A/N: This is a short monologue from Darcy's point of view. It takes place during his ten-day stay in London when he is mustering up the courage to propose again to Elizabeth. Any feedback is most welcome.ON A STRING By Lizard
Do I believe in fate? For 'tis chance that brought you to me. I cannot understand you – will you not smile for me? On occasion my brain aches from your influence upon it. Selfish disdain for the feelings of others. I do not disdain, I am not selfish – I was merely stupid, blind. Will you reject a poor blind man? I need some person to guide me – will you allow me to put my hand upon your shoulder? Your shoulder, your hands, your eyes that see too much. Imperfection is not a crime – will you not smile for me?
You have me on a string, Elizabeth. Elizabeth, Eliza, Lizzy, my Liz…Gorgeous, presumptuous, enticing, dear *God* what you do to me. You did smile for me. I did not imagine it. I did not! My home – you smile in my home and I smile for eternity. A bright spark – do I dare touch it? May I call it mine? May I call *you* mine? I am yours, discard me at your will. Washing over me like some pungent perfume. Sweep away my cares, for I cannot keep my mind to them. Look at me, just once, love me, just once. Shall you love me? Speak now, or forever hold your peace. I do. Do you?
Battered and blemished – my heart I give to you. The blood flowing within it grows thick with anguish, yet thicker with love. Beat it, my Lizzy. Make me a man once more. Has my heart suffered enough? Your hands shall heal me. My hands shall heal you. You are mine. Shall you weep for me when I am gone? Shall you long for me when I am away? I am not worthy – I tried but I am not worthy. Arrogance. Conceit. Last man in the world. I shall be what you want. What do you wish of me? Smirks and giggles, dancing and singing, a performance worthy of the best stage in London. I present to you, the new and improved. May I have this dance?
I sing. I dance. A puppet on a string. Play with me. Treasure me. Do not throw me away in favour of some pretty bauble. I am more than you think. I understand you. I respect you. I esteem you. Will you not smile for me? Will you not cry for me? Will you not moan with pleasure when I…cease! You see what you do to me? Taunt me with your wiles. I dare you. I shall carry you away. Away from this judgemental and petty world. Our world will be sweet. Roses and honeysuckle. Strawberries and cream.
Your skin upon mine. Cream and coffee. Rough and smooth. Smooth away my cares and niggling doubts. Take my hand. Fly, fly away, bird. No, says the bird. I cannot fly, for you have me on a string. I do not dare untie it. Tied up. Caged. Imprisoned, yet content. Caress me through the bars of my cage. Enter my cage. Enter my home, now our home. Enter my chamber. Enter my bed. Enter my mind. Possess me. You already do. Love me. Never! Never? I try, but I am not worthy. Beauty is only skin-deep. Look beneath, my Lizzy. Find me.
A gold ring. A white veil. You are smiling for me. Let me take your hand. Good evening, Mr Bennet, a lovely daughter you have there. May I borrow her? I shall not cage you, as you do me. Perhaps, I shall desist. Are you unhappy? Be unhappy. Suffer. Yes. You are mine. No? Then I shall make you mine. I am not arrogant. You are mine, in my heart you are mine, if not on paper. Sign on the dotted line. Ink blots of imperfection. We are both imperfect, are we not? Imperfect actors upon a ramshackle stage. More tea, Mrs Bennet? Yes, 10 000 a year. Are you not impressed? Shall I grow poor, my Lizzy? Will that please you?
I shall go to you soon, Elizabeth Bennet. May a ring grace your finger after I have knelt down before you? May I have the right to call you 'my love'? May I kiss your hand, your wrist, your shoulder, your neck, your mouth, your hair? May I look into your eyes and not hide my feelings? Will you be mine? Will you smile for me? I'm yours, to have and to hold. On a string.