A/N: Amy's thoughts before their skype call. This is totally random of me to write...

Amy's POV

I'm tired... I'm tired of Shedon treating me like a thing he could disregard or not even inform if he decided to inhabit another planet... I'M TIRED and I'm scared... What if I can't live without him? But... what if I can?

I love him, but, I'm not sure it's worth it anymore... It's true, he's not the only one at fault here.

I've changed so much so he could no longer keep up with me and I can't read him like before. I'm not the same Amy 5 years ago.

But he's only a slightly improved version from 5 years ago, while I've became a complete stranger to myself.

I can't blame everything to Sheldon, is it even true that I've been patient with him? Did I really put the effort to wait for him? I know he's trying... but... it hurts, it hurts so much...

I don't like to cry every night anymore...

I thought love was suppose to make you feel good? I've had nothing but hate myself for being selfish with him... or hate him for being selfish... I lost track who's who... frankly, I don't know anymore...

I don't want to feel sorry for myself anymore... I don't like this feeling. I used to be a woman with pride, who wouldn't succumb to this irrational feelings...

Is it really the sex? No, of course not. For all I care we could not do it anytime soon, but is it too much to ask for him to put me first? Okay asking for first place is an impossible goal, at least on his top ten... Is it too much to ask? Am I being too selfish again?

If I am on that list, I wish he would let me know...

How hard could a girl get a compliment this days? It would feel different if it was coming from him, without quoting a movie like how he did last time with Spiderman 3.

I just couldn't hold out this bottled up emotions I've been holding on far too long when he mentioned the flash comment. How am I suppose to react to that? Did he expect I would be happy while he's thinking about another person when he should be focused to me... All I was asking and hoping was that one night, one night to be his center of attention... To feel he loves me... To feel he can't believe I'm his...

I could dream... In my dreams, he's the man I've want him to become... But, he could never be that man... I mean I would never insist for him to become that man, unless, he voluntarily do so. But, that's unlikely...

I should have known better, from the very start... I knew this would happen, and from the very start, I was fine by it. I NEVER WANTED MORE TO BEGIN WITH.

But now I do... I'm so ashamed of myself... Am I willing to wait for him to be ready even if it takes a lifetime?

I know I love him, but... don't I love myself too? Would waiting for him means that I'm going to throw away my feelings to want more...

Could I survive.. Oh no... I'm being selfish again... Why didn't I thought of him... I've grown more ignorant of his emotions this past few years...

Would he be happy knowing he's hurting me because he can't give me what I want? I don't even know what I want anymore...

Would we both make each other miserable if I stayed with him?

If I love him enough, I could never hurt him like that...

I don't know what to do... I'm so tired and hurt... I need a break, I need to step back and reevaluate our situation... But, I do love Sheldon...