To be completely honest Rick was surprised it took these idiotic bugs this long to start interrogating him.
The Federation always liked to show off their power in the form of visuals and actions. Oh man they arrested one of the biggest terrorists in their recorded history? Better whisk him away to the maximum security wing of their little jail planet. The neck constraint was a nice touch. It didn't take Rick long to realize not everyone around him had the same limitations. Yeah there was that large slug to his right and the huge neckless brute to his left. Their restraints couldn't nearly be as restrictive as his. Rick let out a slow raspberry to break the silence and shift his thoughts.
From the minute they landed here these Galactic assholes were trying to get under his skin and make him all scared. Being locked down wasn't terrifying. If you didn't knock Rick unconscious the second you got him into custody and keep him out, you weren't even trying. Yeah the fact he probably wasn't going to get his hands on any alcohol anytime soon was annoying, but not life-shattering. Everyone who said he was an alcoholic could fuck off. He was a big boy in control of his dependencies. He also pushed to the back of his mind the fact his hands hadn't stopped twitching since he got here.
Back to the topic at hand. Rick had all the time in the world to think of his next move. They didn't handcuff his brain. He could wait. It had only been a day and already Rick knew the bugs worked in shifts as any other jail system would. Yeah that didn't mean there was ever a shift with less bodies unfortunately but it did mean not the same individuals would be guarding his area all day. Rick had to find a weak one. Someone he could break.
Emotional manipulation was easy. He'd used it multiple times back in the day. Never underestimate the power of your mind. Rick knew that yeah, having a human mind was probably the biggest drawback he could get, but it was something he could work with. For all the trouble and "fake complexity" people liked to tote the human thought process with it really wasn't anything special. Humans worked off primal instincts amplified by what they would like to consider complex emotions. The quicker a person learned to look through the bullshit facade of what they thought they wanted and instead zone in straight to the instinctual point, the better off you would be really.
Survive and thrive. And drink.
Rick didn't dwell on the fact the very reason he was in a Galactic Fed jail and not in one of his hideouts a few galaxies over was because he broke his own life philosophy and decided to care. Again. Fuuck that. Rick meant it back on the van. That was the last time he would ever divert from survive and thrive again. Caring was not an advantage. Emotional attachment could jump off a cliff as far as he was concerned. That was it. Finito.
This place was too quiet. Which was why Rick drew out the vowels. Nice and long. Get a good echo in there. There wasn't a lot Rick hated more than utterly deafening silence. If the Feds had anything going for them, it was that this stinkhole was full of it. The silence. A suffocating blanket of auditory nothingness.
"Hey Shitfaces what you looking at?"
Two guards on their little floating platforms had approached his tile, the robot crane that placed him there originally now lifting his tile back up. "Ohhh I see. Yeah you couldn't even last two days without questioning the smartest guy in the universe could you?" Rick felt himself getting pulled away from the wall. He still could only see where he's been since they were at least smart enough to not turn him around. The two guards were floating behind him, their laser rifles held at the ready.
Rick scoffed at their stoic expressions. "Yeah, good luck trying to get anything out of me you stupid bugshits." He bit his lip, focusing on having his hands not shake in the slightest. All his fingers and thumbs dropped down, save for those very special middle phalanges on each hand. He grinned wide. "Yeah you like that? More where that came from." They appeared to have entered a hallway as the sliding doors closed to the main jail room.
A few turns and Rick heckling later, and he found himself in a room paneled in white walls. Didn't take a genius to see this room was most likely blast proof. Fluorescent lights buzzed above to give the whole space a blinding quality. His tile was turned around and flanked by the two guards. In front of him was what appeared to be an opaque panel wall to wall and ceiling to floor. In front of that was yet another bug, this one adorned in some official garb. From the decorations and style Rick guessed it was a Major at least. The vomit green on the already vomit green skin of these bugs was pretty terrible as a design choice. Then again, this was the Galactic Federation. Terrible decisions was kind of what they do.
"If you could look up here Mr. Sanchez."
With a heavy and exaggerated sigh Rick managed to turn his eyes up at the now apparent female officer. Rick pulled on a bored face. It wasn't hard, anything these bugshits had to say to him he didn't want to hear. Could not care less in the slightest.
Unfazed the alien in front of him stood tall, her arms crossed and face in good humor. "How are you liking your accommodations with us Mr. Sanchez? As the newly appointed head officer of your little insignificant ball of dirt known as E-Arth, the only saving grace was that the infamous Rick Sanchez would now fall under my jurisdiction." She lifted an arm out to Rick to shake, who of course couldn't take it. Not that he would even want to anyways without ripping her arm from that socket if he could. "This is how your kind greets each other is it not?" Rick rolled his eyes, settling on of the corners of the opaque panel. It looked like frosted glass. Rick could barely make out a shape on the other side, low to the ground.
The Major withdrew her arm, looking past to the guards flanking Rick. "You can leave us now."
Her grin drew flat as the two left, her large, red eyes now narrowed at Rick's face. His attention was still on anything but her. That would change soon. "I am Major Sluugbuug of the Dangull Division, Slanboop Sector of the Galactic Federation." She reached into the inner pocket of her coat, pulling out a thin, metal rod. "And I want to make your life a living gel." She leaned back in the slightest. "That is what your kind says right? To threaten? Living gel? Bell? Whatever!" Flipping a switch the rod started to react with the spherical structure at the top, rings of electrical current continuously floating down the rod and starting again.
"Oh there are so many horrors I want to inflict on your flesh." She leaned over Rick, her face right against his. Rick. He didn't hide his disgust. She smelled pretty terrible. Most of these bugshits did. They were literal bugshits. Rick snorted out of amusement at his own conclusion.
"You have made my people suffer for too long Mr. Sanchez. Do you know how many families you've torn apart? How many innocent lives you've snuffed out. In the name of freedom, of all things!" She took a couple of steps back, arms wide as she turned spun around. "And all for what Mr. Sanchez. What was your reign of murder and destruction really for?"
"Oh my god are you really asking me that question? Are you actually not getting it?"
Rick pointed his fingers the best he could in his restraints at Sluugbuug. "You think every planet, every galaxy, every single living creature with half a brain should all just, all just roll over and wuh-wave their asses in your face for you to just fuck over. Just because your own shitbug civilization couldn't be happy sniffing the crap piles on your planet!" Rick rolled his head around as best he could. "But noooooo. You had to make this crappy bureaucratic Galactic Federation bullshit to trick people into thinking cross-cultural planetary awareness was a good thing. Spoilers! That whole phrase is just a nice wuh-wuh-way of saying total assimilation and colonial conquest." Rick scoffed at her. "All the while you bugshits are silently enslaving and exterminating all the planets who are smart enough to think 'Hey, maybe having one supreme power in the entire universe isn't such a good thing after all.' Who, who woulda thought right?!"
Sluugbuug didn't react to Rick's entire rant. She didn't even listen. When his voice stopped sputtering nonsense she asked him, "Are you done yet?" "Hold on."
Rick flipped her off. "Now I am."
Immediately Sluugbuug took her baton and thrust it into Rick's side. Taken by surprise at her sudden attack Rick couldn't brace himself fully. The electricity traveled throughout his body, but Rick knew it wasn't inflicting any internal damage. The Federation had developed and honed many torture techniques over their long, long reign. Torture devices that didn't physically harm the subject was a speciality. Still didn't make it hurt any less. If anything it now hurt more. Without the body weakening with every attempt every ounce of pain would still feel just as fresh and sudden as the first time.
"Mother...fucker." Rick clenched his teeth, his jaw aching at the force he was inflicting to not cry out. He had encountered pain throughout his life, an equal share inflicted be it from his own inventions as well as others. He's been shot at and sliced. Had limbs crushed under extreme weight and gone hungry for a week. But he hadn't been tortured in a long while. Not in the past two years anyways.
Sluugbuug held her baton there at his side a moment more before withdrawing it. True to its purpose there was no mark on Rick's jail garb to even suggest he had been shocked. Rick knew there wouldn't even be any burn marks on his skin. His heavy breathing and face contortion the only evidence of what had just occurred.
"That was a rhetorical question Mr. Sanchez. I don't need to hear whatever misguided justification your rag tag lot has come up with over the years. You lost the right to an opinion the very day you made us," the Major spun the bat around in a circle before stuffing it back in her coat, "The enemy." That done for now she pressed down the front of her coat, her features morphing back into her standard "pleasantly neutral."
"You and I will have the time for many one on one chats in the future I assure you. But today," she raised her arm, waving it at Rick. Mostly recovered from the shock his eyes flitted between her and the blurry shape behind the wall. What was she planning? "Today is about you and your friend. Well, friend is probably not the right word."
"I don't have any friends." "No, I believe you on that front. Not anymore anyways." She flashed him a malicious grin. Rick clenched his shaking hands into fists. "This lovely lady stormed into our headquarters on E-Arth soon as she could. Kept saying how she had to see you, kept going on and on about how you were this wonderful, caring man and not the sick sociopath we both know you are." The Major huffed. "It was disgusting."
Rick's mind rushed into controlled panic mode the second Sluugbuug mentioned "friend." It couldn't have been anyone Rick knew outside of Earth. He fought for a cause other planets and groups shared, but you were a fool to think you could earn Rick's trust past him not shooting you down in battle. And even then, casualities on both sides didn't really ever faze him. His only friends were Birdperson and Squanchy. And one was dead the other MIA.
And then when she mentioned a lady Rick was thrown for a loop. It was impossible that it was Unity, all the guards and Sluugbuug here were their stupid bugshit selves. She didn't want anything to do with him anyways.
There were no female Ricks in the Council of Ricks, and no one who would even want to turn themselves into a woman for the sake of a rescue mission anyways. Their mutual distaste of each other went both ways. And Rick was okay with that.
But what other woman then? Who was the only female in this universe that would willingly want to seek out Rick and not stop praising his genius? Who would have the backbone to march right up to the heart of Shitbug central and demand to see Rick, any thought for her own safety be damned? Who wouldn't take yet another unexplained absence from her life as an answer?
The Major's grin grew wider as Rick's face morphed into that of rage. His voice came out slow and calculated. Yet it had an edge as sharp as a razor. Sluugbuug knew this plan would work. Rick would tell her anything she wanted to know about his portal technology. This girl meant that much to him.
"You fuckwads just made a huge mistake."
Rick's entire body was shaking. Why did he ever believe anything the Federation would say. He let his judgement be misled one time, and blindly believe his family would actually be left alone. And not be thrown into whatever nightmare these fuckers decided upon. And he knew the Federation knew how valuable Morty was. He was going to be their trump card. Or maybe Morty honestly didn't care about Rick's fate anymore since he abandoned them on that planet. That's why they didn't pick him now. And the federation knew Jerry was a bottom tier hanging by a thread edge of any concern for Rick. And that was only because he was Morty and Summer's dad. And Beth's husband. And Beth still seemed to love him even though their marriage is as much a horrific car crash that Rick's was. Summer was smart but too sucked up into her own tiny world to willingly risk her neck without Morty or himself right behind her.
Why waste their effort on the third generation when they could skip right to the heart of the family. The very person who without no one else would have existed. They were going to have Beth see him restrained like an animal in Galactic Federation glory, and use her to get his greatest technological secrets out. And it might just work. Rick's anger didn't abate. He was mad at the Feds, mad at his family for being stupid enough to get themselves caught by said Feds, and mad at himself. For caring. Is this never going to stop coming back and biting him is it? Two years ago you could tell Rick his family got flattened by a meteor and he would just shrug it off. He had never bothered to meet them. Meet this family. They weren't even the same family he originally met that fateful day on January 18th two years ago save for Morty! But then he had to go and get involved. Get sucked up into their little happy family game. Survive and thrive his ass. Rick dug himself into this goddamned emotional pit, now he had to find a way out of it.
"My daughter knows literally nothing about anything. If you fuckers had half the brain to drag her up here you should know I spent all those years away from her, because of what I was doing. Not really something you want to expose your teenage daughter to. Hey sweetie I'm off to slaughter thousands of an enemy alien race. Tell mom I'll be late for dinner!" Rick's shook his head. They meant nothing to the cause and mean nothing to him. "You think I would waste the time to explain anything I do to literal sacks of shit that just happened to be related to me?"
Sluugbuug leaned against the panel, clapping the pointy ends to her limbs that were her hands. "Oh bravo Rick. A lesser being would almost believe you." She stopped, her voice hushed to a whisper. "But we know about her Rick. There's someone else isn't there? A young lady who thinks herself in love with you. When I first saw her I thought such relationships are outside the social capacity of a sociopathic madman to fully grasp, but maybe her position could be used to our advantage."
Rick was confused. That didn't happen often. If these bugshits weren't even competent enough to utilize his family as the weak point they were, who in the hell did they think they have behind that glass?
"You look puzzled. That's okay. I hear it's been about a year since the two of you interacted." Sluugbuug cooed on. "Talk is cheap. Why don't we let you two lovebirds catch up?"
Throwing down a panel on the wall that wasn't there before a device scanned the point of the Major's arm before retreating back into the wall.
All of a sudden the divider started to sink into the ground.
Rick strained to peer over the divider as it effortlessly glided down. There was one guard in the back with an energy rifle. The only other occupant huddled on the floor right where the divider had been moments ago. As the panel disappeared the figure scooted back, her palms flat on the ground as she sat up and looked straight at Rick.
All that stood out to Rick was a tangled mess of thick, black hair. She was a human who was wearing a very much worn down white lab coat. His lab coat. And she looked like she had been just as well off as he had been in the past twenty-four hours. She was scrawny and had this stupid expression on her face. She looked up at him like he was a ghost, her jaw open and eyes unblinking. It was unnerving.
Sluugbuug's eyes traveled from Vera to Rick with lightening speed. Waited for them to both mutually register the other before carrying out the next phase of her plan. The second Rick gave up his silly little facade of not knowing the girl she would have Ant strike. A well placed gun to the head, maybe a warning shot to her leg to show Rick she was deadly serious, and all those sweet, sweet secrets would come pouring out of him. It was foolproof.
"Who the fuck are you and why are you wearing my coat?"
The moment the wall between them fell into the ground all Vera could do gape. She knew she looked like an idiot to, but she couldn't help it. Her mouth dropped down, trying to utter any words. Anything of all. There was Rick. Right before her very eyes. The man she saw dead on the floor a year ago now right in front of her. He looked worse for wear, and was shackled to some weird tile, but he was there. Everything just melted away at his presence. She didn't know what to think of it.
And then Rick said what he did.
Vera wasn't sure what felt worse the fact Rick just said he had no idea who she was or the realization that his answer wasn't exactly what Sluugbuug wanted to hear. Her parting words to Vera were still fresh on her mind. She didn't want to die. Who did? Maybe it was a ploy. Rick was trying to do something. He was obviously held against his will in some big shot alien space prison. He couldn't admit to knowing her so that she could be safe.
"Rick, hey it's okay. She knows. I saw your face on the news after a year of nothing, and I just… Just knew I had to see you." Vera twisted the tail ends of the lab coat in her hands. "Rick, hun it's me-"
Sluugbuug cut her off, turning to Rick. "It's Vera."
Rick scrunched his eyebrow, trying to get a grasp on the situation. Here was a girl who Sluugbuug here thought was his fiance? As if in any dimension a Rick would ever make that mistake again. The idiotic puppy dog look she was giving him, fighting back tears and all, way too much sentiment. Rick was getting sick just staring at her.
The name he heard also didn't ring any bells. In all his years of inter-dimensional space travel, Rick was actually pretty sure he had never met anyone with that name. Which when you thought about it was actually quite a feat. Rick turned to the bug.
"What the hell game are you trying to pull Slugshit? I mean, you could have literally plucked any being in this entire universe, plopped them down here, and they would probably mean something more to me than this girl does right now."
Vera felt her knees shake. Not exactly the reunion she was expecting. Nor was it the Major's.
Refusing to believe she had made such an error in judgement Sluugbuug called out to the lone guard in the room. "Ant apprehend her now." Vera suddenly felt herself grappled by the bug, his one arm easily locking both of hers in place behind her back. She then felt the cool metal of his barrel right at her temple.
"What the heck is going on?!" Vera was on her knees, trying to squirm away from her hold. She shouted at Rick. "It's only been a goshdarn year Rick are you saying you already forgot about me? About us?!"
"What 'us'? Why in the universe would I ever get together with some crazy lady like you?"
"Was I not too exciting a life for you? For this stupid secret life you apparently had to land you here of all places?"
"I don't know who the, who the fuck you are! I've never seen you before in my life- Sorry if that's not the answer you, you were hoping for." Rick was only getting more agitated the longer this insane woman kept trying to keep whatever trick she was pulling up. Was this some form of new bugshit torture? Just sic hysterical women on him? Goddamn this was effective. "And why do you have my coat?"
Meanwhile Ant kept pressing the barrel of his gun harder into the side of Vera's head. Yet somehow it delivered the opposite effect. Vera was getting more riled up. She risked her neck to get here to see Rick and now he's like a different person entirely? Oh when they got out of this she was going to make him pay. Make him remember.
"You two-timing JERK!" She let out a scream, taking her legs out from under her and kicking in Rick's general direction. "Sorry Miss Delusional try again."
Vera and Rick's sentences died on their lips. Sluugbuug was rubbing the side of her head, her general aura of control absent. None of this was going exactly as planned. Not at all, not at all. She was trained in lie-detection, Vera didn't give off any of the signs during their discussion. But Rick, who she felt was the last authority on displays of honesty, would have nothing to gain lying about not knowing her. Especially with Vera having a gun pointed right at her brains, ready to blow.
Vera took the moment to calm down and review the situation. Rick was adamant in saying he didn't know her. This could all just be part of his plan to get her out of here safely. It's something her Rick would do. But goshdarn did what Rick said hurt. And they were arguing. Never before did Vera and Rick ever argue. Rick would always just change the subject or derail heated conversations before they ever got to the yelling part. But minutes in now and already they were lashing at each other's throats. It could just be the frustration she's had pent up the past year. Why Rick didn't feel like he could trust her with the knowledge that he was alive. Unless his death was faked by these Federation bugs. Or he faked his death. But why would Rick do that?
Why the heck was everything coming into play as it was?
Vera wasn't sure, but she was sure that in order to keep up Rick's strategy of acting like they didn't know each other she had to play along. She needed to get them out of here.
"Rick Sanchez you've made it clear to all of us that this girl means absolutely nothing to you." He nodded slowly.
"As such," Sluugbuug turned to Ant and Vera. "I'm sure you won't mind then if we blow her brains out right on this floor in front of you?"
Rick didn't even blink. "Nope."
Oh Rick you better have something in mind. But she had to trust him. He loved her. That didn't help the fact she still started to tremble under the gun.
"So you wouldn't care to share some of your genius, say the intricacies of a portal gun? In exchange for her life?"
Rick laughed. "Yeah. I'm going to tell you about the one thing I may, or may not, have invented that your greedy little bugshit stick arms haven't gotten ahold of, in exchange for some random human's life." He tossed his head to the side as best he could. "You figured out my end game oh boy."
Vera felt her heart pound faster and faster the more she heard the two exchange. But then, wait.
They don't know she has it. Not even Rick! The whole time during her trip from Earth to wherever here was, they just threw her in a tiny room and locked it up. She was just an ordinary lovelorn human girl. Why would she have access to some crazy advanced alien technology? This was brilliant. All too perfect.
No one caught Vera's smile.
Sluugbuug studied Rick with intensity. Was he going to play this game? "Ant," Sluugbuug raised her arm, eyes still on a seemingly uninterested Rick. "Fire."
"Anything to shut her-"
That was the only thing Ant managed to say as he subsequently burst into pieces.
As he lifted his other arm to help fire the rifle on Sluugbuug's command Vera jumped at the opportunity. Without hesitation she reached deep into her coat and pulled out the portal gun, aiming it right in Ant's center before pressing the large, black button.
Vera had never actually used it as a weapon before, but she figured portals that open out of thin air must be something you don't really want to get in the middle of.
The green circle on command formed right in the middle of Ant's torso, ripping it apart with the force. As the swirly green trademark of the portal spun around Vera leaped back, trying not to avoid raining bug innards.
All the while Sluugbuug froze in place. Never would she have thought the girl to have the nerve to kill something. But to probably be entrusted with the possibly only duplicate of Rick's infamous portal hopping device?
The Major underestimated this girl. She wouldn't make that mistake again.
Instantly she reached into the opposite side of her jacket, pulling out an energy weapon of her own.
"Holy shit that was awesome."
Vera looked towards Rick distracted, and gave him a grin. Now she got to show Rick what she'd been doing this past year.
Unfortunately that also gave the Major a window to fire a shot that whizzed right past Vera's face, neutralized on the wall behind her.
"Vera Floyd you are under arrest for murder and possession of Federally prohibited technology." Sluugbuug walked past Rick, her gun drawn and aiming right at Vera across the room. Vera eyed Ant's energy rifle that had been thrown to the left, but instantly saw it decimated before her eyes. "Now Miss Floyd let's not be hasty. You're under arrest sure but who's to say we can't work out a deal?"
Vera stayed frozen against the wall, the portal gun still in her grasp forgotten until Rick yelled out across the room.
"Are you an idiot?! Use the fucking portal gun!"
Vera dodged to the left in a hard roll as she fired the gun right under Sluugbuug's feet.
Landing on the hard tile Vera knew her left arm wasn't as good a cushion as it sounded. It hurt like mad. Biting her lip Vera tried to get up, but fire from Sluugbuug kept her down. Even though the portal caused half her body to fall through, she was still holding herself up from the edge. And shooting at Vera with the intent to kill.
Vera followed Rick's command, shooting a circle on the ceiling above the Major. Like clockwork a giant tentacle swooped down, managing to knock the Major's gun out of her hands.
"Argh!" Sluugbuug dragged herself up from the portal just as it closed. The giant tentacle still waving madly around her area. Vera sprinted down to the left, Rick's tile to the right of her, Sluugbuug just a few feet more to the right. She shot another portal to keep the alien down, this time managing to knock her upside down. Her legs had grabbed hard onto the surface of the floor. She was going to be able to pull herself up.
Vera was at Rick's side, one eye on the Major the other on Rick. "Where the heck are the other guards?" The fact this had now turned into a scuffle invigorated Rick. "It's a soundproof room and no one is allowed in unless Major Bugshit over here uses that panel to communicate." Not even considering the logistics on Rick knowing that she tried pulling at his restraints. "Oh wuh-wuh-wow if only I had thought to pull free earlier huh?" "Rick shut up…" Vera grunted that through her teeth. They couldn't be left alone for long. There had to be or camera or something in here. Vera could handle one. Not an entire platoon. And the fact she had no idea how to get Rick free wasn't helping.
Sluugbuug had pulled herself back up successfully, now running straight towards them. "Goddammit Morty DO SOMETHING!"
"What?" Vera spun back toward Rick, utterly confused why he said the name he did.
It was now the Major's turn to take advantage of the situation. With a well placed kick she dropped Vera down to the ground, the portal gun clattering away behind Rick's tile.
"Fucking hell, do I have to do everything myself?" Before the Major could dive behind Rick for the gun, the man in questioned stopped her right in her tracks.
"Did you just spit in her eye?"
Vera's face was that of disbelief. It was effective though. Sluugbuug let out a shriek, her right red orb furiously blinking away. "GET THE GUN!" "Right. Right!" Vera got back up and ran behind Rick to retrieve the gun. Being behind Rick's tile, she also noticed what looked to be a few lines of alien writing plastered above a switch in the corner.
No way. It couldn't be that easy.
"Look I really hate to be that guy right now, but anytime now?!"
Without hesitation Vera flicked the switch as she popped out from behind Rick's tile, and aimed right for Sluugbuug's feet. Still not fully alert due to Rick's attack, she wasn't able to hold on in time.
It was a clean shot, the Major with one only eye open giving the pair a look of pure hatred. "It's not ove-AAAHHH!"
Her voice cut out as soon as she fell down the portal. Vera breathing heavily as she aimed the gun at the swirling green. Her left arm hurt like heck, she was tired, hungry, and still a buttload confused, but she did it. As soon as the green swirled away Vera let out a deep breath and turned to Rick. She gave him a shaky smile. "I did it."
Rick snorted. "You would have been dust without me. Zoning out in the middle of a fight is generally not recommended." Vera let out a small huff of her own and walked towards him. "Yeah, yeah whatever. Team effort. Still can't believe you spit in her eye though." Vera scratched the back of her head with the portal gun.
"Something, something desperate measures. Now get me the hell out of here!" Vera gave him a smug grin. "Already taken care of. Pull yourself free."
Looking at her like the crazy lady she was Rick pulled one of his arms out, realizing that in fact the tension did give away. He pulled his neck forward. Nothing stopped him.
A few more sharp pulls later and Rick found himself standing next to the girl. His wrists still had the manacles that were attached to the tile because they were connected to cords, but the rest of him was now completely free and unencumbered. "Yeah there was a switch on the back of your tile thing. I just you know," Vera brushed imaginary dirt off the side of her arm, completely nonchalant. "Flipped it the other way."
His sudden burst of loudness caused Vera to jump. "What what?!"
Rick slapped his forehead, the cords clinking together. "Did anyone ever tell you it's not a smart idea to mess with random switches when you can't read them?" "Well I got you out didn't I?" "Oh yeah it got me out..."
At that moment the doors on both sides of their room burst open, guards flooding the room with their weapons drawn and ready to fire.
Rick pulled a face. "And also alerted every single guard in this place that I was free. I mean they're stupid bugshits, but they're, but they're not that stupid." Vera gulped, moving closer to Rick. This was it. The end. Finito.
Rick looked down at her and rolled his eyes. She would have been so dead without him.
"Maybe now would be a good time to I don't know, portal out of here?"
Without a second thought Vera shot a portal right under their feet. She gave them all a small wave as Rick flipped them off. They fell through the portal as the entire room let loose their fire. The portal then closed on both sides, with only a giant black scorch mark remaining where the swirly green was before.
On the other side of the portal Rick and Vera were currently screaming for their lives. They didn't touch ground on the other side of their portal as they went through. Nor did they at least end up in an ocean or something they could tread in. Rick would have even taken the planet that was literally just butts and gas that grew out of a fecal swamp.
Instead the portal had emptied them right out into the sky. Miles above a barren, orange planet, that was only getting closer by the second.
The girl had her eyes shut and was flailing her limbs around like the crazy woman she was. And still shrieking. Rick chose not to fight it, instead just yelling out to the heavens as they made their way crashing down.