Last Remnants chapter twelve

Well, it took a little while to get here, but I finally managed. And, more importantly, I managed to get it out before the new year! So that's my New Year's Resolution for 2017 met. I'm trying to remember the last time I actually kept up with one of those. It has been quite a while.

Celebrations aside, sorry this took so long. This entire year has been a mess. Hopefully next year will be better, and with it my rate of updates.

Now then, on with the show!


Tigris Euphrates slowly wandered from rooftop to rooftop in the cold E-Rantel night. Well, slowly for him, so most people couldn't possibly follow his movements.

He was taking a moment to relax and observe the results of his earlier stunts. Plundering the middle class, the pharmacists, and smalltime traders just didn't do the job. Hitting the government seemed to finally do the job and get a proper response though and the Adventurers were finally coming out to play. Not that he expected much.

The giant man had already taken a look at most of these so-called 'Adventurer' and they had fallen in with previous examples of what this world was used to working with. While he had yet to see what the highest ranked teams were capable of, all the Adventurers he had seen so far would be no match for even the weakest of Nazarick's Area Guardians.

Still, he wasn't the type to just ignore people who were hunting him. If they wanted to play, he was more than willing to play with them. A wide, white smile graced his features as he came to a stop above a group of five patrolling down a street in the richer side of town.

Armored, armed, necklaces with metal plates, and obviously on the lookout in the deserted street, they were definitely looking for him. That made them fair game.

A few quick steps brought him ahead of the group and he was able to see their plates clearly. A platinum Adventurer team.

Tigris shook his head, he was hoping to see one of the Mythril groups. He knew that there were three around town, but he had yet to encounter them. But judging from what Momonga said about that Bellote guy, he wasn't expecting them to break the mold of weakness that spawned these cretins and all those beneath them.

Said cretins silently passed beneath him, lanterns out, spellcasters using enhanced vision and other detection spells, someone who looked like a thief looking around real hard, and the burly guy in armor looking intimidating and useless. Easy prey.

He slipped to the ground behind them and silently cursed as he landed more roughly than he intended. Rather than a completely silent drop, he made the noise of feathers falling on snow. A quick glance confirmed that the Adventurers were clueless, but someone close to his level would have spotted him for that mistake.

'I really need to practice more. I need to get as good as I used to be.' The years away from YGGDRASIL robbed him of a lot, and even with nightly studying and practice it was hard to recover skills he had neglected for years.

But those thoughts were dismissed as he stalked behind the group, focusing on the spellcaster right at the back.

He was a clueless looking wimp. Tall, stringy and scrawny, wearing a blue robe, a belt around his waist carrying a large case full of who-knows-what, and clutching a staff in both hands as he peered around with some kind of vision spell over his eyes.

Tigris stole up right behind him and cut the cord his plate was attached to. A single fingernail did the job, and he whipped the plate away from the younger man's neck. Simultaneously, his other hand lifted that case off his belt. Then he was back on the roof, quick as lightning, without making a sound or moving the air.

The mooks walked on while Tigris opened up the case and slipped the necklace into his pocket. Inside were a bunch of little compartments full of herbs and powders. Nothing particularly valuable. The only interesting things were the two blue potions and another small bag containing some money. He slipped the whole thing into his inventory and kept watch over his marks. That mage was pretty dull, but he'd realize what happened soon.

Sure enough, after another minute wizard boy realized that he had been burgled and started making a fuss and looking around as though he dropped the damn things. But, the idiots did what Tigris hoped they would do and all turned around to look at him.

While they wasted time doing that, the Efreeti dropped to the street just behind the warrior who was at the head of their band. Before anyone even realized he was there he had already taken the shield off the guy's back, the necklace around his neck, his purse, and the sword from his hip, and retreated back to the darkness of the rooftops.

The Ranger of their group was the first to notice the warrior's missing equipment. Once she pointed it out, all five of them were in a tizzy. Tigris struggled not to laugh as he watched them form a circle, back to back, as if that would help them.

When their priest raised his holy symbol, Tigris marked his next target and ducked to the other side of the sloped roof he was crouched on.


A burst of illumination covered the street, but didn't reveal the Efreeti in his hiding place. With a silent chuckle, he jumped into the night sky, coming to a silent landing in the middle of their little circle. Two quick grabs and then he was a swift wind, billowing the wizard's robes as he retreated to a dark alleyway. When he reformed, he tucked the priest's holy symbol, and the ranking plates of the priest and the thief into his pocket. Then back up to the roof top, carefully avoiding the light from their lanterns.

He peered down at the now scared Adventurers. The thief had his knife out, the Ranger had her bow out with an arrow knocked, and the wizard clutched his staff looking like he meant to use it, somehow. The Warrior and the Priest both fell back to knives as secondary weapons. There was only one target left.

Tigris made to step out of concealment and try for his last prize when an arrow went whizzing by his cheek.

The giant looked down at the group, gobsmacked that they actually spotted him, when he saw that the Ranger was shooting at each rooftop in turn. The shocked was reduced to disbelief. She didn't spot him, she was just shooting blind and nearly got lucky. He growled, deep and low. That was both incredibly stupid move and deserving of punishment.

The wizard cast some spell that made the whole street around him glow. Apparently he thought that would help somehow. The Ranger had calmed down enough to stop shooting arrows at whatever random shadows she saw, and the group had come even closer together, not leaving room in their little circle for him to slip inside.

Well, it's not like he needed it.

He pulled a pair of tiles off the roof and got into position before chucking them to either side of the party and moving in.

Sure enough, just as the two tiles hit the ground and shattered, the Adventurers turned in those two directions. And then he was there behind the Ranger without anyone able to see him.

A quick grab took the Ranger's plate from around her neck. The other theft took just a bit more time, it was a little more involved, but as he slipped away into the shadows with his prize he considered the reaction worth the effort.

Sure enough, it was only a few seconds before a scream of feminine rage and indignity surged through the area. "THAT BASTARD TOOK MY PANTIES!"

Tigris smiled a big smile as he peered around the corner of the alleyway he was hiding in. Getting the Ranger's panties off was a little difficult considering the tight pants she was wearing, but it was a simple problem to get around. He just took a fingernail and sliced up one thigh, across the back just beneath the belt, and down the other thigh. It let the whole section fall like a flap, baring his prize. Two quick cuts later and he just pulled the whole undergarment free, leaving the trigger happy Ranger bare-ass in the cold.

He held out the ruined piece of cloth from where he was hiding, dangling it just where they would see it, taunting.

Sure enough, numerous arrows came whizzing into the darkness, followed by one pissed off female. The rest of her group was just a second and a half behind her as she charged to avenge her indignity.

Tigris just shook his head. Apparently a single punishment wasn't enough to teach her to avoid reckless risks.

There was no way she actually saw him, he was practically invisible even without using any spells or skills. So as the Ranger ran past him, he quickly stepped out and plucked the bow from her hands. Then he brought his open palm down on her exposed rear before jumping up to the rooftops unseen.

The red giant paused as he heard them fumbling around, fruitlessly searching for him. He couldn't help but laugh. This new body had a good voice for it, it was deep, mocking, condescending. Everything he felt for these reckless idiots.

Then he was gone, zipping across the rooftops to find other playmates, the stolen bow and the last platinum plate tucked away in his Inventory.

He hoped that he could find one of those Mythril teams before the night was over. If even the Platinum Adventurers were that easy to roll over then this would hardly count as practice at all.


A few hours later found the red giant waltzing around the poorer part of the city. In total, three Platinum and four Gold Adventurer teams found and humiliated, their plates stolen along with some of their equipment.

'I just can't seem to find those Mithril teams anywhere. Did they just not take the request?'

It was disappointing, but that only meant that he had to try harder.

'Some way to send a message, something to really get them good and mad….'

As he was pondering the problem, something caught his eye. A cloaked figure on the ground below. Normally this wouldn't mean anything, there were loads of cloaked figures in the city at night, but this one moved with a grace he had never seen in a human since he and his Guild were moved to this new world.

Of course, by the standards of a high level thief it was downright clumsy, but this individual was head and shoulders above everyone else he had seen today.

'Is this one of those Mithril Adventurers sneaking around on their own?'

Intrigued, Tigris set out to follow the mysterious figure. Where were they going in such a hurry all alone?

Shadowing the mystery man was disappointingly easy. While his mark moved with a speed and grace that was leaps and bounds better than anything else he had seen outside of Nazarick, it was nothing compared to what a max level thief character could bring to bear. So he followed the target unerringly as the guy moved through alleyways and doubled back on himself. Wherever he was going, he didn't want anybody following him. And that made Tigris all the more interested in where he was headed

It took some time, but eventually the stalking paid off as the cloaked person meandered their way towards E-Rantel's massive graveyard. Not as easy to follow someone unseen as it was from the rooftops of the poor district, but with the massive gap in level this made no difference as Tigris stalked his quarry through the tombstones.

Finally, the figure stopped in front of a big mausoleum. And that was when the figure lowered their hood.

Tigris' jaw dropped as the woman shook her blonde hair free of the hood and quickly looked around. The pale skin, deep red eyes, and what he could make out of her figure when the cloak shifted all served to strike the red giant right between the eyes and short circuit his brain.


He watched, stunned as the vision of perfection walked into the tomb and manipulated some device hidden in a coffin that made it move before heading down the set of revealed stairs.

It took a minute for Tigris to regain his bearings and calm his hammering heart. 'Calm down, calm down, focus. Goddess is a graveyard, hidden stairway in a tomb, find out why, ogle later. FOCUS!'

The Efreeti didn't want to chance going down the stairs himself. Who knew what might be down there. While he didn't think there was going to be anything that could threaten him, better safe than sorry. A bit of scouting would be wise.

So, he turned to magic, one of his old favorite spells. He pulled a thick scroll out of his inventory and unrolled it. The thing was long enough to reach his knees, which wasn't unexpected. It was an Eighth Tier spell after all. Normally magic like this would be out of his reach, nor would he be able to use a scroll of this kind since he wasn't an Arcane spellcaster. But, as he advanced into the rogue and thief type classes he specialized in, he eventually obtained a skill that let him disguise his classes. This would even trick a scroll into thinking he had the required traits to use it. So there wasn't a problem as he invoked the magic.

"[Greater Prying Eyes]"

The scroll disintegrated in his hands, only for the dust to coalesce into a dozen floating, translucent spheres each the size of a marble. But as they came into being Tigris barely contained a shout and fell to one knee clutching his head in pain.

'D-dammit, I didn't expect something like this…."

His mind was suddenly overwhelmed by a dozen different new feeds of sight and sound. In YGGDRASIL, the spell would create a bunch of tabbed windows that would act as new video feeds, but in this New World the spell's method of conveying information had changed.

The giant staggered to his feet, trying to get a hold on all the new sensations, and tried to make the eyes move… but he couldn't do it. The moment he moved one eye the pain spiked into his head again.

Reluctantly, he did the only thing he could do to reduce the burden. He reached out and crushed one of the eyes in his fist. As the eye was destroyed one of the feeds stopped, and the pain his head was reduced. But eleven was hardly better than twelve. So he reached out and crushed another.

And another, and another, and another, until finally the strain went away.

He was left, panting, with only three of the magical sensors in front of him, but the massive headache was gone. 'I'll just have to work with three, I doubt that will be so hard.'

Tigris silently commanded one eye to float on top of the mausoleum, another one to float near the ceiling of the tomb's interior, and finally sent the third one down the hidden stairs that the beauty had revealed. Then he sat down behind a tombstone to wait and see what the magic revealed.

The magical eye showed him that the stairs led down to a hidden basement, and he could hear what sounded like zombies and skeletons shuffling around down there, out of sight, but the one he was looking for wasn't too far from the bottom of the stairs. She was talking to some pale guy in robes clutching a big black pearl. He focused all his attention on the conversation.

After a few moments of eavesdropping, he had discovered two crucial pieces of information.

First and most importantly, the beauty's name was Clementine, although he was pretty sure that wasn't her real name.

Second though….

Tigris quickly cast a spell. "[Message]"

"Hello? Lucifer? You there?"

"[Hmm? Tigris? Yes, I'm here, what's going on?]"

The giant thief squinted his eyes as he tried to focus on the conversation in the mausoleum while he talked via magic at the same time. "I have a very important question. Ask your pet priest to tell you everything he knows about a group called Zuranon. They're numbers, how powerful they are, their goals, the works. I need answers to those questions immediately."

"[Okay, on it. I'll call you back in a few minutes.]"

After that the spell cut out. Tigris continued to focus on the two and tried to learn as much as he could. Clementine was from the Slane Theocracy's Black Scripture, their most elite unit, and he immediately marked her as an incredibly important intelligence asset for that reason alone. More importantly, she had fled the country after stealing one of their most important relics. She was offering to help the Necromancer, Khajiit, with his plans for E-Rantel in exchange for his assistance in hiding from pursuers sent by the Theocracy to kill her and get the relic back.

This was information he could work with.

Ideas raced through his mind as to how he could best take advantage of the situation and get the most out of it for Nazarick, and he quickly put together an idea that would, hopefully, bring Nazarick nothing but gain.

That was when he was Messaged again.

"[Okay, you said this was important so I'll talk fast. Zuranon is a powerful death cult that's infamous in this whole region. They're led by twelve Disciples and specialize in spellcasting and Necromancy. They have a habit of attacking cities with undead creatures, so every human nation constantly keeps an eye out for them. They are considered to be extremely dangerous by all human governments. However, they can't seem to wipe them out because they have contacts in every human nation that help hide them and their activities. Also, a few of the Disciples are particularly strong, according to Nigun at least. So even though they've all been trying to wipe out Zuranon for at least two hundred years, no matter who tries they've never been able to kill more than six of the Disciples at any one time. They have spies, resources, safe houses, magic items, and plenty more. Their most recent major accomplishment was about twenty years ago when they turned a city into a massive Necropolis. Overall, a potent force on the international scene. So, why the interest?]"

Tigris hummed under his breath as he considered his words and listened to the ongoing negotiations. "Well, during my scouting of this rat's nest you hate so much, I found an interesting person and followed her into the graveyard. I'm currently eavesdropping on a very interesting conversation regarding the future of this city. And, from listening to what they've been saying and what you've told me. I have a very interesting idea."

"[An interesting idea huh? Do tell.]"

So, Tigris laid it out for him. The ploy the red giant outlined would have chilled the bones of any human who overheard, and it would have erased any doubts as to the fact that this monster was indeed a Heteromorphic being.

The angel on the other end was silent for several long moments after Tigris finished explaining his idea.

"[You know, there are times when I wonder why the two of us are friends. Then, every now and then, you come up with something brilliant like this and remind me why.]"

The Efreeti smiled into the graveyard gloom. "So, you like it?"

"[Oh, I like it alright. It benefits us on a bunch of different levels. Go for it, if they agree I'll start preparations on this end immediately.]"

"Okay, but shouldn't this be put to a group decision? It's kind of a big decision."

"[Don't worry about it, I'll get Herohero to agree. That's a majority decision, nobody can complain. Although it would be best if the ooze never realizes that he's agreeing to something that's already happened.]"

"That's fine by me, but what about Momonga? This has the potential to ruin his whole hero-in-the-making supreme spellcaster idea."

"[Not a problem, we can work him into this somewhere. It helps that he's planning to leave the city tomorrow. Pass a message to him, tell him to take his time on his expedition down south. If we time his return just right, we can play both sides of the field and get even more out of this.]"

"Alright, I'll tell him. They seem to be wrapping things up down there, so I'll go and make my pitch. Do me a favor, put together a couple of trinkets for me. Stuff that these guys will like. I'm thinking a Book of the Dead, a Ghoul Stone, and something else related to the undead of a similar level, you can come up with something. They'll be good negotiation tools."

"[You got it. Real quick though, do me a favor.]"

"What's that?"

"[After you've sealed the deal, make reservations for two at that fancy restaurant you mentioned. Tell them to reserve a private room. If things go as planned, this will be my only opportunity to see what they've got.]"

"Heh, sure. No problem."

Tigris cut the connection without another word, and made his way into the mausoleum and down the stairs, shrinking to a mere five and a half feet tall as he did so.

At the bottom, the chambers were colder than the chilly graveyard on the surface and lit only by the occasional torch, leaving broad swathes of shadow. He could hear the shuffling of the undead deeper in, as well as a dozen human heartbeats concealed in the gloom, but he paid no attention to any of them.

He only had eyes for the bald Disciple and the beautiful blonde woman who stopped their posturing to stare at him as he walked into the room.

"Hoo~~ who the hell are you~?"

As Clementine crooned her question, Tigris did everything he could to not freeze in place as he saw what the woman wore under her robe. It was light armor, made of the plates of numerous Adventurers. He could see every metal they used except Adamantite, from Copper to Orichalcum. More importantly, it was pretty much just a bikini, covering her groin and chest, but leaving vast expanses of her thighs, chest, and belly bare.

'Oh. My. God. Stay cool Tigris, stay cool, act natural, don't stare.' He could hardly focus on his thoughts, his heart was pounding out of his chest.

"Hellooo~ I asked you who you are? Actually, make that what the hell are you?"

He had stepped out of the shadows, revealing his inhuman features.

But just as Tigris was about to speak, he had to deal with an interruption first. Quick as a flash Clementine was in front of him, stabbing a short sword, a stiletto, straight towards his eye. "It's not polite to ignore people you know~!"

The Efreeti simply reached up and caught the blade between his index finger and thumb, the tip only half an inch from his eye. The vision of beauty before him was stunned, but it was only to be expected. That was faster than any human he had seen in this world so far, but to a level one hundred character who focused on agility above all else it was painfully, painfully slow.

He canceled his skill, causing himself to swell and grow back to his normal ten feet of height, Clementine gaping at the sudden change before he lightly, as lightly as he could possibly manage, tossed her back towards the necromancer Khajiit. The man himself was doing something with that black orb, the Orb of Death he called it, and sure enough a Skeletal Dragon started to emerge from the ground behind him. Clementine flipped in midair, coming to a smooth landing beside him, and plainly readied herself for a fight. All around him, hidden in the shadows, the various cultists muttered spells under their breath and erected defenses in preparation for battle.

Tigris held out his hands in front of him "Hang on, hang on, wait a moment, I'm not here to fight!"

They plainly didn't really believe him, but at the very least his words kept them from immediately attacking him.

Khajiit looked up at him from behind the forelegs of the emerging Skeletal Dragon. His voice was dry and raspy, just like it had been when he heard it through the spell. "If you aren't here to fight, then what are you here for? Who are you? What are you? How did you find this place?"

The red giant gave them a big smile, causing the lesser acolytes to shudder. "Well, my name is Tigris Euphrates. I am a leader of a powerful group of heteromorphic creatures. I found this place by following the gorgeous Clementine over there after I was done playing with Adventurers for the evening."

The Necromancer looked over at Clementine, clearly angry that someone had led an unknown factor to his temple. The woman herself looked disbelieving, as though she couldn't have possibly been followed.

Tigris spoke up before they could start to argue.

"You want to know what I am, well I am what is known as an Efreeti. As for what I want…"

The greatest Thief of Ainz Ooal Gown let his smile grow even wider.

"I'm here to make your wishes come true."


Sorry this took so long everyone, the last three months have been hell. I simply didn't really have enough time to work on this until I managed to get some time off here at the holidays, so I hope you all enjoyed.

I know it's more of a setup chapter than anything, but it should whet your appetites for what will be coming in the next few chapters as events start to grow in a different direction than canon.

I figure that many will be thinking that a certain development happened rather quickly. Well, the change from human to Heteromorph causes different changes depending on the Heteromorphic species that the person becomes. Momonga, for example, has difficulty feeling anything. Whenever he has an emotion that's powerful enough it get shut down.

Tigris is the opposite. Rather than having his emotions forcefully deadened, his emotions flare and boil. This is especially true when it comes to more passionate emotions. He can have surges of burning rage, or, in this case, lust and desire. He has about as much control over it as Momonga does over his emotion override. But the results are what matter.

Sorry that this chapter was kind of short though, I'll try and get the next one to be a bit longer.

See you next chapter.