longer have to worry about accidentally granting the casual wishes of the people I spend most of my time with."
"So… what you're saying is we can get back to living our normal lives?" summarized Ruby.
They all took that in for a second, before the four of them belted out laughing, because really, there's no way in hell their lives could be considered normal in any sense of the word.
And as they walked off into the horizon, the audience's omniscient camera panned up to the brilliant blue sky, because that just seems like an appropriate way to end this story.
Later, Weiss had to mail a letter or something really important like that, so she walked to the mailboxes. When her errand was complete, she headed back to the room. But as she passed by a certain office, she overheard a very interesting opportunity that was simply too good to pass up.
"That woman, I swear!" came the frustrated voice of Glynda Goodwitch, muffled through her office door, "I wish Cinder Fall would just change her ways, dismantle her criminal empire, and do something legal and productive with her life!"
Weiss snorted in amusement. "Granted," she muttered, striding by quickly.
Monday, Continuation of Classes…
"Good morning students. My name is Cinder Fall, and starting today, I shall be your new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor."
"I wish senpai would notice me…"
And that was how Ren hooked up with Yatsuhashi.